The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (343 page)

How terrible that we sometimes take comfort from losses!

Second Lord

And how mightily some other times we drown our gain

in tears! The great dignity that his valour hath

here acquired for him shall at home be encountered

with a shame as ample.

And how at other times we lose our gains through sorrow!

The great honours that his bravery has

won for him here shall be matched by an equal shame

at home.

First Lord

The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and

ill together: our virtues would be proud, if our

faults whipped them not; and our crimes would

despair, if they were not cherished by our virtues.

Enter a Messenger

How now! where's your master?

The web of our lives is made of tangled threads, good and

bad together: we would be proud of our virtue,

if it wasn't for our faults; we would despair of our

crimes, if they weren't softened by our virtues.

Hello there! Where's your master?

Servant

He met the duke in the street, sir, of whom he hath

taken a solemn leave: his lordship will next

morning for France. The duke hath offered him

letters of commendations to the king.

He met the Duke in the street, sir, and has

made his formal goodbye: his lordship will go France

tomorrow morning. The Duke has given him

letters of commendation to the King.

Second Lord

They shall be no more than needful there, if they

were more than they can commend.

I don't think they will be enough, even if

they had more power than any recommendation.

First Lord

They cannot be too sweet for the king's tartness.

Here's his lordship now.

Enter BERTRAM

How now, my lord! is't not after midnight?

They cannot be too sweet for the King's bitterness.

Here's his Lordship now.

Hello there, my lord! Isn't it gone midnight?

BERTRAM

I have to-night dispatched sixteen businesses, a

month's length a-piece, by an abstract of success:

I have congied with the duke, done my adieu with his

nearest; buried a wife, mourned for her; writ to my

lady mother I am returning; entertained my convoy;

and between these main parcels of dispatch effected

many nicer needs; the last was the greatest, but

that I have not ended yet.

I have dealt with sixteen matters tonight, each one of which

could have taken a month; to sum up my successes:

I have said goodbye to the Duke, bid farewell to his

intimates; buried a wife and mourned for her; written

to my mother to say I'm coming back; arranged my passage;

and in between all these main items I have dealt with

many smaller needs; the last one was the greatest, but

I have not finished with that one yet.

Second Lord

If the business be of any difficulty, and this

morning your departure hence, it requires haste of

your lordship.

If the business is at all complex, with you leaving

in the morning your lordship will have to hurry.

BERTRAM

I mean, the business is not ended, as fearing to

hear of it hereafter. But shall we have this

dialogue between the fool and the soldier? Come,

bring forth this counterfeit module, he has deceived

me, like a double-meaning prophesier.

What I mean is the business is not ended, as in

I'm afraid we'll hear more about it later. But shall we see

this discussion between the fool and the soldier? Come on,

bring out this false pattern, he has deceived me,

like a double talking prophesier.

Second Lord

Bring him forth: has sat i' the stocks all night,

poor gallant knave.

Bring him out: he has sat in the stocks all night,

poor foppish scoundrel.

BERTRAM

No matter: his heels have deserved it, in usurping

his spurs so long. How does he carry himself?

It doesn't matter: he deserved some pain in his heels,

having rejected his spurs for so long. How is his bearing?

Second Lord

I have told your lordship already, the stocks carry

him. But to answer you as you would be understood;

he weeps like a wench that had shed her milk: he

hath confessed himself to Morgan, whom he supposes

to be a friar, from the time of his remembrance to

this very instant disaster of his setting i' the

stocks: and what think you he hath confessed?

I have already told your lordship, the stocks bear

him. But to answer the question as you meant it;

he's blabbing like a girl who's spilt her milk: he

has made a confession to Morgan, whom he imagines

is a friar, from his earliest memories to

the very moment of his being locked in the

stocks: and what do you think he has confessed?

BERTRAM

Nothing of me, has a'?

There's nothing about me, is there?

Second Lord

His confession is taken, and it shall be read to his

face: if your lordship be in't, as I believe you

are, you must have the patience to hear it.

Enter PAROLLES guarded, and First Soldier

His confession has been written down, and it will be read

to his face: if your lordship is in it, as I believe

you are, you must hear it patiently.

BERTRAM

A plague upon him! muffled! he can say nothing of

me.

A curse on him! Blindfolded! He mustn't say anything

about me.

First Lord

Hush, hush! Hoodman comes! Portotartarosa.

Quiet, quiet! Here comes the blindfolded one! Portotartarosa.

First Soldier

He calls for the tortures: what will you say

without 'em?

He is calling for the torturers: what will you say

without them?

PAROLLES

I will confess what I know without constraint: if

ye pinch me like a pasty, I can say no more.

I will confess everything I know without reservation: if

you prick me like a pie I'll have no more to say.

First Soldier

Bosko chimurcho.

Bosko chimurcho.

First Lord

Boblibindo chicurmurco.

Boblibindo chicurmurco.

First Soldier

You are a merciful general. Our general bids you

answer to what I shall ask you out of a note.

General, you are merciful. Our general orders you

to answer this list of questions.

PAROLLES

And truly, as I hope to live.

And I will do so truly, for my life.

First Soldier

[Reads] 'First demand of him how many horse the

duke is strong.' What say you to that?

‘First ask him what number of cavalry

the Duke has.’ What do you say to that?

PAROLLES

Five or six thousand; but very weak and

unserviceable: the troops are all scattered, and

the commanders very poor rogues, upon my reputation

and credit and as I hope to live.

Five or six thousand; but they are very weak and

ineffective: they are scattered everywhere, and

their commanders are very poor scoundrels, on my reputation

and credit and for my life.

First Soldier

Shall I set down your answer so?

Shall I write this down as your answer?

PAROLLES

Do: I'll take the sacrament on't, how and which way you will.

Do: I'll swear to it on anything holy, whatever you like.

BERTRAM

All's one to him. What a past-saving slave is this!

It's all the same to him. This scum is beyond redemption!

First Lord

You're deceived, my lord: this is Monsieur

Parolles, the gallant militarist,--that was his own

phrase,--that had the whole theoric of war in the

knot of his scarf, and the practise in the chape of

his dagger.

You're wrong, my lord: this is Monsieur

Parolles, the gallant soldier–that was his own

description–who had the whole theory of war

tied up in his scarf, and the practice of it in

the scabbard of his dagger.

Second Lord

I will never trust a man again for keeping his sword

clean. nor believe he can have every thing in him

by wearing his apparel neatly.

I will never trust a man again just because he keeps his sword

well polished, nor will I believe that he is a complete man

just because he's well-dressed.

First Soldier

Well, that's set down.

Well, we've got that down.

PAROLLES

Five or six thousand horse, I said,-- I will say

true,--or thereabouts, set down, for I'll speak truth.

Five or six thousand horsemen, I said–I'll tell the truth–

write down that it's round about that number, for I'll tell the truth.

First Lord

He's very near the truth in this.

He's very close to the truth there.

BERTRAM

But I con him no thanks for't, in the nature he

delivers it.

ButI'll give him no credit for it, seeing as why he's saying it.

PAROLLES

Poor rogues, I pray you, say.

Please write down, ‘poor rogues.’

First Soldier

Well, that's set down.

Right, that's written down.

PAROLLES

I humbly thank you, sir: a truth's a truth, the

rogues are marvellous poor.

My humble thanks, sir: the truth is the truth

and these scoundrels are very poor.

First Soldier

[Reads] 'Demand of him, of what strength they are

a-foot.' What say you to that?

‘Ask him, how many infantry dothey have.’

What do you say to that?

PAROLLES

By my troth, sir, if I were to live this present

hour, I will tell true. Let me see: Spurio, a

hundred and fifty; Sebastian, so many; Corambus, so

many; Jaques, so many; Guiltian, Cosmo, Lodowick,

and Gratii, two hundred and fifty each; mine own

company, Chitopher, Vaumond, Bentii, two hundred and