The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (693 page)

almost certainly, will be hung

tomorrow morning; I'll never say a word.

[Sings]

" For I'll cut my green coat a foot above my knees,

and I'll cut my yellow hair an inch below my eyes.

Hey, nonny, nonny, nonny.

He's bought me a white horse, to ride out on,

and I'll go and seek him through the whole wide world.

Hey, nonny, nonny, nonny."

I wish I could drive a thorn through my chest,

like a nightingale! That way I would sleep like a top.

Another part of the forest near Athens.

(Schoolmaster Gerrold, Four Countrymen, Bavian, Five Wenches, Taborer, Jailer’s Daughter, Theseus, Pirithous, Hippolyta, Emilia, Arcite, Dancers, Friz, Maudline, Luce, Barbary)

Enter a Schoolmaster Gerrold, four Countrymen as morris-dancers and another as the Bavian, five Wenches, with a Taborer.

GERROLD

Fie, fie,

What tediosity and disensanity

Is here among ye! Have my rudiments

Been labor’d so long with ye, milk’d unto ye,

And by a figure, even the very plum-broth

And marrow of my understanding laid upon ye,

And do you still cry, “Where?” and “How?” and “Wherefore?”

You most coarse frieze capacities, ye jane judgments,

Have I said, “Thus let be,” and “There let be,”

And “Then let be,” and no man understand me?

Pro Deum, medius fidius, ye are all dunces!

For why, here stand I; here the Duke comes; there are you,

Close in the thicket. The Duke appears, I meet him

And unto him I utter learned things,

And many figures; he hears, and nods, and hums,

And then cries, “Rare!” and I go forward. At length

I fling my cap up; mark there! Then do you,

As once did Meleager and the boar,

Break comely out before him; like true lovers,

Cast yourselves in a body decently,

And sweetly, by a figure, trace and turn, boys.

Dammit all,

what trouble and foolishness

there is amongst you! I have

spent so long teaching you my principles,

feeding them to you, giving you

the essentials of my understanding, and you

still cry, “where?" And “how?" And “why?"

You woolly brained idiots, you coarse dullards,

have I said, “and so this is," and “there it is,"

and “and so we see," and nobody has understood me?

Oh God, heaven help me, you are all idiots!

Look, here I am; here comes the Duke; there you are,

hiding in the thicket. The Duke appears, I meet him

and speak to him of intellectual matters

in many ways; he will hear me, and nod, and hum,

and then cry, “Good!" and I will walk on.

After a while I will throw my hat up; watch out for it!

And then you, like Meleager and the boar,

will jump out in front of him; like true lovers

you will merge your bodies together,

and dance sweetly in front of him, my boys.

FIRST COUNTRY FOLK

And sweetly we will do it, Master Gerrold.

And we will do it sweetly, Master Gerrold.

SECOND COUNTRY FOLK

Draw up the company. Where’s the taborer?

Gather everyone together. Where's the drummer?

THIRD COUNTRY FOLK

Why, Timothy!

Hello, Timothy!

TABORER

Here, my mad boys, have at ye!

Here, my merry boys, let's go!

GERROLD

But I say, where’s their women?

Hang on, where are the women?

FOURTH COUNTRY FOLK

Here’s Friz and Maudline.

Here are Friz and Maudline.

SECOND COUNTRY FOLK

And little Luce with the white legs, and bouncing Barbary.

And little Lucy with her white legs, and strapping Barbara.

FIRST COUNTRY FOLK

And freckled Nell—that never fail’d her master.

And freckled Nell, who never let her master down.

GERROLD

Where be your ribands, maids? Swim with your bodies,

And carry it sweetly and deliverly,

And now and then a favor and a frisk.

Where are your ribbons, girls? Glide around,

do it charmingly and lightly,

and now and then give a curtsy and a jig.

NELL

Let us alone, sir.

You can leave it to us, sir.

GERROLD

Where’s the rest o’ th’ music?

Where are the rest of the musicians?

THIRD COUNTRY FOLK

Dispers’d as you commanded.

They've been placed as you ordered.

GERROLD

Couple then,

And see what’s wanting. Where’s the Bavian?

My friend, carry your tail without offense

Or scandal to the ladies; and be sure

You tumble with audacity and manhood,

And when you bark, do it with judgment.

Pair up then,

and will see what's missing. Where is the ape?

My friend, give us a performance that doesn't offend

or disgust the ladies; make sure

you tumble daringly and manfully,

and when you bark, do it tactfully.

BAVIAN

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

GERROLD

Quo usque tandem?

 Here is a woman wanting.

How much longer? There's a woman missing here.

FOURTH COUNTRY FOLK

We may go whistle; all the fat’s i’ th’ fire.

It would be a waste of time to carry on; we've blown it.

GERROLD

We have, as learned authors utter, wash’d a tile,

We have been fatuus, and labored vainly.

As the learned authors put it, we have laboured in vain,

we have been stupid, all our work is for nothing.

SECOND COUNTRY FOLK

This is that scornful piece, that scurvy hilding,

That gave her promise faithfully she would

Be here, Cicely the sempster’s daughter.

The next gloves that I give her shall be dogskin;

Nay, and she fail me once—You can tell, Arcas,

She swore by wine and bread she would not break.

It's that scornful piece, that good for nothing wretch,

who faithfully promised that she would

be here, Cicely the daughter of the seamstress.

The next gloves I give her will be made of dog skin;

no, she's let me down once–you can witness, Arcas,

she swore by wine and bread that she would not let me down.

GERROLD

An eel and woman,

A learned poet says, unless by th’ tail

And with thy teeth thou hold, will either fail.

In manners this was false position.

A learned poet has said

that with eels and women, unless

you have them by the tail with your teeth,

they will both let you down.

This is not a good way to behave.

FIRST COUNTRY FOLK

A fire ill take her! Does she flinch now?

May she catch a fever! Is she letting us down now?

THIRD COUNTRY FOLK

What

Shall we determine, sir?

What shall we do, sir?

GERROLD

Nothing,

Our business is become a nullity,

Yea, and a woeful and a piteous nullity.

Nothing,

the whole thing has come to nothing,

yes, a sad and useless nothing.

FOURTH COUNTRY FOLK

Now when the credit of our town lay on it,

Now to be frampal, now to piss o’ th’ nettle!

Go thy ways, I’ll remember thee, I’ll fit thee!

Now, when our town's reputation depended on it,

now to be moody, to be in a bad temper!

Do what you want, I'll remember this, I'll give you what you deserve!

Enter Jailer’s Daughter.

JAILER’S DAUGHTER

Sings.

“The George Alow came from the south,

From the coast of Barbary-a;

And there he met with brave gallants of war,

By one, by two, by three-a.

Well hail’d, well hail’d, you jolly gallants!

And whither now are you bound-a?

O, let me have your company

Till I come to the sound-a.

“There was three fools fell out about an howlet:

The one said it was an owl,

The other he said nay,

The third he said it was a hawk,

And her bells were cut away.”

“The George Alow came from the South,

from the coast of Africa;

and there he met with strong warships,

one, two and three.

Hello, hello, you fine ships!

And where are you going?

Let me sail along with you

until I reach the harbour.

There were three fools who argued about a young owl:

one said it was now,

the other said it wasn't,

the third said it was a hawk,

and they cut away her bells."

THIRD COUNTRY FOLK

There’s a dainty mad woman, master,

Comes i’ th’ nick, as mad as a March hare.

If we can get her dance, we are made again.

I warrant her, she’ll do the rarest gambols.

Here's a splendid madwoman, master,

come just in the nick of time, as mad as a March hare.

If we can get her to dance, we are saved.

I'll bet she can dance a fine jig.

FIRST COUNTRY FOLK

A mad woman? We are made, boys!

A madwoman? We're saved, boys!

GERROLD

And are you mad, good woman?

And are you mad, good woman?

JAILER’S DAUGHTER

I would be sorry else.

Give me your hand.

It would be a shame otherwise.

Give me your hand.

GERROLD

Why?

Why?

JAILER’S DAUGHTER