The Debt & the Doormat (40 page)

‘What?’

‘Come on, stand up,’ he says, trying to compose himself.  He stands up and I try to, but I can only stay on my knees.

‘Hey guys, are you...oh, sorry,’ Izzy says, walking up to us.  ‘I didn’t realise I was interrupting something.’  She turns to leave.

‘You’re not, you idiot!  Help me,’ I shriek.  It's like I can feel each individual hair being broken.

‘Help you?’

Ryan’s laughing so hard now I think he might wet himself.  I might have to punch him in the face. 

‘My hair’s caught in his zipper!’

‘Oh,’ she says, giggling nervously.  I feel her tiny hands try to unpick it from the zipper.

‘Any luck?’

‘No.  I can't get it out,’ she says tutting, frustrated. 

‘Don't worry.  I’ve got some scissors in my bedroom,’ Ryan says, taking my hands and trying to help me stand up.  I still have to crouch over, my head in his crotch.

‘Scissors!  You are not cutting my hair!’ I wail, panicked.  He ignores me, already walking towards the house.  I trail after him.

‘Wow.  You guys don't waste any time, do you,’ I hear Ralf say as we pass him.

‘What can I say?  They flock to me,’ Ryan says arrogantly.

God I want to smash him in the face.

‘I wish I had that luck,’ Ralf scoffs.

‘Maybe he takes the upper hand in the bedroom.  Nice to see how a real man operates,’ Karen snaps.

‘Nearly there,’ Ryan says, as we awkwardly go up the stairs, one step at a time.

‘You are not cutting my hair.  Do you understand?  Not cutting it,’ I shriek. 

‘OK princess.  Chill,’ he says patronisingly. 

Oh God.  Images of me walking around with a small bald patch flash through my head.  And I really don't suit hats. 

He opens his bedroom door and the scene in front of me is so terrifying I can't even put it into words properly.  Let’s just say that it must have been Alex at the door.  And Lilly and Alex have been, hmmm, making up.  Making up hard.  On Ryan’s bed. 

‘Aaaahhh!’ I scream in horror.

Ryan swivels round to me, his face as horrified as mine, but in the panic, falls over onto the floor.  I go with him, my hair being ripped out in lumps.  

‘Shit!’ Lilly screams, wrapping the duvet around her.  Alex falls out of the bed, his naked body far too close to me to mention. 

Ryan quickly pulls me up as Alex jumps up again to cover himself with the duvet.

‘Lilly!  What the fuck!’

‘Hi Poppy,’ Alex smiles awkwardly, his face like beetroot. 

‘Sorry,’ she giggles. 

‘It's not funny!  This is Ryan’s bed!’

‘Well I’m very sorry.  I didn’t realise you were needing it tonight,’ she says scornfully.  ‘And for goodness sakes Poppy, I get that you wanna give him a blowie, but stand up.  At least wait until we’ve left.’

‘What?’ I exclaim, horrified.  One blush blends into another.  ‘My hair is fucking caught!  Now get out and go down to the barbeque and try to act like grown-ups.’

‘Coming from the girl with her hair stuck in a boy’s zipper.’

‘You’re hardly in a position to judge me right now,’ I snap.

‘I’m really sorry guys,’ Alex says, grabbing his jeans and putting them on.  ‘Can we just pretend this never happened?’

‘Trust me,’ Ryan says, his face pained ‘it's already forgotten.’

They trudge out, still half-dressed and Ryan sits on the bed, me crouching underneath him.  Before I can come up with a solution he pulls off his jeans and hands them to me.  I take them, struggling not to look at his half naked body in front of me.  Do not look at his package.

I put all my attention to the jeans.  My hair has curled around the zip and formed a knot.  I struggle around with it and after what seems like an eternity I manage to undo myself from it.

‘Ah.  Finally free,’ I say relieved, sitting back on the floor exhausted.

‘Can I have my jeans back now?’ he asks, the hint of a smirk on his face.

‘Oh yeah.  Of course, sorry.’  I pass them back to him, blushing.  What a fool I am.  ‘Hey, you’ve got really hairy legs,’ I say before I can stop myself.

‘Looking at my masculine legs then, huh?  God, you just can't stop yourself can you?’  His eyes dance, he’s enjoying the idea more than he should.

‘Yeah, I guess you’re just too much of a hunk for me to ignore,’ I say drily, standing up to leave.

‘So....You really are ticklish aren’t you?’ he says, standing up.

Am I imagining it or is he trying to make me stay here a bit longer with him?

‘Oh, a little bit,’ I say trying not to smile.

‘Oh my God,’ he says, looking beyond me.  ‘Did you do this?’

I follow his gaze to the photo collage I did for him, using all his Australia photos I found on his desk while snooping earlier.  I just wanted to find a picture of his ex-girlfriend.  That's not weird, right? 

‘Yeah,’ I say, suddenly aware that I must look like a bunny boiler.  ‘It just seemed such a shame, you having all those great photos and them not being on display.’ 

‘You’re right.  It looks great, thanks.’

‘Sorry,’ I say suddenly all too aware that this was too much.  He hates how I’ve tried to take over.  I’m suffocating him.  ‘Sorry.  I didn’t mean to go through your stuff.’  I turn and quickly make a dash for the door.

‘No,’ he says, grabbing my arm and making me turn to him.  ‘I love it.  Thank you.’

He locks his eyes with mine and every muscle in my body reacts.  He walks forward and gently throws me playfully against the wall.  My breathing starts to quicken as ripples of pleasure go along my body.

He leans into me, but I look down at the floor.  I’m too used to jumping to conclusions with him.  I will not assume ever again that he is interested in me.  The rejection is too painful.   

He presses his forehead against mine and I look up at him.  Now that we’re so close I notice that he’s panting too.

‘Look,’ I begin. ‘I can't do this.’

‘Do what?’ he says, tracing his fingers up my arm, a look in his eyes which says he knows exactly what I’m talking about.

‘You know...that.  I can't do that,’ I stammer, trying not to swallow my own tongue.

‘Really?  Why not?’ he asks, still tracing his fingers, seeming as cool as a cucumber.  But then he’s probably used to seducing women, I remind myself.

‘Because...’  God.  Why can't I?  I really can't remember.  It's like his fingers are erasing all sensible thoughts in my head.  My hormones are just taking over.

‘Because?’ he grins, his soft voice overwhelming.

‘Because I don't want to be another...thing on your bedpost.’

‘Thing?’  He looks amused, still not moving his forehead from mine.  ‘Do you mean notch?’

‘Yes!  Notch.  That's what I meant.  We should...just be friends.’  Why couldn’t I think of the word!?  Now I look like a right idiot.

He runs both his hands up my arms, barely touching me but making me quiver.  His wicked fingers run up to my shoulders, then my neck.  His eyes are gloriously intense.  I break away from the intensity of his stare, it too much to bear.  Maybe I should just sleep with him.  Get rid of this tension.  Then I can go about my normal life.

His hands creep up from my neck to my face, making every hair on my body stand on end.  He turns my head back to face him and I try to avert my eyes, not wanting to be entranced by his.  But I can't help it.  I look into them and see a night long of passion and ecstasy. 

‘Because you think I’m just going to hit it and quit it with you?’

I can't speak.  I literally cannot make a sound.  I’m just dumbfounded by him.  I manage to nod.

‘Well actually, no.’ A wicked grin lights up his face.  ‘But then...maybe you’re right.  We should just be friends.’  He smiles, kisses me on the cheek slowly and leaves me panting in the room. 

What?  I mean seriously, what the fuck?  Where was my expected speech about how much he adores me?  Where he confesses to being secretly in love with me and how of course I’d never be a notch – a notch you idiot – on his bed post.  How he’d want to wake up to me every morning.  But no.  It seems my first opinion about him was right.  He’s really just a man whore who enjoys playing with my emotions.  I’m a little toy for him to play with when he’s bored.

When I walk back down the stairs to join them he’s already back sitting under the gazebo with Grace.  He watches me, amusement all over his face, as I sit down with the rest of them at the table.  How embarrassing – he’s laughing at me.  Well he can go jump off a cliff for all I care.  Grace is lying down next to him, seeming to be chatting away, but he’s just ignoring her and won't stop staring at me.

I try to act like normal and get involved in the others’ conversation about the local rubbish man but I keep looking up to see if he’s still staring.  And each time he is.  Grace starts trying to tickle him, clearly trying to relive our play, but he ignores her. 

Maybe.  Just maybe.  I might be wrong. 

‘OK, you can have a little rest now,’ Izzy says to me as we walk into the kitchen after another power walk.

‘O..kay,’ I say between pants. 

‘But after that I’m gonna make us some eggs and then run you a hot bath.’

Why is she treating me like a baby?  I know she thinks I’m some sort of project for her, but when is she going to realise it doesn’t matter how many times she makes me do star jumps around the park – I will never be a size zero.

‘You need to look your best for tonight.’

My body tenses at the mention of it.  Tonight is Ryan’s work charity do.  He made a point of reminding me about it during the week and pointing out that I didn’t need to worry.  It was just as friends.  He seriously enjoys taking the piss out of me.  I’m so scared of having to dress up and try to be graceful.  I don't get why he didn’t just ask some bimbo instead.  Some bimbo who knows how to act at these events.  But still, it doesn’t stop me nearly have a heart attack at the thought of spending an evening with him.

I have an hour’s nap and then wake up to Izzy’s boiled eggs with wholemeal toast. 

‘I’ve drawn you a bath too.  It’s ready when you are,’ she says, with half a piece of toast still in her mouth.

‘OK thanks.’

When I go up, the smell of bubble bath is already coming down the stairs.  When I open the door the bath is full of bubbles and I sink in, my aching muscles sighing in relief.

As I walk down the stairs feeling as fresh as a daisy, I think I can hear familiar voices. 

‘Jazz?  Are you here?’

‘Ta-daaaaa!’ she shouts, jumping out into the hallway.

‘Are we greeting each other this way now?’ I ask, smiling.  ‘Because I like that.’

‘Come on,’ she says, grabbing my hand, her eyes bulging out in excitement.  ‘I’ve got a surprise for you.’

‘Really?  What?’

I walk into the room looking quizzically at her and Izzy sat on the bed with the same wide eyed smiles.  She opens the wardrobe and pulls out a hanger.

‘Tah Dah!’ she says, exposing a dress from underneath dry cleaners wrappers.

‘Oh, wow,’ is all I can mutter, mesmerised by its beauty.

Staring back at me is a long deep green strapless gown.  It’s ruched at the boob with a line of crystals and emeralds underneath it and the satin material is covered with an organza kind of material, hanging freely to the floor.  It's probably the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen.

‘You like it?’ Jazz says, apprehensively.

I can't even speak, I’m too shocked.

‘She loves it!’ she screams to Izzy.

‘Yay!’ Izzy claps jumping up and down on the bed like a six year old.

‘Is...Is it for me?’ I ask, hoping I haven’t got the wrong end of the stick.

‘No, it's for me.  I’m going to wear it on the tube home.  Come on dickhead, of course it's for you!’ she shouts dramatically.

‘But, where did you get it from?’ I edge closer, feeling the material between my fingers.

‘Well...you kind of...bought it yourself,’ Jazz says, tracing her foot along the floor.

‘What do you mean, I bought it myself?’ I ask, baffled.

‘Well...the bad news is that I hacked into your eBay account.’

‘You hacked into my eBay account?  What the fuck Jazz?’

‘Ok, OK, don't get mad.  Me and Izzy just couldn’t let you go in that boring black dress of yours.’

‘What's wrong with it?’ I say defensively.

‘It’s just a bit...’ Izzy tries to explain.

‘It's a bit fucking boring and old fashioned, is what she's trying to say,’ Jazz butts in.

‘Don't be horrible.  It's lovely – look.’  I take it out of the wardrobe. 

Now that I put it up against the beautiful dress it does look kind of boring and fuddy duddy.  I mean, it's hardly a wow dress, but still.  It would work and the whole point was that I couldn’t afford a new dress.

‘OK, it's boring!’ I sigh.  ‘I admit it!’

‘Thank God – she’s seen the light!  Hallelujah!’ Jazz shouts.

‘Tad dramatic,’ I say under my breath.  ‘How much was it then?’ I ask, not really wanting to know the answer.

‘It was
very
expensive,’ Jazz says, winking at Izzy.

‘Very expensive,’ Izzy echoes with a massive grin on her face.

‘How much?’ I almost shout at them.

‘The grand total of £7.50,’ she says proudly.

‘What?  Are you sure they didn’t make a mistake?’

Surely something this beautiful couldn’t be that cheap.

‘Nah – it was just a mum in Devon who wanted to get rid of her daughter’s prom dress.’

‘Daughter?  Am I wearing a child’s prom dress?’

‘Why do you always have to see the down side of things?  The main thing is that once you’re done you’re gonna look hot.’  Her eyes start growing wide again.

‘OK, well you start moisturising and then we’ll help you with your hair,’ Izzy says, clapping her hands in delight.

A knock at the door startles me.

‘Is Ryan back already?’

‘Nah, he’s gone to his Grandma’s for the day.  Won't be back for hours.  It’s probably Lilly,’ Izzy says, walking to the door.

‘Lilly?’ I say turning to Jazz puzzled.

‘Yeah, Lilly,’ she says, as if I’m mad.

I hear air kisses from the front door.  Since when have they been best friends? 

‘Hey Pops,’ she says, bounding into the room with two bags.

‘Hey Lil.  What’re you doing here?’

‘Helping you silly.  Jazz e-mailed me and explained that she needed help getting you to look fabulous.  The three of us had lunch, and now we’re here,’ she says, laughing excitedly.

‘Sorry?  So you three have been plotting behind my back on how to dress me up?  I’m not a Barbie doll you know.  And did you ever think that maybe I don't actually need your help?’ I fold my arms defensively across my chest.

As if on cue the three of them double over in hysterical laughter. 

‘I’m sorry,’ Jazz says, the first one to lift her head up ‘it’s just so funny.’

‘What is?  I can dress myself you know.’

She rolls over again as they get a fresh dose of hysteria.

‘Stop, you’re killing me,’ Lilly says, wiping tears out of her eyes.

‘Is she this funny at work?’ Izzy asks her in between breaths.

‘Oh yeah, she cracks me up,’ Lilly says giggling.

‘Please stop before I get offended.  You guys are seriously mean!’  I sit on the end of the bed, beginning to sulk. 

‘Sorry Pops,’ Jazz says, sitting down next to me.  ‘It’s just that we want you to look amazing and glamorous and...Well, like a girl!  And we just know how to do that a bit better than you.’

‘Yeah, I mean, if we left it down to you we couldn’t trust that you wouldn’t end up going in a trouser suit,’ Lilly snorts.

The thought had actually crossed my mind.

‘OK!  Just do whatever you want.  I’m in your hands,’ I say giving in easily. 

‘Yay!’ Izzy shouts.

‘Let’s get to work ladies,’ Jazz instructs.  ‘We have very raw material and only a matter of hours.’

I roll my eyes in response.

‘Please don't tell me that was the dress she was going to wear?’ I hear Lilly whisper to Izzy.

Three hours later and I’m ready.  My body has been squeezed into the teenager from Devon’s prom dress, which does seem to accentuate my eyes, and I have the furry black wrap that Lilly brought for me. 

I’ve got on some vintage emerald stud earrings with a matching hair broach that Izzy bought me.  She said they were vintage but I have a feeling that means she found them in a charity shop.

My hair has been blow dried, then scooped up and teased into an up do, with loose curls falling delicately around my face.  My make-up is done so well I feel like I’ve been to a professional make-artist.  It's quite simple, but my eyes have been done up with green eye shadow, black kohl eyeliner around them.  They smoulder at me in the mirror and even I have to admit it – I look amazing, if I do say so myself.  It's just a shame that it takes a team of three people to get this effect.  

The door bangs and it sends me into a panic.  Ryan’s here.  No more fun girly sleepover.  It’s nearly time.  Calm down!  You’re just friends, you idiot.

‘Hey Pops.  I’m running late – I’ll just have a quick shower and be ready in ten,’ he shouts as he bounds up the stairs.

‘Well, it's nice to know he’s putting the same amount of effort in,’ Lilly says, making us all giggle.

‘And I bet he’ll still manage to look amazing,’ I sigh pathetically.

They all smile at me and I quickly realise how that must have sounded.

‘I mean, I’m sure he’ll look fine,’ I say, feeling my cheeks burning.

They all smile knowingly at each other and I feel like I’ve been left out of a secret.

‘What?  What is it?’ I ask.  ‘What are you laughing at?’

‘Just that you’re totally in love with Ryan,’ Jazz snorts.

‘What!  No I’m not!’ I protest, a little too loudly.

‘The lady doth protest too much,’ Lilly says, chuckling.

‘Shut up!  I’m serious.  And shut up saying that.  I don't want Ryan hearing and getting the wrong end of the stick.’

‘Oh come on Pops!  You’re all over each other!’ Jazz teases.

‘No we’re not.’

I feel a thrill go through me as she says ‘we’ and I hate it.  Why can't I control myself?

‘Izzy – you must agree with me?’ I plead.

‘I’m sorry Pops, but it is pretty obvious.  Especially since you’ve been doing your Mother Teresa act while he’s been recovering.  I mean, you don't see us running around after him making him tea every five minutes, do you?’  

Maybe I have been fussing over him slightly since he got shot, but I mean – he got shot!  It's a serious injury.

‘Yeah, I don't even know the dude but I can tell you like him.  Whenever his names mentioned you go all gooey looking in the face,’ Lilly says, looking at me in pity.

‘Shut up!  And anyway Jazz, you’re a fine one to talk!  What the hell is going on with Ollie?’

‘Oh, I don't know,’ she says, exhaling heavily.  ‘I do kind of like him.’

‘Which means you’re mad about him,’ I nod, understanding her language.

‘But it's over.  I’m with Jake now.  I can't be with someone who just goes off and sleeps with other girls.  Anyway, we’re talking about you right now.’

I hear him moving around up on the landing and panic takes over.  He cannot hear this.

‘Listen here bitches.  Don't say anything like this in front of Ryan.  You’re all totally wrong and I don't want it getting awkward between us, understand?’

‘OK, OK, calm down drama queen,’ Jazz says, putting her hands up in defeat.  ‘But it doesn’t stop us saying good luck.  You never know – looking like that – you may actually have a chance with him.’

‘Oh thanks for the confidence,’ I shoot back.  ‘But seriously, thank you for helping today.’

They really didn’t need to, but they bothered to take time out to help me. 

‘To be honest, we kind of wanted to apologise to you as well,’ Izzy says, grimacing.

‘Why?  What have you done?’ I ask, alarmed.

‘Nothing!’ Jazz says, a little too quickly.  ‘All we did was go out with Grace the other night and she kind of got really drunk and admitted to tripping you and hating you.’

‘I knew it!’

‘This is the stunning bitch, right?’ Lilly asks, confused.

‘Yep.  We’re sorry we didn’t believe you Pops,’ Jazz says.

‘Don't worry about it.  She was pretty convincing.’

‘Anyway, we’ve told her not to bother speaking to us until she confesses everything to Ryan and apologises to you.’

‘So you’ll be waiting forever then,’ I laugh.  ‘Anyway, let’s just forget about her.’

I look at myself in the mirror and take one last deep breaths as I hear Ryan running down the stairs.

‘You ready Pops?’ he asks knocking and sticking his head through the door.

‘Oh...sorry!  I didn’t realise you had friends in here.’  He backs slowly out of the door.

‘No, it's fine.  Come in.’ I stand to face him and almost faint when I see how stunning he looks in his tux.

‘Wow,’ he mumbles staring at me.  ‘You look...nice.’  He looks gobsmacked.

‘Nice?  She looks bloody amazing,’ Lilly says, a tad aggressively.

‘Oh, yeah...she does,’ he says, staring at her as if she's mental.

‘Ryan, you remember Lilly,’ I say rolling my eyes as Lilly waves at him.

‘So, you guys been having fun getting Poppy ready?’

‘Fun?  More like a mission!  She takes a lot of work,’ Jazz snorts.

‘Don't be mean Jazz.  You know it's been fun,’ Izzy says, applying some more gloss on my lips.