The Dead Fathers Club (12 page)

Dads Ghost said Knock on the door.

I knocked on the door and it was Mr Fairview and his old long face looked at my suit all messy from the hedge and he said What in the name of God?

And I said Is Leah there please?

Mr Fairview looked at his watch but Leah must have heard me because she was there behind him and she said Dad.

She made a face which told Mr Fairview to go away and Mr Fairview went away because he is not like normal parents who are strict with their own children and nice to others. Mr Fairview thinks Leah is an Angel but I think he thinks Dane is the Devil because Mr Fairview went back in the house and rowed with Dane.

Leah coughed and said I think Im getting ill.

She stepped outside her door which was the back door because she doesnt use the front door and she went into the back garden where Dads Ghost and me were standing. She looked at my clothes and the bits of hedge on them and said You look like youve grown out of the garden.

And Dads Ghost said Tell her now.

I took her wrist and held her hard and Dads Ghost was behind saying Now Philip. You must tell her now.

I looked in Leahs eyes and they were scared of me and I didnt want her to be scared of me and she said Why you acting mental?

I was holding onto her arm too tight because she said Youre hurting me. Get off.

Her words went slow into my brain and I didnt get off in time so she pulled her arm away and she said Say something.

Dads Ghost said Tell her.

My mouth opened like a Guppy but no words came out.

Dane shouted inside the house Get off me you old cunt!

I kept trying to speak but all the words were too far away like the yellow ducks in the Goose Fair in Nottingham that I tried to get with the long stick and could never get even when I could see them in front of me.

Dad said Tell her Philip. Tell her you cant see her any more.

But her eyes were still the eyes behind the wheelie bins yesterday that could steal anything even my words and I looked at Dads Ghost and she looked behind her to see who I was looking at. She thought I was looking at her dad not my dads ghost because Mr Fairview had stopped rowing with Dane and was watching out of the window and she turned and said Dad!

She flicked her hands for Mr Fairview to go away and as she flicked her hands her fingers went inside Dads Ghost but she didnt notice. Then she looked back at me and my head was waving up and down and I still didnt have any words so I sighed and this made her frown. Then I closed my eyes and walked to the gate with my eyes still closed because I didnt want to see Leahs eyes or Dads Ghosts eyes and I hit the gate so I opened it and ran off and left Leah just standing there and Dads Ghost running with me all the way home.

When I got there Uncle Alan was drunk in the hallway with everyone in the Pub behind. He said You look like youve been dragged through a hedge backwards.

Mum came and said Oh Philip where have you been.

I said Theres no flowers.

Mum said What?

I said Theres no flowers by Dads grave.

Mum said Is that where youve been?

I said Yes.

Mum said Oh Philip.

I looked at Uncle Alan and tried to set fire to him with my eyes while Mum came to me.

Uncle Alan didnt like Mum hugging me and picking bits of hedge off me I think he was jealous and so he said Mr Fairview has been on the blower. He says youve been there as well. Reckons youre mad about little Leah and thats why youre acting a bit strange. Has Leah dumped you Philip? Is that whats the matter? Plenty more fish in the sea son. Every dog has his day. Just look at me. Found the woman of my dreams at this time in life.

Uncle Alan winked at me and it was a nasty wink and now he was getting married to Mum he was not going to even pretend to like me.

And Uncle Alan said Mr Fairview is my Business Partner Philip. So I dont want you going and upsetting him. You hear me?

Mum stopped hugging me and said with a smile all flickery like a flame that is outside Come on Alan. Its been a long day.

And he looked at a bin liner in the hall with the PlayStation in it. He was going to say something else but he didnt. He just breathed out of his whistling nose and he sipped his whisky but he kept on looking at me and I was getting more scared and more scared and I went upstairs and into my room and stared at my fish until my heart went normal.

I woke up in the morning and didnt see Dads Ghost because he was having the Terrors but I didnt need Dads Ghost because I knew what I had to do. I had to finish Leah and kill Uncle Alan. But at breakfast I pretended to be all right about Mum and Uncle Alan getting married and I said Im sorry.

Mum said What?

I said Im sorry. Im sorry about the PlayStation.

Mum said Well dont tell me. Tell Alan.

Mum wasnt calling him Uncle Alan now because she was getting married to him. It was just Alan and she didnt tell me she was getting rid of the Uncle bit she just did.

I said Im sorry Uncle Alan. Im sorry I smashed up the PlayStation.

He looked at me and then he looked at Mum washing up and he looked at Mums bum and he said Its all right Philip. Im sure it wont happen again.

I knew Uncle Alan was only pretending it was all right because his eyes said he wanted to throw me out of the window into the car park but I ignored his eyes and kept eating the Frosties going soft in the going sweet milk.

Mum looked at the ROTA which was on the wall and Mum said Carlas on tonight with Nooks.

Nooks is what Mum calls Renuka and ever since Dad died she helped behind the bar one night in the week making big heads on the beer.

And Mum said I reckon Carla could manage to be without us tonight. Why dont we get a video out and have a nice night in. Just the three of us.

The idea went KABOOM in Uncle Alans head because he was still mad about the PlayStation and maybe Sleepy Eye Terry as well. His lips and skin shook a bit because of the explosion but he said Why not?

And Mum turned round with her Make Up and Fake Up on and said Philip?

And I said Ill get a video on the way back from school.

Mum smiled and the smile hurt the love part of my brain and made it heavy. But I smiled back and still pretended.

Uncle Alan looked at me with his hot burning eyes like he hated the air I filled like he wanted it to be just empty space like how he made Dad just empty space like he wanted it just him and Mum.

 

I was going to dump Leah at break but she was off sick and Dane said she had a cough and I didnt think he knew Id been round last night and heard him row with his dad.

Dominic and Jordan walked past me and laughed and then they saw I was with Dane so they didnt pick on me. But I had to see them again in Science lesson with Mr Wormwood and they sat on the back row and Dominic said Oi Skitso. Spoke to your dad lately?

They started telling everyone about seeing me in the graveyard but they stopped when Mr Wormwood came in.

Everyone is scared of Mr Wormwood even Dane probably because Mr Wormwood is two metres tall and very skinny. He speaks very quiet but will suddenly SHOUT REALLY LOUD and make you jump. He has put black tape on the glass in his Science Lab door and the tape is in bars like a prison and he has a sign on the door that says
DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS
. He thinks it is funny but its not because children are animals and so are grown ups so he is not a zookeeper he is just an older animal. Children dont change into different animals when they grow up. It is not like they are caterpillars going into butterflies. They just get taller and wider and less funny and do jobs and tell more lies like Uncle Alan.

Science is my worst subject because I dont believe in it because Science doesnt believe in ghosts and I know ghosts are real. Science says that people know more and more about everything which is a lie and that everything can be explained and that is another lie. There was a man called Sir Isaac Newton who invented Science who said that apples fall down off trees because of Gravity and everyone thinks that is really clever. But everyone knew apples fell off trees before its just they didnt know it was because of Gravity. So it doesnt matter if its because of Gravity or if its because of God or if its a big magnet under the ground because apples still fall off trees. You can still eat them whatever and they still taste the same which is gross especially when theyve got bruises on them that are brown and mushy powder in your mouth from falling on the ground.

In Mr Wormwoods class we dont do things with apples. We just do things with Bunsen Burners and Test Tubes and Goggles and burn liquids till they change colour.

But I was pleased Mr Wormwood came in because then everyone stopped laughing at me.

Mr Wormwood tapped his ruler and said Settle down. Settle down.

Everyone was squeaking their stools on the floor and Mr Wormwood said in his calm voice Today God help me we are going to be testing the properties of different metals.

He looked round the room at all his animals and he squinted like we hurt his eyes.

He said Now does everyone understand what I mean by properties?

Dominic Weekly called out Houses.

Jordan laughed.

Mr Wormwood said in a voice getting louder
OUT OUT

OUT GET OUT GET OUT BOTH OF YOU
GET OUT!

Dominic said But

Jordan said But

Mr Wormwood said OUT! He pointed at the door and Dominic and Jordan went out of the door and Mr Wormwood went out of the door and shut the door and shouted at them for two minutes. Then Dominic and Jordan came back in the class all pale and Mr Wormwood came in to the front of the class combing his hair with his hand.

He said in his calm voice Properties are characteristics that describe something. That set it apart from other types of substance.

Mr Wormwood got some chalk and went to the blackboard and read in his head from a sheet and wrote

Mr Wormwood pointed to Sonorous and said Can anyone tell me what this word means?

Charlotte Ward put up her hand.

Mr Wormwood said Charlotte.

Charlotte said Is it to do with the way it sounds?

Mr Wormwood said The way it sounds. Yes. The way it sounds. If you drop a metal it will make a sound and what sort of sound would it make Charlotte? What sort of sound?

Charlotte said A clanking sound?

Mr Wormwood said Good good. A clanking sound. Thank you Charlotte. If you drop metal on the floor it clanks while if you dropped Dominic or Jordan on the floor it would be more of a thud.

Mr Wormwood smiled because he had made a joke but no one laughed because everyone was scared.

Mr Wormwood said Can anyone think of any other properties metal might have? Anyone? Anyone? Yes Charlotte.

Charlotte said Theyre magnetic.

Mr Wormwood sucked in her words through his nose as if they had a smell and it was a smell he didnt know if he liked or not. He said Mmmmm most metals are not magnetic actually. Only some metals. Like iron.

He wrote another word on the blackboard.

The word was

Mr Wormwood pointed to it with the chalk and said Anyone? Anyone?

But no one not even Charlotte knew what Malleability was.

Mr Wormwood said in a super fast super quiet voice If something is Malleable it can be made to change its shape and keep its mass by using a degree of heat or force and this makes it different from other solid materials like wood or stone or Year Seven pupils.

This was another joke but no one laughed because they were still scared.

Mr Wormwood said On the benches in front of you you will see a glass jar with a type of metal contained inside it.

There was a jar between me and the person next to me who was Siraj. The jar had a label on it and it said
COPPER
and there was a shiny orange square of metal inside it.

Mr Wormwood said One of the properties that changes from metal to metal is the melting point. So we are going to test different metals over a flame.

We had to get into Partners and Siraj looked round quick for someone else to be Partner with but everyone was with someone so he had to be with me.

I said Its Copper.

He said What?

I said Weve got Copper.

He said Really?

I said Yes.

He said Duh.

And then we got all the equipment out and I pushed the Bunsen Burners rubber tube onto the tap that let out the methane.

Siraj used to like me but he doesnt like me now. If Jordan and Dominic dont like you then no one dares like you. They all just act like Jordan and Dominic but not so strong like Jordan and Dominic are orange squash but the other boys are like orange squash with water in. All the boys are now Jordan and Dominic flavour just a bit milder but still with a bad taste so not like orange squash like methane squash.

I thought I didnt want to finish Leah because when she was at school everyone left me alone but when she wasnt there like at the graveyard they all got at me. But then I thought of Dads Ghost and I said in my head I will finish her.

We put on our Goggles and then we did the Experiment with me picking up the piece of Copper in tongs and Siraj holding the Bunsen Burner and leaning it so none of the metal went in.

Mr Wormwood told us to try melting it on the yellow flame first which is 400 degrees Centigrade and I held it with the tongs right in the flame.

I said Its not melting.

Siraj made big eyes in his goggles and said Really?

I said No.

Charlotte Ward and Sarah Keane were on the bench in front and their metal was melting and making silver bubbles on the Heat Proof Mat.

Then Siraj turned the Bunsen Burner to the blue flame which was 600 degrees and the Copper stayed hard because it wasnt at its melting point. And I said Its still not melting.

Siraj said Really?

And then it was the end of the Experiment and if the metal melted on the yellow flame it had a low melting point and if it melted on the blue flame it had a medium melting point and if it didnt melt at all it had a high melting point and then we all had to tell which one ours was and Mr Wormwood wrote it on the board.

 

I saw something flicker outside the window with the
DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS
sign.

Mr Wormwood said something and I wasnt listening and he said Earth calling Philip Noble. Earth to Philip Noble. Is anyone there? Come in Philip Noble do you receive me?

And this was another joke but everyone laughed this time.

I said Yes Sir.

He said Did the Copper melt?

The question was like a jigsaw I had to put together in my brain.

Then Mr Wormwood said Did. The. Copper. Melt? In your own time.

I said No Sir.

He said in a silly voice No Sir.

Everyone laughed again and then he wrote
Copper
on the board under
Iron
.

I said to Siraj I didnt hear him.

Siraj said Really?

I said No.

Mr Wormwood turned round and reached his melting point and said
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP BOY!

And when Mr Wormwood turned round again Siraj made a spacca face at me and Jordan or Dominic threw a pencil at my head. The pencil landed on the floor and Mr Wormwood turned round and said Philip Noble if you are not interested in what I have to say perhaps you might like to take the rest of the lesson?

I said No Sir.

He said in his silly voice No Sir.

Everyone laughed again.

Mr Wormwood said Well in that case why dont you put everyones equipment away for them?

So I had to put all the equipment away and I looked out of the door window and I could see Dads Ghost looking at me and everyone else was crowding round the Front Bench to watch Mr Wormwood do an Experiment.