The Beat of Safiri Bay (17 page)

“Your boyfriend,” he says in a low tone, “I thought you said...”

“I know what I said, and if you don’t believe me then that is your problem.” He looks at me confused. “Alex, Matt is not and has never been anything more than a friend to me, a very good friend,” I say a little impatiently while paging through the yellowed photographs. He shakes his head as if he still doesn’t believe me and I snap, “Why won’t you believe me? What is it that makes you doubt me even thought I have never lied to you?”

“Never?” he asks and I almost slap him I am so angry.

“No, never,” I say again.

“Then why did you let him kiss you?” It feels as if someone has just knocked the wind out of me, “How do you know about...” I can’t finish the sentence. There is no way Matt would have ever told him. “So he did kiss you then?” I get up and walk to the window. I don’t know how I would be able to explain this one. I can feel the tension in the room build up. This is not going to end well. He stays on the chair and talks to my back, “If he has never been your boyfriend, if you have never had romantic feelings for him why did you let him kiss you?” I don’t answer I just stare out the window, “Why Lane? Why did you lie to me?” I turn around and face him, “Why did you let him kiss you?” he pushes then all control is lost as I almost shout the words at him.

“Because I asked him to,” Alex gets up and pushes the chair back into its place and walks out the door. I sink down onto the corner couch. I can’t believe how pushy he can be. I just couldn’t tell him the truth but I will have to. I get up to go look for him then when my phone rings, its Matt. “Matt,” I answer quietly.

“Lany, I have been worried sick about you. Please tell me you are okay,”

“I am fine, my head hurts a little but it’s much better. How are things in Safiri?”

“Um, okay I guess. When are you coming home?” I know that tone and I know there is something going on. “Matthew, what is it?”

“Don’t worry about it baby, we’ll talk when you come home okay?”

“Okay. I am sorry to have to do this to you but I won’t be there for music tomorrow. We are sort of trapped on the farm and the weather has only cleared this morning. The road should be open again tomorrow so we’ll only be back then.”

“That’s okay. Lany, I’ll swop the two days so you can teach on Wednesday and Thursday. Can I ask why Alex is there with you?” I was hoping that he wouldn’t ask. I see Alex and I don’t want him to disappear again without talking to him first. “We’ll talk about it when I’m back okay.”

“Okay. Oh and Lany, please be careful.” I am not sure how to answer to that. What does that mean? “Sure,” I say and hang up quickly. Aunty Lee is outside with Ketiwe hanging out the washing. I walk around the yard looking for Alex and then I see him with my uncle in the garage. I will have to talk to him later. Aunty Lee calls me and I go stand with her and Ketiwe instead.

Alex has ignored me the entire day except for asking out about my head. He has not even looked at me again but I just can’t seem to get him alone to explain to him why I did what I did. I don’t look forward to that, it will be very embarrassing but if I want to keep him I will have to explain. We have a late dinner and I decide to take a bath while my Uncle and Aunt watch the eight o’clock news. Alex follows me silently to the bathroom and goes to sit in front of the door like this morning, only this time he is not saying a word.

He doesn’t follow me to my bedroom but goes to watch some TV with my family instead. I sit on my bed and dry my hair with my towel. Why did I have to fall in love with this mysterious man? I know who his father is and I know who his cousin is but I don’t really know him at all. What did he do? Why is everyone warning me against him or thinking that he might hurt me. I climb into bed but decide to see if Matt is still up. I take my phone and lie down under the covers of the bed. I see Lin left me a message but I will deal with her tomorrow. I scroll down to Matt’s name and type.

You still up?

I wait.

Matt: Hey Lany, whats up?

Me: Just wanted to check on you. You sounded a bit off this morning.

Matt: Yeah, no I’m okay. We’ll talk about it later. Is Alex with you?

Me: Nope, watching TV with the family. Why?

Matt: Just wondered.

Me: Matt, what is it with him? What did he do?

Matt: I don’t think we should talk about this now. Just be careful okay!!

Me: Sure

Matt: Miss you

Me: Good night Matt

I put my phone down and lie down. I close my eyes and think of all the things that Alex could have done that is so bad. It must have something to do with the fact that he has lost his license. What can one do to lose your license? I grab my phone again and google: causes of losing your license to practise as gp. The list goes on and on. Nothing seems like something Alex would do. He doesn’t need money so it won’t be illegal practising. I close the browser on my phone and put it down. I am so frustrated. I am accused of lying when all I ever did was tell the truth but he is hiding some terrible secret and no one wants to tell me what it is. I decide then that if it was so terrible Matt would never have even thought of introducing me to Alex. But then I realise, he didn’t. I met him by accident. I close my eyes and try to go to sleep but my mind won’t shut down. I think more than an hour passed before I finally won the battle and a restless sleep took over control of my body.

My mother is standing on the same yacht I saw Matt on and she is waving at me but then her hair falls out and blows away in the wind. Her face looses it flesh and she becomes a skeleton still waving at me. Alex appears by her side and pretends to listen to her heart beat with his stethoscope but as soon as he touches her bony body the pieces fall apart and Alex laughs at the heap of bones at his feet. I shout at him to get away from her but he just stands there laughing. “Lane, it’s okay, it’s just a dream wake up, Lay wake up,” I open my eyes and see his face right there in front of me but instead of feeling relieved I feel scared and another scream escapes my throat. “What is it?” he asks worried and looks behind him to see if I saw something else, I realise then that it was just another nightmare. “I'm sorry, it was just, I had a bad dream that’s all,”

“Well if you are okay I’ll go now,”

“No. Alex, please don’t leave,” I look at him with frightened eyes, “please,” I beg. He runs a hand through his messy hair and slowly walks to the bed. “Scoot up,” he says and gets into bed with me. This time I don’t look away. He lies down and stares up at the ceiling. “You want to tell me about your dream?” he asks but I shake my head. “I don’t want to talk about that, but I do want to talk about this morning.” He gets up then to leave but I grab his arm and he sits back down on the edge of the bed. “Well I don’t want to talk about
that
,” he says.

“Alex, you don’t understand. The only reason I asked Matt to kiss me was...” I struggle for words. “It was never in a romantic way, at all. It was more like a teacher-student kind of kiss.” He looks at me as if I have lost the plot. “You are right, I don’t understand,” I take a deep breath and try again. “I asked him to teach me. I didn’t know how to do it and I didn’t want to make a fool of myself if you ever tried to kiss me.” The last few words were just a whisper.

“So there was nothing to it? Strictly business?” he asks.

“Yes, strictly business,” I repeat.

“I don’t think he knows that.” I look at him confused by his words. “What do you mean?”

“I mean what I say; I think he might think that there is something between the two of you.”

“No, I think you are wrong. He knows how I feel about him.”

“But what he doesn’t know is how you feel about me, or how I feel about you.” He leans closer to me and pulls me on to his lap. I curl up like a baby and cling to him. “Lane, I love you. Please never forget that.” He lets me go and we lie down under the duvet looking into each other’s eyes, his one hand around my waist the other one stroking my face. “Go back to sleep now beautiful,” he smiles at me and I move closer to tuck my head under his chin. “Don’t leave me okay,” I whisper.

“Okay,” he says and I fall asleep in the arms of the only man that has ever made me feel this alive. This time when I wake up he is still there. My leg is thrown over his legs again and my arm is on his chest. I don’t move away this time but lie still to look at him. “I am awake,” he says with closed eyes and smiles. “Oh,” I say and lift my arm off his chest.

“No, I like it there,” he says and I put my arm back down. “You smell like a flower do you know that?” I laugh and slowly trace the contours of his chest with my index finger. He grabs my hand and shifts onto his side holding me to his body. “If you have never kissed anyone before then that also means that you have never...” He says rather pleased with himself. My face heats up immediately and I tuck my head under his chin. That way I have more confidence. “No I just go around having sex with random men without kissing them and then pretend to have a severe case of OCD for the fun of it.” He laughs loudly and pats my bottom with his hand. “That is very funny,” he says and lifts my head so my eyes look into his. “Alex, I find any kind of contact with any man very hard work. The kiss with Matt...”

“Lay, I understand, I was just pointing out a fact that’s all,” he says and plants a firm kiss on my cheek. He lets go of me and gets out of bed. “Where are you going?” I ask but he only looks at me from over his shoulder.

“To take a cold shower,” he says and smiles at me. Then I see it for the first time, a beautiful blue dragonfly tattoo. How did I never see this? “Alex, wait,” he turns and looks at me worriedly.

“What is it?” he asks obviously thinking I have some kind of problem but I reassure him quickly. “Your tattoo, I didn’t know you had one.”

“Oh, that, yes. Listen Lay, I need a shower. See you at breakfast.” And he walks out of the room.

Breakfast was good as it always is on the farm. But it couldn’t hide the sombre atmosphere that was hanging around our heads. Aunty Lee is very sad to be saying goodbye again but I promise to come and visit again soon. “Only if you bring your handsome man again,” she jokes. Uncle Nick helps Alex to carry our things to the very dirty Audi and we say our goodbyes on the lawn in front of the house. Once on the road I send my dad a message to say that we have just left. He can work out the arrival time for himself. Alex hasn’t let go of me since this morning. He has been either holding my hand or had his arm wrapped around my waist. Even now in the car he is holding on to my leg with one hand. The automatic transmission of the Audi makes it easier for him because at least he doesn’t have to shift gears all the time. We make only one stop again at the same filling station as two days ago. On the last stretch of our trip I decide to BBM Lin to ask how she is. She has now adjusted to being an engaged woman and is back to training full time again. As I put my phone down it vibrates in my hand. I do not recognise the number the text message came from but opened it in anyway. My shock must have been audible because Alex looks at me right away but my eyes are frozen to my little phone’s screen. “Lane, what is it?” He asks but I say nothing. He takes the phone from my hands and looks at the image on the screen. After a few seconds he asks very calmly, “Who sent you this?” I look at him then with my pale shocked face,

“I don’t know?” I whisper. He deletes the image and hands me back my phone. “Is it for real?” I ask and he sighs loudly.

“Yes, but it was for nothing. Lane I didn’t want you to form an opinion about me before you got to know me for yourself. That is why I never told you about it. Karin cut her holiday short because they moved the court date to an earlier time. She had some more work to do on the case.”

“But I still don’t know what it is you did. What can be so terrible that you had to get arrested for it and then you lost your license? For heaven’s sake Alex, you know everything about me but I know nothing of you. And now I get this photo of you in handcuffs.” The pained look on his face is more than what I have prepared myself for. But I don’t look away from him. He sits quietly for a minute holding on the steering wheel. “Lane, I love you.” He says eventually. “I have never loved like this before,” when he looks at me then, his blue eyes are serious. “I swear I didn’t do what they accuse me of. You have to believe me, please Lane.”

“Just tell me what happened,” I beg.

“Okay I will.” He says quietly. “Can I see you tonight? We can’t do this in the car.”

“But I want...”

“No Lane, I don’t know how you will react and I want you to be able to think clearly about it. You might feel intimidated here on the road with just the two of us alone.” I think about that for a second. I don’t know how he can think that. He obviously doesn’t know how I feel about him. He has become the reason I want to wake up in the morning. I never thought it would be possible for me to fall in love and have that person feel the same way about me. With all my problems doing normal things are a bit more challenging. But I know that I love him even though I don’t know a lot about him. I love him for caring for me more than anyone has ever done in my life. I don’t care about what he did or didn’t do. I love him and I will not run away from him. “Okay, tonight,” I say and he reaches for my hand. “Thank you Lane,” he says and leans over quick to place a kiss on the top of my head. We drive the rest of the way in a comfortable silence holding onto each other’s hands.