The Boy from Aleppo Who Painted the War (27 page)

‘What about this intervention crap? What do you think of it?' Khalid's friend asks him.

‘Mmm, I don't know, I don't talk about politics any more.'

‘Why? That's ridiculous, that's all people talk about nowadays!'

‘Has anybody from your family died?'

‘No, thank God they're all in hiding.'

‘That's why you're still interested in politics and I'm not.'

‘Come on, don't take everything to heart, we'll get our country back. We've got a plan, I tell you!'

‘What's the plan? Are we all going to die by the end of it? Is this what our country deserves?'

‘You've changed so much.'

‘I've opened my eyes, I don't want to fight anyone any more, I just want my family and I to live peacefully…'

‘Do you have anyone is Damascus? Because they won't let you go in otherwise.'

‘Yes, we have family.'

‘Well I hope you get what you want. I just don't see things turning out well so we need to fight. They will keep on killing us otherwise!'

‘Since when do we kill family and say otherwise they'll kill us?'

‘I don't even trust my own family.'

‘Well that's why your eyes won't open.'

‘The army won't stop killing us, if we don't fight back we will all be the meat in their soup.'

Khalid doesn't reply and I think about what he means by meat in their soup. Will they eat us?

Yasmine is sleeping so I close my eyes to sleep too. I have nothing else to do.

*

‘Are we going to sleep here?'

‘It's dark, we can't walk now.'

We are very close to Damascus. I can see the lights in the distance now. I am so excited. I can't wait. We are going to be safe at last. Liquorice looks pink with happiness too.

‘Is Tariq coming?'

‘Yes Habibi,' says Yasmine.

‘Where is he?'

Yasmine pulls me closer to her and plays with my hair.

‘Look Yasmine, I can see a TV through the window!'

We stop outside the window and look in. I miss watching TV. There's a group of soldiers that each put a hand to their head and start marching and singing.

‘What do you think they're singing Ali?'

‘The national anthem, that's what it looks like.'

‘Really? Let's sing!'

Ali and I walk towards the window and start singing our national anthem like we used to at school and watch the TV with the soldiers marching and then it changes into kids like us singing. I look over at Yasmine and she has her eyes closed and there are tears coming down her face. I stop singing to go and see what's wrong but she opens her eyes and tells me to carry on so I do. I feel my heart open up and my throat tighten. I can feel tears building up. I clear my throat and carry on singing then Ali and I bang one foot down at the same time at the end. We look at each other and laugh. I wipe away the tear coming down and run to Yasmine.

‘Did you like it Yasmine?'

‘I loved it!'

‘Why are you crying?'

‘Because the last time I sang that national anthem I was so proud.'

‘The last time I sang it was at school Yasmine.'

‘Yes I know Habibi.'

‘I don't think I can sleep tonight, I am so excited!'

‘Me too Habibi, I can't wait for us to be safe again.'

‘Shall we set out tents here?'

‘Let's walk a little into the centre.'

Khalid walks in front of us because he can't carry anything and is looking for a place for us to rest for the night. There's an old woman sitting down and crying on the side of the road. Her thick glasses make her tears look huge.

‘Why is she crying?'

‘I don't know everything Habibi.'

Khalid stops and we start setting up our tents. I try to set mine up as quickly as I can so I can run around and have fun.

I am tired now. I said I wouldn't sleep but I have run around a lot so I am tired. I pick some rocks so I can paint on them.

‘I found some friends, come play with us Adam,' Ali calls out to me.

I have just run around and I don't want to meet new people so I look away and take my painting kit out.

‘He's weird,' one of the girls says. Ali doesn't reply.

‘Do you want to come with us to school tomorrow Ali?' someone asks him.

‘Sure! Can I bring my friend with me?'

‘The one painting on something weird?'

‘He's painting on a rock.'

‘Why? I knew he was weird!'

‘He's not, he just likes painting!'

‘Whatever, bring him if you want.'

They all run and play. I like Ali. No one has ever defended me when people called me weird before.

‘Yasmine can you please open your tent?'

‘Why?'

‘Because I am scared of being alone.'

‘Where's Khalid?'

‘In his tent as well.'

Yasmine opens her tent and sits up and prays on beads. I haven't seen them in ages. Where was she hiding them? Baba used to always use them to praise God. I wish I hadn't remembered Baba because now I don't feel happy. I want to paint Aleppo the way it looked before we left.

‘What are you painting?'

‘Aleppo.'

‘Really?'

‘The way I saw it when we were walking out.'

‘It wasn't pretty!'

‘I don't paint pretty things Yasmine.'

Yasmine laughs and Ali comes running back.

‘Are you sure you don't want to play with us? We are playing hide-and-seek!'

‘I am sitting with Yasmine.'

‘If I stay here do you want to play with me?'

‘Okay then, I can paint after we play.'

‘What do you want to play?'

‘Do you want to play the countries game?'

‘Sure. Do you want to join us Yasmine?' Ali asks.

‘Why not!'

We start playing and then I hear a weird hissing sound that I recognise from cartoons.

‘Can you hear that?' I ask.

‘I can!' Ali says and puts his hand behind his ear to try to listen out.

‘It sounds familiar.'

Yasmine says that at the same time as there is a loud bang and then suddenly I can't even see in front of me any more. There is a thick cloud of smoke and I want to yell out for Yasmine but I can't breathe. I cough and cough trying to find some air to breathe but I can't. I close my eyes and try to scream but I just cough instead. My chest feels like it's filled with smoke. I feel a hand on me and open my eyes to see Yasmine. I want to smile but I cough out some more and see blood on my hands. I move away from Yasmine and start coughing even more and shaking. I can't stop shaking. I fall to the ground and Yasmine falls after me. I don't know if she is shaking too. My eyes start to close and I can't open them. My breathing is deep and I am forcing myself to breathe in and out. I want to tell Yasmine the answer to the country she was stuck on but I feel myself going to sleep. I hear Yasmine's voice and even though her face is close to mine her voice seems so far away. Yasmine speak louder. Yasmine I'm just going to sleep for a bit but when I wake up I'll finish my painting and call it ‘The Boy From Aleppo Who Painted the War'. I know you'll like this one Yasmine. I feel a warm river of blood flow through my nose. It makes me even sleepier so I sleep.

I
OPEN MY EYES
to blurred lines. I feel like I have been dreaming my whole life. I rub my eyes but I see the same thing: blurs. I touch the air in front of me to make sure nothing is there. My eyes hurt and my head pounds like an elephant is knocking on my brain. What is happening?

‘Yasmine…' I whisper. I clear my throat and try to speak louder but it's still a whisper. I have lost my voice. My head starts to get dizzy and I quickly lean down and start vomiting. My vision starts to clear up a little and I remember Baba telling me to see with my vision and not my eyes so I try to think about his voice so I can feel better. I see people lying around, almost as if everyone just decided to go to sleep. Some roll on the ground and are whispering things I can't hear. They look like cockroaches after being sprayed with poison. I look around and find Yasmine to my right. I crawl to her and put my ear to her chest. I can't feel anything. I can hear a low rumbling sound like she is trying to breathe but she can't. I don't even know if it's coming from her or someone else. I'm in so much pain. I can barely move and everything hurts. I cry while trying to move. I just want this to end.

‘Yasmine! Yasmine!' I bang on her chest and shake her. She moves to my shaking but she doesn't open her eyes or respond. I don't have any strength to shake her any harder so I keep doing it the same way.

‘Yasmine, please wake up!'

I start crying and with my tears and limited vision I can't even see Yasmine's face any more. I repeat Yasmine's name and shake her until my hands hurt me and I cry loudly. I keep trying until I start coughing painfully, I can hear the pain in my own tears but I can't speak loud enough for Yasmine to hear it. I put my head on her chest and then get up and grab her clothes in my hands and punch her chest. Yasmine please don't die. Yasmine we are so close. We can see Damascus from here. The same feeling that made me sleepy starts coming down my nose again. I lift my head up and touch it. The warm thick texture brings back too many memories that I can't put together. They are scattered all over my brain and it feels like I have electricity burning away in my mind.

‘Yasmine! Breathe!' I shout with everything in me and hit her chest as hard as I can. I feel something but I am not sure if I am right. I hit her again as hard as I can and hear her trying to gasp for air. Yes! Yes Yasmine! Breathe. I remember seeing this on TV but I don't know what I'm doing, that doesn't matter now, nothing matters, just come back Yasmine! She gasps again and I wipe my tears and close my eyes. I have to do this. I have to do this. I hold my breath and hold Yasmine's face in my hands. She can't leave me. She is my only sister and she looks like mama. I put her head on my lap and open her mouth. I close my eyes really tight again and ignore the colours leaping into my mind and the images that make my heart shake. I put my mouth onto Yasmine's and hold my breath tighter before fear comes leaping onto me. I blow and blow and blow into Yasmine's mouth and for a minute let go of all the colours and images that have always held me back.

‘Yasmine!'

Her eyes roll under her eyelids and open a little. Yes! Yes! I love you Yasmine! Please don't leave me. I am always scared without you.

Yasmine starts coughing and her arms shake. I hold them down for her and sit her up. Her body feels heavy as if she has eaten rocks. Her body isn't helping me. It pushes me back. I give her one big push and rest her head on my shoulder.

‘Yasmine, you're alive.'

Yasmine coughs more and starts scratching her skin.

‘It hurts…' she whispers and coughs more.

‘We are so close to Damascus, you'll be okay.'

I sit down in front of her and put her arms around my neck and try to stand up slowly.

‘Yasmine please try to get up, I feel weak.'

She doesn't say anything but I can feel her try to push her body up. I push her up a little more and get up. I try to forget how heavy she is and walk slowly.

‘We are going to Damascus Yasmine. Aunt Suha is waiting for us, we promised we would be there.'

‘Adam…'

‘Yes Yasmine!'

Yasmine's head falls on my shoulder and she doesn't say anything. I think she is tired.

I walk past the bodies lying down like they will never get up again. I would usually be so sad Liquorice is gone but all I can think about is Yasmine and my brothers. War means losing what you love. Peace is what you have left when the war is over. I look back and try to look for the boys but I can't see clearly. I can hardly see in front of me. Everything is a blur and the bodies and houses look like ghosts. But I can see the lights of Damascus. I can see the lights…

I
CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW
we got here but I know God was with us. I am sitting in the bathtub with tiny bottles of oil. Mama used to put the same ones around me to help me to relax. The smell makes me want to melt under the water. I duck my head under and start crying. I feel like I'm drowning. I miss everyone. There are so many holes in my heart. I can't fill them up. I only have Yasmine left now. I miss the thought of mama smiling at me while I painted. She said I reminded her of herself when I got absorbed in painting. I miss the look on Baba's face as he unlocked the door to find me waiting for him every day after work. I miss watching my brothers argue and tease each other and how they'd tell me to go away when I would ask too many questions. It's been so long since I've recalled these memories. I wipe my tears but I can't stop this constant waterfall. I remember crying this much when mama left. Yasmine is the closest I have to mama but she's not her. I get out of the bathroom and walk around Aunt Suha's apartment to try and distract myself from all these thoughts. I find a painting set left by her on the shelf near the window: a brush in a cup with paint bottles nearby. I take one of the brushes out and just stare at every hair, every colour stain, which hasn't been washed off properly. Purple is Yasmine's anger when I do something wrong. Blue is Khalid's sadness when he came back home without any hands. Grey is Baba when he kept asking for mama and white… white is Isa's death.

Why is this happening, why, why, why? Please stop, please let this all end, I want my family back. I just want to see them all again. I want to taste mama's food. I want to play with Liquorice. I just want to go back home now! I feel dizzy. My head really hurts and my chest feels heavy. I can barely see in front of me but I feel sleepy. I go to the room Yasmine is in and I lie on the floor, I'll just rest until she gets up. I stare at the clock on the wall, it's 3:30 p.m. I'll wake up in an hour. I close my eyes and smile. I let go of all my colours and thoughts and look up at a white sky. I can at last see the sun through the clouds of smoke that used to cover me. I can taste the colour green in my mouth.