The Chaplain's Daughter (5 page)

4

November became December and Toby’s release date was approaching.  He still attended John’s services regularly and had also begun going to the services that the other chaplains conducted at other times in the week.  A small group of inmates had organized an impromptu Bible Study, and Toby began attending that as well.  He was far from a scholar of the Bible but he had begun asking more questions about the essence of the Christian life.

Two weeks before Toby’s release John hit pay dirt.  Harbor Lights restaurant needed a dishwasher for the evening shift.  John knew the general manager of the restaurant (a man named James Drake) from St. Leo’s Parish near John’s office.  He had asked James to keep his eyes open for a job for Toby.  As a favor to John, the general manager said that he would hold the job until Toby’s release.

At first Toby’s eyes lit up when he was told the news.  Then his eyes clouded over.  “Does the bus run down there?”  Toby had often ridden the city bus in Tacoma (usually with a stolen transfer) and so had some working knowledge of how the system was configured.  Harbor Lights was, at best, off the main bus line.  That is, if not off the grid entirely.

“I’ll find that out Toby, but don’t worry.  We’ll figure out a way to get you there.  If nothing else I have a bike in my garage that I might be able to lend you for a while.”

Later that night, John discovered that Toby’s fears were well-founded.  The city bus ran by Harbor Lights once an hour until 5:00 p.m. then not at all after that.  Toby’s shift at work would barely be started at 5:00 and he wouldn’t be done until midnight or later.  The bicycle that John had talked about wasn’t…technically…his to offer.

“Pumpkin, I need a favor.”

“What’s up Dad?”

“You aren’t using your bike much anymore.  Do you mind if I lend it to Toby?  He might need it for work.”

Alyssa’s mouth dropped open.  “Why don’t you let Toby find his way when he gets out of jail, Dad?  He would rather steal a car, wouldn’t he?”

John reacted in a stronger fashion than his daughter had anticipated.  “You don’t have to help Toby!  You can keep the bike in the garage among the cobwebs if you want!  But I don’t know why you are so set against my helping this young man with a hand up!  Can you tell me why you are so hard-hearted?”

Alyssa fired back, “Because I’ve seen what happens when you offer a ‘hand up.’  You get it cut off and you’re disappointed again.  I’ve seen Tobys come and go and I hate it when you get hurt!  I hate it when the light goes out of your eyes!  I hate that and I hate them all for doing that to you!  Toby is just another one.  He isn’t the first and he won’t be the last!”

With that Alyssa turned on her heel and walked out of the room.  John had been confounded by his daughter and her ability to get the last word more times than he could count and this was once more.  He believed that the conversation was over.

Late that night John heard the door that connected the kitchen to the garage quietly click closed.  When no one came into the living room, John got up to investigate.  On the kitchen table, next to where John sat, laid a bike lock and key.  John’s eyes misted over.  Pumpkin had come through.

Toby was released at 5:00 in the morning on Dec. 28
^th
.  He emerged from Pierce County Jail and immediately was soaked to the skin by cold rain that fell from gray skies.  He didn’t mind the rain, though.  It was just nice to feel real weather again.  Toby climbed the ramp, hoping to see someone that he knew.  He looked first for his Mom’s old Datsun B210 hatchback.  When he didn’t find his Mom Toby looked for Amos or one of his friends.  No luck there either.  Finally, he saw John Boylan standing beside a blue Hyundai Sonata.  John was smiling as he stood in the rain awaiting Toby’s release.

Toby dropped the plastic bag that the jail had given him for his personal belongings and hugged his older friend.  “Thanks for being here, John.”

“I wouldn’t have missed it, my friend.  This is a good day and the first day of your freedom.  Why wouldn’t I want to be here?  Get in.  It’s cold and wet.”

John started the car and backed out of the driveway.  Toby looked at Tacoma as John negotiated the wet streets.  He saw his city in a different way than he had before.  Before, he had seen Tacoma, Washington as more of a “mark” than a home.  He had hustled his way through his youth, and figured that was his destiny.  Meeting John and finding a new way of looking at the world would, he hoped, bring about a better future.

John turned up a tree lined street and into a circular driveway.  Just beyond the driveway, parked against the curb, Wanda’s B210 rested.  Toby looked at the car and then at John, who bore a small smile on his face.  Toby quickly looked at the house.

“Is this your place?”

“Yes it is.  I want you to meet my wife, DeeDee?  I called your Mom last night to see if she wanted to come with me to the jail.  She said that she didn’t want to do that. So I asked her if she would be willing to meet here at my house.  She said that she would.”

John came to a complete stop in front of his garage.  Before opening the door he turned for a last word with Toby.  “I don’t know what, if anything, it means that your Mom would come here and not to your release.  I hope it means something really good, but something tells me that she’s still pretty wary of you.  You can’t be surprised or put off by that.  You’ve disappointed her more than just this once.  Accept what she will offer, and be content.  Can you do that?”

Toby paused before answering.  “I don’t really have a choice in the matter do I?”

John shook his head and patted Toby’s knee.  “You don’t, but if you get angry or defensive you’ll see her run away.  You don’t want that.  Let’s go inside.”

John and Toby walked up the flower lined walkway to the house.  John opened the door and Toby was struck by the intoxicating smell of frying bacon.  DeeDee Boylan appeared in the front door and gave John a kiss.  Then she stepped back and looked at Toby, offering him both of her hands.

“You must be Toby Jacks.  I’m so glad to meet you.  John has told me how much he has enjoyed the visits that you and he have had.  Come in!  Come in!”

Toby followed John into the house and through the kitchen.  He wanted nothing more right then than to snag a piece of bacon out of the pan but he refrained.  John led him into the living room and offered him a seat on the couch.  Just then, Toby heard a door close down the hall.  His mother emerged around the corner.

Wanda looked older to Toby.  He knew that he had been away for the better part of a year but it looked as if his mother had aged more than that.  Her hair had more gray in it than he remembered and she seemed to walk a little slower.  She looked at her son with eyes that seemed a bit more lined and in a bit more pain than he remembered.  She stopped in the middle of the living room and looked at Toby.  He stood up and tentatively approached her.

“H’lo Mama.  How are you?”

Wanda looked Toby up and down before answering.  “Well I guess I’m better than you, boy.  You’re skinny as a stick.  Didn’t they feed you in there?”

Toby smiled, a bit ruefully.  “Not much, I guess.  Nothing that I wanted anyway.”

Wanda nodded, taking stock of Toby all the while.  He had lost a lot of weight.  Never a large boy he looked like he might have dropped 20-25 pounds while behind bars.  His clothes hung on his nearly six foot frame.  She had reluctantly told John that she would come to breakfast and see Toby.  Now that she had, though, she kind of wished that she had declined.  Her motherly instincts wanted to hug Toby to her bosom and feed him until he begged for mercy.  It couldn’t be that way, though.  He was a bad seed, as far as she could tell.  He had let her down too many times when all she wanted was for him to grow up to be a good and decent man.

Just as Wanda was bringing this thought process to a conclusion, DeeDee came out of the kitchen drying her hands on a gingham print apron with blue flowers embroidered above the hem.

“Breakfast is ready, folks.  Come on into the kitchen.”

Toby let his Mom walk into the kitchen ahead of him.  He sat down in the chair that John indicated for him.  It was to John’s right and across the table from Wanda.  On the table was a breakfast feast!  Eggs and bacon, toast and hash browns, juices, milk and fresh fruits were spread across the breakfast table.  Toby felt his hands start to twitch a little as he looked at the bounty.  He refrained from diving in until his host gave the word.

Just then a fifth breakfast participant entered the room.  John gave a quick smile.  “Alyssa, good morning.  I would like you to meet Toby Jacks and his mother Wanda Phillips.  Wanda, Toby, this is our daughter Alyssa.”

Alyssa smiled at Wanda and offered her right hand.  “I’m glad to meet you Mrs. Phillips.”  Toby stood up and started to hold out his hand.  Alyssa waved it away.

“Never mind that, Mr. Jacks.  You must be hungry.  I’m sure that the food in lockup isn’t very good.”

Before Toby could think of an answer John said, “Toby, would you like to offer the blessing?”

John, in his desire for Toby to put his best foot forward, had miscalculated.  Toby had offered up rudimentary prayers in a visiting room alone with John but this was all too overwhelming.  Release, his Mom, this food, it was all too much.  Toby looked blankly at John and just shook his head.

“Never mind then,” John said.  “I’ll do it.”

John started to pray aloud.  From his right, Toby heard a sound from Alyssa that he was pretty sure was a snicker.

After breakfast Toby and his mother went for a walk in the park like neighborhood that the Boylan’s called home.  As they passed through the stand of spruce and cedar Toby held the branches aside so his mother could walk freely.

“Mama, I know that I’ve disappointed you, and I’m sorry.  I had a lot of time to think about what I’ve done and I want you to know that I would like to do better.”

Wanda looked at Toby with eyes that reflected equal parts hope and mistrust.  “Toby I want to believe you but I can’t!  And you can’t expect me to.  You’ve been sorry before!  ‘Oh mama I’ll do better.  Oh, Mama, trust me.’  When I do you run right back out and do what’s wrong all over again.  Why should this time be any different?”

Toby stopped in a clearing and pointed in the direction of John’s house.  “Because he will help me, Mama.  He made me think about the way I’ve been and the way that I want to be.”

Wanda shook her head sadly.  “That’s his job.  He’s supposed to tell you what you want to hear.  He tell everbody in jail what they want to hear.”

“It’s not like that, Mama!  He told me when I was thinking clear but he also told me when I was thinking like a chump!  And I have…thought like a chump I mean.”

Wanda put her hands on her hips.  “And now?”

“Now I’m all different.  You’ll see Mama.  It will be different at home.”

Wanda shook her head.  “I want to see that you mean all of this before I want you at home.  You broke my heart too many times.  You can’t come home.”

Toby’s eyes filled with equal parts sadness and fear.  “Where am I s’posed to go, Mama?”

Wanda looked at Toby and thought of the little boy that had suckled at her breast, the little boy that she had walked to kindergarten, the little boy whose bumps and bruises she had salved and medicated.  She almost relented, but then she remembered where Toby had called home for the last number of months.