The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (427 page)
Read The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) Online
Authors: WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
Now, sir, come on: Once more, what was done to Elbow’s wife?
POMPEY
Once, sir? there was nothing done to her once.
Once, sir? There was nothing done to her once.
ELBOW
I beseech you, sir, ask him what this man did to my wife.
I implore you, sir, ask him what this man did to my wife/
POMPEY
I beseech your honour, ask me.
I implore your honor, ask me.
ESCALUS
Well, sir; what did this gentleman to her?
Well, sir; what did this gentleman do to her?
POMPEY
I beseech you, sir, look in this gentleman's face.
I implore you, sir, look in this gentleman’s face
Good Master Froth, look upon his honour; 'tis for a
Good Master Froth, look at his honor, it is for a
good purpose. Doth your honour mark his face?
Good reason. Does your honor take note of his face?
ESCALUS
Ay, sir, very well.
Yes, sir, very well.
POMPEY
Nay; I beseech you, mark it well.
No, I implore you, not it well.
ESCALUS
Well, I do so.
Well, I do so.
POMPEY
Doth your honour see any harm in his face?
Does your honor see any malice in his face?
ESCALUS
Why, no.
Why, no.
POMPEY
I'll be supposed upon a book, his face is the worst
I’ll swear on the Bible, the rest of him is as harmless
thing about him. Good, then; if his face be the
As his face. Good, then; if the rest of him is
worst thing about him, how could Master Froth do the
As harmless as his face, how could Master Frother do the
constable's wife any harm? I would know that of
Constable’s wife any harm? I would know if that has happened
your honour.
Your honor.
ESCALUS
He's in the right. Constable, what say you to it?
He’s right. Constable, what do you have to say about it?
ELBOW
First, an it like you, the house is a respected
First, if it please you, the house is a ‘respected’
house; next, this is a respected fellow; and his
House; next, this is a ‘respected’ fellow; and his
mistress is a respected woman.
Mistress is a ‘respected’ woman.
POMPEY
By this hand, sir, his wife is a more respected
By these facts, sir, his wife is the most ‘respected’
person than any of us all.
Person of us all. [Aside] That fool Elbow thinks we mean suspected of sexual dealings.
ELBOW
Varlet, thou liest; thou liest, wicked varlet! The
Scoundrel, you lie; you like, horrible scoundrel! The
time has yet to come that she was ever respected
Time hasn’t yet come that she was ever ‘respected’
with man, woman, or child.
To be with any man, woman, or child.
POMPEY
Sir, she was respected with him before he married with her.
Sir, she was ‘respected’ with him before he married her.
ESCALUS
Which is the wiser here? Justice or Iniquity? Is
Which is true here? The character of Justice or Injustice? Is
this true?
This true?
ELBOW
O thou caitiff! O thou varlet! O thou wicked
Oh you villain! Oh you scoundrel! Oh you wicked
Hannibal! I respected with her before I was married
Hannibal—I mean cannibal! To think I ‘respected’ with her before I was married
to her! If ever I was respected with her, or she
To her! If ever I was ‘resepcted’ with her, or she
with me, let not your worship think me the poor
With me, then your honor don’t think that I am the
duke's officer. Prove this, thou wicked Hannibal, or
Duke’s poor constable. Prove this, you terrible Hannibal, or
I'll have mine action of battery on thee.
I’ll my lawsuit for assault on you.
ESCALUS
If he took you a box o' the ear, you might have your
If he hit you, you might have your
action of slander too.
Lawsuit for slander too. Hah, again, he confused his words.
ELBOW
Marry, I thank your good worship for it. What is't
I swear on the Virgin Mary, I thank you good honor for that. What do
your worship's pleasure I shall do with this wicked caitiff?
You want, you honor, for me to do with this wicked villain?
ESCALUS
Truly, officer, because he hath some offences in him
It is true, officer, since he has committed some offences
that thou wouldst discover if thou couldst, let him
That you would reveal if you could, let him
continue in his courses till thou knowest what they
Continue in his way of life till you know what the offences
are.
Are.
ELBOW
Marry, I thank your worship for it. Thou seest, thou
By the Virgin Mary, I thank your honor for this. You see, you
wicked varlet, now, what's come upon thee: thou art
Wicked scoundrel, now, what is about to happen to you: you are
to continue now, thou varlet; thou art to continue.
To continue now, you scoundrel: you are to continue.
ESCALUS
Where were you born, friend?
Where were you born, friend?
FROTH
Here in Vienna, sir.
Here in Vienna, sir.
ESCALUS
Are you of fourscore pounds a year?
Do you make 80 pounds a year?
FROTH
Yes, an't please you, sir.
Yes, if it pleases you, sir.
ESCALUS
So. What trade are you of, sir?
So. What is your occupation, sor?
POMPHEY
Tapster; a poor widow's tapster.
A bar man; a poor widow’s bar man.
ESCALUS
Your mistress' name?
What is your mistress’ name?
POMPHEY
Mistress Overdone.
Mistress Overdone.
ESCALUS
Hath she had any more than one husband?
Did she have more than one husband?
POMPEY
Nine, sir; Overdone by the last.
Nine, sir; She got the name Overdone from the last.
ESCALUS
Nine! Come hither to me, Master Froth. Master
Nine! Come to me, Master Froth. Master
Froth, I would not have you acquainted with
Froth, I would not have thought to acquaint you with
tapsters: they will draw you, Master Froth, and you
Bar men: they will cheat you, Master Froth, and you
will hang them. Get you gone, and let me hear no
Be the reason they are hung. Get away from here, and don’t let me hear any
more of you.
FROTH
I thank your worship. For mine own part, I never
I thank you, your honor. For my own part, I never
come into any room in a tap-house, but I am drawn
Go into any room in a tavern, unless I am lead
in.
In.
ESCALUS
Well, no more of it, Master Froth: farewell.
Well, no matter, Master Froth: farewell.
Exit FROTH
Come you hither to me, Master tapster. What's your
Come to me, Master bar man, What is your
name, Master tapster?
Name, Master bar man?
POMPEY
Pompey.
Pompey.
ESCALUS
What else?
What else?
POMPEY
Bum, sir.
ESCALUS
Troth, and your bum is the greatest thing about you;
Truth, and your bum is the greatest, and crudest, thing about you;
so that in the beastliest sense you are Pompey the
So that in the lowest sense you are Pompey the
Great. Pompey, you are partly a bawd, Pompey,
Great. Pompey, you are partly a whore procurer, Pompey,
howsoever you colour it in being a tapster, are you
However you hide it by being a bar man, don’t
not? come, tell me true: it shall be the better for you.
You? Come on, tell me the truth: it shall be better for you.
POMPEY
Truly, sir, I am a poor fellow that would live.
Truly, sir, I am a poor fellow that wants to earn a living.
ESCALUS
How would you live, Pompey? by being a bawd? What
How do you want to earn a living, Pompey? By procuring whores? What
do you think of the trade, Pompey? is it a lawful trade?
Do you think of that occupation, Pompey? Is it a lawful occupation?
POMPEY
If the law would allow it, sir.
If only it was allowed by the law, sir.
ESCALUS
But the law will not allow it, Pompey; nor it shall
But it is not allowed by the law, Pompey; and it will
not be allowed in Vienna.
Not be allowed in Vienna.
POMPEY
Does your worship mean to geld and splay all the
Does you honor mean to neuter and spay all the
youth of the city?
Young men and women in the city?
ESCALUS
No, Pompey.
No, Pompey.
Truly, sir, in my poor opinion, they will to't then.
Truly then, sir, in my low opinion, they will continue then.
If your worship will take order for the drabs and
If your honor would take care of the whores and
the knaves, you need not to fear the bawds.
Their clients, you wouldn’t need to worry about the procurers.
ESCALUS
There are pretty orders beginning, I can tell you:
There are considerable laws starting now, I can tell you:
it is but heading and hanging.
The punishment will only be beheading and hanging.
POMPEY
If you head and hang all that offend that way but
If you behead and hang all those that commit this offense
for ten year together, you'll be glad to give out a
For only ten years, you’ll have to give out an
commission for more heads: if this law hold in
Order for more people: if this law remains in
Vienna ten year, I'll rent the fairest house in it
Vienna for ten years, I’ll rent the nicest house in it
after three-pence a bay: if you live to see this
At the rate of three-pennies a room: if you live to see this
come to pass, say Pompey told you so.
Happen, say Pompey told you so.
ESCALUS
Thank you, good Pompey; and, in requital of your
Thank you, good Pompeyl and in repayment for your
prophecy, hark you: I advise you, let me not find
Prophecy, listen: I advise, you, don’t let me find
you before me again upon any complaint whatsoever;