The Color of Destiny (The Color of Heaven Series Book 2) (7 page)

Dad wanted me to go live with his sister in Boston for the duration of my pregnancy and give birth there—so that no one would ever know of my disgrace. He also wanted me to put the baby up for adoption. I couldn’t agree to that—I still wasn’t sure—but we did reach a compromise. I promised to consider his wishes, and when I began to show, I genuinely believed it was the best option.

I was trying to be selfless, you see. I wanted to put the baby’s needs before my own, and wouldn’t it be better for a child to be raised by parents who at least had a high school diploma?

Sometimes I fantasized about my baby being adopted into one of the wealthy families in town—the ones whose kids went to Ivy League colleges. Those families owned yachts and spent their summers up in Nova Scotia, where they won sailing trophies during Chester Race Week. What I wouldn’t give for my child to have all the things I would never have.

Money wasn’t everything, of course, and I knew that. There were plenty of responsible middle-class couples in the world that couldn’t have children of their own. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe it was why I was put here on this earth—to provide this gift to a woman who desperately wanted a child and deserved happiness. Was it possible that I was meant to connect with her?

These were questions I often pondered. I wondered why this was happening to me. There had to be a reason, surely. There had to be some sort of logic to this unexpected bomb that had exploded in my life. A purpose to the things I didn’t ask for, or want.

Don’t misunderstand me. I wanted my baby, more than anything in the world. I bought lottery tickets each week, hoping I would win the jackpot, and all my problems would be solved. I could buy a quaint little house with a white picket fence, and Glenn wouldn’t have to work at the grocery store to support us. He could go to college, and when he graduated and our child started kindergarten, I would take my turn with higher education.

I imagine you are shaking your head. I can hardly blame you. I’ve always been a dreamer, wanting the impossible. Every night I looked up at the stars and wished for a good life for my baby. I didn’t know what that life might entail. I was flexible in that area. I just wanted her to be happy and to know that she was loved and would have everything I wanted for her.

If only the future could have been so perfect.

Chapter Twenty-three

When my father refused to give consent for us to marry, I believe he was clinging to the hope that I would eventually see reason and agree to put the baby up for adoption, and things would go back to the way they were.

I wanted to keep all options open, so I struck a deal with him. If I lived with his sister during my pregnancy, he would give us permission to get married after the child was born—no matter what I decided about the adoption. To my surprise he agreed to that proposal.

So I was sent to Boston for my ‘confinement’ as Glenn referred to it, because it all seemed so medieval.

To be honest, I wasn’t sorry to leave Bar Harbor when I began to show. I didn’t relish the idea of being at the center of a small town scandal and becoming fodder for all the voracious gossips.

So at least one decision was made: We were all going to keep it secret until the baby was born.

o0o

“I don’t want this,” Glenn said to me the night before I left.

He had come over to help me pack and say good-bye. He promised to visit, of course, but not often because he was saving every penny he earned for a deposit on a small apartment, just in case we found ourselves signing a marriage certificate in six months’ time.

I zipped up my suitcase and sat down beside him on the edge of my bed. “I don’t want it either,” I said, “but it’ll be worth it in the end if Dad lets us get married.”

“How do you know we can trust him? What if he still refuses, even after you do what he asks?”

I laid my hand on Glenn’s knee and shrugged lightheartedly. “Then we’ll move in together. He can’t stop me from doing that, and I suspect he’d rather see me legally wed than living in sin.”

Cradling my chin in his hand, Glenn leaned close and kissed me. His lips were soft and warm and my body melted into his as my heart swelled with the love I felt for him. At the same time, I was in agony, for I didn’t know how I was going to live without him for the next six months.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I hate this.”

“Me too.” He eased me onto my back and stroked my hair as he leaned over me. “I never imagined I could love someone like I love you. And I will love you until the day I die.”

“Me, too.”

His lips touched mine and we clung to each other on my bed. Then the sound of my father’s footsteps tramping up the stairs forced us to sit up and let go of each other.

Chapter Twenty-four

Five months later

Just like that woman I had seen in the hospital many months ago, I was, by now, as big as a barn, and had a habit of rubbing my hand over my belly in a soothing manner. I even talked to my belly. We had intelligent conversations about all sorts of things.

Maybe it was because I was alone in Boston with only my aunt as a roommate. I attended the local high school, but mostly kept to myself. It wasn’t difficult, because everyone knew I was ‘the pregnant girl from away,’ who would leave at the end of the year.

You don’t know how grateful I am, today, that there was no Facebook back then.

I can at least report that I grew very close to my aunt. Her name was Angela, and she was my father’s youngest sister. She was single and gorgeous and worked as an account manager for an advertising firm downtown. I loved the way she dressed in classy suits with skinny skirts and high heels. She was such a modern city woman. Part of me envied her freedom and lifestyle, for I knew it was highly unlikely that I would ever achieve such success—not if I never graduated from high school, which was a very real possibility if I kept this baby. Yet, I was content with my lot. I knew this baby would be special.

Mia wrote to me often and told me to ‘hang in there.’ She believed that when push came to shove, Mom and Dad would do what was necessary to help Glenn and me finish school.

I wasn’t so sure about that, but I remained ever hopeful.

And Glenn... I missed him so much, there were days I feared I might turn to dust and blow away on a light breeze. If not for his letters, which arrived dependably each day—they were handwritten; we didn’t have email yet—I might have packed it in and returned home before my due date. His words of love and encouragement kept me from jumping onto the next train.

I read those letters so many times, I could have recited them all by memory. I still have them today. They are locked away in a small cedar box at the back of my closet, and every once in awhile I dig them out. I like to remember those days of young love. We were so passionate and full of hope for the future.

I also have Mia’s letters, but I don’t often read them. It’s too painful, especially the last one, where she wrote to tell me that she had a wonderful surprise for me.

Chapter Twenty-five

Mia’s surprise turned out to be the sound of her knocking on Angela’s door late one Saturday morning, three weeks before my due date.

“What are you doing here?” I squealed with delight as I pulled her into the apartment and hugged the daylights out of her.

She looked gorgeous as usual, and had a new spiral perm, a flashy red purse, and the cutest pair of black and white high top sneakers.

“I wanted to surprise you,” she replied, “and bring you this.” She held up a small black bag.

“What is it?” I took it from her, peered inside, and laughed out loud. “It’s Bubba!”

My sister had brought the teddy bear I hugged and loved almost my entire life. He was freshly laundered and wore a cute new dress. Forget that he was a male bear. Mia loved skirts.

“I thought you might like to give him to your little one, because he’s full of love, remember?”

Of course I remembered. Mom made Bubba with a Butterick pattern when I was born, and when I was six years old, I sewed a tiny felt heart, stuffed it with cotton, and she helped me rip apart the seam at his side to insert it into his chest.

I hugged Bubba tight. “It’s perfect, Mia. I’m so glad you thought of it. Well, don’t just stand there. Come in. Are you hungry? I’m hungry all the time. Did you eat on the train?”

“I had a sandwich,” she said. “Where’s Angela?”

“At work.”

“On a Saturday?”

“Yeah. She has a big presentation on Monday. Such is the life of a busy career woman.”

Mia set her suitcase down in the hallway and followed me into the living room.

Angela lived in a two-bedroom apartment with somewhat dingy wall-to-wall carpeting, a tiny kitchen, but a spectacular view of the city. She lived on the sixteenth floor of a highrise, which meant the sunsets were spectacular. Later, I would miss those sunsets, after I moved home.

“How are Mom and Dad?” I asked, setting the kettle on the stove to make tea.

Mia sat down at the table and shrugged out of her jacket. “They’re fine. Everything’s as normal as can be, but Mom told me to give you this.” She reached into her purse and withdrew an envelope, which she slid across the table.

I moved closer to pick it up. It was a business-sized envelope with no name or address written on the outside. It was not a greeting card, as I might have expected.

I broke the seal and found one hundred dollars cash inside. “What’s this for?”

“For whatever you might need,” Mia replied. “She didn’t mention it to Dad. She handed it to me very discreetly when she drove me to the train station this morning.”

“Tell her thank you,” I said. I slipped it into my purse, which hung on the back of a kitchen chair. Then I went to check to make sure the kettle was heating up.

“How long can you stay?” I asked Mia.

“Just until tomorrow night. I have to get back for work on Monday.”

I felt a thickness in my throat and wanted nothing more than to pack my things and return home with her on the train, sleep in my own bed, see my friends, and be with Glenn.

Only three more weeks, I told myself.
Then I can go home
.

Little did I know that it would happen sooner than that, and when I returned to Bar Harbor, life would never be the same again.

Chapter Twenty-six

That night, Angela took us to her favorite pizza place. I ate three large slices, knowing full well that I would pay for it later with a spell of heartburn that would keep me up most of the night.

It was not heartburn that woke me at 5:00 in the morning, however. I sat up when my bedroom door creaked open and Angela appeared as a silhouette against the harsh light from the hallway.

Mia, who slept on a foam mattress on the floor beside me, sat up as well. We squinted at Angela. She wore a white silk, knee-length nightgown, and stood in silence like a phantom, breathing heavily as if she had just run a marathon. I wondered if she was sleepwalking.

“What’s going on?” Mia asked.

Angela took an unsteady step forward, then sank to her knees. I knew immediately that something was wrong and flung the covers off to leap out of bed. I rushed to her side and knelt down. “What’s wrong, Angela?”

She laid a hand on her chest. “I can’t breathe. I think I’m having a heart attack.”

Mia leaped to her feet. “Oh, my God. Should we call an ambulance?” she asked me.

“Yes.” I pointed to the door. “Go call 911. Tell them what’s happening, give them our address, and tell them we’re on the sixteenth floor. We’ll have to buzz them in when they arrive.”

Mia ran out while I remained with Angela. “Try and stay calm,” I said, helping her to lie down on the floor, not knowing if that was the right thing to do or not. “You’re going to be fine. The ambulance will be here soon.”

She nodded at me, but I saw the panic in her eyes. She was pasty gray and perspiring. She gripped my hand tightly. Her palm was clammy.

“Everything’s going to be fine,” I said, and gently rubbed her hair off her face. “Maybe it’s just a bad reaction to the pizza.”

She nodded again, but we both knew it was more than that. She squeezed my hand and held it to her heart. “Thank you, Kate. I’m so sorry. I’m supposed to be taking care of
you
.”

“You
are
taking care of me,” I said. “I don’t know what I would have done without you these past few months.”

She winced with pain and shut her eyes. I felt a rush of fear. “Are you okay?” I asked. “Can I do anything?”

“Just stay with me,” she managed to say.

I didn’t understand how this could be happening. Angela was young, fit, and vibrant. She went to yoga class three times a week and had never mentioned anything about a heart condition.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I asked.

“No, never.”

Mia ran back into the room. “The ambulance is on its way.”

Chapter Twenty-seven

When the paramedics wheeled the gurney into Angela’s apartment, I wanted to bow at their feet and kiss their boots. Everything about them put me at ease. They wore uniforms like police officers, and wasted no time reaching Angela. They knelt on either side of her and calmly began asking questions about her symptoms.