The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (187 page)

Fluellen

Is it not lawful, an please your Majesty, to tell how


many is kill'd?

It’s not lawful, if it pleases your majesty, to tell how many are dead?

King

Yes, Captain; but with this acknowledgment,


That God fought for us.

Yes, captain, but when we acknowledge it, it will show God fought for us.

Fluellen

Yes, my conscience, He did us great good.

Yes, I know, he did us great good.

King

Do we all holy rites.


Let there be sung Non nobis and Te Deum,


The dead with charity enclos'd in clay,


And then to Calais; and to England then,


Where ne'er from France arriv'd more happy men.

We must observe all holy rites. Sing “Non Nobis” and “Te Deum” Let the dead be buried. Then we must go to Calais and to England. There have never been happier men to return home.

Exit.

Enter Chorus.

Chorus

Vouchsafe to those that have not read the story,


That I may prompt them; and of such as have,


I humbly pray them to admit the excuse


Of time, of numbers, and due course of things,


Which cannot in their huge and proper life


Be here presented. Now we bear the King


Toward Calais; grant him there; there seen,


Heave him away upon your winged thoughts


Athwart the sea. Behold, the English beach


Pales in the flood with men, with wives and boys,


Whose shouts and claps out-voice the deep-mouth'd sea,


Which like a mighty whiffler 'fore the King


Seems to prepare his way. So let him land,


And solemnly see him set on to London.


So swift a pace hath thought that even now


You may imagine him upon Blackheath,


Where that his lords desire him to have borne


His bruised helmet and his bended sword


Before him through the city. He forbids it,


Being free from vainness and self-glorious pride;


Giving full trophy, signal, and ostent


Quite from himself to God. But now behold,


In the quick forge and working-house of thought,


How London doth pour out her citizens!


The mayor and all his brethren in best sort,


Like to the senators of the antique Rome,


With the plebeians swarming at their heels,


Go forth and fetch their conquering Caesar in;


As, by a lower but loving likelihood,


Were now the general of our gracious empress,


As in good time he may, from Ireland coming,


Bringing rebellion broached on his sword,


How many would the peaceful city quit,


To welcome him! Much more, and much more cause,


Did they this Harry. Now in London place him;


As yet the lamentation of the French


Invites the King of England's stay at home,--


The Emperor's coming in behalf of France,


To order peace between them;--and omit


All the occurrences, whatever chanc'd,


Till Harry's back-return again to France.


There must we bring him; and myself have play'd


The interim, by rememb'ring you 'tis past.


Then brook abridgment, and your eyes advance


After your thoughts, straight back again to France.

Those of you who have not heard the story, trust me. I beg your pardon for the lack of time and if we have left out any details. We could not present them all. Now, we see the king going toward Calais. Afterwards, see him upon the sea, and then the English beach. Men flood the beach. Wives and boys shout and clap, drowning out the deep, loud sea and preparing the way for the king. Now, he is in London where his lords want to see his dented helmet and bent sword. He forbids it, not being vain and filled with pride. He gives all the credit to God. Behold now the citizens of London pouring out. The mayor and all his constituents swarm at their heels like the senators of ancient Rome to see their Caesar. Imagine the queen returning home from victory in Ireland, and how many people would come out to see him. There were much more to welcome Harry. Now, see him in London, coming home from the mourning of France. The emperor is coming on behalf of France to put order and peace between them. Remember this has taken place as we return to France.

Exit.

Enter Fluellen and Gower.

Gower

Nay, that's right; but why wear you your leek to-day?


Saint Davy's day is past.

No, that’s right, but why are you wearing your leek today? Saint Davy’s day has past.

Fluellen

There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in all


things. I will tell you asse my friend, Captain Gower. The rascally, scald, beggarly, lousy, pragging knave, Pistol, which you and yourself and all the world know to be no petter than a fellow, look you now, of no merits, he is come to me and prings me pread and salt yesterday, look you, and bid me eat my leek. It was in a place where I could not breed no contention with him; but I will be so bold as to wear it in my cap till I see him once again, and then I will tell him a little piece of my desires.

There are reasons for everything. I tell you, Captain Gower, Pistol, that louse rascal, came to me yesterday and brought me bread and salt. He asked me to eat my leek. I was in no place for a fight so, I’m going to wear it in my cap until I see him again. Then, I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.

Enter Pistol.

Gower

Why, here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock.

Well, here he comes, puffed up like a rooster.

Fluellen

'Tis no matter for his swellings nor his turkey-cocks. God pless you, Aunchient Pistol! you scurvy, lousy knave, God


pless you!

This is no matter for his puffiness or bird-like qualities. God bless you, Pistol, you scurvy, lousy man. God bless you!

Pistol

Ha! art thou bedlam? Dost thou thirst, base Troyan,


To have me fold up Parca's fatal web?


Hence! I am qualmish at the smell of leek.

Ha! Are you crazy? Do you want to fight? Come on! I get sick at the smell of leek.

Fluellen

I peseech you heartily, scurfy, lousy knave, at my desires, and my requests, and my petitions, to eat, look you, this


leek. Because, look you, you do not love it, nor your


affections and your appetites and your digestions doo's not agree with it, I would desire you to eat it.

I ask you to eat this leek, you rascal. If it makes you sick, I really want you to eat it.

Pistol

Not for Cadwallader and all his goats.

Not for Cadwallader and all his goats.

Fluellen

There is one goat for you.

Here is a goat for you.

Strikes him.

Will you be so


good, scald knave, as eat it?

Will you be so good as to eat it, you villain?

Pistol

Base Troyan, thou shalt die.

You will die.

Fluellen

You say very true, scald knave, when God's will is. I will


desire you to live in the mean time, and eat your victuals. Come, there is sauce for it.

When it’s God’s will. In the meantime, I would like for you to live and eat your food. Come on, here’s some sauce for it.

Strikes him.

You call'd me


yesterday mountain-squire; but I will make you to-day a


squire of low degree. I pray you, fall to; if you can mock


a leek, you can eat a leek.

You called me out yesterday, but I will make you a lowly squire today. Now, if you can mock a leek, you can eat one.

GOWER

Enough, captain; you have astonish'd him.

Fluellen

I say, I will make him eat some part of my leek, or I will


peat his pate four days. Bite, I pray you; it is good for


your green wound and your ploody coxcomb.

Go ahead and eat. Would you like some more sauce? There is not enough leek to swear by.

Pistol

Must I bite?

Must I bite it?

Fluellen

Yes, certainly, and out of doubt and out of question


too, and ambiguities.

Without a doubt.

Pistol

By this leek, I will most horribly revenge. I eat and


eat, I swear--