The Darkest Dream (The Darkest Trilogy) (20 page)

The water was warm and relaxing, but none of my stress melted away as I hoped it would.
 
Instead, the dull quiet only served to further remind me of what was to come.
 

***

He returned to find me sitting on the bed, the scattered remains of his home spread out in front of me.
 
Tattered old volumes of Shakespeare, of Socrates, of Greek and Roman mythology were among the books I had grabbed.
 
The sketches were much the same as the paintings—landscapes, sunsets and rises, various people apparently spanning at least a century’s worth of time.
 
My eyes were resting specifically on only one piece though, in which I actually recognized the two figures.

It was
Phe
and
myself
, the two of us seated on the rooftop balcony just outside her bedroom window.
 
We were huddled together, the both of us smiling.
 
Phe
had her arm wrapped around my shoulders and I was resting my head on hers, her head resting against mine.
 
My smile was tainted with sadness, but still genuine.
 
I remembered the night very clearly.
 
“This was the week after my dad died.”
 
I didn’t have to look up to know he was nodding.
 
“It was a bad week.”

“She was there for you.”

“She was always there for me.”
 
I said nothing more, swallowing the ball in my throat as I began to put away the various items, taking the few moments to gather my resolve to remain strong.
 
“What’s for breakfast?”
 

I didn’t even pay attention to what I was eating, instead shoveling the food by the forkful into my mouth and concentrating only on forcing it down and keeping it there.
 
Time was beginning to move too quickly, and I knew what was coming.
 
I had to do everything in my power to make this easier.

“I think we should get an earlier start.”
 

His voice startled me, breaking the long silence as I gulped down a glass of water.
 
My only response was a quick glance over the rim of the glass, my throat closing ever-so-slightly.
 
“The more time we have, the better off we’ll be, I think.”
 
He continued and I nodded in agreement, although my thoughts were thinking along another path.
 
More time
with
him was what I needed.
 

“Whatever you think is best.”
 
I was going to stick to my earlier pact not to question him.
 
“How much longer?”
 

“An hour, maybe two.”
 
I nodded, glancing at the clock.
 
That would put us leaving in the early afternoon.
 
“
You doing
okay?”

“I’m fine,
”
 
I
nodded, taking another drink of water.
 
I was disappointed when the glass emptied far quicker than I’d hoped for it to.
 

“I’m…I’m trying to make this as easy as I can, Lucinda.”

“Then consider yourself a success,
”
 
I
lied, rising to my feet to cross the room to the small refrigerator.
 
I busied myself with retrieving another bottle of water and gulping half of it down in one drink.
 

“Lucinda, please,”
 

“I don’t know what you’re asking of me, Darren.”
 
I turned to face him, struggling to keep my voice steady.
 
“You send me the most complicated mixed signals I’ve ever dealt with in my life.
 
You tell me I can trust you, and then you get angry for it.
 
You tell me that I shouldn’t care for you, but everything you do encourages me otherwise.
 
You tell me to stay away, and then you hold me to you.
 
You tell me that we can never be
anything
and then you
kiss
me—”

“
You
kissed
me
—”

“You kissed me back.”
 
I sighed, rolling my eyes.
 
“There’s no way to make this easier.
 
Once this is over, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
 
I don’t know how I’m going to continue on.
 
That’s not an easy fate to accept.”
 
The tears, for the first time in three days, finally listened when I commanded them to stay away.
 

“I’m sorry,
”
 
he
looked down at the floor and I longed for his eyes to find mine once more.
 
“I know—I know I’ve been difficult, and I hate myself for it.
 
But—try to understand what it’s like for me.
 
I’ve been waiting my entire life—we’re talking
centuries
here—to feel the way you make me feel.
 
I’ve dreamt of holding you in my arms, of breathing in your scent, of what it would be like to kiss you.”
 
He paused, and I bit my lip as I fought back tears.
 

“I wish I was strong enough to deny myself, Lucinda, but I’m not.
 
And I’m sorry for any pain that may cause you—may have already caused you.”

“Then why can’t I stay?”
 
His eyes were very sad when they finally found mine.
 

“Please don’t ask me for that.”
 
The tone of his voice would have broken my heart if it weren’t already in pieces.
 
It was, as I’d noted before, the very last thing he wanted for me.
 
“I can’t do that to you.”

“I’m terrified, Darren.”
 
It took a lot out of me to admit it and he was in front of me in no time, his hands on my shoulders.
 

“You’ll be fine.
 
I swear you will.”
 

“Will you?”
 
I asked.
 
He seemed startled by my question, his eyes widening very slightly before he composed himself once more and responded.
 

“It won’t be easy,
”
 
he
paused.
 
“But you can’t worry about me.
 
You have your entire life in front of you—a life that I can’t be involved in.
 
You’re going to get married someday.
 
You’ll have kids and you’ll be a wonderful mom.
 
You’re going to
live
.”

“So will you—”

“Not like you.”
 
His eyes were so very sad that it took everything I could muster not to cry.
 
He reached forward and brushed a piece of my hair aside.
 
“Promise me that, no matter what happens, you’re going to go on with your life.”

“I
can’t
—”

“You have to.”
 
He told me.
 
It was not a request.
 
“I can’t bear the thought of causing you anymore pain than you’ve already suffered.
 
You have to go on.
 
You have to forget that I’ve existed.
 
Move on with your life and
live
.”
 

“I can’t forget you.
 
I won’t.”
 
I shook my head, pressing my lips to the back of his hand.
 

“
Promise
.”
 
At that, tears did spill over as I longed for a different life.
 
I wanted to tell him no—to tell him that I could never forget him, even if I tried—but I couldn’t say the words.

“I promise.”
 
My voice was barely more than a whisper as I forced myself to lie and suddenly my mouth was covered by his, kissing me with a fervor that told me this would be the last.
 
I threw myself into it, trying to convey every single word I wanted to say but couldn’t.
 

And as he broke away and pulled me firmly into him, I could have sworn I felt his nonexistent heart breaking.

As I breathed in my first breath of fresh air in days, I wondered what was going to happen.
 
I wondered what
Marleja
was going to be like, and whether or not the two of them would be able to accomplish the task at hand.
 
I stood, bracing myself against the railing just outside the doorway leading from the room I had been locked inside for the last few days, breathing in possibilities.
 

He appeared at my side a moment later and I followed behind him, my eyes trained on the cloud-filled sky, longing for a sliver of sunlight to slip through so that we could delay the inevitable just a bit longer.
 

Of course, this did not happen, and instead I found myself sitting beside him in his car, which I discovered to be a different SUV than the one in his garage, our limited luggage loaded in the back.
 
“So what’s going to happen, Darren?”
 
I asked after several long moments, my eyes now trained dead ahead, locked onto some unseen target.

“We’re going to create a few false trails first.
 
It won’t take long—your scent is strong, even with all that you’ve done to dissuade it.”
 

“Bet you’re sorry you fell for the smelly girl,
”
 
I
tried desperately to joke, but the magnitude of what was going to happen weighed heavily on the interior of the vehicle, and all I achieved was a very sad smile.
 
“Then what?”
 
I decided to move forward, to get as much over with as quickly as possible.

“Then we give them the real trail.”

“
Which leads to you.
”
 
It was completely unnecessary to say, as I already knew that this was the plan.
 

“
Which leads to me.
”
 
He gave one solid nod.

“Where will I be?”

“
Marleja
has a shop in town.
 
She’s going to keep you there, where she can protect you.”
 

“And after…?”

“You forget all of this and move on with your life.”
 
I struggled to ignore the pain that instantly raged within my chest upon hearing his words.
 
I would not question him.
 
I would not ask him for something he could not give.
 
And I would not put him through the pain of knowing how impossible a request he was making.
 

We continued on in silence.
 
The scenes around me became more and more familiar until we passed a building I recognized very well, a “Sorry, we’re closed!” sign hanging in the window that I could only recall seeing three other times throughout my entire life.
 
The Masons had closed the diner down for business after each of my parent’s deaths, and once when
Phe’s
grandmother had died.
 

I wondered what kind of life I would return to.

He drove through the town until we reached his chosen destination.
 
It was a quiet neighborhood, as all of the kids were currently in school.
 
He parked the SUV at the far end of the street, in front of a house that bared a “For Sale” sign out front.
 
I remembered once coming to this neighborhood for a birthday party when I was in fourth grade.
 
Phe
had been by my side even then, the two of us inseparable.
 

“Are you ready for this?”
 
His voice startled me and I turned to face him, my eyes blank.

“Ready when you are.”
 

I would never be ready.
 

He took my hand, leading me down the street.
 
We cut through lawns and jumped fences.
 
I did so numbly, following blindly, my life in his hands.
 
We neared town and here too, we doubled back multiple times, walking in circles.

Memories washed over me at every location—memories of my mother, my father, my friend.
 
My dad walking me home from school.
 
My mom and I climbing a tree in front of our old house.
 
Phe
and myself taking long walks to get away from the prying ears of our parents so we could gossip about boys in peace.
 

We entered the park across from my apartment building and I stopped, suddenly losing my breath.
 
I stumbled dully toward a large tire swing, memories of my dad spinning
Phe
and I until we thought we’d be sick.
 
I remembered the dizzying sensation, the way the world seemed to whirl around and around until I wasn’t sure it even existed anymore—the way my chest tightened, my stomach clenched.
 

I began to lose the line between the past and the present, the two blurring together so much that I had to lean forward and rest my head between my legs, trying to breathe.
 
The world around me was
disappearing,
only now, I didn’t have the comfort of
Phe’s
squeals or my dad’s encouraging laughter.
 

Now, I was all alone, and I was suffocating.

Eventually it subsided, or at the very least, I became anesthetized against the deadening unknown and the paralyzing fear that came with it.
 
Darren said nothing, and I followed suit, my hand in his only a small comfort now.
 
Deep down, I knew that he too would soon be gone.
 
But I pushed it away, along with everything else, and continued on at his side, unfeeling.
 
The scenes, along with the memories, faded with time.

“This is going to be the last trail, Lucinda.”
 
I said nothing, but nodded to show that I at least understood what he was saying.
 
We were further from the main road, nearing the docks.
 
This was the opposite side of town, closer to the bigger city, closer to the motel, I thought.
 

The docks acted as a small shipyard, and from where I stood, I could see nothing but shipping containers and warehouses.
 
It was more shadowy than normal, as the clouds had grown impossibly darker since leaving the motel.
 
I wondered how much time had passed.
 

Both my mind and body were growing impossibly
more numb
by the second as I tried to prepare myself for what was to come.
 
Finally, he stopped.
 
I didn’t notice at first, continuing on until I felt a tug on my arm.
 
His eyes were guarded, but I could see the pain hiding deep within them.
 
A figure emerged from the shadows and I looked back, taking note of a dark haired woman, though I couldn’t make out anything more in the poor lighting.
 
I turned back to him.
 

“This is it?”
 
For the first time since this morning, I was flooded with emotion.
 
The sedated state of consciousness I had forced myself into completely subsided, and I felt tears well up in my eyes.

“You’ll be okay, Lucinda.
 
I swear.”
 
I heard the woman step closer and I felt my breath catch in my throat.
 

“Darren—
”
 
The
panic was obvious in my voice.
 
A pit of trepidation formed in my stomach as I looked into his eyes.
 

He was worried.
 

“
Shh
,
”
 
he
placed a hand on each of my shoulders.
 

“I don’t want to do this.”
 
It came out in a harsh, desperate tone.
 
“I have a bad feeling—Darren,
please
—”
 

“This is what has to be done, my girl.”
 
And his voice was barely a whisper now, the two of us uncomfortable in the presence of another.
 
He gently brushed my hair aside.
 
“I won’t let anything happen to you.
 
You have to remember that.”

“I know,
”
 
I
nodded, giving up.
 
“Will I see you—?”
 
I couldn’t bring myself to say anything more, because the thought was almost unbearable.
 

“It would be easier if you didn’t.”
 
I swallowed hard, nodding.
 

I could do this.

“So, this is it then.”
 
There was
a finality
to my voice as I held his eyes, trying my hardest to remain steady.
 
His only response was a nod.
 
“I…thank you.”
 
It was all I could manage before I turned my back, slowly walking toward the woman who was standing near a short distance away.
 
I wanted to turn back—to run to him, throw my arms around him, and never leave his side.
 

But I didn’t.
 

I couldn’t.

And then, I heard him say my name.
 

“Lucinda—
wait
.”
 
I turned slowly to face him, but he was at my side before I finished turning.
 
“Will you do something for me?”
 

And I was taken back to last night, when I had made the same request of him.
 
My initial response was to tell him anything, but I held back, instead just nodding.
 
“Dance with me,”
 

And I was in his arms, swaying softly to a tune that only he and I heard.
 
It was just like the dream—darkness all around us, both literally and
figuratively .
 
He and I were the only two who existed, everything else forgotten.
 

It was perfect.

I couldn’t say how long we swayed together, he and I, both living a dream we thought would never come to life.
 
But while it lasted, I felt no fear, no worry, no doubt—I was happy in a way I thought only existed in fantasy.
 
I relished the touch of his lips upon mine—a kiss laden with sadness, but full of a love that grew from a nameless place.
 
Its existence was undeniable, its presence unexplained.
 
But it was real—and neither of us could deny it.

There was an odd desperation as we parted, both of us knowing what was to come.
 
I clung to him frantically, wanting it to last.
 
His hands were tangled in my hair, his lips lingering near mine.
 
Warm tears escaped from my eyes and neither of us moved to brush them away.
 
It would have been a futile task, as the flow was continuous.
 
“I love you,
”
 
I
heard myself whisper the words aloud.
 
He pressed his lips to mine once more, very tenderly.

“And I love you.”
 
The words sent such a rush through me that I was overwhelmed, breathing in a gentle sob.
 
“If ever in your life you doubt that, remember this—
”
 
Again
, his lips touched mine.
 
Once more, I reveled in the touch of his lips.
 
“Remember
us
.”
 

At this, he stepped back slightly, holding my eyes with his.
 
I knew without him saying anything more that this was it—this was the end.
 

“I—oh god, Darren—I can’t—
”
 
The
tears came more rapidly, the despair harder to deny.
 
But he gave me no choice.

“Go with
Marleja
.
 
I promise you’ll be alright.”
 

I said nothing more, instead holding his eyes, begging him to change his mind.
 
They were guarded once more, shadowed with a knowledge that I knew nothing of.
 
A gentle touch on my shoulder forced me to break the gaze and I turned to find a beautiful older woman standing behind me.
 
She had very warm brown eyes, and I could sense her compassionate nature even without knowing her.
 

“Come on, Lucinda.
 
I’ll take care of you.”
 

She took my hand in hers without any protest, though I continued to watch Darren over my shoulder, dread flooding through me.
 
“You’ll be all right, my dear.
 
He’s willing to do anything—even die—to make certain you’re safe.”
 

“He shouldn’t be,
”
 
I
told her, my eyes locked on his until we rounded a corner.
 
I had to fight the urge to reach out, as a child would—to break away from the woman and return to his side.
 

“We need to stop for a moment here, so that I can cover your scent.
 
Darren was very specific about this request.”
 
Her voice startled me as we came to a stop a few moments after leaving his side, hidden now behind a building.
 

She removed a few things from a large bag she had draped over her shoulder and began whispering something lightly under her breath.
 
I watched without interest as she poured powders into a small bowl and then drew a match, setting the contents aflame.
 
She blew the smoke in my direction, but I didn’t even blink.

There was a pleasant scent in the air from that point on, erasing the dank smell of rotting wood from the decrepit docks.
 
I barely even noticed, the pit in my stomach absorbing almost all of my attention.
 
Something was wrong—I knew it.