The Bright Side (56 page)

“I remember.
”

“Well, about a month before that I got banned for drink driving. And the guy who hit my parents was drunk. As far as Melissa was concerned, I might as well have killed them myself. The End.
”

Eddie took a moment to respond. “That’s awful.” “Which bit?
”

“All of it.” “Yeah.
”

“But you didn’t kill your parents.
”

“I know that, Eddie. Try telling Melissa. Driving drunk was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I think about it all the time. Every day of the week. The part that really got to me …” I closed my eyes in shame. “The part that really got to me was that I didn’t even have to get in the car. It was completely unnecessary. I was leaving a DVD back.
”

Eddie made a sudden involuntary noise, as if someone had dropped an ice-cube down his back. “That was stupid,” he said. “I’m not going to sit here and tell you it wasn’t. But you learned the lesson, I’m sure.
”

“Definitely.
Definitely
.”

We stared at the scones for a while
.

“What about Robert? What happened there?
”

I tossed my head back. “Who knows? He just turned into a nightmare at the end of his school days.
”

“What, cheeky?
”

“Cheeky doesn’t begin to cover it. He’d take my head off as soon I opened my gob. No one else – just me.
”

“Why was that, do you think?” “Dunno.
”

“Were you giving him a hard time?
”

“Not particularly, although there was a lot to give him a hard time about.
”

“Like?
”

“Well, apart from the cheek, there was his
unbelievable
messiness, his clothes, this awful friend he had at the time, the music he had blaring all hours of the day and night –
”

“But he was a teenager, wasn’t he? Isn’t that all par for the course?
”

A little bubble of anger rose up in me. “That’s what Melissa said,” I scowled. “She called me a nag. So did Nancy, more or less.
”

Eddie gave a little cough. “Maybe you were being a bit of a … I mean, just a wee bit –
”

“That wasn’t all. He was smoking hash, he had no interest in school, he left a mess everywhere –
”

“You said that one already.
”

“He never said ‘please’ or ‘thank you’, he never left the bins out when I asked him because he knew I’d wind up doing it if he waited long enough, he never left his DVDs back either, for the same reason, he never –
”

Eddie pointed his finger at me. “Jackie.” “What?
”

“DVDs.
”

“What about them?
”

“You said you were leaving a DVD back when you got arrested. Was it one of Robert’s?
”

The
anger
bubble
grew
again
and
then
popped;
I
almost
heard
it.

“Yes.
”

Eddie lowered the finger and raised an eyebrow. “So what?” I said, but I knew. I knew what
.

“When was your drink-driving thing?” “Four years ago.
”

“You and Robert fell out at the end of his schooldays, you said. When was that?
”

“It was about … It was about four years ago.” “You don’t think maybe there’s a link?
”

I
didn’t
reply;
I
couldn’t
.
My
voice
had
stopped
working. “You
must
do,”
Eddie
went
on.
“You
get
caught
driving
drunk,
then
your
parents
are
killed
by
a
drunk
driver
and your
sister
drops
you.
It
must
have
been
horrible.
Do
you
not think
that
maybe
you
started
harbouring
a
grudge
against Robert?
Because
it
was
his
DVD?
”

I forced my mouth to open. “It wasn’t Robert’s fault,” I said robotically. “It was my fault. No one else’s.
”

“I’m not arguing with you. But still, you’ve gotta admit, it’s a bit of a co–
”

“I have to go,” I said and bolted
.

I was halfway out the front door before Eddie made it into the hall
.

CHAPTER
24

Robert
sounded
quite
cheery
when
he
answered
the intercom
at
his
apartment
.

“Robert,” I said. “It’s me. Mum. Can I come in?
”

The cheeriness disappeared. “It’s not a good time. My mate’s here.
”

“Please, Robert. Please.” “Can it not wait, we’re –
”

“I’m begging you. It’s important.
”

There was a pause. He mumbled something. Then the door clicked open
.

“Thank you,” I said, but he’d already hung up
.

Inside, I heard laughter as I approached his apartment. When I knocked on the door, the laughter stopped briefly, then started again. It tapered off, slowly this time
.

Finally, Robert opened up. “Hello,” I said
.

“Hi.” He turned, leaving the door open
.

I stepped inside and closed it behind me. There were empty beer cans, at least a dozen of them, on the coffee table. The air was thick with smoke. A young man I’d never seen before was sitting on the sofa. He was wearing a multicoloured beanie and a duffel coat, even though the room was stifling warm
.

“Hello there,” he said
.

“This is Bogie,” Robert muttered. “Bogie – my mother.
”

Bogie rose from the sofa. He was ludicrously tall, six-four at least
.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs O’Connell,” he said and offered his hand
.

“You too, eh … Bogie,” I said and shook
.

Bogie turned to Robert. “She doesn’t seem all that frightening to me.
”

Robert rolled his eyes. Bogie turned back to me and gently punched me on the shoulder. “I’m only messing with you. Will you have a beer?
”

“No, thanks,” I said. “Actually … would you mind very much if I had a word with Robert in private for a moment?
”

Bogie said, “No problem” just as Robert said, “For fuck’s sake!
”

“I’m
sorry,
Robert,”
I
said.
“I
know
it’s
your
place
and
all
–”
“Damn
right
it’s
my
place,”
he
snarled.
“You
can’t
march
in
here
–
”

“It’s all right,” Bogie said, raising his hands. “I’ll run up to the shop, get a few nibbles.
”

“You don’t have to go on her account,” Robert said, but Bogie was already moving to the door
.

“Good luck now,” he said as he departed
.

Robert stared at me. I could see his chest rising and falling. “You sounded like you were in pretty good form,” I said
.

“Before I got here. Did something happen with RTÉ?
”

He stared on for another couple of seconds before answering. “We had a meeting. I got my wrist slapped. Not too hard. No such thing as bad publicity.
”

“What
about
the
other
guy?
Is
he
still
going
to
sue?” “Don’t
know.
Maybe.
Probably.
Nothing
I
can
do
about
it,
is
there?
”

“So … does this mean you’re not going to cut your dad off?
”

“Huh. I was already speaking to him.” “Oh?
”

“He rang this afternoon. Very upset. Said you clocked him one.
”

I didn’t want to get into details on that score. “True. Do you mind if I sit down?
”

He gestured to the sofa sarcastically, something I wouldn’t have thought possible. “Help yourself.
”

I sat. “Come here. Please.
”

He groaned and dragged himself across the room to sit beside me. I looked into his eyes. He looked away
.

“I suppose you think that was typical,” I said. “Me and Bogie.
”

“Ohhh, yes. Absolutely.” “You think I’m a nag.
”

He picked at his jeans. “Do you want the truth?” “Yes.
”

“Yes, then. I do.
”

“I’m always giving out to you?” “Yes.
”

“Complaining?” “Yes.
”

“Finding fault?” “Yes.
”

“Would you believe me if I swore I would never do any of those things again?
”

He looked at me. “Probably not.
”

I reached out and took his hand. He didn’t snap it away, but his fingers went limp and lifeless
.

“Robert,” I said. “Do you remember renting
The
Mask
of Zorro
?”

On the drive over to the apartment, I’d imagined that he would react to what I had to say with extreme anger. I would be telling him, after all, that I’d had the hump with him for a period of years because of something that he hadn’t done on purpose – hadn’t done at all, in fact. It would be tricky, I knew, but I allowed myself to hope that I’d be able to talk him down from his rage over the course of a few days – or weeks or months, if that was what it took. I would bombard him with apologetic phone calls and visits. I would grovel. I would beg. I would buy him stuff
.

It
was
a
considerable
shock,
then,
when
I
finished
speaking
(my
head
hung
low,
my
eyes
half-closed
in
shame) and
he
said,
“You’re
fucking
joking
me.”
The
shock
wasn’t in
his
choice
of
opener;
it
was
in
his
delivery.
There
was
no anger,
no
malice,
no
disgust.
There
was
only
surprise
.

To my astonishment, the words “Language, Robert” formed on my lips. I left them there
.

“I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am,” I said weakly. “I know that’s a pathetic thing to say. I know it doesn’t –
”

“And, what? You’ve just worked this out?” Again, the tone was merely curious
.