The Accidental Boyfriend (18 page)

“How could I, when you’re not a couple?” he bit back. “You haven’t been for more than a decade, from what I hear.”

The words stung but it was the fact that they were coming from Jack that was really painful. She’d thought he’d understood. For some reason she’d come to believe that he understood her in a way that no one else could. They were two peas in a pod. He
got
her. Or at least he was supposed to.

But no, he only got the side of her that she was ready to leave behind. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” she said, the words coming out between stiff lips.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you’ve made it very clear how you feel about commitment and grown-up relationships.” She moved to the dresser and started to fiddle with her makeup. She picked up her powder before setting it back down. She couldn’t concentrate on what she was doing, she was too addled by the fact that they were fighting.
Fighting
. And with Jack, the most laid-back man she’d ever met.

“Is that what you call whatever this is you two are doing? A grown-up relationship?” He moved so he was in her line of sight and she turned to face him head on. His words were getting to her and that only made her more defensive. He had no idea what he was talking about, why was she even listening to him?

“It’s more grown up than….” She gestured between the two of them. “This.”

He threw his hands up in the air and looked at her like she had lost her mind. “That’s because we agreed, this is not a relationship.”

“Exactly,” she said..

“All right then,” he said, his voice still gruff but his volume going back to normal as they moved toward one another.

Her breath was coming hot and heavy as anger and frustration battled with something else. Desire. Goddammit, he was sexy when he was pissed. His brain seemed to be going in the same direction because he took a step closer and his gaze was locked on her lips. She slipped her tongue out to wet her lips and watched as his eyes turned dark with lust.

“What are we fighting about?” he asked.

“I have no idea,” she whispered. Her mind was a blank. All she could think of was closing the distance between them and feeling his lips on hers. All it would take was one tiny step forward. She leaned forward and he met her halfway there, his arms pulled her tight against him as their lips met in an urgent, breathless kiss.

A soft knock of the door made her jump back. She stared at him with wide eyed horror as Lucia called through the door. “Everything okay in there? I heard yelling.”

Jack wiped a hand over his face and drew in a deep breath. He looked just as rattled as she felt.

“We’re fine,” Holly called out as she headed toward the door. She opened it to find Lucia looking absolutely stunning in full hair and makeup and a dress that looked like it was made for her hourglass figure. Jack let out a whistle behind her.

“You look amazing, Lucia,” he said. She could feel him standing behind her and wished she wasn’t so aware of his body in relation to hers.

Lucia was grinning, her eyes twinkling with excitement as she twirled. “Thank you. Now tell me, what’s going on?”

Holly glanced back to Jack who said, “Nothing to worry about. Holly and I are just having a difference of opinion.”

Lucia looked from Jack to Holly and back again with eyes narrowed in suspicion. Holly had a feeling Lucia wanted to meddle but she kept her mouth shut only making a little “hmmm” noise of disbelief. “Well I’d better go meet up with my friends.” She pointed a finger at them. “You two have fun tonight…and try not to kill each other.”

Holly held up her pinky. “Pinky swear. I will not kill Jack tonight.”

She glanced back at Jack who made of show of rolling his eyes in grudging agreement. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll play nice.”

Lucia laughed and gave them each a peck on the cheek before heading out.

Left alone once again, Holly thought the silence might drown them. What was going on here? They hadn’t known each other long but long enough to know that they did not do awkward silences. Heck, it was amazing they could be in the same room with one another without running out of air. They were both talkers but right now Holly had no idea what to say. Her mind was a blank. Something had changed between them and she had no clue how to make it right.

“Maybe we should talk about what’s been going on with us,” she said. Even she could hear the distaste in her voice. She didn’t want to have to talk about it. That defeated the purpose of a fun fling. But it seemed obvious that they needed to clear the air.

Jack ran a hand through his hair, pushing his hair out of his face. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he said “We both knew it was a casual thing.”

Holly nodded. Good. That was what she was hoping he’d say. She ignored the aching sensation in her chest. Her emotions were all over the place these days, she couldn’t be sidetracked by a silly crush.

There it was. She couldn’t deny it to herself any longer. She was smitten. But then, in her defense, this was the man she’d had a crush on from afar for the past few years, ever since he’d become a tabloid staple. He’d been her fantasy man, just like he had been for every other hot-blooded American woman with a penchant for gossip magazines. There was nothing wrong with that and it didn’t mean anything.

With that thought in mind, she forced herself to nod. “Right, glad we’re on the same page.”

He was watching her with a wry smile.

“We just—it can’t—” she started. She cleared her throat, which had suddenly gone dry. “It can’t happen again.”

His grin dropped and he stared at her with an unreadable expression for a moment before saying, “Yeah, sure. That makes sense.”

“Not that the last few days weren’t great,” she rushed to say. “Because they were.”

“Obviously,” he said, with an over the top smirk that made her laugh despite herself.

“Obviously,” she agreed. “But it’s just that…” Her eyes drifted to the laptop that Jack had set down on the dresser.

She looked back to see Jack studying her. His eyes were merciless as he read her face and her eyes the same way she’d watched him study the screen of his laptop when he was working. Being the object of that intense scrutiny made her shift from foot to foot.

“I get it,” he said at last. “You don’t want to feel like you’re cheating on Benjamin.” She couldn’t help but notice the way Benjamin’s name sounded like a curse word coming out of Jack’s mouth. Was it wrong that there was a little part of her that hoped he was jealous? Probably.

“Thanks for understanding, it’s just—”

“I don’t understand,” he cut in.

“But you just said—”

“I get what you want from me and I’ll respect it. But I don’t understand why.” He was more serious than she’d ever seen him. His brow was furrowed as he continued to study her with a thoughtfulness she suspected few ever witnessed firsthand. She remembered her sister Ivy saying once that there was a serious streak to Jack that most people didn’t see. Well now she was one of the few.

She shifted back toward the dresser so she didn’t have to face him and toyed with the makeup on the counter again, moving items around for no particular reason. He was waiting for her to speak, to explain.

“I’ve known Benjamin forever,” she started. Then she stopped. And what? That meant they had to be together forever? Even she could see how ludicrous that sounded. She took a deep breath and turned to face him, conscious of the fact that she was explaining her decisions for her own sake as much as his.

“He knows me,” she continued. “He knows me inside and out, and he loves me.”

Jack’s eyebrows rose a bit and she knew what he was thinking. “I mean love in the big sense. Like we’re family. He’s already my family. So it makes sense that he should be the man who I have a family with.”

Jack nodded slowly. “I think that’s the problem.”

Her hands stilled as her brain instantly came up with defensive arguments against whatever he was about to say. “What’s my problem?”

He sighed a bit. “You just said ‘it makes sense’ when talking about love. In my experience, the two words aren’t in the same universe. If it makes sense, it’s not love.”

Holly’s breath caught in her throat. She’d never heard him sound so sincere, so genuine. The honesty in his voice took away any sting his words might have caused and instead she found herself fighting against tears that threatened to choke her. His words struck a chord in her that she couldn’t deny.

“I don’t expect you to understand,” she said. When she turned around she saw that he was looking toward the door, seemingly lost in thought.

“And why’s that?” he asked. He didn’t sound angry, just…curious. But he wouldn’t meet her eyes and she found herself struggling to find words that wouldn’t be offensive.

“Because you’re not interested in that kind of thing—family and marriage and all that.”

He was silent but he turned to look at her then. For some reason she felt like she’d hurt his feelings. “You told me that yourself,” she said, as though he’d accused her of lying.

Jack nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

She opened her mouth, about to ask him if he’d had a change of heart. Or if that whole playboy side of him was all part of the persona he put on for the press. But before she had a chance, he changed the topic back to her.

“Why is it so important to you? I mean, from what I know of you, you don’t exactly strike me as the settle down type either.”

Her head snapped back. Did he have any idea how much that hurt? “That’s exactly why I’m trying to change.”

“Because you want to
settle down
?” His lip curled back in a sneer at the word.

“Why do you say it like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like settling down is a joke.”

His eyes widened in shock. “It’s right there in the words. You want to settle.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” she said.

He paced before her, shaking his head. “I just don’t get it.”

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. “I had a miscarriage.”

The silence was deafening. He stopped pacing to turn and look at her, his forehead creased in concern. “What? When?”

Holly sighed. She hadn’t told anyone about the miscarriage, not even Benjamin, and now that the words were out, it was strangely cathartic, like a weight had been lifted from her chest. The pain was still there but it no longer felt so constricting.

“Almost a year ago,” she said. “I was in Croatia and sort of dating some guy. Some loser who meant nothing to me and I clearly meant nothing to him.” She could hear the bitterness in her voice but couldn’t do anything to stop it.

When Jack came toward her, she told herself to push him away—she was trying to keep her distance, that was the whole point of this conversation—but the concern in his eyes was so welcome, she couldn’t bring herself to turn away. He reached his arms out and she stepped into them, letting out a sigh of relief at the warmth and comfort she found there.

“I’m sorry,” he said, speaking to the top of her head.

She nodded, her head against his chest. “Me too.”

Jack struggled to find words to make her feel better. He’d never known the kind of pain she’d gone through but he’d seen it written all over her face and it had broken his heart. He would do absolutely anything to make her feel better, to make her smile. Even if that meant supporting her stupid plan to win back her old flame.
Benjamin.

“Does he know?” Jack asked.

“Benjamin?” she asked. Her voice was muffled against his shirt.

Jack was glad she couldn’t see him flinch. He hated that guy’s name even more coming out of her mouth. “Yeah.” He felt her head shake against his chest.

“No.”

He wanted to ask “why” but contented himself with stroking her back and listening to the sound of her breathing. He would have been content to stay there all day, he realized with a start. That was odd. And unsettling. But there it was. This woman was getting under his skin.

“So,” he continued. “You’ve decided that Benjamin needs to be the father.”

There was a slight pause before he felt her nod. She pushed herself away from him and looked directly into his eyes as she explained. “He’s stable and committed and reliable, he’s…” her voice trailed off but Jack knew how it would finish.
Everything I’m not.

Jack nodded, trying to swallow back the frustration he felt over her logic. “So you’ve decided he’s the guy you want to marry even though you don’t love him? Don’t these hypothetical kids of yours deserve to have two parents who love each other?”

Holly’s mouth dropped open and he watched her cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink. At first he thought he’d just surprised her but once she found her voice, it was anger he heard. “I
do
love him, how many times do I have to tell people that?”

“As many times as it takes until you believe it, I suppose.” The words came out of Jack’s mouth before he could stop them. He clamped his mouth shut at her wide-eyed look of shock. Dammit, he hadn’t intended to hurt her. It wasn’t his place to tell her who to love and what to do with her life. He shouldn’t be involved. This was exactly why he
didn’t
get involved.

“Is this because of…us?” she asked. Her eyes had narrowed and she pushed back a little further, so he was at arm’s length.

“What?” he snapped. “No, of course not.” Her brows pulled together in…oh no, was that concern? Or worse, pity? Oh this was definitely not acceptable. “Look, I’m a big boy, I know these last few days didn’t mean anything. That’s not what this is about.”

Holly crossed her arms in front of her chest and tilted her chin up. “Okay, so what is it about then?”

Jack struggled to find the words. He didn’t know why it meant so much to him that she wake up to the truth—preferably before making a monumental mistake—all he knew was, it was imperative that he get through to her.

Before he could come up with any words to explain, she let out a weary sigh and her shoulders slumped. “You know what? I don’t want to hear it. People have been telling me reasons why I shouldn’t get back together with Benjamin for the past six months, there’s nothing you can say that I haven’t heard.”