The Beat of Safiri Bay (19 page)

“Well someone might have wanted to get back to your dad and used you.” I say but he shakes his head.

“I don’t think that is it.” He says.

“I still think you need to have Karin check it out just in case.” He gets his phone out of his pocket and phones Karin straight away. He walks up and down pacing his room while talking to her. I walk to his window and stare at the banana trees out back. After explaining my suspicion to her he hangs up. “She will look into it.” He says and looks at me as if he is looking right through me. “Do you believe me?” he asks. I can’t believe he thinks I will doubt that. He obviously doesn’t know how I feel about him. I think this is the perfect time to show him, but I wouldn’t know where to start. He walks to me slowly and puts his arms around my waist. My heart is beating in my head and I know what will happen next. He brings his face really close to mine but doesn’t kiss me. He stares into my eyes and then suddenly he grabs me and we flop onto the bed, me on top of him. My hair falls around our faces and makes a curtain around us. I slowly let my face down closer to his but before I know what happened he has us turned around, him lying on top of me but I don’t feel his weight at all. He holds himself up one arm and with the other he strokes my face. The world comes to a standstill around me. His sweet breath on my mouth makes me squirm under his body and I grab onto his shoulders. The only thing I can think of is him kissing me but he doesn’t. My head is about to explode with all the blood rushing through it. My hands run up and down his back and I hold onto his strong neck. I don’t think I am breathing at all. I have never had fireworks going off in my body like this ever before and what I thought were butterflies in my tummy turned out to be a swarm of bees. And all he is doing is looking at me. “What the fuck is this?” Matt’s voice interrupts and Alex rolls off me. I sit up on the bed and pull my knees under my chin. “Matt,” I breathe out shocked to have been caught out like this. “I was going to tell you but it didn’t look like a good time with everything going on with you and Chantel.” He stares at me with such disbelieve you would swear I was cheating on him the way he reacts. Alex gets up and walks to the door. “Next time please knock,” he says calmly and shuts the door in Matt’s face. “No Alex,” I jump up and run past him out the room. Matt is in his room and the door is locked. I hammer against it, “Matt, open this door,” but nothing happens. “Matthew please open the door for heaven’s sake I need to talk to you.” Alex takes my hand off the door but I push him away. “Alex, I need to do this,” I look at him and he leaves. “Matthew, please,” The door opens just a crack and I put my foot in it. “Can I come in?”

“Why, I think I know everything I need to know now.” I push the door open and step inside. He closes it behind me and I wonder what Alex will think of this. “How long have you been seeing him behind my back?” He asks coldly.

“Matthew, I have never done anything behind your back. I told you I was falling for someone remember.”

“Yeah, you just didn’t tell me it was my cousin. Why not? Did you know I wouldn’t approve?” I turn to face him then and shake my head at him furiously. “Why would I need your approval? I am old enough to make my own decisions and what is it to you in anyway?”

“Lany baby, I care about you,” he whispers. “Maybe even more than I should. When you asked me to kiss you the other night I knew that I was not imagining my feelings.” I can’t believe what I am hearing. Alex was right. How did I miss this? How on earth did I manage to get two cousins who live in the same house to fall in love with me? I never wanted this. “Matt, you are my only friend and I love you, so so much, but I never gave you any reason to think more of it than that did I?” I see the hurt on his face and in his beautiful blue eyes.

“No I guess you didn’t.” He turns to walk away but I grab his arm.

“Matt, I am sorry. I didn’t know, I mean if I knew,”

“What then? What if you knew? Would you have chosen me instead?” I can’t answer him because I don’t know the answer myself. Matthew is so easy to have around. He understands me so completely and when he kissed me there was something, I felt it, but with Alex there is magic, electricity. I look into his eyes and I know that I have big problems. He reaches for me and hugs me tightly. I let him and I hug I'm back. I hear the door open softly but Matthew doesn’t let go of me. “Next time, please knock,” he says but Alex walks right in and grabs me from Matt’s embrace. “That’s enough,” he says and I go with him leaving Matthew standing in his room alone. We walk to the lounge and I take my bag ready to leave. “Lane, are you going?” Alex looks at me a bit upset.

“Yes, I have had a very long day, it’s getting late and I have music tomorrow.”

“I thought you only taught on Tuesday and Thursday?”

“Yes well I made arrangements with Matt.” He holds my hand and won’t let go. “Alex,” I say but he still doesn’t let go.

“Lane, I need to know...”

“I am going to say this just one more time so make sure you listen carefully okay?” he drops my hand and nods. “I love you Alex,” he sighs but I continue. “But I also love Matthew,”

“Lane you will have to...”

“Let me talk now please. Matthew is my best friend and I love him. I have known him for a long time and I will never do anything to harm our friendship. But Alex, I am in love with you. You are the man I want to share my love with. Can you handle that?”

“So Matthew is only a friend...”

“Yes, one I care very much for and I need to be there for him because that is what friends do. I do not need a jealous boyfriend ruining my friendships. Do you understand?”

“Off course, I will respect that.” He takes my hand again and pulls me closer with a huge smile on his face. “So where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?” I wriggle free and quickly look towards Matt’s room but he is still inside. “Alex, I don’t think this is a good idea, not in Matt’s house. He doesn’t need this as well.”

“You are right. Sorry.”

“If we can’t see each other here we don’t really have anywhere else because my father is ready to hang you if you show your face again at our house. So that leaves us with the beach and all other public places.”

“Mmm, I will have to make a plan about that.”

“My dad is going away tomorrow and he will only be back next week so at least we’ll have the house to ourselves for a few days.”

“Sounds good,” he says and gives me that heart stopping smile that makes my stomach flip over. “I need to go. Please don’t be hard on Matt. He’s going through a tough time.”

“Off course, I will be nice.” I smile at him and walk to Matt’s room. He lets me go without a blink. I am glad he understands now. I open the door slowly and go inside. Matt is sitting on his bed, shirtless with his Gibson in his arms. He looks like an angel, perfect skin, beautiful black curls and crazy blue eyes. The only light is from his bathroom. He puts down the guitar when he sees me. I have never seen Matt without a shirt before, while I was sober, and I am surprised to see that he is well toned. He looks at me from under his black curls and I don’t know whether it is because of what he just confessed to me that I see the fire in his blue eyes. It takes my breath away for a second but I shrug it off and walk over to him. “Yes?” he says to me trying to be tough but I can see he hurts. I walk over to his bed and sit down in front of him. “Matt,” It feels as if I should touch him so I move closer and put my hands on his legs. “You have been my best and only friend for so long. Because of you I am able to do so much more, face so many things I thought was never possible for me. Please don’t shut me out. I need you.” He takes my hands from his legs and holds them in his hands. Then he takes one and pulls it to him. He places it on his bare chest over his heart. My mouth feels dry and I swallow. “Lany baby, this heart is hurting more than I can take.” I feel tears running down my cheeks. “Matt, I am sorry.” he doesn’t remove my hand.

“It is mostly because of Chantel but yes, you have contributed to this.” I can’t see clearly. The tears are ruining my sight. Then I hear him sniff and I wipe my eyes with my free hand. Tears are also running down his face and that is more than what I can take. I get up onto my knees and lean over to him. He hugs me tightly and pulls me onto his lap. We sit like that for a long time crying while he strokes my hair. Then he softly starts to hum a melody. My heart breaks completely for this beautiful man and I feel guilty for being happy with Alex while he is in so much pain. I decide right then to keep my relationship with Alex from him from now on. I cannot bear seeing Matt like this. “Matt, I have to go,” I whisper to him. He traces my jaw with his calloused index finger and leans his forehead against mine. “I love you Lany,” he whispers against my mouth. “I love you too,” I say softly and then he puts his lips against mine and kisses me softly. I don’t pull away but allow him this kiss. Alex will freak out if he knew, probably because he has never kissed me before himself. He lets me go and I say softly, “I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” he nods and gets up from the bed. He walks to the door first but stands looking at it. I follow him and then I see it for the first time, a tattoo, a huge blue dragonfly on his back. “It’s almost exactly like Alex’s.” I say a bit shocked that I never knew about this. “It’s beautiful,” I whisper and he turns to face me. “You are beautiful,” he whispers back at me. “Goodnight Matt.” I say and he opens the door to let me out. “Lany,” he calls after me, “Thank you,” I nod and walk away. Alex is in front of the television. He gets up when he sees me and by the look on his face I can tell he knows I have cried. “You okay?” he asks. “Yeah, I am okay. It’s him I am worried about.”

“Why what did he say?” I don’t think repeating the things that just happened will be good for anyone to hear so I just shrug. “Nothing much, he just looks depressed. Alex, you need to promise me something,”

“What is it?”

“Promise you won’t talk about us in front of him.”

“I can do that,” he says and walks me to the door. “Lane, it will all work out you’ll see.”             

“I hope so Alex, I really do.” “Goodnight,” I say and he hugs me tightly. “Goodnight my love.”

It’s almost eleven o’ clock when I finally park the Jeep. My dad is still in his study and I peek in quickly to say goodnight. “Everything okay?” he asks.

“Yes, I think it will be fine.”

“Lane I am leaving tomorrow morning. I will be back next week sometime.”

“Yes dad, it’s okay, I’ll be fine.”

“I have asked Matthew to keep an eye on you.” I cannot believe what I am hearing. “Oh dad, no, why did you do that?”

“I don’t want you to be alone with Alexander and I will not discuss this matter further.” I know when I have been beaten so I just say goodnight and go to my room. I wonder what exactly he meant by keep an eye on me. Geez, he has no idea what is going on. I am sure it was my dad who convinced Matthew that there could be something between us.

This has been an extremely long day and suddenly this morning with my aunt and uncle seems as if it happened a year ago. I miss my aunt so much tonight. She would have some good advice on my current dilemma. Actually I miss my mother. She was the one person I could talk to about anything. Even though we never talked about the opposite sex I know she would have been the best person to burden with this. She stares at me lifelessly from the frame on my desk. For the first time since she is gone I feel angry. How did she think I would cope with having my heart split in two? Surely there is some kind of secret that all women know to help them cope with things like this. Yes, off course, those helpful secrets are called friends and now my one and only best friend whom I trust with my life has become part of the problem. I cannot talk to my dad about this because he has obviously made up his mind already, Bessie has a rebellious teenager she has to cope with, Emma is just too busy with school to be bothered with boy problems and Lin has not yet become the type of friend I can trust with heavy matters like this. I am completely alone in this and I feel it. For now I will stay away from Matt and try to face Alex without feeling so horribly guilty. My dad will be back on soon so I will use this time to clear my head and think this over. That is exactly what I need to do.

Feeling more in control with my just made plan I decide to take a nice hot bath. Once in bed I take my phone out of my bag and check it for the first time since Matt phoned this afternoon. Lin has been trying to get hold of me. She wants to go run in the morning but it is too late to answer now and I think I need sleep more than a run in anyway. There is also a message from Alex to ask if I arrived home okay. I reply quickly and say that I am going to sleep. He doesn’t reply and I put down my phone. I close my eyes and instantly escape my problems as I fall asleep.

Rocky’s barking wakes me up and I look over to the wall clock to see what time it is. I only have an hour before I have to be at school. I get up to see what the barking is about. Rocky is sitting in front of the gate my dad has just closed. I feel bad for not being awake earlier to greet him but right now I don’t really feel like seeing anyone. I shower and shave and pack my equipment for school. Thandi is in the kitchen washing up and Christina hovers around like she has no other place to be. So my dad didn’t kick her out then. “Oh good morning young lady,” she smiles her too big smile and I have to force myself to be nice. “Good morning,” I say back. I get some cereal and she comes to sit with me at the table. “Lane, I know your dad won’t be here for a few days and I hate to do this to you now but I have to leave as well. I will be here for your birthday off course Sweety. Will you be okay here?” Oh thank goodness. This is even better than what I thought. Complete aloneness, exactly what I need. “Yes, off course,” I quickly answer before she changes her mind. “I have already packed the car so if it’s okay with you I’ll be going now.” She gets up and I swallow down the last of my cereal. “Okay. Well I’ll see you,” I say and she walks out the door. Thandi shakes her head and tuts. “What is it Thandi?” I ask.