The Admirer's Secret (8 page)

Chapter 16

W
hen Allen got back to his one-room rental, he searched through his tiny yet meticulously organized closet looking for the perfect attire. Deciding on a loose, button-down shirt and a pair of jeans, Allen carefully placed the clothes on his bed. He was pleased with himself for his dating ingenuity: offering tutoring sessions to score dinner dates with Haley. He anticipated tonight’s success since he knew she’d want to be prepared for the final project. His strategy proved fruitful once again.

So far everything between them remained cordial but distant. He had hoped they’d be more personal by now, but time hadn’t permitted it just yet. Two
classes over two weeks wasn’t nearly long enough to woo a woman into following him to Los Angeles; but a career opportunity of a lifetime was. Haley and Allen had spent a little more than eight hours together in a classroom setting, but he was ready to get to know this beautiful creature on a deeper level. At first it was purely physical attraction. Soon her appeal was reinforced with every new imagining. Every day since their first meeting Allen sweetly surrendered to visions of Haley. Everything she did and said reiterated one thing in his mind: She was perfect. Perfect for a broken man like himself.

She would be an ideal match—genuine, kind, and obviously eager about his creative interests. When she bounced into his classroom, her step was full of life. Yet she was submissively shy, too. Quiet
, the type to stay out of his limelight, and enough of a follower to let him do the leading. Unlike his attention-starved ex who couldn’t resist competing for all the glory, Haley was exactly what he had been looking for: passive yet passionate. And at this stage in his life, he needed a zealous counterpart to carry on his work. The way she hung on his every word made it clear that she would happily carry out that task. She was the one, alright.

Allen spent time admiring Haley from afar.
His tire tracks in front of her house proved his determination to know every little thing about her—from her morning routine to her bedtime habits. Haley was perpetually fifteen minutes late to everything. She always ate on the run, except for dinner when she’d usually eat at her mom’s house. She went to bed well after midnight. Her schedule was like clockwork.

Eventually
Allen would tell her how he felt, in hopes that she would reciprocate the emotional attachment already cultivating inside him. Surprisingly, he wasn’t afraid that she would reject him. Sure, he had a blemished past, but it was forgivable. He suspected Haley was the kind of girl who would appreciate a good thing. And he was a good thing.

Examining himself in an oblong mirror precariously perched on top of his bureau, he pulled at the skin on his face. He had aged significantly in the past
year, appearing much older than he actually was. Stress would do that to a person. But that part of his life was over now. His past was far behind him. How quickly a little joy could heal past wounds! Watching Haley develop her creative and artistic abilities could vicariously grant him a whole new life. Energy, excitement, pleasure—all of life was his oyster and Haley was his pearl.

Then the realization smacked him across his bony face: Haley must be the reason he was directed
by some greater power to Westfield. She was the reason he left Los Angeles, and the last few dark weeks, behind. She was the reason he taught that class. All this was finally clear to him. She just didn’t know it yet, but she would find out soon enough. Tonight he planned to tell her his secret. 

With a couple hours to kill, Allen plopped onto his bed and flicked on his bedside lamp. Perhaps a little meditation would settle his nerves. He
folded his arms under his head and stared up at the ceiling, filling his imagination with visions of Haley. He wasn’t worried about sweeping her off her feet. He knew Haley, a country girl, would appreciate simple, sincere gestures. If only he could find the perfect way to show her how much he loved her.

He saw her hunger, her appetite for life. That had been him at one point in his life with starry-eyed zeal, but that was so long ago. Every
Hollywood figure lost his innocent fervor eventually. Yet Haley reminded him of what it felt like back in the beginning of his career, and he would do anything to win her, including offering her the world. And he would. But time was growing short for him to tell her.

He needed to take that leap before it was too late.

He needed to make clear his intentions.

He had thought his desire for her was blatantly obvious, but perhaps not. Tonight he’d make sure there was no miscommunication.

As bright as Haley is, sometimes she can be so blind
, he thought. Her eyes would soon be opened.

Chapter 17

“I
really appreciate your offer to help me, Allen,” Haley said as she slipped into the booth across from him at Vine City Restaurant a few minutes after seven o’clock. A little nervous at being alone with him, her eyes wandered around the open area, observing the trail of gray slush that must have dripped off of her boots from the front entrance all the way to her table. She felt like her voice boomed against the hush as she noted the limited number of patrons for a Saturday evening. Their waitress hustled to retrieve two glasses of water with lemon after dropping off their menus.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about my final project, and get some feedback from you on what I may need to work on more. I really want to be considered for that trip to
Hollywood, Allen, and I’d be willing to do anything for it.”

Allen nodded. “Anything?”

His question shot an awkward sensation all through her, and her eyes resultantly averted his gaze. The only other patrons, as far as she could tell, were a family of four seated in the center of the restaurant and an elderly couple in the corner holding hands from across the table and talking quietly. Haley watched Allen glance over at the couple and the tiniest smile cracked his typically somber appearance.

The lighting was bright and cheerful, illuminating his piercing blue eyes and pallid skin. Stress lines etched across his forehead, deep like crevices that had been there for years. But
oddly, he looked less haggard than when she saw him for the first time a week ago. Perhaps it was his eyes; they didn’t look so vacant anymore.

“
Pretty much anything, within reason. Well, you know what I mean,” she finally answered.

“
I’m just teasing you, Haley. I’m glad to help,” Allen replied. “So what do you think you need to work on?” He raised a blond eyebrow as he leaned in.

Pulling her briefcase to her side, Haley rifled through some papers and produced a yellow legal pad.

“Okay, where to start.” Her nail clicked against the notes as she picked a topic to open the discussion. “Hmm… well, you’ve read my first draft, and I guess I just want to know what you think of the main character—if he’s romantic and intriguing the way I want him to come across.”

“Italian, gorgeous—he sounds a little typical if you ask me, Haley. He doesn’t happen to be based on anyone you know, does he?”

Hmm… hadn’t thought of that. 

“No, not particularly—”

Allen’s upheld index finger shushed her immediately.

“Stop,” he interrupted. “Before you say anything more, let me just ask you something. Do you remember two weeks ago when I asked everyone to write about why they
believed they had what it takes to be successful in the movie industry?”

She nodded. Haley thought back to that night… that endless night of self-realization. The night she reflected on her life—her yesterdays, todays, and tomorrows—and how writing gave her meaning and purpose
through all those years. Was she willing to go all the way, no matter what? Even at the loss of love? Maybe. Absolutely. It was all she had, and she would fight for it. That’s what she wrote.

“
Well, I remember what you wrote too. Writing is everything to you. You know the characters personally and experience the action and envision the scenes in your mind. You said that your screenplay is a part of you. I was inspired by that, Haley. And I’m inspired by your work. But this meeting isn’t about the details of your final project. It’s about the bigger picture. I want to know: Are you all in?”

Haley folded her hands on her lap as she considered the question. What did “all in” mean? That she was prepared to work hard?

“Yes, I’d say I’m all in.”

“Would you sacrifice your life for this industry?”

It was the million-dollar question. When it came down to it, she might have to throw away all she knew in pursuit of fame and fortune. Was job success worth losing everything else—her mom, her home? She had never considered the ultimatum; no one had ever asked her to choose between job success and everything else—possibly love. If she pursued her career head-on, any possible chance with Marc would be left in the dust. Could she devote her efforts to both and still have it all?

The query sparked another thought. After spending the past couple hours planning and outlining topics she wanted to cover in tonight’s meeting, this conversation certainly wasn’t what she had expected. Allen wasn’t here to work through her project; he was
obviously here to see where her heart was.

Across from her sat a real-life producer who personified the ideal she had envisioned for herself since youth. With his tucked in shirt and belted jeans a size too small, Allen was essentially inviting her into his world. A small-town no-
name was having dinner with destiny. It all seemed so surreal, so… impossible. Was she, a country girl, really worth standing in this man’s shadow, or was he perhaps not everything he proclaimed to be? Allen’s eyes observed her expectantly.

“Go ahead,” he
prodded, rolling his hand in midair.

“Well
… yes. I would sacrifice everything for this career. It’s what I’ve always wanted, and I couldn’t throw away an opportunity to achieve this goal.”

Her voice was subdued by the awkward lull between them. She clung to the hush as a concoction of fear and anticipation developed once the words were out in the open. Was she being honest with him—with herself? If asked to sacrifice everything for the sake of her dream, could she do it?

Chapter 18

W
riting is both mask and unveiling
. The quote by E. B. White was one Allen lived by, though he preferred the mask to the unveiling.

Words had always been his vice, no matter how dangerous. Once they’re out in the open, there’s no taking them back. They can be the death of a man like Allen.

He wanted to tell Haley everything on his heart right then and there. He wanted to tell her what he was running from, what he wanted to run to. But he perceived it would be too much. Her aloofness told him she wasn’t ready. He needed to build her trust first and ensure she’d be willing to accept everything he had to offer. The unspoken words ached within; he needed to say it all out loud, just to cool the emotional furnace burning deep inside. He knew he would feel better unveiling every part of him to her. But instead he tightened his lips. Too soon. As quickly as he was prepared to tear down his wall, he built it back up, brick by brick.

Allen wasn’t sure where to go from here. As he examined Haley’s face, her intense green eyes stared through his mask. Her chin was perched on her hands, resting comfortably as he talked. It was magnificent being alone with her. Better than he dreamed it would be. He imagined leaning over and kissing her, her lips soft against his. He allowed himself to be carried away in its
promise of bliss. It was so real that he could almost feel her hot breath against his mouth.

“Haley, there
’s something I want to tell you,” he said when Haley paused. He heard the vulnerability in his own voice. He swallowed hard.

Tell her! Get it off your chest!
his heart egged him on. But his mind warned him otherwise:
If you tell her, she’s going to freak out. Don’t do it.

“Sure, you can tell me,” she encouraged.

His heart won.

“Well, this isn’t about work. It’s something a little more personal. And the only reason I wanted to tell you is because I feel like our friendship is starting to develop and, well, friends share things about themselves, right?”

“Of course; you can tell me anything. What is it?” There was an edge to her voice, a definite edge.

His stomach felt like it was going to hurl the lemon water he’d been sipping. “I don’t know what you’ve heard about me through the media, but I’
m in the middle of a messy divorce. Anyway, my wife—ex-wife—seemed to take it much harder than I did. She was really disturbed over it. Not too long ago she told me she’d kill herself if I didn’t take her back.”

Lies. All lies. Susan had left without looking back. But it sounded believable.

Haley gasped. “I’m so sorry.”

He detected sympathy. He looked down at her hands reaching across the table, cupping his in hers, stroking
his tenderly. The smooth flesh of her fingertips delivered tremors to his body. He couldn’t believe how well she was taking this news. Perhaps he had a chance with her after all. Perhaps she
was
perfect. Perhaps she was the angel he had been waiting for.

“Well, there’s more,” he said. “After she threatened her own life, I knew that she could potentially come after me, so I had to take matters into my own hands—”

“Can I take your order?” A ponytailed server stood over them, leaning her hip into the edge of the table with pen and pad ready. Allen sighed at the intrusion, rethinking his confession and considering it a good opportunity to back out. He had shared enough for one day. He’d revisit the conversation when they were alone and when he knew he could trust her.

They both placed their orders; Haley ordered
the fish and chips, and Allen chose a chicken sandwich. Making a mental note of Haley’s food preferences, he began documenting in his mind the things he knew about Haley. And everything about her, so far, was perfect.