The Book of Margery Kempe (22 page)

Then some of her friends came to her and said it would be more comfortable for her to go out of the town than stay there, because so many people were against her. And she said she would stay there as long as God wanted.

‘For here,' said, ‘in this town I have sinned. Therefore it is fitting that I suffer sorrow in this town because of it. And yet I do not have as much sorrow or shame as I have deserved, for I have trespassed against God. I thank Almighty God for whatever he
sends me, and I pray God that all manner of wickedness that any man shall say of me in this world may stand towards remission of my sins, and any good thing that any man shall say about the grace that God works in me, may turn to worship and to praising of God, and magnifying of his holy name without end, for all manner of worship belongs to him, and all contempt, shame and reproof belongs to me, and that I have well deserved.'

Another time, her confessor came to her in a chapel of our Lady, called the Gesine,
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saying, ‘Margery, what will you do now? There can be no more against you but the moon and seven stars. There is scarcely anyone on your side except only myself.'

She said to her confessor, ‘Sir, cheer up, for everything will be quite all right in the end. And I tell you truly, my Lord Jesus gives me great comfort in my soul, and otherwise I should fall into despair. My blissful Lord Christ Jesus will not let me despair for any holy name that the good friar has,
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for my Lord tells me that he is angry with him, and he says to me it were better if he were never born, for he despises his works in me.'

Also our Lord said to her, ‘Daughter, if he be a priest that despises you, well knowing why you weep and cry, then he is accursed.'

And one time, when she was in the Prior's Cloister and dared not stay in the church for fear of disturbing people with her crying, our Lord said to her, she being in great heaviness of heart, ‘Daughter, I bid you to go back into church, for I shall take away from you your crying, so that you will no longer cry so loudly, nor in that kind of way that you have done before, even if you wanted to.'

She obeyed the commandment of our Lord, and told her confessor exactly how she felt, and it happened in truth as she felt. She afterwards no longer cried so loud, nor in the way that she had done before, but later she did sob remarkably and wept as bitterly as she ever did before, sometimes loud and sometimes quiet, as God would control it himself.

Then many people believed that she dared no longer cry out because of the way the good friar preached against her and would
not endure her in any way. Then they held him to be a holy man, and her a false, pretending hypocrite. And just as some spoke badly of her before because she cried, so some now spoke badly of her because she did not cry. And so slander and bodily anguish befell her on every side, and all was to the increasing of her spiritual comfort.

Then our merciful Lord said to his unworthy servant, ‘Daughter, I must comfort you, for now you have the true way to heaven. By this way I came to heaven and all my disciples, for now you will know all the better what sorrow and shame I suffered for your love, and you will have the more compassion when you think upon my Passion. Daughter, I have told you many times that the friar should say evil things about you. Therefore, I warn you not to tell him of the secret counsels which I have revealed to you, for I do not wish him to hear it from your mouth. And daughter, I tell you truly, he shall be chastised sharply. As his name is now, it shall be thrown down, and yours shall be raised up. And I shall make as many men love you for my love as have despised you for my love. Daughter, you shall be in church when he shall be outside. In this church you have suffered much shame and rebuke for the gifts that I have given you and for the grace and goodness that I have worked in you, and therefore in this church and in this place I will be worshipped in you.
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Many a man and woman shall say, “It is clear to see that God loves her well.” Daughter, I shall work so much grace for you, that all the world shall wonder and marvel at my goodness.'

Then the said creature said to our Lord with great reverence, ‘I am not worthy that you should show such grace to me. Lord, it is enough for me that you save my soul from endless damnation by your great mercy.'

‘It is my worship, daughter, that I shall perform, and therefore I wish you to have no will but my will. The less price that you set on yourself, the more price I set on you, and the better will I love you, daughter. See that you have no sorrow for earthly goods. I have tried you in poverty, and I have chastised you as I would myself, both inwardly within your soul, and outwardly through
people's slander. See, daughter, I have granted you your own desire – that you should have no other purgatory than in this world alone.

‘Daughter, you often say to me in your mind that rich men have great cause to love me well, and you say most truly, for you say I have given them many goods with which they may serve me and love me. But, good daughter, I pray you, love me with all your heart, and I shall give you goods enough to love me with, for heaven and earth should rather fail, than I should fail you. And if other men fail, you shall not fail. And though all your friends forsake you, I shall never forsake you. You made me once steward of your household, and executor of all your good works,
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and I will be a true steward and a true executor in the fulfilling of all your will and all your desire. And I shall provide for you, daughter, as for my own mother and as for my own wife.'

The creature said to her Lord Christ Jesus, ‘Ah, blessed Lord, I wish I knew in what I might best love you and please you, and that my love were as sweet to you as I think your love is to me.'

Then our sweet Lord Jesus, answering his creature, said, ‘Daughter, if you knew how sweet your love is to me, you would never do anything else but love me with all your heart. And therefore, do believe, daughter, that my love is not so sweet to you as your love is to me. Daughter, you do not know how much I love you, for it may not be known in this world how much it is, nor be felt as it is, for you would fail and burst and never endure it, for the joy that you would feel. And therefore I measure it as I wish to your greatest ease and comfort.

‘But daughter, you shall well know in another world how much I loved you on earth, for there you will have great reason to
thank me. There you will see without end every good day that I ever gave you on earth of contemplation, of devotion, and of all the great charity that I have given you to the profit of your fellow Christians. For this shall be your reward when you come home into heaven.

‘There is no clerk in all this world who can, daughter, teach you better than I can do, and, if you will be obedient to my will, I shall be obedient to your will. Where is a better token of love than to weep for your Lord's love? You know very well, daughter, that the devil has no charity, for he is very angry with you, and he might hurt you somewhat, but he shall not injure you, except a little, in this world, in sometimes making you afraid, so that you should pray all the more strongly to me for grace, and direct your love all the more towards me. There is no clerk who can speak against the life which I teach you, and, if he does so, he is not God's clerk, he is the devil's clerk. I tell you truly that there is no man in this world – if he would willingly suffer as much humiliation for my love as you have done, and cleave as steadfastly to me, not willing to forsake me for anything that may be said or done against him – but I shall treat him fairly and show him much grace, both in this world, and in the other.'

Then the creature said, ‘Ah, my beloved Lord, you should show this life to religious men and priests.'

Our Lord replied to her, ‘No, no, daughter, for that thing which I love best they do not love – and that is shame, contempt, scorn and rebukes from people – and therefore they shall not have this grace. For, daughter, I tell you, he that dreads the shame of the world may not perfectly love God. And, daughter, under the habit of holiness is covered much wickedness. Daughter, if you saw the wickedness that is done in the world as I do, you would be amazed that I do not take utter vengeance upon them. But, daughter, I desist because of your love. You weep so every day for mercy that I have to grant it, and people will not believe the goodness that I work in you for them.

‘Nevertheless, daughter, there shall come a time when they shall be very glad to believe the grace that I have given you for
them. And I shall say to them when they are passed out of this world, “Look, I ordained her to weep for her sins, and you held her in great contempt, but her charity for you would never cease.” And therefore, daughter, those who are good souls shall highly thank me for the grace and goodness that I have given you, and those who are wicked shall protest and have great pain to endure the grace that I show to you. And therefore I shall chastise them as it were for myself.'

She prayed, ‘No, beloved Lord Jesus, do not chastise any creature for me. You well know, Lord, that I desire no vengeance, but I ask mercy and grace for all men if it be your will to grant it. Nevertheless, Lord, rather than that they should be separated from you without end, chastise them as you wish yourself. It seems, Lord, in my soul, that you are full of charity, for you say you do not wish the death of a sinful man. And you also say that you wish all men to be saved. Then Lord, since you wish all men to be saved, I must wish the same, and you say yourself that I must love my fellow Christians as my own self.
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And, Lord, you know that I have wept and sorrowed many years because I would be saved, and so must I do for my fellow Christians.'

Our Lord Jesus Christ said to this creature, ‘Daughter, you shall well see when you are in heaven with me that no man is damned unless he is well worthy to be damned, and you shall hold yourself well pleased with all my works. And therefore, daughter, thank me highly for this great charity that I work in your heart, for it is myself, Almighty God, that makes you weep every day for your own sins; for the great compassion that I give you for my bitter Passion; and for the sorrows that my mother had here on earth, for the anguish that she suffered and for the tears that she wept;
and also, daughter, for the holy martyrs in heaven (when you hear of them, you give me thanks with crying and weeping for the grace that I have showed to them, and, when you see any lepers, you have great compassion on them, giving me thanks and praises that I am more favourable to you than to them); and also, daughter, for the great sorrow that you have for all this world, that you might help them as well as you would help yourself both spiritually and physically; and furthermore, for the sorrows that you have for the souls in purgatory, that you would be so pleased that they were out of their pain, so that they might praise me without end.

‘And all this is my own goodness that I give to you, because of which you are bound to thank me. And nevertheless, I still thank you for the great love you have for me, and because you have so great a will and desire that all men and women should love me well. For, as you think, they all – holy and unholy – want money to live with, as is lawful for them to do, but they will not all busy themselves to love me, as they do to get themselves temporal goods.

‘Also, daughter, I thank you because you think it such a long time that you are kept out of my blessed presence. Furthermore, I thank you especially, daughter, because you cannot allow any man to break my commandments, nor to swear by me, without it being a great pain to you, and because you are always ready to reprove them about their swearing, for my love. And therefore you have endured many a cutting word and many a rebuke, and because of this you shall have many a joy in heaven.

‘Daughter, I once sent St Paul to you to strengthen you and comfort you,
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so that you should boldly speak in my name from that day forward. And St Paul said to you that you had suffered much tribulation because of his writing, and he promised you that because of this you should have as much grace for his love as you ever had shame or reproof for his love. He also told you of many joys of heaven, and of the great love that I had for you.

‘And, daughter, I have often said to you that there is no saint in heaven who, if you will speak with him, is not ready to comfort
you and speak to you in my name. My angels are ready to offer your holy thoughts and your prayers to me, and the tears of your eyes as well, for your tears are angels' drink, and are truly to the angels like spiced and honeyed wine.

‘Therefore, my beloved daughter, do not be weary of me on earth, to sit alone by yourself and think of my love, for I am not weary of you, and my merciful eye is ever upon you. Daughter, you may boldly say to me
Jesus est amor meus
that is to say, “Jesus is my love”. Therefore, daughter, let me be all your love, and all the joy of your heart.

‘Daughter, if you will think things over to yourself, you have great cause to love me above all things, because of the great gifts that I have given you before now. And yet you have another great cause to love me, because you have your will in the matter of chastity as if you were a widow, although your husband is still living and in good health.

‘Daughter, I have drawn the love of your heart from all men's hearts into my heart. At one time, daughter, you thought it had been in a way impossible to be so, and at that time you suffered very great pain in your heart with earthly affections. And then you could well cry to me saying, “Lord, for all your smarting wounds, draw all the love of my heart into your heart.”

‘Daughter, for all these reasons, and many other causes and benefits which I have shown you on this side of the sea and beyond the sea, you have great cause to love me.'

‘Now, daughter, I wish that you should eat meat again as you used to do, and that you should be meek and obedient to my will and my bidding, and leave your own will, and tell your confessors to let you act according to my will. And you will have none the
less grace, but so much the more, for you shall have the same reward in heaven as though you still fasted according to your own will. Daughter, I commanded you first that you should give up meat and eat none, and you have obeyed my will for many years and abstained in accordance with my advice. Therefore I now order you to take up eating meat again.'

The said creature with reverent dread said, ‘Ah, blessed Lord, the people who have known of my abstinence over so many years and who now see me returning to eating meat, will be astonished and will, I suppose, despise me and scorn me because of this.'

Our Lord replied to her, ‘You shall take no heed of their scorn, but let every man say what he will.'

Then she went to her confessors and told them what our Lord had said to her. When her confessors knew the will of God, they charged her by virtue of obedience to eat meat, as she had done many years before. Then she had much scorn and many a rebuke because she ate meat again.

She had also made a vow to fast one day in the week, as long as she lived, in worship of our Lady, which vow she kept for many years. Our Lady, appearing to her soul, bade her go to her confessor and say that she would have her discharged of her vow, so that she should be sufficiently strong to bear her spiritual labours, for without bodily strength they could not be endured. Then her confessor, perceiving with discretion that this was the appropriate thing to do, commanded her by virtue of obedience to eat moderately, as other people did, when God wished her to eat. And her grace was not decreased but rather increased, for she would rather have fasted than eaten, if it had been the will of God.

Furthermore, our Lady said to her, ‘Daughter, you are weak enough from weeping and crying, for both make you weak and feeble. I can thank you more for eating meat for my love than for fasting, so that you may endure your perfection of weeping.'