The Chaplain's Daughter (10 page)

Alyssa’s eyed widened as the realization hit her like a freight train through downtown Olympia.  Toby had said that he was falling in love with her.

“Oh Lord”, she thought “I love this man”.

Alyssa opened her mouth and then closed it without saying a word.  She swallowed and then realized that she had to answer Toby.  He was standing in front of her, waiting and looking miserable.

“I love you, too,” Alyssa said simply.

Toby and Alyssa stood up simultaneously.  Without realizing that they had started toward each other they were in each other’s arms.  Toby placed his right hand on Alyssa’s neck, raising her wavy blonde hair as he leaned down to kiss her for the very first time.  Alyssa raised up on her toes a bit to meet his kiss and return it with evident enthusiasm.  One kiss became two, which became ten.  Toby and Alyssa drank in the moment of first love that has engulfed young lovers from time immemorial.  Finally they stepped away, smiling at each other.

“Wow,” Toby said.

“Wow yourself,” Alyssa answered.

Toby’s eyes clouded over.  “Now we really do need to talk,” he said.  “Sit down.”

Alyssa sat down on the couch, with her knees touching Toby’s.  Her head was still spinning a bit, and she tried to clear it so that she and Toby could have the talk that would go a long way toward deciding their immediate futures.  Toby took Alyssa’s hand and started the conversation.

“I just want to say ‘I love you’ over and over again.  It’s what is on my mind and on my heart.  But you know that I’m leaving.  I have to leave!  It kills me but I have to!”

Alyssa nodded.  “I won’t ask you not to go.  I want to, but I won’t.  You have a chance to make a living and a life for yourself with Scott.  Who knows, someday you may be able to have a restaurant of your own in Bellingham.”

Alyssa’s brave expression faltered as tears came to her eyes but she soldiered on.  “And I have school here.  I want to make a difference.  I want to become a prosecutor and maybe even a judge.  I want you to make a mark, but I want to as well.  I always have!”

Toby wasn’t surprised that Alyssa answered this way.  Part of him wanted her to say that she would drop everything and follow him wherever life’s road led, but he knew that was silly romantic nonsense.  The two young people had just figured out that they were important to one another.  It changed everything but, on the other hand, it really didn’t change anything at all.  As she said, Alyssa had school and career plans in Olympia.  Toby had a career opportunity two hours away.  Tonight was destined to be a great and beautiful memory for Toby and Alyssa.  Maybe they would have some fun in the days to come but the end story was still them being separated by miles of highway and divergent paths of life.

“I guess that’s it then” Toby said somewhat abruptly.  “I love you and you love me but it’s not enough and it won’t be enough and it’s goodbye.”

Alyssa, who had looked radiant from the afterglow of Toby’s kisses just a few minutes earlier, now looked miserable.  Toby felt awful as well, and tried to soften the words that he had just spoken.

“I don’t blame you, Alyssa.  I just wish that it could all be different, but I haven’t got jack in Tacoma or Olympia.  Except you, I mean.  And your folks too, but I have to grow up sometime.  I think this is sometime.”

Alyssa looked up at Toby and lifted his hand to kiss it.  She noticed the rough skin around the cuticle area, and knew that it came from working so hard in the kitchen.  Through her grief she was proud of him for being such a hard worker and for having this chance with Scott.

“You’re right,” she said.  “This is the way that it has to be.”

“Good night, Alyssa.  I lo…”

Alyssa touched Toby’s lips lightly with her index finger.  “Don’t say it, Toby.  Just don’t.”

7

The next time Toby had two days off he and Scott drove to Bellingham to look for a place to live.  The three hour trip flew by as the two friends talked about their new venture.  Scott had grandiose plans for the restaurant, now dubbed “Seafarer’s Cove.”  Toby chimed in with some thoughts of his own.  The two friends were brimming with confidence.  Both knew that becoming a success in the restaurant world wasn’t going to be easy, but they felt like they were the team that could get it done.

Scott put a deposit down on a one bedroom apartment that included a small loft above the kitchen.  He told the landlord that he would be back a week hence to get the keys and take possession of the apartment.  Only when Toby watched his friend sign the papers for the apartment did the realization of what was happening truly come home.  He was happy and excited, but troubled at the same time.  He couldn’t get the picture of Alyssa nestled in his arms out of his head.

That evening, back in Olympia, Toby asked John if they could go for a walk together.  Toby needed the counsel of his most trusted advisor. John picked up his favorite Meerschaum pipe and a bag of Borkum Riff tobacco, and then joined Toby on the sidewalk in the gloaming sunset.   Neither man spoke for a few minutes, until Toby broke the silence.

“John, you know that Alyssa and I have spent a lot of time talking lately.”

John smiled, “Yes, son.  You too have become quite close.”

“I know that we have just gotten to know each other but I am going to miss her when I leave.  More than I thought, I mean.”

“She is going to miss you too.  But I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that.”

“No I don’t.  I mean I’m glad that you know it too, but she has told me what she is thinking.”

John chuckled a bit at that.  “Yes, she’s quite good at telling people what she is thinking,” he said a bit wryly.

Toby laughed quietly.  He knew that John was thinking about some of the conversations that Alyssa had dominated when Toby had first come into their lives. Much as he enjoyed talking about Alyssa’s fiery persona, though, Toby had a deeper purpose to this walk and talk.

“John, I remember what you taught me about God loving me more than I love myself.  You said that he wants me to be happier than I want to be.  If that’s so, why would He have brought Alyssa into my life and then given me this chance at a better life in Bellingham?  Is God just jerking me around?  I don’t get it.”

John took a long pull on his pipe before answering Toby.  “Well, son, I can tell you one thing for sure.  God isn’t jerking around with you as you say.  He takes no pleasure in His children’s torment.  As far as you and Alyssa go, I don’t have any grand answers.  What I do know is that God brings people into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”

Toby looked quizzically at his older friend, who was puffing contentedly on his pipe.  “What does that even mean, John?”

“Sometimes God brings someone into your life for a specific reason.  Something is going on and you need exactly the expertise that a certain individual can offer.  Maybe it’s a laugh.  Maybe it’s some knowledge.  Maybe it’s a socket set.  Whatever it is, God brings this person into your life to satisfy that particular need in that moment in time.”

John relit the dying embers of his pipe.  Toby waited for more.

“Sometimes God brings someone into your life for a season.  They offer you something that fills a void in your life, and usually you do the same for them, for a period of time.  The period may be five days in duration, six months in duration or several years in duration.  But when that period of time is over you both move on.  Life takes you in different directions.”

Toby looked at John with an expression of profound sadness.  “Are you saying that Alyssa and I are for a season?”

John slowly shook his head.  “I’m not saying that, son.  I don’t know God’s plans for you and Alyssa, any more than I know them for DeeDee or myself.”

Toby lifted his hands and dropped them back in his lap in frustration.  “So what do I do?” he said miserably.

“Toby I told you that I don’t know God’s plan.  But there is something that I do know.  I know God’s heart.  Whatever happens between you and my daughter, God will comfort both of you.  And know this, Alyssa is going to need at least as much comfort when you leave as you will.  God promises that he will never leave you nor forsake you.  He said that in Deuteronomy 31:6.  It’s as true today as it was back then.  But you didn’t let me finish.”

Toby nodded, “Go on.”

John emptied his pipe and began to refill it before finishing with what he had to say.  “It’s rare and beautiful but sometimes God brings people together for a lifetime.  These are the people that walk with you on life’s journey and never leave from the time that they show up for you.  They are few and far between but they are companions, chosen by God, to accompany you on the path.”

“Do you think that Alyssa might be one of those?”

“I don’t know, Toby.  There are many more reasons than seasons, and many more seasons than lifetimes.  I know that it’s hard, but whatever category you and Alyssa are to each other you need to find a way to praise God for it.  And you will.  Maybe not today or tomorrow but you will.  Both of you will.”

John and Toby walked back to the house in amiable compatibility.  The older man hadn’t answered the question that Toby had raised, but somehow he had answered a more important question.  Toby was learning that John was very good at that.

The days until it was time for Scott and Toby to head north flew by.  Harbor Lights hosted a little party for them two nights before their departure.  It was held on the deck overlooking Commencement Bay.  Toby was proud that John, DeeDee and Alyssa came to the gathering.  There were hors d’oeuvres, and drinks along with a small band.  Toby and Alyssa broke away from the larger group and were talking from a spot that looked across the bay to North Tacoma and the islands beyond.

Alyssa hooked her arm through Toby’s and spoke quietly.  “I’ve cried all my tears and said all my prayers, Toby.  I’m just going to miss you so much.”

Toby would have liked to have said that he had cried his tears as well, but their presence in his eyes at that moment belied that statement before he could say it.  Instead he sighed and held her arm closer to his side.

“I love you Lissy,” he said using a nickname that he had tagged Alyssa with just a few days earlier.  “But I have to go,”

Alyssa smiled at Toby threw unshed tears and said simply, “I know.”

7

The grand opening and subsequent weeks of “Seafarer’s Cove” was a great success.  Scott’s seafood bill of fare combined with a Pacific Rim fusion influence kept the reservation book filled seven nights a week.  Toby helped out as a part time server, part time prep cook, and part time Jack of all trades.

Toby and Alyssa kept in touch through phone calls and social media but neither was satisfied with the arrangement.  They missed the physical presence, the touches, and the kisses.  Toby loved his job, and indeed most of what his life had become.  A year earlier he had been inmate #06-73452 in bunk 42, Tank 2D, Pierce County Jail.  Now he was part of the team of a successful restaurant.  He supposed that this was the tradeoff that growing up was all about.  Gradually Toby’s calls to Alyssa went from every night to five nights a week to three.

Four months after Toby moved to Bellingham, Alyssa was kneeling on the front lawn of the Boylan home.  She was working in the flower bed that bordered the sidewalk.  She heard a car pull up in front of the house but didn’t bother to look up.  She sensed rather than heard a car door close and footsteps come toward her.

“Lissy?” Toby said quietly.

Alyssa gasped.  She looked up and saw Toby’s face wreathed in a smile.  She jumped to her feet and met him with a hug, caring not a whit that she was covered in Miracle Gro.  If anything Toby cared less about the mess than did Alyssa.  He lifted Alyssa’s chin with his index finger and kissed her, thoroughly and at great length.  Finally she broke away.

“Toby, I’ve missed you so much.  I thought when you didn’t call as often…” Alyssa’s voice trailed away as she searched Toby’s face for the answer to unspoken questions.

Toby held Alyssa’s face between his two hands.  He drank in the color and shine of her eyes, and the roses in her cheeks.  Her voice was music, the wind in her hair… magic.

“I couldn’t, baby.  I just couldn’t.  It was breaking me in two to hear your voice and not be able to see you.  So I stopped calling.  Maybe it was cowardly but I couldn’t put myself through that.”

“You’re not a coward, Toby.”

“Alyssa, your Dad told me about people being brought together for a reason a…”

Alyssa smiled and rolled her eyes a bit before finishing Toby’s sentence. “A season or a lifetime.  Yes, he has told people that for years.  It’s one of his favorites. In fact,” she said as she turned her head away from Toby and looked toward the house.  “I think he’s in there writing a sermon for the jail that says that very thing.”

Alyssa turned back toward Toby only to discover that he wasn’t there.  She looked down to find Toby on one knee holding a small box toward her in both hands.

“Alyssa Andrea Boylan, you are my forever.  Tell me that I’m yours too.”

Alyssa’s mouth fell open.  In 21 years, 11 months and four days, she had seldom been rendered speechless.  Until now.  She swallowed and swallowed again, before saying simply,

“Forever”