The Countdown to Thirty (10 page)

“Good, now let’s go before these white people call the cops
on us.” I said noticing the gawking stares we’d attracted.

By the time we left Primm and headed back to Las Vegas, Kaia
turned into her old self again. I knew she was still hurting about Malcolm
because she talked about him the whole ride home. But instead of crying that
she missed him, she was able to admit to herself that he wasn’t Mr. Perfect,
even though she wasn’t quite ready to break the ties yet.

My final words of advice to her on the subject were: “Don’t
make him a priority when you’re only an option.”

v
 
 

The next day I stopped at Walmart before going to mom’s
house for another Sunday dinner. She requested a premade lemon meringue pie that
she told me she would reimburse me for. I figured I might as well grab some
pads while I was here.

When I got in line there was a black couple in front of me
piling their groceries on the conveyer belt. The woman who looked similar in
age to me looked both stressed out and rundown. They had four kids in line with
them, three of which were fighting over who gets to put what on the conveyer
belt next all the while begging for candy and soda. The father didn’t seem like
he had too much control over them and every time he told them to calm down they
would just get riled up again. I tried looking at the other lines to see if I
could have better luck but they were all long. The couple had a baby in the
grocery cart seat with a snotty nose who kept staring at me. I tried to smile
at her and make funny little faces to get a reaction but she just continued to
stare blankly. She had these tiny squinted eyes and a little flat nose that
resembled her father’s. The baby weirded me out and I quickly rant out of interest.
Instead I focused my attention on the mother and her man. I was curious to see
who was going to reach for their wallet and pay for these groceries. I wasn’t
surprised when I saw the mother slide the cashier her money, but when she
directed the cashier to give her man the change I was just about threw.

“What a damn shame.” I whispered under my breath.

My transaction took less than a minute to complete and I was
too ready to leave Walmart by that time. When I walked down the aisle to my
car, guess who was parked next to me, the distressed couple with the four kids.
I hit the unlock button on my Mitsubishi as I watched the six of them pile into
her tiny Chevy Cavalier. I figured the car was hers because she was in the
driver’s seat and the hot pink frame around the license plate read “Material
Girl.”

“Maybe in another lifetime,” I thought. “Or maybe before she
hooked up with this dude and had these kids she was.”

The baby with the snot nose turned around from the backseat
to face me and smiled. It didn’t look like she was strapped in a car seat but
was instead in her big brothers lap. She was much cuter now with a smile on her
face as I waved bye-bye to her. I was pretty sure that this woman could
probably do better without this guy but hey, I didn’t know the whole situation.
I did know that I wouldn’t be caught in the middle of it though myself.

When I arrived at my mother’s house I did my normal routine
of hugging and kissing my niece and nephew then proceeded in taking off the
packing from the lemon meringue pie and placed it in my mother’s heavy glass
cake holder.

“Where’s David?” I asked Saundra. “That’s two Sunday
dinner’s he’s missed now.”

“He’s at the house watching the football game with his
friends. He’s been working on a difficult case for the last two months so he
just wants some peace with his boys. I told him that was fine and that I’ll
just bring him a plate of food home when we get back.” She replied.

“He told them to take all the time they needed.” My mother
added. “Saundra and Imani forced him to take them shopping yesterday and
Xavier’s thinks he’s a WWF wrestler and he’s been flipping all over his daddy,
poor David.” My mother said chuckling while she shook her head.

“It sounds like he needed a break.” I said.

David works as a defense attorney for a major law firm here
in town. Before he started working murder and drug cases, he was a prosecutor
for crimes like embezzlement and grand larceny. Damn right he deserved a break
from the family every now and then.

“So hows the job hunt going baby?” My mother asked.

“Not so good.”

“This economy is just horrible. Your aunt Sharon told me
your cousin Paul is having a hard time finding a job to and he got laid off
over a year ago. Saundra baby, tell your sister what you told me, this is just
as good a time as any.” My mother said.

“What?” I said shifting my glance to Saundra.

“Okay mom, I was going to get to it.” She complained not
liking to be rushed as she put a pot of water on the stove and turned the eye
on high.

“Well get to it then girl.” My mother complained back. “You
know my baby needs some help.”

“Okay can somebody tell me what the big secret is please?” I
asked feeling anxious.

“Well,” Saundra started out as she walked towards me looking
me face to face, “I understand your current employment and financial situation
trust me I do. There are a lot of people out here unemployed, I mean half of
David’s friends from college got laid off and can’t find another good paying
job in or out of their field.”

“Okay.” I said wishing she’d hurry up and get to the damn
point.

“So, you know me and the ladies are doing a lot of work on
the magazine and we could really use a talented assistant to help us out. You
know like phone calls, answering emails, marketing, scheduling meetings, unique
ideas....”

She rambled off about a hundred things before my brain
automatically began to tune her out. I’m sure I looked like I was paying
attention but I wasn’t.

“Really we aren’t ready to hire someone on full-time yet, or
even have an employee in that case, but at this point we know we need one.
Between the kids, husbands and the magazine we don’t have the time to do it
all. We’re fully prepared to pay you $600 per month in exchange for fifteen
hours per week of your time and if you can manage to watch Imani and Xavier for
me a few times a week, I can throw in an extra $200 personally. Everything
strictly off the books, what do you think?”

My brain switched back to on mode when I heard her mention
money. The look on Saundra’s face read ‘
please take it because you know I
can’t trust anyone else with the business or the kids.’

She actually looked desperate for once.

“Well let me think…of course I’ll take it!” I shouted
excitedly, “When do I start?”

Kaia

On the way home from my mechanics shop where I stopped to
get an oil change and my tires rotated I received a surprising text from
Malcolm out of the blue. My heart began to race rapidly as I nearly swerved my
car into the next lane.

“Calm the hell down Kaia!” I yelled at myself in an attempt
to keep my excitement in check.

An old woman sporting thick bottle capped glasses and
driving a gray 1980’s Volvo flipped me the bird as I nearly side swiped her.

I gasped as she sped past me with her finger in the air,
“Really? Sorry, sorry, sorry!”

She put her finger down and instead laid her hand on the
horn releasing a drawn out honk that made me feel like a complete idiot.

“Oh my God, calm down lady.”

I was just grateful my windows were completely tinted.
Before opening his message I transitioned from the fast lane to the slow lane
to avoid another accident with a hostile senior citizen. When I opened his text
the message simply read:
“I miss
you.”

My heart melted and the excitement I tried to contain began
spinning out of control again. My mind flooded with confusion as I tried to
recall what I said I’d do if I heard from him again but I couldn’t think of
anything. He missed me was all I knew at this moment and this was an
opportunity to get us on the right path with a fresh start. The last few weeks
must have been killing him just like they were killing me. We weren’t done. We
still had another chance as long as we had love.

An immense part of me was ready to text him back and tell
him how badly I missed him and to see what he was doing tonight and if he
wasn’t too busy to come over and kiss me softly and make love to me then hold
me close.

I began rapidly texting allowing my heart to lead the way
instead of a clouded and muddled mind.

“I miss you to Malcolm.”

As soon as I finished the text I went for the send button
but a call came in preventing me, it was from Riley.

“Hello?” I answered not wanting to interrupt my text and
likewise not wanting to miss this call from my sister.

Still sounding like a little girl who could be no older than
fourteen she responded, “Kaia where you been, you been M.I.A. on me?” She said
playfully.

“Hey Ri Ri, what are you talking about? Every time I try
calling your butt you can’t talk because your little baby daddy’s always
around.” I teased while successfully showing no signs of my present mobile
rendezvous with Malcolm.

“Who’s baby daddy? I ain’t got no kids.” She said laughing,
“Not yet anyway.”

That comment scared me forcing me to change the topic of the
conversation. I hoped she wasn’t thinking about having any kids with that
dummy.

“I want you to know I’m coming down there next weekend to
visit you guys. Mama wants me to see Celeste’s new Mercedes and it’s about time
I paid a trip anyway. What you been up to?” I asked.

“Oh that’s cool. Yeah you should come visit. Ce Ce’s
Mercedes is nice to. Derrick said he tryna’ get one just like it except he
wants the black rims to go on his.” She said innocently.

“Derrick wants one just like it?”
I thought
.
“How
was that looser going to pay for it if he couldn’t even pay the other half of
the rent? He didn’t even have a job!” I screamed in my head.

“But you know I’m okay,” she continued, “I’m looking for a
job right now. I put an application in at McDonald’s but they ain’t called me
back yet.” She said.

“Oh okay.” I said trying to sound supportive. “What about
school? Have you thought about getting enrolled in school yet? Do you still
want to be a paralegal?” I asked trying not to sound pushy but feeling nervous
that my little sister might be going down the wrong path.

“Yeah I’m still thinking about school but maybe not for a
paralegal no more. Derrick said he’s into too much stuff for his girl to be
working for the law and I should probably pick something different.” She said
laughing like it was cute.

Oh my God, I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to just put
my fist through the phone and reach out and touch this girl. I decided against
that, not just because it was impossible but because I realized I was just as
guilty as her. I was actually surprised she didn’t have Derrick on her hip like
usual forcing her to speak in code to tell me what was going on in her life.

 An overwhelming feeling for the responsibility of getting
Riley on the right track came over me. I knew that since Mama couldn’t do it
and that Celeste wasn’t the best influence, I had to be the one to take her
under my wings. Ri Ri was always such a sweet girl growing up and I hated that
she was caught up in this lifestyle with Derrick.

“Listen Riley, you go to school for what you want to go to
school for okay?” I said supportively.

“Okay Kaia.” She responded. “When you come down here do you
think we can hang out, maybe go see a movie or something?” She asked
innocently.

“Yes baby girl, we’ll do that.” I responded with a smile.
“I’ll see you next weekend okay.”

“Okay, bye Kaia.”

“See you soon Riley, bye babe.”

No matter how badly I wanted to be the smarter more matured
big sister to Riley, when it came to the matters of love we were equals. But
realizing this didn’t stop me from wanting Malcolm or from craving his voice
and his touch. I tried calling Sonya for some advice and words of wisdom during
this confusing time but her phone went straight to voicemail. I decided against
leaving a message because when I thought about it, I didn’t need to talk to her
to know what she would suggest. I knew that I was too emotional and that now
wasn’t a good time to respond to his text. If anything, I needed to make him
wait.

And just like that my head began to clear and I was again
able to process some sort of reason. The thought of making him wait for once
made me feel powerful. He was use to me responding to him right away and now I
had the ball in my court for once. I had the choice to end this whole thing; I
was the one in control.

To keep my mind distracted from Malcolm I decided to make a
call to either Mama or Celeste. I knew if I called Mama she’d ramble on and on
the whole time about something she saw on TV or something crazy one of her
friends did this time, not really the conversation I wanted to entertain. I
took my chances with Celeste.

I spoke into my phone, “Call Celeste.”

Her phone rang and rang until it went to voicemail to. I
figured she was at work either dancing her butt off on stage or being the main
attraction at some private party. I left her a message.

“
Hey Celeste, its Kaia just letting you know I’m coming
down next weekend. Mama told me you finally got that Mercedes you always wanted
and I want to come down and see it, and you guys to. I love you, please be
safe. Call me back, I’ll see you soon.”

After running low on the people I wanted to call list I repeated
Sonya’s timeless saying: ‘Don’t make him a priority when you’re only an
option’.

“Don’t make him a priority when you’re only an option, don’t
make him a priority when you’re only an option Kaia.”

I repeated it over and over like I was rehearsing a line for
a movie audition. Finally the words began to flow out of my mouth and make
sense in my head.

“I miss you, whatever.”
I said after five minutes of
chanting and rereading the text he’d sent.

“If you missed me so much you wouldn’t’ve left me in the middle
of the night without even saying good-bye. If you missed me so much you’d
realize how good of a catch I am and you would’ve committed to me a long time
ago Malcolm!” I screamed in frustration.

After sprinting upstairs – a lame attempt to keep my mind
distracted - I drew myself a hot bubble bath scented with jasmine and
honeysuckle essential oils to calm my senses and relax my mind. It was still
circling but I was trying my best to be strong and stay in control of the
situation.

I hung up my silk robe on the towel rack and stood nude in
the bathroom trying to find a good satellite radio station to listen to.

First I landed on a slow jam station before deciding it was
more detrimental than helpful at this time.

“No.” I declared, “Way too emotional.

Next a rap station, “Too aggressive, I need peace.”

Then a pop station, “Too freaking bubbly.”

One station before calling it quits on music mixed with my
bath altogether I landed on the smooth sounds of mellow jazz. I listened to the
pretty and soothing saxophone against the upbeat tempo, “Yea, I think I like
this.” I said turning it up loud enough to drown out the anxiousness and
confusion.

I stepped into the bath with a glass of chardonnay. I drank
nearly half the glass before closing my eyes and thinking about anything I
could to keep myself preoccupied from responding to the message. I thought
about the last few houses I toured and the one I actually made my first offer
on. Unfortunately though, I was out-bid. I was heartbroken at first but after
about a week or two I got over it. It wasn’t even my dream home, at least not
my dream starter home. It was a newer development and had over twenty-one
hundred square footage of space but it didn’t have my view and I was going to
have to invest money to change the outrageous red and yellow paint scheme that
tainted every wall in every room throughout the house. Plus it lacked its own
individual character. Next I considered my four hour drive to LA and questioned
if I should leave in the wee hours in the morning or wait until waking up
around six or seven.

When I suddenly pictured Malcolm waiting for me to text him
back I blocked that thought with the view at Christian’s place, then the Sushi
Making Kit, then Sander’s and Christian’s successful “cock-blocking” triumph.

“It’s not like I wanted him.” I chuckled to myself as the
smooth and easy-going radio personality announced the next song along with a
pair of tickets to the upcoming jazz festival.

“It was just a little flirting, why does he care anyway? And
how would he know if Malcolm has my back or not? He only met him once.”

Whatever I did my thoughts kept drifting back to Malcolm and
I soon became frustrated with myself.

“Damn! Malcolm, Malcolm, Malcolm! Is that all you can think
about?” I yelled at myself.

Here I was telling myself that I was going to talk to Riley
and get her on the right path with her life and convince her that she didn’t
need Derrick. But how can I do that when I don’t even have the strength that
I’m asking her to possess, that would make me a hypocrite. I boldly wanted to
take that next big step and call him or text him and let him know it was over
between us for good, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready to do that just yet, I
still wanted him and I still wanted to believe in us. I wasn’t ready to completely
let go.

Finishing my glass of Kendall Jackson Chardonnay with a
tipsy feeling overcoming me, I sank deeper into my bubble bath and fantasized
about being a loving wife. I pictured myself in a beautifully decorated house,
standing in the kitchen looking effortlessly flawless as I sported a full term
baby bump in a pretty floral maternity dress. I was mixing something flavorful
over the stove as Malcolm walked in the door from another great day at work. As
soon as he closed the door he greeted me in the kitchen with a smile and a
loving hug and kiss. While I continued to cook he wrapped his arms around me
from the back and placed his hands on my belly to see if he can feel the baby
kick. We were in love and happy. We were at peace.

The serene feeling I was experiencing immediately turned to
panic as I heard the forceful vibration of my phone above the smooth jazz
playing over the radio. I sprung out of the tub reaching for it thinking I was
going to miss a call from my Malcolm. Standing on my bathroom rug as white
billowy bubbles slid down my body I looked at the caller ID to see it was only
Christian calling.

“Hello?”

“What the hell are you doing? I’ve been standing on your
door knocking for five-minutes. Come get the door girl.”

“Oh, I had the music up loud sorry. I’ll be there in a sec
okay? Bye.” I said hanging up quickly then grabbing my satin robe and draping
it across my wet body. I didn’t even take a moment to consider why’d he’d come
over this late without calling. I knew it had to be an emergency.

I ran briskly through my room, down the hallway and through
the living room as the steaming hot bath water caused the room temperature air
to alter into icy gusts that whisked against my body. When I answered the door
Christian seemed surprised.

“Hey what’s up?” he hesitated, “Is this a good time?” He
asked looking me up and down.

Only then did I realize I was standing in the doorway
talking to Christian in nothing but my thin robe against my wet body and
protruding nipples.

“Um yeah, just give me a second. Come on in,” I said as I
welcomed him into my apartment before sprinting off to my room to put on more
suitable clothing.

I reached for a pair of gray UNLV shorts with the matching
top. The “UNLV” displayed proudly across my chest in red lettering was a bit
worn but this set still remained my all-time favorite for lounging around the
house. After releasing my black mane from the trenches of my scrunchie I let it
fall gracefully past my shoulders then slipped on my lush cheetah slippers to
meet Christian in the living room. Before I made it there I stumbled once or
twice thanks to gulping down that glass of chardonnay on an empty stomach.

I giggled but nothing was funny.

When I walked in he’d already made himself at home on the
sofa with the remote as he channel surfed trying to find the perfect program to
watch. He was wearing a pair of simple dark blue jeans and white shirt that
were both ironed and creased to perfection. The black LA cap he had on when I
answered the door was now sitting on my coffee table revealing a head of short
black hair that had been cared for and faded with precision resulting in pretty
black waves.