The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (367 page)

stutter, and that then you would reveal the name of this man

like pouring wine from a narrow-

mouthed bottle, either all at once or not at

all. Please, remove the cork from your mouth so that

I can drink your words.

CELIA

So you may put a man in your belly.

And then you can put the man in your stomach.

ROSALIND

Is he of God's making? What manner of man? Is his

head worth a hat, or his chin worth a beard?

Did God make him? What kind of man is he? Does he

wear a hat? Does he have a beard?

CELIA

Nay, he hath but a little beard.

No, only a small beard.

ROSALIND

Why, God will send more, if the man will be

thankful: let me stay the growth of his beard, if

thou delay me not the knowledge of his chin.

Well God will give him a more full beard, if the man

thanks Him, and I will wait for the beard to grow as long as

you will not make me wait longer to hear whose chin it grows on.

CELIA

It is young Orlando, that tripped up the wrestler's

heels and your heart both in an instant.

It is young Orlando, the man who defeated both the wrestler

and your heart at once.

ROSALIND

Nay, but the devil take mocking: speak, sad brow and

true maid.

May the devil curse you for mocking me. Tell me, be serious

and honest.

CELIA

I' faith, coz, 'tis he.

I swear, cousin, it is he.

ROSALIND

Orlando?

Orlando?

CELIA

Orlando.

Orlando.

ROSALIND

Alas the day! what shall I do with my doublet and

hose? What did he when thou sawest him? What said

he? How looked he? Wherein went he? What makes

him here? Did he ask for me? Where remains he?

How parted he with thee? and when shalt thou see

him again? Answer me in one word.

Oh no! What should I do with the men’s clothing I

wear? What did he do when you saw him? What did he

say? How did he look? Where did he go? Why is

he here? Did he ask about me? Where is he staying?

How did he leave you? When will you see

him again? Tell me with one word.

CELIA

You must borrow me Gargantua's mouth first: 'tis a

word too great for any mouth of this age's size. To

say ay and no to these particulars is more than to

answer in a catechism.

You must get me a giant’s mouth first: that

word would be too large to fit in any human’s mouth. To

say yes and no to each question is more than

answering questions about Christian doctrine.

ROSALIND

But doth he know that I am in this forest and in

man's apparel? Looks he as freshly as he did the

day he wrestled?

Does he know that I am in the forest, and dressed in

men’s clothing? Does he look as well as he did on the

day he wrestled?

CELIA

It is as easy to count atomies as to resolve the

propositions of a lover; but take a taste of my

finding him, and relish it with good observance.

I found him under a tree, like a dropped acorn.

It is easier to count atoms than to answer

every question of a lover. Taste my story of

finding him, and let that satisfy you through your listening.

I found him under a tree, like a dropped acorn.

ROSALIND

It may well be called Jove's tree, when it drops

forth such fruit.

That sounds like a tree of God to drop

such wonderful fruit.

CELIA

Give me audience, good madam.

Listen to me, good madam.

ROSALIND

Proceed.

Go on.

CELIA

There lay he, stretched along, like a wounded knight.

There he lay, stretched like he was a wounded knight.

ROSALIND

Though it be pity to see such a sight, it well

becomes the ground.

It must have been a pitiful sight, but it also

must have been good for the ground to have him on it.

CELIA

Cry 'holla' to thy tongue, I prithee; it curvets

unseasonably. He was furnished like a hunter.

Tell your tongue to stop, please, it gallops

against its reigns. He was dressed like a hunter.

ROSALIND

O, ominous! he comes to kill my heart.

Oh no! He has come to kill my heart.

CELIA

I would sing my song without a burden: thou bringest

me out of tune.

I would be singing my song easily, but you are forcing

me out of tune.

ROSALIND

Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must

speak. Sweet, say on.

Don’t you know that I am a woman? If I think something, I must

say it. Darling, continue.

CELIA

You bring me out. Soft! comes he not here?

You have made me lose track of my story. Quiet! Isn’t that him?

Enter ORLANDO and JAQUES

ROSALIND

'Tis he: slink by, and note him.

It is he. Let’s sneak by and watch him from hiding.

JAQUES

I thank you for your company; but, good faith, I had

as lief have been myself alone.

Thank you for your company, but honestly, I would

just as well be by myself.

ORLANDO

And so had I; but yet, for fashion sake, I thank you

too for your society.

So would I, but yet for politeness sake, Thank you

also for your company.

JAQUES

God be wi' you: let's meet as little as we can.

God be with you. Let us see each other as infrequently as possible.

ORLANDO

I do desire we may be better strangers.

I hope we can be better strangers.

JAQUES

I pray you, mar no more trees with writing

love-songs in their barks.

Please, harm no more trees by writing

love poems on their trunks.

ORLANDO

I pray you, mar no more of my verses with reading

them ill-favouredly.

Please, harm no more of my poems by reading

them so antagonistically.

JAQUES

Rosalind is your love's name?

Is Rosalind your love’s name?

ORLANDO

Yes, just.

Yes, that is it.

JAQUES

I do not like her name.

I do not like her name.

ORLANDO

There was no thought of pleasing you when she was

christened.

No one thought of pleasing you when they

named her.

JAQUES

What stature is she of?

How tall is she?

ORLANDO

Just as high as my heart.

She comes up to here – my heart.

JAQUES

You are full of pretty answers. Have you not been

acquainted with goldsmiths' wives, and conned them

out of rings?

You have many pretty answers. Are you

well acquainted with goldsmiths’ wives, and have memorized these answers

from their rings where little poems are written?

ORLANDO

Not so; but I answer you right painted cloth, from

whence you have studied your questions.

No, but I answer you just like these noble tapestries from

where you studied your questions.

JAQUES

You have a nimble wit: I think 'twas made of

Atalanta's heels. Will you sit down with me? and

we two will rail against our mistress the world and

all our misery.

You have a quick wit, perhaps made of

Atalanta’s heels. Will you sit with me? We

can complain about the world, our true mistress, and

all of our misery.

ORLANDO

I will chide no breather in the world but myself,

against whom I know most faults.

I will rebuke no human in the world except myself,

since I know my faults best.

JAQUES

The worst fault you have is to be in love.

The worst fault is that you are in love.

ORLANDO

'Tis a fault I will not change for your best virtue.

I am weary of you.

That is a fault I will not change for the best virtue.

You are tiring me.

JAQUES

By my troth, I was seeking for a fool when I found

you.

Honestly, I was looking for a fool when I found

you.

ORLANDO

He is drowned in the brook: look but in, and you

shall see him.

The fool has drowned in the brook – stare in and you

will see him.

JAQUES

There I shall see mine own figure.

I will only see myself.

ORLANDO

Which I take to be either a fool or a cipher.

Which is either a fool or a code.

JAQUES

I'll tarry no longer with you: farewell, good

Signior Love.

I will wait on you no longer. Goodbye,

Mister Love.

ORLANDO

I am glad of your departure: adieu, good Monsieur

Melancholy.

Your departure makes me happy. Goodbye Mister

Sadness.

Exit JAQUES

ROSALIND

[Aside to CELIA] I will speak to him, like a saucy

lackey and under that habit play the knave with him.

Do you hear, forester?

I will speak to him, like an obnoxious

boy, and under that character play a trick on him.

–Can you hear me, forester?

ORLANDO

Very well: what would you?

Very well: what do you want?

ROSALIND

I pray you, what is't o'clock?

Please, what time is it?

ORLANDO

You should ask me what time o' day: there's no clock