The Accidental Boyfriend (17 page)

Some of the joy he’d been reveling in began to fade as he realized she was serious about leaving in two days. He’d known this wasn’t going to last forever—that was the point of a casual fling—but still, he’d thought he had more than a day and a half.

He barely paid attention to the conversation after that. And since the conversation was about the designers Lucia was working with and the fashion show the following night, neither woman seemed to expect him to contribute much anyway.

It wasn’t until they were back at the apartment and Lucia went to bed that Jack brought it up again. They were alone on the balcony, enjoying the cool breeze and twinkling lights. “Are you really in such a hurry to leave this?” he asked, gesturing to the view.

Holly smiled over at him. “I hate to leave, but it’s time I get back to reality.” She let out a little sigh, “Don’t get me wrong, Jack. This has been…” her voice trailed off and he found himself waiting eagerly for her to finish. What? It had been fun? Amazing? Breathtaking? She never finished. Instead she just smiled again, though her eyes held sadness. “But this isn’t reality. I can’t keep hiding from my life.”

Jack took a deep breath and nodded slowly. He could understand that. By staying here she was putting off talking to her sister and the rest of her family.

“I need to figure out where I’m going next or if I want to stay in Oakdale,” she continued. “And I need to talk to Benjamin.”

Jack’s head snapped up at the mention of the other man’s name. They had both studiously avoided talking about him ever since the first time they slept together. He still hated the name. More than ever, in fact.

“I thought you said it was over,” he said.

She shrugged. She was staring off into the distance and he wished she would look his way. He wanted to see what emotions were playing out in her eyes. “That’s what he said,” she answered. “But it doesn’t feel resolved, you know? There’s still so much to be said.”

Like what? He wanted to ask. But a part of him realized he didn’t want to hear the answer. If she was planning on begging him to come back, he didn’t want to know.

Instead he found himself saying, “Do you think he’ll change his mind?” When she didn’t immediately answer, he added, “Do you want him to?”

That got her attention. She turned to him then with a bittersweet smile. She ignored the last question but answered the first. “I think it’s possible that he’ll change his mind. People do it all the time.” He saw her inhale deeply and knew she was hurting despite the smile. “I did. I mean, I used to think I would never settle down. I thought I would always want to be carefree, no responsibilities, no commitments. But then I…I changed my mind.”

There was a deeper sadness in her eyes that he would give anything to erase. He hadn’t missed the hitch in her voice when she was talking. Something or someone had made her change her mind. Whatever it was, she clearly didn’t want to talk about it. He reached out a hand and placed it on her arm and she squeezed it.

Shaking her head as though shaking off the memories, she asked lightly, “So what about you? Do you think you’ll ever change your mind?”

“About?” he asked, though he knew exactly what she was referring to.

Her eyes narrowed as she studied him. She knew he was being intentionally obtuse. “Do you think you’ll ever change your mind about commitment, relationships, family…” She made a vague gesture as her voice trailed off.

His chest tightened at the question. He didn’t want to answer. He had a cache of witty comebacks that he used whenever anyone asked him if he would ever settle down but right now they all seemed insincere and shallow—completely inappropriate in the wake of her honest emotions.

So he said the truth. “It wouldn’t be a good idea.”

She blinked at him in surprise. “What do you mean?”

He lifted a shoulder in a halfhearted shrug. “Ask my family what they think about me procreating,” he said with a laugh. “You’ll get an earful of reasons why it wouldn’t work. Hell, ask Danny or Brunelli, they’ll tell you why it’s a terrible idea.”

Holly tilted her head as she studied him. Setting her chin in a stubborn expression he was coming to know well she leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed. “I’m not asking them, I’m asking you.”

He tried to think of a good response but his mind was annoyingly blank.

She leaned forward and stared at him with an intensity that was unnerving. “You know what I think, Jack? I think you and I have pigeonholed ourselves. We created these identities when we were younger and now that’s how everyone sees us.”

He noticed the unusually serious look in her eyes and the way her lips were tight with emotion. She was passionate about this and it seemed crucial to her that he understand. He thought about what she’d said and realized the truth in it. He had spent the better part of his life playing the role of the carefree playboy—the cocky, unpredictable, unreliable rogue. It had gotten to the point where he didn’t know where the role ended and he began.

“Maybe you’re right,” he said. He forced a smile despite the tightness in his chest. “But maybe I like who I am. Maybe I don’t want to change.”

She didn’t return his smile. Not right away at least. He could feel a tension build between them that he hated. But it was also a relief. A panicky feeling of expectation had begun to form and he couldn’t face it. Not yet.

Finally she returned his smile and her laugh was self-deprecating. “You’re right,” she said. “I guess sometimes reputations come about for a reason. Of course you don’t want to change that and why should you? You’ve got the world eating out of the palm of your hand. Any guy would trade places with you.”

Jack returned her smile but the warm contentment he’d experienced for the past two days was rapidly cooling and there was an empty pit in his gut when he considered her words. Any guy would trade places with him, she’d said. Something told him there was one man who wouldn’t—Benjamin.

When it was time to head to bed, he tugged her hand, pulling her into his room. She didn’t argue and when the door closed and he pulled her into his arms, she went willingly. Eagerly. When they made love there was an urgency between them, an emotional connection that had never been there before.

* * * *

Lucia was like a dog with a bone. The two women had gone out to get some groceries for lunch and Lucia had spent the entire outing grilling Holly on the Jack situation. That’s what Lucia was now calling it. “The Jack Situation.” “It’s not a ‘situation’,” Holly explained. “It’s just…” What was it, exactly? Because she had no idea. “Fling” didn’t seem right, not with the amount of talking and laughing and…connecting…that had gone on between them over the past few days. But, at the same time, it wasn’t like they were dating. He had made that abundantly clear many times over.

Her mind drifted back to her big mouth the night before when she’d called him out on his reputation. What had she been thinking? She’d been kicking herself all day for being
that girl
.

He’d been nothing but honest with her from the very beginning. He wasn’t looking for a relationship. She was fine with that. But for a brief moment there when she’d been talking about changing one’s mind, she’d realized that she was talking about Jack and not Benjamin. She was wondering if he would ever change his mind about wanting a family.

She forced a deep breath as she pushed that memory away. It had been a momentary weakness. Still, that little slip up—that emotional snafu—was a great reminder that it was time for her to move on. With or without Benjamin.

With that in mind, she turned to face Lucia as they got on the elevator to the penthouse. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. The ‘situation’ will be over soon. I’m heading back to Italy, remember?”

“I remember,” her friend grumbled. “You’re running away.”

Holly’s jaw dropped as she saw her friend’s wicked grin. “Am not!”

Lucia rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say, scaredy-cat.”

Holly pulled a baguette from the bag she was holding and swatted her friend with it.

The conversation came to a screeching halt once the doors to the suite opened and Jack come toward them to help relieve them of the groceries.

“To be continued,” Lucia said under breath before disappearing into the kitchen.

“What was that about?” Jack asked.

Holly widened her eyes to give him an innocent look. “Um, nothing?”

He gave a snort of disbelief but he let it go.

After lunch, they took a walk along the Seine and Holly tried not to get too despondent at the thought of leaving the city. She would be back. Maybe not with Jack and most likely never in such luxury, but she would definitely be back.

They came back to the apartment just as Lucia started getting ready for the fashion show. Jack and Holly still had a little time before dinner with his parents. Her final performance as Jack’s girlfriend. After that they planned on meeting up with Lucia at the fashion show after party.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Jack said as he flopped down beside her on the couch. “You’ve been unusually quiet all day.”

She gave him the sunniest smile she could muster given the heavy ache that had settled in her chest all day. She drew in a deep breath. “I guess I just haven’t had my quota of sugar for the day. That will have to be remedied.”

Jack reached a hand out and tugged her against him. “I’ve got your sugar right here, baby,” he said in a comically low voice.

Holly laughed and swatted his hand. “Lucia is in the other room and I have to get ready for dinner.” Her grin grew wicked. “I guess dessert will have to wait.”

He groaned as she stood up and headed toward the door. “You don’t have to run off right away.”

When she reached the doorway she turned around to face him, “I have to get ready. I’ve got to make a good impression on my boyfriend’s parents,” she said in a sing-song voice.

He grinned at her. “Very funny.”

She turned to leave but then poked her head back into the living room as a thought occurred to her. “Mind if I borrow your laptop for a bit? I want to make sure I haven’t missed any big news from home.”

“It’s all yours,” he said with a wide wave of his hand.

* * * *

Holly skimmed through her mom’s melodramatic emails. As expected, the fact that she’d taken off to France did not go over well at home. Thank God it was Ivy who’d had to listen to the lectures and not her.

Glancing over the slew of junk mail, one name popped out at her.
Benjamin.
Holly’s breath caught as her finger hovered over his name debating if she wanted to read it. She’d finally stopped crying and was doing a great job of distracting herself, thanks in no small part to the hottie in the living room. But curiosity won out and she opened the email.

Her mouth went dry and she swallowed compulsively as she read,

Holiday,

I’m so sorry for the way we left things on the phone. You know I’ve always loved you. You’ve always been the girl of my dreams and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about what it could be like if we gave it another shot. I’m just not sure we should be jumping into something right now. I’d like to take it slow and see what happens. I understand if you don’t want to wait. We’ll talk more when you get home.

Take care of yourself,

Benjamin

Holly read the note three times in a row before sitting back, one hand clapped over her mouth as she wobbled between excitement and frustration. He wasn’t saying no! But he wasn’t saying yes, either. So where did that leave them? With hope, she finally decided. At the very least, she had hope that her dreams for the future would come true. And just like that, the daydream that had seemed so preposterous the day before was back in place.

She could do this. Jumping off the bed, she started pacing back and forth in the room. She just had to convince him to give her a chance. They’d talk once she returned, he’d said. Not good enough. Maybe she could buy him a ticket to Italy so he could meet her there. What would be more romantic than a road trip along the Amalfi Coast? And then he’d see her holding Ivy’s baby and it would be game over.

She felt a now-familiar twinge at the thought of holding a baby. It had been a year since the miscarriage but it still hurt. She wanted to experience that miracle again…and soon. And with the right man.

There was a quiet knock on her bedroom door before Jack poked his head in. “Hey, you almost ready? We should probably head out soon.”

Holly stopped mid-pace. Their dinner plans had totally slipped her mind. “Sorry,” she said with an apologetic wince. “I got distracted.”

His eyes narrowed a bit and he pursed his lips. “You look…different.”

She placed her hands on her hips and cocked her head to the side. She pretended to think about it. “Different, huh? Maybe…happy?”

He walked in slowly. “Yeah, that’s it. What’s going on?”

She hesitated for a brief moment. Would it be weird to talk about Benjamin with Jack after the past few days? No, of course not, Jack had made it very clear this was not about feelings.

The words came out on a rush of air. “Benjamin emailed last night to apologize. We’re getting back together!”

Jack stared at her in surprise. His expression was unreadable. “Back together?”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh all right, maybe that’s a stretch. But he wants to talk. He’s not ruling us out.”

She watched Jack shove his hands in his pockets.

“How romantic.” His tone was uncharacteristically caustic.

Holly’s spine stiffened. “Why are you being like that?”

“Like what?” he asked, his tone sharp and the charming grin nowhere to be found.

“Like that.” She turned her back on him so she could close up his laptop and hand it over. When she went to hand it to him, he didn’t immediately take it.

“I think you deserve better,” he said. The words came out so quickly, she thought she’d misheard him. When they sank in her throat closed up and she didn’t know if she was going to cry or scream.

“What do you know about what I deserve?” She hated how hoarse her voice sounded but she continued on, “You don’t know anything about Benjamin. Or me. And you certainly don’t know anything about us as a couple.”