The Beauty Within (33 page)

with the gravy), no breads or biscuits (she wept a little at that), no pasta.

Many times during the day she snacked, usually on frozen grapes or peaches,

and for dinner she had the diet frozen meals from the store. Thirty minutes in

the oven, or five in the microwave if she was particularly hungry, and she had a

healthy, well-balanced meal. And they really weren’t all that bad, either.

Besides, her supplements helped stave off any cravings she might have between

meals.

For about two months she kept up this regimen, and she’d been greeted

with positive comments everywhere she went. Even Wendy and Damon had

kind words to say about her transforming body, but the one person who she

thought would be the most happy for her was the one who seemed to not

notice it at all. Of course, Tyler knew this wasn’t true, but Gunnar’s eyes

seemed to bore into her, as if she were a puzzle he was trying to solve. There

was nothing to solve, really. She was eating better and exercising more; so

what she was taking pills to give her an extra boost? They were perfectly safe,

all natural ingredients. They worked!

Then why won’t you tell him you’re taking them?

That question seemed to be on loop in her mind, and she cursed her con-

science. Was she ashamed of taking them? Perhaps a little. What had started

as a means to lose weight to help with her back problems, which
were
much

better, had suddenly morphed into something entirely different. In fact, she

was only using the pills as supplements and not as meal replacements. She

would’ve felt worse if all she was eating were those shakes for breakfast and

lunch with a “sensible dinner.” Tyler liked food too much to substitute her

meals with a drink, so that was why she was taking the pills. Besides, as soon

as she reached her goal, she would stop. No harm, no foul, right?

Then tell him about the pills!

She didn’t want to, because she knew in her heart he would make her stop.

She couldn’t afford to stop, not right now. His sister’s party was a little over

two months away; she wasn’t about to stall progress right now! Besides, the

weight would kill her faster than any pill would!

You know you should tell him about the pills!

The Beauty Within

177

Tyler glared at her reflection in the mirror. It didn’t help she was at his

house on a Saturday morning, Gunnar already out on his run. She was about to

take the pill before going down to prepare breakfast—nothing big, multi-grain

pancakes and turkey sausage—but if she took it before the meal, she wouldn’t

be tempted to have seconds or even thirds.

Tell hi
—
!

“After LA,” she promised herself, and was about to pop the pill in her

mouth when she heard her phone buzz. It had just stopped buzzing by the

time she reached it, and she saw it was a text from Damon. Silly man. He

wanted to know if Wendy’s favorite flavor of ice cream was Moose Tracks or

Rocky Road. She told him it was the first in a reply text, then threw her phone

down and headed down stairs to prepare breakfast.

When Gunnar came inside, he immediately snuck up behind her and bu-

ried his sweaty face in the crook of her neck. Tyler whined, though she wasn’t

too bothered by it, and Gunnar squeezed her hips with his hands, telling her he

couldn’t wait for breakfast. All Tyler did was point to the stairs, which told

him he
really
needed to wash. Gunnar nipped at her skin before doing her silent

bidding. She stared after him for a moment, wondering how they had gotten so

seamless in their relationship; how comfortable and effortless everything

seemed to be between them.

It made her wary.

The last time she’d gotten so comfortable with someone was Quincy, and

everyone knew how well that had turned out. But as she’d reminded herself

countless times, Gunnar was not Quincy, and she wasn’t that old Tyler

anymore. She was proactive in improving herself; she wouldn’t make the same

mistake twice.

Speaking of…

Quincy’s e-mails hadn’t stopped, though they weren’t very personal. They

were either “Jokes of the Day” “Inspirational Quotes of the Day” or news about

an old mutual friend they had. It was clear it was the wedding season, for there

was an engagement party for two of their mutual friends in a few weeks and

Quincy had asked if she was going to go. Tyler hadn’t responded because she

honestly didn’t know. Luckily, the party was in town, but she hadn’t kept in

touch with these people since college; and if they had wanted her to come, they

would’ve asked her…or at least would’ve known not to ask Quincy on her

behalf because they’d been broken up for years.

“Whatever,” Tyler muttered to herself, taking a completed pancake from

the griddle and eyed the remaining batter. There was enough for about three

more, but she wondered if she’d made too much anyway. She’d already halved

the recipe, but eight pancakes seemed a bit much, especially if she was trying

to lose weight—

Tyler jumped as an incriminating white bottle was slammed in front of the

bowl full of batter. Her heart beat wildly in her chest—partly from being

Savannah J. Frierson

startled, but mostly because of the stormy gray eyes that suddenly filled her

vision.

Gunnar was livid.

“What is this?”

Gunnar’s voice was low and even, and it sent unpleasant shivers up her

spine. Tyler swallowed and turned off the eye on the stove. She was glad she’d

decided to put the turkey sausage in the oven, and they still had a while to go.

Tyler kept her eyes fixed on the bottle however, and she swallowed again.

“They suppress my appetite—”

“Tyler—”

“Gunnar,” Tyler interrupted, tightening her hand on the spatula’s handle

she’d yet to set down. “It’s perfectly safe—”

“None of this shit is safe!” he said, his tone unchanged, though the anger

behind his words had increased exponentially. “How long have you been

taking them?”

Tyler refused to shy away from him, and she looked into his eyes again.

Yes, there was anger, but there was something else in them that made her heart

clench even more. Fear. “Not long,” she assured him, hoping that would

assuage his concerns.

“Stop taking them,” Gunnar growled.

“But they’re helping me—”

“Stop. Taking. Them.”

Tyler’s defenses went up. Who was he to dictate to her—she was a grown

woman! “Don’t tell me what to do! You’re not my father!”

“And you think your father would approve of you killing yourself by taking

these?”

Tyler glared at him and turned off the oven, uncaring the sausage might

not be done, but she didn’t want to burn down Gunnar’s house because she

was too busy arguing to pay attention to the food—no matter how irritated he

was making her. “I’m killing myself
now
by being fat—!”

“You’re not fat,” Gunnar said quickly, so quickly Tyler knew it to be an

automatic response.

“Too fat to be your girlfriend!”

Gunnar gaped at her, then let out a harsh breath and rolled his eyes. “Ac-

cording to whom?”

Tyler flared her nostrils but didn’t respond, glancing at the pills. Before she

could grab them, however, Gunnar snatched them out of reach and poured

them down the sink, and then flipped on the garbage disposal for the final

effect.

“Gunnar!”

“I don’t want to see this shit in my house again,” Gunnar said, throwing the

now-empty bottle away in the trashcan that sat under the sink.

The Beauty Within

179

Tyler could feel the beginnings of an attitude rise within her, so she bit her

lip and counted from five to one. “Are you going to pay me back for the rest of

the bottle?”

His laughter made her want to slap him. “
You
should pay
me
for saving your

life!”

“It’s not dangerous! Clinical studies show—”

“What, you went and did a commercial for them while I was out on my

run?”

Tyler jerked as if he’d slapped her. He could be incredibly nasty when he

was upset, and he had a horrible habit of taking it out on her. Despite the fact

this time she was the real cause of his anger, there was no reason for him to be

so rude.

To prevent herself from saying something she would regret, Tyler silently

walked around him and headed for the stairs.

“Where are you going?”

Tyler didn’t answer him, but groaned under her breath when she heard his

footsteps behind her. Before she got good into the bedroom, Gunnar grabbed

her and pushed her against the wall as gently as he could despite the tense

feelings between them.

“Let me go, Gunnar.”

His gray eyes bored into hers, and his fingers dug into her skin, not enough

to cause her pain, but enough for her to know he wasn’t going anywhere as

long as he could help it.

“Why were you taking them?”

“They’re
supplements
—”

“Murderers!”

“Do I look dead to you?”

“But you could be! You think I could take it if I lost you? I—” He dropped

his forehead against hers, his body sagging into hers. Tyler automatically

wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Promise me you won’t take anymore okay? Those things are addictive.”

“They work! I’ve lost so much weight—”

“Tyler…”

“I’m still exercising and eating right and doing everything I’m supposed to,

so why can’t I have a little boost?”

“It’s not healthy, Tyler. I’m not backing down.”

“Only until your sister’s party—”

“No.”

“Gunnar—”

“Stop taking them! I mean it, Tyler! I’m not budging on this. You continue

to take them, then you do so without me here to watch you.”

She took a deep breath. “But your sist—”

Savannah J. Frierson

“Will love you whether you weigh one hundred pounds or one thousand.

Stop worrying about it. You’re perfect for me. No one can ever say otherwise

without making himself a liar.”

Gunnar’s assurances should’ve set her mind at ease, but Quincy had said

similar things, and yet look at how that had turned out. Tyler didn’t say

anything to Gunnar, merely hugging him closer. She knew what she was doing.

She would stop taking the pills, but she would find other ways to help her get

the weight off. Gunnar would appreciate her efforts eventually.

Unfortunate indeed when trust broke down in a relationship, and the trust

between Gunnar and Tyler teetered on the edge. Gunnar always eyed how

much food she ate, insisting she eat more, eat more meat, eat more carbs, eat

more, period. Rabbits ate more than Tyler seemed to, and though he hadn’t

seen another pill for the past two weeks, Gunnar still thought she was becom-

ing far too slim too fast. He actually preferred her generous curves to the more

svelte frame she was hell-bent on getting. If he heard “BMI” or “scale” one more

time, he was going to scream.

It had gotten to the point Gunnar had blacked out all the nutritional facts

on most of the food she ate in his house, and, with the help of Wendy, was able

to get into Tyler’s house while she was at the barbershop and do the same

there. He even brought the Girl Scout cookies out of hiding, hoping her love for

them hadn’t waned on this “lose weight” kick she was on.

“I don’t think I appreciate the fact you got me worried about my sister like

this,” Wendy said, completely serious though she had her tone in a joking

manner.

“Then you talk to your sister; she won’t listen to me,” Gunnar muttered.

They were sitting at the table in Tyler’s kitchen, Wendy looking around the

space of her childhood and smiling at a picture that Tyler had done when she

was nine, not the least bit surprised it was still on the refrigerator door.

“Well, you came at her wrong,” Wendy said with a shrug. “No matter how

right you are, you have to come at a person with respect. You treated her as a

child, so she shut down on you.”

Gunnar bristled, remembering Tyler’s question to her about being her fa-

ther. Then he remembered his response about how her father would react if he

knew about Tyler and the pills.

“I was out of line.”

“You love her; nothing out of line about that,” Wendy said with a small

smile.

“I don’t want to lose her,” Gunnar said quietly. “Honestly, I was more

afraid than angry. I told her those things are addictive, but she didn’t believe

me.”

The Beauty Within

181

Wendy gave him a sympathetic look. “Sounds like you’re speaking from

personal experience.”

“I am,” Gunnar said, running an agitated hand through his hair.

“Does she know?”

“No. I was so upset, so worried. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Secrets?”

Gunnar looked sharply at Wendy, and then his shoulders sagged. “Painful

memories.”

“Though I will say what you said was exactly what I would’ve said, you

should know by now that once Ty gets a goal in her head, there’s very little