The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (672 page)

Mistakenly,’ I said; ‘it was me that did the thing you
wot of.' He makes me no more ado, but whips me out

Were told of.’ He took no more time, but whipped me out
of the chamber. How many masters would do this for

Of the chamber. How many master would do this for
his servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the

His dog? No, I swear, I have sat in the
stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had

Chains for sausages he stole, because otherwise he would have
been executed; I have stood on the pillory for geese

Been killed; I have stood locked up for geese
he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for't.

He killed, because otherwise he would have suffered for it.
Thou thinkest not of this now. Nay, I remember the

Don’t think about it now. No, I remember the
trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam

Trick you, Crab, played on me when I took you to Madam
Silvia: did not I bid thee still mark me and do as I

Silvia; didn’t I ask you to pay attention to me and do as I
do? when didst thou see me heave up my leg and make

Do? When did you ever see me lift up my leg and
water against a gentlewoman's farthingale? Didst

Pee on a lady’s hooped petticoat? Did
thou ever see me do such a trick?

You ever see me do such a trick?

Enter PROTEUS and JULIA

PROTEUS

Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well

Sebastian is you name? I like you
And will employ thee in some service presently.

And will hire you to do something for my right now.

JULIA

In what you please: I'll do what I can.

Whatever you like: I’ll do what I can.

PROTEUS

I hope thou wilt.

I hope you will.

To LAUNCE

How now, you whoreson peasant!

What no, you peasant son of a whore!
Where have you been these two days loitering?

Where have you been lurking the past two days?

LAUNCE

Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Silvia the dog you bade me.

By Mary, sir, I brought Mistress Silvia the dog that you asked me to.

PROTEUS

And what says she to my little jewel?

And what did she say to my little gift?

LAUNCE

Marry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you

By Mary, she said that the dog was a matt, and to tell you
currish thanks is good enough for such a present.

Mean-spirited thanks is good enough for such a present.

PROTEUS

But she received my dog?

But she kept my dog?

LAUNCE

No, indeed, did she not: here have I brought him

No, indeed, she didn’t: I have brought him
back again.

Back here again.

PROTEUS

What, didst thou offer her this from me?

What, didn’t you offer her this gift from me?

LAUNCE

Ay, sir: the other squirrel was stolen from me by

Yeah, sir: because the other small dog was stolen from me by
the hangman boys in the market-place: and then I

The devilish boys in the market-place: and then I
offered her mine own, who is a dog as big as ten of

Offered her my own dog, who is bigger than ten of
yours, and therefore the gift the greater.

Your dogs, and so he is a better gift.

PROTEUS

Go get thee hence, and find my dog again,

Go get out of here, and find my little dog again,
Or ne'er return again into my sight.

Or never come back to my sight.
Away, I say! stay'st thou to vex me here?

Get away, I say! Do you just stay to anger me?

Exit LAUNCE

A slave, that still an end turns me to shame!

A servant, who always humiliates me!
Sebastian, I have entertained thee,

Sebastian, I have hired you,
Partly that I have need of such a youth

Partly because I need such a young man
That can with some discretion do my business,

That can do my business with some tact,
For 'tis no trusting to yond foolish lout,

Because I can’t trust that foolish lout over there,
But chiefly for thy face and thy behavior,

But mainly because of your face and your behavior,
Which, if my augury deceive me not,

Which, if my good judgment doesn’t deceive me,
Witness good bringing up, fortune and truth:

Show that you have had a good upbringing, had good fortune and are honest:
Therefore know thou, for this I entertain thee.

So be aware, that this is why I hired you.
Go presently and take this ring with thee,

Go immediately and take his ring with you,
Deliver it to Madam Silvia:

And deliver it to Madam Silvia:
She loved me well deliver'd it to me.

The woman who gave this to me loved me a lot.

JULIA

It seems you loved not her, to leave her token.

It seems like you didn’t love her, to give up her love-token.
She is dead, belike?

Is she dead, perhaps?

PROTEUS

Not so; I think she lives.

No she’s not; I think she’s alive.

JULIA

Alas!

Sadly!

PROTEUS

Why dost thou cry 'alas'?

Why did you just cry out ‘sadly’?

JULIA

I cannot choose

I cannot help
But pity her.

But feel sorry for her.

PROTEUS

Wherefore shouldst thou pity her?

Why should you feel sorry for her?

JULIA

Because methinks that she loved you as well

Because it seems to me that she loved you as much
As you do love your lady Silvia:

As you love your lady Silvia:
She dreams of him that has forgot her love;

She dream of the man who was forgotten her love;
You dote on her that cares not for your love.

And you worship a woman that doesn’t care for your lov;
'Tis pity love should be so contrary;

It’s a shame that love is so uncooperative;
And thinking of it makes me cry 'alas!'

And thinking of that made me cry out ‘sadly!’

PROTEUS

Well, give her that ring and therewithal

Well, give her that ring and with it
This letter. That's her chamber. Tell my lady

This letter. That’ her room there. Tell my lady
I claim the promise for her heavenly picture.

That I’m claiming the promise of her heavenly picture.
Your message done, hie home unto my chamber,

When you message is done, hurry home to my room,
Where thou shalt find me, sad and solitary.

Where you sill find me, sad and alone.

Exit

JULIA

How many women would do such a message?

How many women could deliver such a message?
Alas, poor Proteus! thou hast entertain'd

It’s a shame, poor Proteus! You have hired
A fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs.

A fox to be the shepherd of your lambs.
Alas, poor fool! why do I pity him

It’s a shame, poor fool! Why do I feel sorry for him
That with his very heart despiseth me?

Who hates me with his heart?
Because he loves her, he despiseth me;

Because he loves her, he hates me;
Because I love him I must pity him.

Because I love him, I must feel sorry for him.
This ring I gave him when he parted from me,

This is the ring that I gave him when he left me,
To bind him to remember my good will;

To make him remember my love;
And now am I, unhappy messenger,

And now I am, unhappy messenger that I am,
To plead for that which I would not obtain,

Supposed to plead for the love of Silvia for Proteus, which I don’t want to obtain,
To carry that which I would have refused,

To carry the ring and letter that I would have refused,
To praise his faith which I would have dispraised.

To praise his loyalty, which I want to criticize.
I am my master's true-confirmed love;

I am my master’s true love;
But cannot be true servant to my master,

But I cannot be an honest servant to my master,
Unless I prove false traitor to myself.

Unless I act as a traitor to myself.
Yet will I woo for him, but yet so coldly

But I will woo her for him, but still so hardheartedly,
As, heaven it knows, I would not have him speed.

Since, as heaven knows, I don’t want him to succeed.

Enter SILVIA, attended

Gentlewoman, good day! I pray you, be my mean

My Lady, good day! Please, would you
To bring me where to speak with Madam Silvia.

Bring me to where I can speak with Madam Silvia.

SILVIA

What would you with her, if that I be she?

What would you say to her, if I was her?

JULIA

If you be she, I do entreat your patience

If you are her, I ask for you patience
To hear me speak the message I am sent on.

To listen to me tell you the message I was sent to give.

SILVIA

From whom?

From whom?

JULIA

From my master, Sir Proteus, madam.

From my master, Sir Proteus, madam.

SILVIA

O, he sends you for a picture.

Oh, he sent you to get the picture.

JULIA

Ay, madam.

Yes, madam.

SILVIA

Ursula, bring my picture here.

Ursula, bring my picture here/
Go give your master this: tell him from me,

Go and give your master this: give him this message from me:
One Julia, that his changing thoughts forget,

The woman Julia, that he has forgotten since he changed his mind,
Would better fit his chamber than this shadow.

Would be more suitable for his bedroom than this portrait.

JULIA

Madam, please you peruse this letter.—

Madam, please read this letter—
Pardon me, madam; I have unadvised

Forgive me, madaml I have accidently
Deliver'd you a paper that I should not:

Given you a letter that I shouldn’t have:

“[JULIA take back the first letter and gives SILVIA a different letter than before.]”

This is the letter to your ladyship.

This here is the letter to you, your lady.

SILVIA

I pray thee, let me look on that again.

Please, let me look at that one again.

JULIA

It may not be; good madam, pardon me.

I can’t; good madam, forgive me.

SILVIA

There, hold!

Wait there!

“[SILVIA tear apart the letter]”

I will not look upon your master's lines:

I won’t read whatever your master wrote:
I know they are stuff'd with protestations

I know it’s jam-packed with declarations
And full of new-found oaths; which he will break