The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (702 page)

He is thirty six. In his hand

he carries a fighting stick covered with silver.

THESEUS

Are they all thus?

Are they all like this?

PIRITHOUS

They are all the sons of honor.

They are all the sons of honour.

THESEUS

Now as I have a soul I long to see ’em.

Lady, you shall see men fight now.

Now I swear I'm longing to see them.

Lady, you will see men fight now.

HIPPOLYTA

I wish it,

But not the cause, my lord. They would show

Bravely about the titles of two kingdoms.

’Tis pity love should be so tyrannous.

O my soft-hearted sister, what think you?

Weep not, till they weep blood. Wench, it must be.

I like that,

but not the reason, my lord. They would

embellish the royalty of two kingdoms.

It's a pity love should be such a tyrant.

Oh, my softhearted sister, what do you think?

Don't weep, until they weep blood. Girl, it's got to happen.

THESEUS

You have steel’d ’em with your beauty.—Honor’d friend,

To you I give the field; pray order it,

Fitting the persons that must use it.

Your beauty has armed them.–Honoured friend,

I hand the battlefield to you; please arrange it

so it's suitable for the people who will be using it.

PIRITHOUS

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

THESEUS

Come, I’ll go visit ’em. I cannot stay—

Their fame has fir’d me so—till they appear.

Good friend, be royal.

Come on, I'll go and visit them. I can't wait–

the report of them sounds so good–until they appear.

Good friend, act like a king.

PIRITHOUS

There shall want no bravery.

There'll be no good thing missing.

EMILIA

Poor wench, go weep, for whosoever wins

Loses a noble cousin for thy sins.

Poor girl, go and weep, for whoever wins

will lose a noble cousin on account of you.

Exeunt.

A room in the prison.

(Jailer, Wooer, Doctor, Daughter)

Enter Jailer, Wooer, Doctor.

DOCTOR

Her distraction is more at some time of the moon than at other some, is it not?

Her madness is worse at some phases of the moon than at others, isn't it?

JAILER

She is continually in a harmless distemper, sleeps little, altogether without appetite, save often drinking, dreaming of another world and a better; and what broken piece of matter soe’er she’s about, the name Palamon lards it, that she farces ev’ry business withal, fits it to every question.

Enter Daughter.

Look where she comes, you shall perceive her behavior.

She is continually harmlessly deranged, she sleeps little, she has no appetite, except she drinks a lot, dreaming of another world, a better one; whatever broken speech she utters, it's always full of the name Palamon, she includes him everything she talks about.

Here she comes, you will see what she's like.

JAILER’S DAUGHTER

I have forgot it quite; the burden on’t was “Down-a, down-a,” and penn’d by no worse man than Giraldo, Emilia’s schoolmaster. He’s as fantastical, too, as ever he may go upon ’s legs, for in the next world will Dido see Palamon, and then will she be out of love with Aeneas.

I've completely forgotten it; the chorus of it was “down–a, down–a," written by as good a man as Giraldo, Amelia's schoolmaster. He's got as good an imagination as any man alive, for in the next world Dido will see Palamon, and she won't love Aeneas any more.

DOCTOR

What stuff’s here? Poor soul!

What's all this? Poor soul!

JAILER

Ev’n thus all day long.

She's like this all day long.

JAILER’S DAUGHTER

Now for this charm that I told you of, you must bring a piece of silver on the tip of your tongue, or no ferry. Then, if it be your chance to come where the blessed spirits—as there’s a sight now! We maids that have our livers perish’d, crack’d to pieces with love, we shall come there, and do nothing all day long but pick flowers with Proserpine. Then will I make Palamon a nosegay, then let him mark me—then—

Now as for this charm I told you about, you must bring a silver coin on the tip of your tongue, or you can't get the ferry. Then, if you happen to come where the blessed spirits are–What a sight that is! We maids whose livers have perished, cracked to pieces with love, we shall go there, and do nothing all day long but pick flowers with Prosperine. Then I will make Palamon a bouquet, then let him notice me–then–

DOCTOR

How prettily she’s amiss! Note her a little further.

How sweetly she's gone astray! Let's watch her a little more.

JAILER’S DAUGHTER

Faith, I’ll tell you; sometime we go to barley-break, we of the blessed. Alas, ’tis a sore life they have i’ th’ tother place, such burning, frying, boiling, hissing, howling, chatt’ring, cursing! O, they have shrowd measure! Take heed: if one be mad, or hang or drown themselves, thither they go—Jupiter bless us!—and there shall we be put in a cauldron of lead and usurers’ grease, amongst a whole million of cutpurses, and there boil like a gammon of bacon that will never be enough.

Exit.

I swear, I'll tell you; sometimes we blessed ones play hide and seek. Alas, they have a terrible life in the other place, there's such burning, frying, boiling, hissing, howling, chattering, cursing! Oh, they have a hard punishment! Be warned: if someone is mad, or hangs or drowns themselves, that's where they go–Jupiter bless us!–And we will be put in a cauldron of lead and moneylenders' grease, amongst a million thieves, and there we will boil like gammon for ever.

DOCTOR

How her brain coins!

How she creates fantasies!

Enter Daughter.

JAILER’S DAUGHTER

Lords and courtiers that have got maids with child, they are in this place. They shall stand in fire up to the nav’l, and in ice up to th’ heart, and there th’ offending part burns, and the deceiving part freezes: in troth a very grievous punishment, as one would think, for such a trifle. Believe me, one would marry a leprous witch to be rid on’t, I’ll assure you.

Lords and courtiers who have got girls pregnant, this is where they are. They will stand in fire up to the navel, and in ice up to the heart, so that the part of their body that did wrong burns, and the part that deceived freezes: really a very harsh punishment, one would think, for such a little thing. Believe me, one would marry a leprous witch to escape it.

DOCTOR

How she continues this fancy! ’Tis not an engraff’d madness, but a most thick and profound melancholy.

How she persists with this fantasy! This isn't an ingrained madness, but a deep and profound depression.

JAILER’S DAUGHTER

To hear there a proud lady and a proud city-wife howl together! I were a beast and I’ld call it good sport. One cries, “O, this smoke!” th’ other, “This fire!” One cries, “O, that ever I did it behind the arras!” and then howls; th’ other curses a suing fellow and her garden-house.

Sings.

“I will be true, my stars, my fate,” etc.

To hear a proud lady and a proud bourgeois wailing together! You'd be  dumb not find it entertaining. One cries, “Oh, this smoke!" The other one, “This fire!" One cries, “Oh, I wish I had never done it behind the curtain!" And then wails; the other curses the fellow who kept asking her, whom she met in her garden house.

[Sings]

“I will be true, my stars, my fate," etc

Exit Daughter.

JAILER

What think you of her, sir?

What you think of her, sir?

DOCTOR

I think she has a perturb’d mind, which I cannot minister to.

I think she has a disturbed mind, which I can't treat.

JAILER

Alas, what then?

Alas, then what can we do?

DOCTOR

Understand you she ever affected any man ere she beheld Palamon?

Do you know if she ever fancied any man before she saw Palamon?

JAILER

I was once, sir, in great hope she had fix’d her liking on this gentleman, my friend.

Once upon a time, sir, I was very hopeful that she would choose this gentleman, my friend.

WOOER

I did think so too, and would account I had a great penn’worth on’t to give half my state that both she and I at this present stood unfeignedly on the same terms.

I hoped so too, and I would think it was a good bargain to give half of my wealth for us to be honestly on the same terms.

DOCTOR

That intemp’rate surfeit of her eye hath distemper’d the other senses. They may return and settle again to execute their preordain’d faculties, but they are now in a most extravagant vagary. This you must do: confine her to a place where the light may rather seem to steal in than be permitted. Take upon you, young sir her friend, the name of Palamon, say you come to eat with her, and to commune of love. This will catch her attention, for this her mind beats upon; other objects that are inserted ’tween her mind and eye become the pranks and friskins of her madness. Sing to her such green songs of love as she says Palamon hath sung in prison. Come to her, stuck in as sweet flowers as the season is mistress of, and thereto make an addition of some other compounded odors which are grateful to the sense. All this shall become Palamon, for Palamon can sing, and Palamon is sweet, and ev’ry good thing. Desire to eat with her, carve her, drink to her, and still among intermingle your petition of grace and acceptance into her favor. Learn what maids have been her companions and play-feres, and let them repair to her with Palamon in their mouths, and appear with tokens, as if they suggested for him. It is a falsehood she is in, which is with falsehoods to be combated. This may bring her to eat, to sleep, and reduce what’s now out of square in her into their former law and regiment. I have seen it approv’d, how many times I know not, but to make the number more I have great hope in this. I will, between the passages of this project, come in with my appliance. Let us put it in execution; and hasten the success, which doubt not will bring forth comfort.

Exeunt.

The dizzy excesses of what she has seen has disturbed her other senses. They may return again to perform their natural functions, but for the moment they are wandering everywhere. This is what you must do: shut her up in a place where she is sealed off from daylight. You, young Sir, her friend, pretend you are Palamon, say you've come to eat with her, and to talk of love. This will capture her attention, for this is what she is obsessed with; other things that she sees just become the playthings of her madness. Sing her such youthful songs of love like the ones she says Palamon sang in prison. Come to her carrying whatever sweet flowers this season provides, and so create an atmosphere of sweetness. All this will make her think you are Palamon, for Palamon can sing, and Palamon is sweet, and everything else good. Ask to eat with her, serve her, drink toasts to her, and amongst everything else mix in your requests for her to accept you. Find out what girls have been her companions and playmates, and let them visit her talking about Palamon, bringing presents as if they came from him. She is living a lie, and it must be fought with lies. This may cause her to eat, to sleep, and to regain her senses. I have seen this happen so many times I can't count them, and I have great hopes that this will make the number greater. In between the acts of this project I will come in with my cures. Let us try this plan; the quicker the better, and have no doubt that it will work.