The Click Trilogy (3 page)

From: Shelley Manning – January 18, 2011 – 11:44 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Hello there

He’s hot.  I bet he looks awesome without a shirt on.  You should go out with him.  Just because you guys are different doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.  And, did I mention that he’s hot?  Okay, so forgot to tell you, the Cuddler and I are no more.  He’s a sweet guy but I’ve already had my fun and now it’s time to move on.  He hinted the same thing.  Plus, I think he’s been burned by a work affair before and seems gun shy about getting hurt again.

From: Renee Greene – January 18, 2011 – 11:59 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Hello there

Poor Cuddler.  When you give his sensitive booty the boot, I bet he’ll cry.  HA! HA!  I bet he will run home crying to his mommy.  He probably shops at WimpsRUs.  I could go on, but onto more important matters.

Well, Kevin may indeed be hot, and I could be tempted to take a peek at the pecs, but no.  I know it would not work out, so I’m going to let him know that we just don’t seem to have a lot in common.  I can’t go out with someone when I know there isn’t a possibility for a future.

From: Shelley Manning – January 18, 2011 – 12:07 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Hello there

Hilarious!  But seriously sweetie.  The Cuddler is not THAT bad.  He was actually a great guy who just happened to enjoy the lingering cuddle and occasional spoon.

But, I love the jokes.  Keep ‘em coming.  And, speaking of keeping ‘em coming, I have a hot date tonight.  Gotta get some work done for the evil corporate trolls.  Mwah! Mwah!

From: Mark Finlay – January 18, 2011 – 3:00 PM

To: Shelley Manning; Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Hello there

Let ‘em down gently there, tiger.

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – January 18, 2011 – 4:02 PM

To: [email protected]/OutdoorDude

Bcc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Hello there

Thanks so much for your email, Kevin.  I did look through your profile.  You seem like a really nice guy.  And you also seem like you’re looking for someone to share your love of the outdoors, interest in sports and thrill for adventure.  I just don’t think we’re a right fit for each other.  I’m really not the outdoorsy/active type.  Good luck meeting someone else, though.  I’m sure the perfect gal is out there waiting for you.

From: Mark Finlay – January 18, 2011 – 5:12 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Renee is turning six (and two dozen)

No problem.  Just trying to help her get over this ridiculous fear of turning 30.  I just logged on and read three separate reviews of Alex’s and it sounds great.  See you then.

From: Shelley Manning – January 18, 2011 – 6:30 PM

Bcc:

Subject: Renee’s Birthday

Here’s the plan for Renee’s birthday celebration.  Meet at my place (Melrose near Highland, Apt. B) at 8:00 on Friday the 28th for a pre-dinner cocktail.  We have a reservation at Alex’s for 9:00.  Come dressed WEST HOLLYWOOD CHIC. Let’s be ready to celebrate our dear friend Renee’s birthday in style.

From: Renee Greene – January 18, 2011 – 6:32 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Renee’s Birthday

THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  I can’t believe you got us a table at Alex’s.  I thought that place had a waiting list for months.  You are wonderful and I’m very excited to celebrate with you guys.  And thank you for being subtle about the dress code.  I know you were really holding back.

From: [email protected]/OutdoorDude – January 20, 2011 – 2:45 PM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: Reconsider?

I don’t understand why you don’t think we would get along.  I don’t think you should be so quick to judge without getting to know me.

From: Renee Greene – January 20, 2011 – 2:54 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Fwd: Reconsider?

Okay, Shelley.  I tried to be nice when I got his email and politely explained that we aren’t a right fit.  I mean everything in his profile screamed of sports and outdoors.  That is just so not me.  And, this is the response I get.  I don’t know what to say back.  Help?

From: Shelley Manning – January 20, 2011 – 3:43 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Reconsider?

You, judgmental?  You are the least judgmental person I know.  Now, if he were emailing Miss Priss, that would be different.  (Sorry.  Couldn’t help it. I promise I’ll be good tomorrow night.)  Just ignore it.  You don’t want to get into a whole thing with this guy.

From: Renee Greene – January 20, 2011 – 3:54 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Reconsider?

Yes, please behave tomorrow.  I just want to have a fun, peaceful evening.  All right.  I just won’t respond to his message.

From: Ashley Price – January 21, 2011 – 4:01 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Cc: Renee Greene, Mark Finlay

Subject: Re: Renee’s Birthday

Dinner at Alex’s.  Should be interesting based on all that I’ve heard about the place.  I don’t have any friends who have been there yet.  Not really their type of place.  But, should be fine.  And of course, excited to celebrate Renee’s birthday in style.  She deserves it.  Please make me a “plus one” as Evan is going to join us.  Thanks.

From: Ashley Price – January 21, 2011 – 4:04 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Renee’s Birthday

And I must say it is better than Pizza Party Zone.  You know I love Mark, but what was he thinking?  Like any of us would ever set foot into a restaurant that has a big frog as a mascot.  Puh-lease!

And before you say anything, I talked to Evan and he promised that things would be different this time.  He said he just got a bit scared because we were getting so serious.  But he’s really ready to commit.

I know, I know what you are going to say.  But really, I mean where do you meet single men these days?  Coffee houses have gotten so passé.  A co-worker has been playing her hand at finding someone online.  Can you imagine?  How desperate must you be to resort to computer dating?  How do you know that the man you are talking to really isn’t some bored housewife in Tulsa or some teenager in Shreveport?  On the Internet, no one is who they seem.

I know Evan isn’t perfect.  But I just know things will be better this time.

From: Renee Greene – January 21, 2011 – 5:15 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Fwd: Re: Renee’s Birthday

This is why I don’t want Ashley
to know about my foray into the world of online dating. So, please, please PLEASE remember not to mention ANYTHING on Saturday night.  I’ll tell Mark the same.

From: Renee Greene – January 21, 2011 – 5:22 PM

To: Mark Finlay

Subject: Loose Lips

Hey there. Just a quick reminder not to mention anything about the online dating stuff at dinner on Saturday.  Just want to keep this a little secret between you, me and Shelley.  The rest of the world can find out on my wedding day ;)

From: Shelley Manning – January 22, 2011 – 9:30 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Renee’s Birthday

No problem.  Mum’s the word.  And what does Miss Priss mean that eligible men won’t be at Alex’s?  It is only THE hottest restaurant in town.  But, what would she know about what’s in?  I was so tempted to explain to Miss Priss that “Hollywood Chic” means no pearls, no skirts to the shin and no lace collars.  However, leather dog collars are fine, even encouraged.  How much do you want to bet she comes dressed like a nun on holiday?

From: Renee Greene – January 22, 2011 – 12:22 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Renee’s Birthday

Be nice! You know she’s been my friend since grade school and although we are very different, she is a good person.

From: Mark Finlay – January 24, 2011 – 3:46 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Loose Lips

You got it.  Not a word shall be uttered from my lips.  See you at Shelley’s place.

From: Shelley Manning – January 24, 2011 – 4:24 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Renee’s Birthday

I will be on my best behavior.  I promise.  And if I don’t, maybe Sister Priss, the Nun will crack my knuckles with a ruler.  Okay, that was the last one.  I promise.  Mwah! Mwah!

From: [email protected]/OutdoorDude – January 25, 2011 – 6:03 PM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: Courtesy of a Response!

What, you think you’re so high and mighty you don’t even need to respond to an email?  Well, I can tell you who you are.  A snobby bitch.  That’s who.

From: Renee Greene – January 25, 2011 – 6:05 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Fwd: Courtesy of a Response!

All right.  This is getting just a little freaky.

From: Shelley Manning – January 25, 2011 – 6:09 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Courtesy of a Response!

Yikes.  Talk about a psycho.  Just ignore it.

From: [email protected]/OutdoorDude – January 28, 2011 – 9:03 AM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: SCREW YOU!

You cunt.  You don’t even give people the courtesy of responding.

From: Renee Greene – January 28, 2011 – 9:05 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Fwd: SCREW YOU!

What a way to celebrate my birthday.  Okay, I’m printing out these emails and putting them in a folder in between my mattress and box spring.  If anything suspicious ever happens to me, take them to the police.  I’m serious.  This is really starting to FUH-REAK ME OUT!

Chapter 3 – Another Year Older, Another Year Wiser?

From: Renee Greene – January 29, 2011 – 11:36 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: 30 Rocks!

Thank you! Thank you!  I can’t tell you what a pleasant experience turning 30 was.  First of all, I GOT CARDED!  Hurrah.  Not a worry about turning 30 when the waiter thinks I’m 20.  All I can say is thank goodness for fine line preventer.  That stuff is the skin elixir of the gods.

Thank you also for my present.  I love the earrings.  All of the fashion magazines say chandelier earrings were the new big thing, so I’m glad to be in the midst of the fashion curve, rather than hopelessly behind, like I usually am.

I so appreciate all you did to make my day fun, special and pain free.  You’re the best.

From: Renee Greene – January 29, 2011 – 11:52 AM

To: Ashley Price

Subject: Thanks

Hey there.  Just wanted to pop you a note to thank you again for coming out the other night for my birthday.  It meant a lot that you were there.  It’s hard to believe we’ve been friends for 22 years.  Who would have believed that Mrs. Brett’s 3rd grade class would have turned out to be so worthwhile?

By the way, speaking of Mrs. Brett, I forgot to tell you that I bumped into Danny Newbridge the other day at the grocery store.  He looks EXACTLY the same…just taller.

He’s a lawyer now. Who would have guessed that someone who didn’t do his “future city” project and failed third grade would have turned out okay?  But I digress.

Thanks again for coming and thank you for the floral shawl.  It’s really lovely.

From: Renee Greene – January 29, 2011 – 11:58 AM

To: Mark Finlay

Subject: Pat-a-Cake, Pat-a-Cake, Baker’s Woman!

I can’t wait to start baking.  Thanks so much for the basket of baking stuff…new sifter, measuring cups and spoons, cookbook, etc.  I’m not sure if you got me all of this because you know I love to bake, or because you love to eat the fruits (or should I say cookies?) of my labor.  Regardless, I really love it and know I will get a TON of use out of it all.

From: Mark Finlay – January 29, 2011 – 2:20 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Pat-a-Cake, Pat-a-Cake, Baker’s Woman!

I’m so glad you like the basket.  Now, I don’t want to say I don’t enjoy the – what did you call it? – fruits or cookies of your labor.  You know I love your chocolate chip cookies.  But I really wanted you to have something that you would enjoy and would use. I talked to both your parents and your sister to make sure I was getting the right kind of sifter and other “instruments.”  Happy baking!

From: Shelley Manning – January 31, 2011 – 9:06 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: 30 Rocks!

I’m so glad you had a good time on Saturday.  It was such a fun night and I knew the minute I saw those earrings, you had to have them.  They’ll look great with your hair pulled back.  You deserve to be on the cutting edge.  None of this talk about the tail end of fashion trends.  Repeat after me…I AM A FASHION DIVA!  I AM SUPERMODEL RENEE!

As far as this psycho is concerned, he doesn’t know your name, address or phone number.  He doesn’t even know your real email address.  Just ignore it.

From: Ashley Price – January 31, 2011 – 10:45 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Thanks

I’m so glad you like the shawl.  I just figured it was something very classic and timeless that you could wear with a nice pair of slacks and a blouse, or a dress.  I’m glad your birthday was a success.  Crazy about Danny Newbridge.  Would have NEVER guessed that he would amount to anything.  Good for him.  So, is he single? Married?

From: Renee Greene – January 31, 2011 – 11:58 AM

To: Ashley Price

Subject: Re: Thanks

He’s married with two kids who look just like him, too.  Weird.

From: Ashley Price – January 31, 2011 – 12:01 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Thanks

Of course he’s married.  Everyone has found someone except for me.  Oh, did I mention that Evan and I broke up after your birthday dinner.  I’m going to die an old maid.

From: Renee Greene – January 31, 2011 – 12:04 PM

To: Ashley Price

Subject: Re: Thanks

Hey now.  Not everyone is married.  I’m single.  Shelley’s single.  Buck up!  You will find someone and when you do, it will be special and wonderful and just what you deserve.

From: Ashley Price – January 31, 2011 – 12:14 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Thanks

Well, I’m not surprised Shelley’s single.  She seems to go through men like I go through – well I was going to make some rude analogy.  But far be it from me to make a judgmental comment.  Well, I wonder why you are single.  You are such a kind and caring person.  And, when you remember to get an eyebrow wax, your eyes totally pop.  You’ll find someone too.  I’m certain of that.  I have to go.  Have a meeting with the boss.

From: [email protected]/CSUMD1008 – January 31, 2011 – 9:12 AM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: You seem interesting

Hi there.  Loved your profile.  I, too, like to sing off key in the car.  But instead, I spend most of my time as a medical resident with a small hospital in Long Beach.  My name is Brandon and I’m originally from Orange County.  I just finished medical school in San Diego and started my residency in Long Beach.  I should warn you that I do work some crazy hours (36 hour shifts!) and have to sleep at the hospital every fifth night (taking in ER admissions and delivering babies), but I am trying to balance work with a social life.  Hoping you’ll be intrigued enough by my profile and email back.  Thanks.

From: Renee Greene – January 31, 2011 – 9:18 AM

To: Shelley Manning; Mark Finlay

Subject: Fwd: You seem interesting

Read below.  Could it be?  Have I hit the Jewish Mother trifecta – nice…Jewish…doctor?

From: Shelley Manning – January 31, 2011 – 10:22 AM

To: Renee Greene; Mark Finlay

Subject: Re: Fwd: You seem interesting

OMG!  Your mom would be gushing right now if she knew about this!  Go for it girl!

From: Mark Finlay – January 31, 2011 – 12:04 PM

To: Renee Greene; Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: You seem interesting

MAJOR DITTO!

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – January 31, 2011 – 12:25 PM

To: [email protected]/CSUMD1008

Subject: Re: You seem interesting

Well, hi back.  Wow!  36 hour shifts.  Yikes!  I can’t imagine having to be coherent and on the ball for that many hours straight, especially when so much is riding on your work.  It is impressive.  I know you are a first year resident, but what is your specialization?  What rotation are you on right now?

From: [email protected]/CSUMD1008 – January 31, 2011 – 7:06 PM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: Re: You seem interesting

It’s not that impressive, trust me.  Tons of people do it all the time.  And, at night, as long as it’s a bit quiet, I do manage to get a few hours of sleep.  The worst is the waiting for the pager to go off.  It’s hard to fall asleep when you fear that someone is going to go into labor and wake you up.  It pretty much sucks.

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – February 1, 2011 – 9:36 AM

To: [email protected]/CSUMD1008

Subject: Re: You seem interesting

Well, I’ll keep my fingers crossed that there aren’t any early morning deliveries.  Although I must admit, it is a tad difficult to feel any sympathy for you, the doctor.  I feel worse for the moms that are actually going through labor!

From: [email protected]/CSUMD1008 – February 1, 2011 – 2:45 PM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: Re: You seem interesting

No sympathy? Female solidarity, huh?  Oh well.  I guess I can see that.  I was hoping that we could connect by phone – if that’s okay with you.  My number is (562) 555-3490.  Call me.

From: [email protected]/CSUMD1008 – February 8, 2011 – 4:12 AM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: SO SORRY

So sorry I had to rush off the phone with your earlier.  We had this crazy emergency.  It was a case of priapism.  What’s priapism you might ask?  Good question – although I hope you won’t be offended by what I’m about to say.

You know those erectile dysfunction commercials where they say you should call your doctor if you have an erection that lasts more than 4 hours?  Well, this 62-year-old man comes in with his “girlfriend” – which is code for hooker – and an erection that won’t go down.  He had to be rushed into surgery before he literally exploded.  From a medical standpoint, it was fascinating and a great learning experience.  From a general standpoint, it was hilarious!

So, I’m just getting back.  Fortunately, my shift ends at 7:00.  I figured I didn’t want to sleep for a few hours because it will make it oh so much harder to fall asleep when I get home.

And, I really don’t know if I could sleep because I’m still in absolute shock that we went to the same Jewish sleep-away camp when we were kids.  I’ll have to dig up the old photos at my folks’ place and show them to you so we can figure out if you’re in any of them.  Maybe this Monday night?  I have the night off and was hoping to take you to dinner.

From: Renee Greene – February 8, 2011 – 9:18 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Fwd: SO SORRY

What the #$@%?  Next Monday?!?  Isn’t that Valentine’s Day?  Is he seriously asking me out on a first date on Valentine’s Day?  This guy seems so smart, funny, interesting and normal.  But this?  This is three shades of crazy, no?

From: Shelley Manning – February 8, 2011 – 10:36 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: SO SORRY

He probably doesn’t even realize it’s V-day.  He’s a guy, after all.  And a busy doctor on top of that.

Maybe he’s just happy to have a night off and wants to spend it with a smart, beautiful, wonderful woman.  Did you ever think of that, missy?

From: Renee Greene – February 8, 2011 – 12:22 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: SO SORRY

Of course.  You’re probably right.  Well, not about that last part, but about the part of him not realizing it’s V-day.  I’m going to email him back and tell him that it’s V-day and I have plans to go to Tiffany’s annual Blue Party but perhaps we can do it another time.   Do you want me to bcc you?

From: Shelley Manning – February 8, 2011 – 12:25 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: SO SORRY

Hell ya!

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – February 8, 2011 – 12:36 PM

To: [email protected]/CSUMD1008

Bcc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: SO SORRY

I would love to meet for dinner.  You probably don’t realize it, but next Monday is Valentine’s Day.  Probably not the best night to go on a first date, huh?  Anyway, I have my friend Tiffany’s annual Blue Party where all of us singletons hang out, drink too much (then call in sick the next day!) and lament how “blue” we are that we don’t have dates.  So, when is your next free night?

From: [email protected]/CSUMD1008 – February 8, 2011 – 2:30 PM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Bcc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: SO SORRY

Of course I know that next Monday is Valentine’s Day.  I asked for the night off so I could take you out.  You don’t need to be blue on Valentine’s Day.  You’ve got a date.

From: Renee Greene – February 8, 2011 – 2:35 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Fwd: Re: SO SORRY

Do you think it’s weird that a guy wants to go on a first date on Valentine’s Day?  Isn’t that a lot of pressure?

From: Shelley Manning – February 8, 2011 – 2:39 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: SO SORRY

Yes.  That’s weird.  Every guy I’ve ever met avoids V-Day like VD.  In fact, I knew a guy who wouldn’t date anyone between Thanksgiving and mid-February just so he wouldn’t have to buy any Christmas or Valentine’s gifts.