The Best Friend (18 page)

“I’m not… laughing out loud, that is.” His smile, slow and wide, revealed his white teeth as he slid his hat off and gently set it on the coffee table near his knees. When he straightened back up, he was shamelessly grinning at her. Usually, he barely even managed to grimace, but now he was grinning at her? Not with her. For she felt sure he was laughing at her inside. She fisted her hands, feeling sick to death again of him and his tragic,
poor-me-with-only-one-arm
attitude that allowed him to be so stinking mean to her. She was tired of people who deliberately did everything wrong, and steam-rolled over those who tried to do everything right. She was tired of getting the short end of the stick every time. The dresses were becoming a metaphor for her weary relationships with Vickie and Tony in that moment. And she was fed up with both of them, as well as wearing ugly dresses that she had to buy.

Making her even madder was his stupid grin that knotted up her stomach and caused her heart to skip a beat in her chest.
Damn it!
She was not attracted to Tony Lindstrom. She never had been. Never. Not once. Years ago, she accidentally walked in on him naked when they were barely eighteen, but she felt nothing. Nada. Zilch. Except for her total embarrassment of seeing his naked butt. She hadn’t even shown the slightest curiosity as to what the front offered. She never cared if he had a dick or not because he was no more than her dear friend. Will’s friend. That’s it. She never even considered him as a man. Not even once.

So why, now, would her stupid heart react in such a way to him especially when he was so mean, crude, rude, and awful? Well, there weren’t enough derogatory adjectives to describe Tony nowadays, and this is when she decided she might be attracted to him?

It made the anger already rising in her boil even hotter.
No!
She was simply done with terrible people. Or careless people. She was done being taken for granted and walked over, ignored, yelled at, or evoking no damn reaction. Her invariable response was one of understanding, sympathy and care. Well, no more. If people couldn’t behave properly with her anymore, then she no longer would either. She obviously couldn’t beat any of them. So why not join them?

“I wish I never bumped into you again. If I hadn’t, Donny wouldn’t be marrying my sister, and I wouldn’t be doing this tired routine all over again. And to cement it all, I get to hang out with your miserable, negative personality for the next… however long this lasts. No more. No more rides. No more dinners. No more. Find your own way to the doctor. Or not. Quit. Like you do everything else. Why should I care what you do? Why have I even been trying to care? You don’t care. Vickie doesn’t care who she hurts, so why the heck should I?”

She whipped around and leaned her hands on the counter top. Breathing deep and hard, she began counting backwards, trying to calm her anger. Where was all of this coming from? She never did or said things like that. Or acted so impulsively and rashly. She didn’t even do that when she lost her baby. Or Will, even after Jessie and Will found the life he couldn’t with her. She never acted this way before. So why now? Over her sister’s wedding?

“That’s the thing about you that separates you from me and Vickie. You do care.”

His tone was the same calm, silky, deep baritone, the one he used in his speech today. The speech that managed to make her insides lift with such pride, hope, and well… geez, joy that it was Tony on the stage. She had no idea that he even had it in him. He looked every inch a grown up, mature, accomplished man and retired soldier, standing there at the podium, voicing his opinions about real life. Nothing like his usual, slouchy, I-don’t-give-a-damn demeanor.

Her shoulders slumped when the truth of how much she cared about what happened to Tony unexpectedly crashed over her and she felt helpless, as he often made her feel, because he so rejected her. “Well, not anymore. I’m tired of caring. I’m tired of getting walked all over. I’m tired of the whole thing.”

She sensed him shuffling around behind her. He had no idea how to respond. She smiled in nasty glee to herself. Served him right for every uncomfortable moment she spent, being hesitant and unsure in her conversations with him.

“Gretchen you—”

The knock at her front door interrupted him. She stiffened and glanced at him with a scowl. Only he could luck out and not have to respond because of some random event. She wasn’t expecting anyone.

She jerked open the door and nearly slammed it back shut, tightening her jaw as she demanded, “What are you doing here?”

Donny glanced past her and did a physical double take when he spotted his brother standing there. He cleared his throat. “Can I come in and speak with you?”

“About Vickie?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Forget it. I don’t feel like talking about her anymore.” She turned on her heel and started to head towards her bedroom, intending to lock them both out, but he caught her arm.

“Wait. Please, Gretchen. Let me talk with you.”

She threw a glance at Tony, whose expression seemed as unsure of her as his brother’s. Gritting her teeth, she veered off into her kitchen and poured a glass of wine. She deliberately didn’t offer one to either of them.

“Well, what?”

Donny’s mouth dropped open too, and he shook his head at her rude prompt. “Uh, well, I guess I came to see why you weren’t very receptive to Vickie and my news. It really upset her. So I decided to find out why you were so rude to her.”

Gretchen felt like launching herself across the bar that separated her from Donny and scratching his eyes out. Or howling out loud with frustration. That was exactly what she was always talking about. Gretchen’s reaction to her news made Vickie cry.
Poor Vickie
. How could Gretchen be so mean? And now, here stood Donny, asking how Gretchen could hurt the sweet, little Vickie. Usually, that question came from her mother, her father or Tracy on the rare occasions when she hinted to Vickie how she really felt about her flagrant behavior.

Tony nudged his brother. “Uh, not the right time, man.”

Donny shook his head. “Well, that doesn’t excuse being mean to your sister when she only wanted to announce her engagement.”

“Yeah. For the fourth time!” Gretchen’s exclamation was unnecessarily loud as she slammed her glass onto the counter. Luckily, it didn’t break. “She’s engaged for the fourth time in eight years. That’s an average of every two years. It’s not special, Donny. It’s just normal and average. And you two chose to announce it on the day that should have been all about your brother. It was
his
day. He accomplished something great. He was extraordinary and succeeded at something special. And you and Vickie had the gall to spin the entire dinner celebration and make it all about you.”

Tony’s eyebrows shot up as Donny stepped back. “That’s why you’re so mad? I don’t care if they announced it today. All I did was speak at a dumb assembly.”

She shook her head. “It was the first time, since I’ve been seeing you, that you did something completely out of the ordinary. Something special for an unselfish reason. That wasn’t just anything you did today; it was brilliant. And very special, and it fully deserved the big deal that was being made over it. It should not have become an opportunity to announce Vickie’s latest fiasco.”

Donny bit his lip and looked between Gretchen and Tony, confused. Gretchen pressed a hand to her chest, and found her heart beating so ferociously from an unusual rush of adrenaline that she truly feared she’d have a heart attack.

“Look… maybe we were wrong to do this today. I see that now. I didn’t at the moment, though; so why are you so mad? Vickie didn’t set out to ruin anything for Tony.”

“Vickie never sets out to ruin things, she just invariably does.”

“That’s really unfair.”

“Unfair? You don’t yet know the meaning of unfair. But you will. Trust me, you will learn and thoroughly understand the definition of that word. Congratulations, Donny. You sure know how to pick them.”

Donny’s frown was deep as he blinked, in obvious shock. “That’s a terrible way to talk about your own sister. I won’t repeat any of this to her. But no more. You cannot talk about her like that again.”

“Have you ever once listened to how she talks about me? Did she ever tell you how much money I’ve given her? Twelve thousand dollars, Donny. That was in order to keep some of her  bills paid and prevent her from becoming homeless. Did she ever tell you how many times she moved in with me? Five. Five times. Has she—”

He put his hands up, gesturing for her to stop. “Okay, I get where you’re going here. She’s made a lot of mistakes in her past. But this is different. This is…”

“The same. It’s always the same.”

“I love her, Gretchen.”

“You don’t even know her.”

“I know enough. I know she needs you.”

Gretchen shut her eyes as her anger slowly seemed to dissipate through her wobbly skeletal system as it deflated her stature. “I know that, Donny. I know how much she needs. Far, far better than you’ll ever understand. So please, don’t stand there and preach to me about Vickie.”

Donny glanced at Tony, who shifted his feet uncomfortably. He sighed deeply and finally sat down on her couch, his shoulders sagging as he stared at his feet. “She’s pregnant. That’s why we’re getting married so quickly. And that’s why when I say she needs you, I mean, like really, she
really
needs you.”

Gretchen skirted around the counter and moved past Tony. She felt their eyes following her as she walked over to the windows and stared out at the view. Calmer now, she shook her head and her stomach tightened. The dirty names hung on the tip of her tongue and she ached to rail and freak out at him,
how could he have let this happen
? How could he not have been smarter than to get Vickie pregnant?

“No. You know what? She needs you. You did this. You weren’t more careful, so you two figure it out. I’m tired. And I’m done. I’m not her whipping post, her mother, or her spouse. I’m just her older sister. And I’m done trying to make her grow up and act her age anymore. So no, Donny, you don’t get to come in on a relationship that has sucked me dry for twenty years, and lecture me about how I failed her. Or how much she needs me. All I need is for her to
not
need me. She has to grow up. I can’t do this anymore.”

Donny’s shock was evident in his rounded eyes and clenched jaw. She was sure he probably thought that once he leaked his grand, life-changing news, she would soften and return to her usual self. She just couldn’t anymore. Not for Vickie. Not for Will. Not for Lindsey. Not for Tracy. Not for her parents. They would, no doubt, soon be calling her to have the same conversation Donny just exchanged with her.
And not for Tony
. She simply had no more to offer anyone. Not right now. The only thing left in her to share was for Olivia. Perhaps that was the primary reason she no longer felt the urge to give herself to anyone else.

She could feel Tony’s gaze zeroing in on her as his head shifted to follow the conversation.

Tony suddenly leaned over and grabbed his hat before touching his brother’s shoulder. “She needs a break.”

Donny slowly nodded. “I see. I guess I’ll go. I mean, we’ll go. Why were you here, Tony?”

“She had some dresses she wanted to show me.” He glanced back at her after turning towards the front door with a half smile on his face. “Some butt-ugly-ass dresses she should have thrown in the fuckin’ garbage. But that’s just my opinion, of course.”

Slowly releasing the grip on her drink, Gretchen shook her head as a soft laugh escaped her lips. She appreciated, for once, Tony’s humor. Despite the foul language. His strange show of support and understanding, while clearly lacking judgment, surprised her actually.

“What?” Donny asked. His mind was utterly blown by witnessing her unusual, no,
unheard of
childish tantrum as well as Tony’s reaction.

“Let’s go.”

Tony glanced back one more time, and his eyes sought hers. “I’ll see you Thursday.”

“I told you, I’m done. I meant that. It wasn’t just a rash statement in the heat of the moment.”

He lifted his hands as if in surrender. “Don’t worry, I get that. I’ll take the bus in. I just figured I’d see you because you’re usually there to get Olivia.”

She slowly expelled a lungful of air that seemed to take with it the rest of her emotions. Her heart slowed down, and the afterglow of outrage that must have been evident on her face diminished. “Okay, yeah, that’s good. Then, you’re right, I might see you.”

She followed both of them to the front door and slammed it with an unexpected relish. For the first time, she was setting boundaries around herself. No one liked it. No one understood it. Well, maybe Tony did. But no one else did or could. She was finally doing it. It was long past time. And long overdue for her to figure out what she wanted, instead of how to help others attain what they wanted.

Chapter Eleven

Tony missed Gretchen and he hated the feeling. After getting used to seeing her on Thursdays to break up his weeks, since not much else broke them up, nothing even half as interesting as Gretchen Hendricks ever happened during the rest of the week. But she, good to her word, never drove him to therapy again. He hit his mother up, who gladly took him to his counseling appointments. Leila became almost giddy over his involvement in anything that was positive and could pry him out of the basement.

He asked his mother to drop him off a little bit early so he could be there when Gretchen walked into the lobby with Olivia. He wanted to see Olivia. She was a kick in the pants, who now revered him even more after his performance at her school assembly. She became a little queen for a few days afterwards. Seeing her enhanced his week, and therefore, his life, because Thursdays were really the only thing he looked forward to or cared about.

Gretchen dutifully nodded a polite hello his way, and that was it. More than once, he intended to go to her office and apologize, or say something, or do something. Somehow, he hoped to find a way to atone for exploiting her kind gestures. But invariably, his throat closed tightly and his mind went blank. In a way, he was kind of glad she lost her cool. She finally succumbed to a stunning display of emotion he was sure Gretchen had never allowed herself to indulge in before, even over Will. He was glad, that she got to that point, finally. Now she knew what it was like to lose control, and how hard it was to always be good and calm and wonderful.