The Darkest Dream (The Darkest Trilogy) (18 page)

But as soon as the thought began to form, I pushed it away, not wanting to think about it.
 
I wanted to enjoy these moments I had.

“It’s so quiet in there,
”
 
I
said softly, looking up at him.
 
He nodded, his eyes a bit sad, and I wished I hadn’t said anything at all.
 
“This is nice,
”
 
I
told him, trying to erase the previous comment and return to the normalcy I had disturbed.
 

“It is,
”
 
he
agreed after a long quiet moment.

I was surprised by his response—so open, honest.
 
“I can’t tell you how much it makes me wish I could be human.”
 

I sighed quietly then, a lump forming in my throat.
 
Here, he was wishing to be human—and I was wishing to be dead.
 
We both wanted something neither of us was able to give the other.
 

His hand tangled itself in my hair as if it were something common—routine, even.
 
I traced patterns along the thin material of his navy colored sweater, longing once more to deny the bleakness of our situation.
 
“Why was your family against you joining the rebellion?”
 
I asked, desperate to distract myself.
 
Darren took his time before responding.

“They were afraid.
 
Afraid I would be killed, or worse, caught.
 
They wanted the life they’d planned for me.
 
Marriage, children.
 
But I had no inheritance to speak of, and what little land we had was overused and barren.”
 
I traced the shape of a heart onto his chest while he spoke.
 
“I wanted the same freedom of those who took everything from us.”
 

“That sounds logical enough.”
 
I told him, trying to imagine what life would have been like for him.
 

“It was stupid.
 
If I wouldn’t have been so impulsive—if I would have just accepted my fate—
”
 
Darren
broke off, and I knew where he was going without being a mind reader.
 

“I’m glad you didn’t.”
 
I whispered.
 
“I wish your family hadn’t suffered, but—I’m glad you made the choices you did.”

“You really shouldn’t be, Lucinda.
 
You have no idea the lives I’ve destroyed or the domino effect my existence has had on this world.”
 
I could hear the frown in his voice.

“I am, though.”
 
I told him before rolling onto my back.
 
No matter what he’d done—no matter how he’d found this path…I was grateful that he had.
 
I was glad to have these few moments with him.

“And your friend?”
 
I felt a sharp pain in my chest and I turned my head away, staring at the wall for a moment.
 
Obviously, I wouldn’t have sacrificed Phoebe for anything.

“I can’t blame you for what happened to
Phe
, Darren.
 
You didn’t kill her.”
 
I wiped at my eyes, blinking away the tears.

“He was there because of me.”

“For the
Lux
, you mean?
 
How can you be so sure about that?”
 
I asked, turning back to face him.
 
“What if he was there for me?”
 
I saw something flicker in his eyes—a strange sort of concern, and once more I had the feeling he was keeping something from me.
 

“Why would you think that?”
 
His tone was guarded, and his eyes searched mine.
 
I could almost feel him prying around in my head.
 

“He cared about her.”
 
I
answered,
my voice soft.
 
“I saw it, in that dream.
 
Demetrius cared about my mother, in his own twisted way.
 
Maybe he would have come for me regardless of whether or not you were here.”

He held my eyes for several long moments, resting his hand on my cheek.
 

“But because you were there…you were able to save me.”
 
I told him, unable to look at him without feeling childish and small.
 
“I think we were exactly where we were meant to be.”

I felt his lips touch my forehead before he shifted so that he could slip both arms around me.
 
I settled into him again, resting my head on his chest as I thought back to the dream I had shared with Demetrius, focusing on how it had started.
 

“I think I dreamed of you, you know.”

“I think that would be termed a nightmare, actually…”

“Stop that,
”
 
I
said, taking his hand in mine.
 
I was taking great pleasure in maintaining physical contact with him—as much as possible.
 
“No, when I was a little girl.”
 
I said, absentmindedly tracing my thumb in circles on his palm.
 
“At least, I think it was you.
 
You seemed so familiar to me that first night I bumped into you.
 
I’ve been trying to place it.
 
And then, when I went to sleep, before you left…I had the dream again.”

“What kind of dream?”
 
He was sincerely interested.

“It’s a strange dream.
 
Even when I was just a girl, I knew it was strange—because it was so
real
.
 
It was always an older version of
myself
and this man, surrounded by darkness.
 
And we were dancing.
 
I knew just by watching that we were meant for one another.”
 

He remained quiet, so I continued on.
 
“I’ve had it a few times since then, every time the same.
 
I’m always an outsider, watching this beautiful couple sway softly to a tune that I can’t hear.
 
But then, this time, I
was
the girl.
 
And you were the man.
 
And…it was perfect, Darren.
 
Just perfect.”
 

“It sounds very peaceful.”
 
I nodded, staring at our entwined hands.
 

“It is.”
 
We fell back into a silence that I found no discomfort in.

“Was it always me?”
 
His question, several minutes later, startled me.
 
I raised our hands and stared at them, using my free hand to lightly touch his knuckles and taking a few moments to consider the question.
 

No matter how hard I tried to remember any details about the man, I could only remember darkness.
 
The scent of the ocean, as if it was surrounding me.
 
I imagined Darren growing up in Ireland, surrounded by the ocean.
 
It would be a place of comfort for him—a sensible place to meet me in a dream.

And rain—there had been rain this time.
 

I breathed in, smelling the now familiar earthy tone.
 
It was a scent I distinctly attributed to Darren.

“I can’t be sure, but I think so.”
 
He brought my hand forward and pressed his lips to the back of it, my heart fluttering softly in response.
 
I tilted my head upward so that I could see him.
 
That same sadness I’d seen in his eyes time and time again shone back at me.
 
“Why do you think that is, Darren?”

“I really couldn’t say.”
 
He didn’t elaborate further and I didn’t press the subject, figuring he was just as clueless as I was.
 
I laid my head back down, my thoughts shifting back to the dream.
 

Had it always been Darren?
 
Or had it been a trick of Demetrius’?
 
Or had I managed to trick myself somehow?
 

I closed my eyes, remembering the way the older version of
myself
had swayed with the man.
 
How I had felt the life pouring through her—her entire being tingling with it.
 
She had been born in darkness, and she had finally found someone who could reach her.

It had to be Darren, didn’t it?

I’d been living in a fog, and he’d cleared it away.

“Do you believe in fate, Lucinda?”
 
He asked suddenly, surprising me from my reverie.
 
I hesitated a moment before responding, first with a nod of my head and then, after another moment, I explained myself.

“For a long time, I didn’t.
 
I couldn’t see any point in my mom dying, or my dad, or anything that had really happened to me.
 
I couldn’t bring myself to believe that someone had designed things that way—that someone had purposely brought so much pain into my life.”
 
I sighed softly, looking back over the events that had brought me here.
 

“But I’m starting to see the connections, now.
 
Just like you were led to this place for some reason, I think I was, too.”
 
At this, I lifted myself onto my elbow and found his eyes.
 
“What about you?”

“I’ve always believed in fate, but I just thought I’d…drifted off the radar.”
 

“And now?”

“I’m here for a reason.”
 
There was a depth to his words that he made no further mention of, and I spent the next several moments contemplating what he’d meant.
 

What was that reason?
 
Why was he here with me?
 
He’d already made clear that I was not to be in his future.
 

Was it Demetrius?
 
Was it some facet of his life that I’d not yet encountered, and probably never would?
 
The possibilities seemed endless, and as we lay there, he did nothing at all to clarify.
 
“You should get some sleep.”

“What is your big concern with making me sleep?”
 
I asked abruptly.
 
“That’s pretty much all I’ve done since I’ve met you.”
 
In an effort to put him off just a bit longer, I continued on.
 
“Don’t you sleep?”

“I do, but it’s not something I require as much of as you do.”
 

“I don’t need as much as you think I do.”
 
I eyed him accusingly.
 
“Are you just trying to get rid of me?
 
Give yourself a few moments of peace and quiet?”
 
He chuckled, rolling his head back and eyeing the ceiling.
 
“Because if
that’s
the case, sir, I can very easily accommodate you—”
 
I spoke as I began to untangle myself from his body, only able to raise myself into a sitting position before I felt his hands grasp at my sides, pulling me back with a playful growl.
 

“You’re not going anywhere,
”
 
and
I laughed as he placed his head on my shoulder.
 

“So demanding,
”
 
I
grumbled lightheartedly, the smile on my face unfading.
 

“This is probably the closest I’ll ever get to heaven, Lucinda.
 
I want to enjoy as much of it as I can.”
 
His words brought me crashing back to the present and sadness washed over me.
 
“I’m sorry,
”
 
he
apologized.

“Don’t be sorry.”
 
My voice lacked the intended strength I’d hoped for, too saddened at the thought that this could really be it.
 
“I don’t want to sleep, Darren.”

“I’ll be here when you wake.
 
I promise.”

“I don’t want to waste our time.”
 

“It’s going to be a…long day, Lucinda.”
 

“I’ve had plenty of long days before.
 
There will be time for sleep afterward.”
 
I buried myself closer to him.
 
“I just want to lay here with you.”
 

“You lay down as you sleep,”

“Don’t be so literal.”
 
I stifled a yawn, wondering just how it was that I could be tired.
 
“How did he get into my dream?”

“I don’t know,
”
 
his
tone really was puzzled.
 
“If you know a vampire well enough, you should be able to block them.
 
I’ve been trying to keep both of us hidden—I thought it was working…”

“Could I ever block you?”

“It’s harder for humans, but not out of the question.”
 
He paused for a moment.
 
“It’s almost impossible to keep
one’s
self restrained at all times, though.”

“Is that why I could…why Demetrius could—I don’t know, read you?
 
At the diner, I mean.”
 

“Extreme emotion is uncontrollable.
 
Demetrius would have felt that whether or not he was even trying.”

“So you do have to make an effort, then?”
 
I was getting sleepy, though I fought against it with everything I could muster.
 
“I mean
,
to read people.”

“You do.
 
It’s an issue of control, really.
 
If you wanted, you could hear everyone’s thoughts all around you—but that would be completely overwhelming, almost to the point of debilitation.
 
It would be very easy to lose yourself among the masses.”