Girl With Guitar

For H.G.S.

Never be afraid to follow your dreams. And your heart.

In Loving Memory

Nikkole Lynn Hapner

11.13.81 – 03.16.12

I know you’re listening to our favorite songs in Heaven. The soundtrack of our many crazy adventures is the one that will never stop playing in my head. Until we meet again my sweet friend. Put on some Lynyrd Skynyrd when you see me coming.

“H
i,
Daddy.” Kylie’s usually clear voice was soft and thick with emotion. At eighteen, she knew she sounded more like an eight-year-old when she spoke to him.

“Darla finally kicked me out…another one of her
friends
paid too much attention to me.” She rolled her eyes, and heavy wet tears slid out. She wiped her face with the back of her hand while cussing herself for crying.

“Don’t know why she wastes her time on any of them. None of them could ever compare to you.” She huffed out a laugh over the dull pain in her chest. “I should probably write a song about it, huh?” She had big news, so she rushed on. “Speaking of songs, I’m going to Nashville like we talked about.” Even though no one else was around, she lowered her voice to a whisper. “I’m going to make you proud, I promise.”

After taking a few breaths and waiting for her tears to cease, she leaned closer, tracing the letters of their last name on the temporary marker. “Soon you’ll have a real one, I swear. I don’t care what I have to do. We’ll get one of those fancy marble ones, like Mama has. Maybe get a guitar engraved on it. Would you like that?” Sobs racked her shoulders, familiar tremors accompanied by a hollow ache pulling her inward when he didn’t answer.

There was more, so much more she wanted to say. So many things she should’ve said before it was too late. But just like in her nightmares, the ones where she was getting ready to go on stage and couldn’t remember the lyrics to any of her songs, her throat tightened. Trapping the words within below the painful lump rising above. A horn sounded in the distance.

Her cab was waiting. It was time to g
o. So she said the one thing she wished she had the last time she saw him.

“Goodbye, Daddy.”

O
klahoma
was a lot prettier when it was blurring out of sight. Even if it was hazy from the tears clouding her vision. The Greyhound jarred Kylie and her belongings. The ride was rough and smelled of gasoline, but she felt better than she had in months. She should’ve said goodbye to her best friend, Lulu, but she knew she’d just talk her out of it.

She’d visited her dad’s grave and said her goodbyes, praying he’d understand.

After going by the house and seeing that Darla wasn’t home, she’d used her key one last time. Kylie found her old pink suitcase, the one she’d used when visiting her grandmother before she’d passed. Once she’d crammed everything she could into it, she grabbed a banana and a Coke and called a cab to take her to the bus station.

She was $100 richer than she’d planned since her former boss, Ms. Pam, had felt guilty about letting her go and been generous. Kylie knew the money had probably come out of the old woman’s own pocket. The cab ride to Oklahoma City had taken most of it.

Kylie clutched her guitar case and stared at her nearly transparent reflection in the window. A few lyrics floated through her mind about holding what you have as you let go of what you’ve lost, but she didn’t have the energy to write them down. It was a thirteen-hour bus ride that cost her a hundred and fifty bucks, but it was worth it.

T
hree
filthy gas station bathrooms later, Kylie found herself in the heart of Nashville. It was even more amazing than she’d imagined, but the bus ride had pretty much sucked all of the hope right out of her.

She got out her cell phone and pulled up the app to find the nearest hotel. There was an Extended Stay Nashville near Printer’s Alley that only ran about sixty bucks a night. It was do-able. Maybe not for long, but all she needed was something to focus on right now.

Anything to keep her mind off the fact that she might’ve just made the biggest mistake of her life.

After checking in and showering, she broke down and called her best friend. When she told her where she was, Lulu’s reaction was pretty much what she expected.

“Have you lost your ever-loving mind?”
Yes.

“I know it sounds crazy Lu, but—”

“Sounds crazy? No, it is freaking crazy. Kylie, you’re all alone in a city you’ve never been to before where you don’t know anyone. What if something happens to you? What the hell were you thinking?”

“Please listen.”

“Listening.” Lulu sighed her impatience through the phone. She sounded a lot closer than she actually was.

Kylie took a deep breath and tried to explain her temporary insanity. “I lost my dad, Darla kicked me out after she walked in on what she thought was another one of her skeezy boyfriends trying to make a move, and then I went to work and got fired. Don’t take this the wrong way, Lu, but when you bailed on our Nashville trip this summer, I felt like I was about to lose my dream, too. There’s nothing for me in Pride, Oklahoma. And please do not guilt trip me because, as long as I can afford to keep my phone on, we can talk every day. I swear.”

“You know I couldn’t go to Nashville because I have to visit my dad in California. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to go with you. But he rearranged his whole schedule and it’s been so long since—”

“I get it, I do. Trust me. If I could have one day back with my dad, there’s not much I wouldn’t trade to get it. It’s just…it was time. I can’t explain it, but this is where I’m meant to be.” Kylie had cut her friend off because she did understand, completely. If she could have one more day with her dad, she’d pick that over watching her friend choke at open mic night any day.

Her best friend let out an exaggerated huff that sounded almost like understanding. Lulu’s voice was softer when she spoke again. “Soo…the stepmonster’s boy toy. Anything really happen?”

Kylie laughed. “That is what you’d be thinking about. Sorry, but no. It was totally innocent. Awkward as hell, but innocent. I spilled my Coke on my work shirt and he was in the middle of loaning me one to replace it. Darla just walked in at the wrong moment and freaked. Pretty sure she’s been looking for an excuse to get rid of me for a while now.”

After Kylie’s dad had been killed in a freak accident at the factory where he worked, his widow, the thirty-five-year-old former beauty queen, had made it pretty clear she wasn’t interested in letting Kylie continue to live in the house she’d grown up in.

“So like, what are you going to do there?” Lulu sounded more concerned than judgmental. Kylie could practically see her friend’s brow wrinkling as she twirled a lock of her hair, whatever color it was today.

“Um, I just checked into a hotel that I should be able to afford for at least a week. I’m going to get up early tomorrow and walk Music Row and Printer’s Alley looking for bars and diners that might be hiring.”

“Okay, then what?”

“Then I’m going to put an ad in the paper. ‘Girl with guitar, needs money to record demo, will do anything.’” Kylie laughed but she could hear her best friend mumbling obscenities. “I’m kidding, Lu. I’m going to sign up for every amateur night I can get on the list for and save my pennies until I can record a demo. Then I’ll send it out and pray.”

She was already scheduled to perform at The Rum Room’s upcoming open mic night. They’d had an all call on a website that Kylie had come across and she’d signed up months ago. It was the reason for the trip she and her best friend had planned…and canceled.

“I’ll pray too,” her best friend whispered. Kylie suspected from the sniffles she heard that she might be crying.

“How are the twins?” Lulu’s six-year-old brothers usually served as a topic for lighter conversation. Since her mom worked two jobs, Lulu was pretty much raising them while attending beauty school in Owasso part-time. When they first started talking, both boys had pronounced Olivia as Lulu, and the nickname had stuck. Kylie couldn’t even imagine calling her friend anything else.

“They’re good. Rotten as usual, and Lord help me if I find one more lizard or slimy-ass frog they’ve brought in this trailer…”

Kylie giggled, though she couldn’t help the twinge of envy she felt towards her friend for having a family. People to eat meals with, talk to, laugh with, argue with. She’d lost all of that when her dad died.

“Love you, Lu. I’m going to be okay, I promise,” Kylie said, because she was too tired to keep talking. She hoped this didn’t count as a lie since she at least hoped it was true.