I felt hands on me. I turned over, forgetting about my booming headache, interested in finding out who was touching me. I came face to face with my probation officer, who forced me on my stomach and placed me in handcuffs.
“What are you doing? Get off of me!”
“Yeah, get her out of here,” my aunt yelled.
“Where am I going?” I asked, not really able to resist.
Auntie Linda stood there with a smirk on her face.
This bitch done snitched on me. Muthafucka!
She couldn't wait for this day.
Damn! This wasn't supposed to go down like this.
“Where am I going?” I repeated.
Auntie yelled, “I want you out of my house! You think you slick. You ain't slick. Out there sleeping around.”
My P.O. pulled me off the bed.
I moaned, feeling pathetic and nauseous. “What are you talking about?”
“You know what I'm talking about. Don't play stupid with me. What? You still drunk?”
“No,” I answered, a bit agitated from being interrogated in handcuffs, like I was some kind of criminal.
“Do you even know how you got home?”
“It doesn't matter. I got here.”
“âIt doesn't matter. I got here,'” she repeated in my face. “Huh. Your ass was laid out on the porch. Yeah. Your little chicken-shit friends brought you home, laid you on the porch, and rang the door bell. Now you tell me if that ain't straight-up disrespectful or what.”
“Is what disrespectful?”
“Desire, you are not twenty-one and not even eighteen. What the hell do you think you're doing? You out there being nasty and having sex.” She picked up my open book bag and began throwing the contents at me. She hit me with the condom packets in the bag. “Glad to know you were protected. And look here. You on drugs too?” She threw the bottle at me.
“That ain't mine. That ain't my bag,” I lied.
“Like hell, it ain't. I trusted your lying ass, Desire. I knew you were too good to be true.”
“You never believe me. That's the problem.”
“I gave you the benefit of the doubt, and you blew it. I want you out of my house. Take her out of my house!” she screamed. “I'm tired of looking at her!”
“No, I ain't going nowhere!”
“Oh, you getting out of here, heiffa!”
“No! Get off of me!” I began to go wild with the little strength I had.
“Desire, settle down andâ”
“No, fuck off! Get off of me! Get off me,” I screamed, feeling dizzy.
“Desire, calm down.”
“No, fuck you! Get the hell off of me!”
“Hey, chill out! Calm down. Let's make this an easy process.”
“No, no, nooooooooooooooooooooo!”
“Hold her still. I got something to calm her down.”
“Noooooooooo, you bitches! Get the fuck off!”
Â
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When I opened my eyes, I was in an unfamiliar bed, and my body felt weary. I lay still as I looked around the dark, enclosed room that had a night light that barely shined bright enough for me to see. I looked for a door to find my way out, but the walls looked the same, showing no sign of an exit.
Suddenly an opening appeared across the room, and this heavyset, charcoal-toned woman barged in the door and made her way to me. “Get up, wild child! You hard of hearing?”
I got up and put on the dusty sneakers by my bed, and she led me to a hallway where there was a line of girls. Every one of them had on the same blue T-shirt that read DYS. I glanced down at myself and noticed I had on the same attire. It was definitely not what I'd left the house in. My aunt, that bitch, committed me to DYS lockup.
From the look of things, I wasn't going to like it here. I wanted to break loose, but I knew that wasn't about to happen. I took my place in line and followed the leader. We were ushered to a spacious room with about fifteen twin-sized beds that sat side by side.
“Good morning, ladies. My name is Miss Sheila, and I will be going over a few things with you today. First off, I want you to locate your bed. You can do this by looking on the wall and finding your first initial with your last name above your bed. Once you locate your name, please walk to your space.”
I waltzed over to my bed with an attitude, as every girl in there did. I viewed my surroundings once again. I scoped every girl in there and tried to figure out why they were here. I tried to conclude what their purpose was. None of them looked as hard-core and rough as most problem teenage girls did, but who was I to judge? I didn't look like it either. And we were probably in here on the same statusâbullshit!
“Now that everyone has gotten acquainted with their space, it is time to get down to business. Some of you may have awakened in a different area, which is what we call the black hole, not really a fun place to be for a young lady. But when you don't follow the rules, that's where you'll be.”
Some girl blurted, “Can we just get to the rules? Damn!”
“Hey, Margie, can we get Miss Veronica here some soap? Because she obviously has not learned her lesson, and she already knows the rules.”
Veronica mumbled, “Whatever.”
Everyone stood around quiet anticipating some type of action because although Veronica whispered, she was heard loud and clear.
Miss Sheila gave her a dead stare for about thirty seconds. Surprisingly, Veronica stood timid. I thought with her smart mouth she'd remain bold. She stood with her head down like she hadn't spoken a word.
Miss Sheila walked over to her, lifted her chin, and smiled in her face. “I'll deal with you later,” she whispered in her face and walked away.
“Let's stay focused, ladies. Cut the shit. And I'm not asking, I'm telling youâCut the shit! We are on a schedule here. I know you don't want this to run into your lunchtime. Ooooh, no, you don't want that, especially since you haven't had any breakfast this morning. I know you're hungry right now too 'cause I can hear your stomachs growling. I can miss lunch though because I had my big breakfast this morning: scrambled eggs, bacon, grits, and pancakes. I'm cool. I don't need a lunch, but y'all do.
“We made a special lunch tooâfried chicken, macaroni and cheese, mash potatoes, green beans, yams, and for dessert, sweet potato pie. I'd hate for you all to miss out on a meal like that because I'm telling you, you won't see nothing like that for a while. A good while. Therefore, there will be no more interruptions. If you gotta piss, then hold it. If you got a question, don't ask. Remain attentive and listen carefully because I'm not going to repeat myself. Now, with that out of the way, we shall continue.
“There are simple rules that must be followed. I will say them once and only once. They are too simple and self-explanatory to repeat.” She paced the room for a second, just looking around at the group of girls before she continued to speak.
“Okay, number one: Be respectful to others and, most of all, yourselves. Number two: No talking allowed unless you are in this area, but only before seven
P.M.
After seven
P.M.
, the talking ceases until your rise-and-shine time, which is six o'clock every morning, no questions asked. You are permitted to talk in the mess hall, but that is the only other place. Number three: There will be no gossiping allowed whatsoever. If I hear any she said-she said, you will be disciplined accordingly. Number four, ladies: No fighting, plain and simple. Number five: No profanity. If I hear so much as aâ”
Whispers interrupted her speaking. Apparently, it seemed that some people had no idea what profanity meant.
“Is there a problem, ladies?”
No one answered, while a few people snickered.
I was getting agitated from the silly interruptions. I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes as people stood around like we had time to waste. I was ready to eat. Shit!
“A question requires an answer, ladies.”
Still no one uttered a word.
I wanted to say something, but I knew what profanity meant. I wasn't about to look like the idiot and get yelled at. Besides, I knew this Miss Sheila lady was trying to trick someone into talking. It damn sure was not going to be me. I looked around, waiting for the person who didn't know what profanity meant to speak up.
Miss Sheila looked at her watch. “Lunch is in fifteen minutes, and we still have not gotten halfway through the tour.”
I sucked my teeth, upset that I might miss lunch.
“Do we have a problem, Miss Jones?”
I rolled my eyes and answered with an attitude.
“What?” she asked as she walked over to me.
I tensed up.
She yelled in my face. “Are you hard of hearing?”
“No!”
She continued to yell in my face. “No what?”
“What?” I was mad that she was yelling in my face, invading my territory. I knew she was trying to get me to say
ma'am
, but I was in a stubborn mood. She needed to back the fuck up. I didn't have time for the bullshit.
“We got another smart-ass I see.”
I rolled my eyes and fluttered them.
“Don't roll them too hard, honey. You might get them caught in the back of your head.”
I rolled them again.
“I see you like to roll them eyes there.”
I rolled them again.
“You know you just broke a rule, right?”
I stood there and directed my attention to the corner of the room.
“Look at me when I'm talking to you.”
I huffed, rolled my eyes, and positioned them in her direction. I wanted to sock her a quick blow to the noggin, but I kept my composure.
“What's the attitude for?”
I stood there not answering.
“My questions require an answer.”
Some girl blurted out, “Bitch, can you answer her so we can hurry up and eat. Damn.”
Miss Sheila turned her attention to the voice. While she turned around, I flipped the little ignorant broad the bird.
“Fuck you too!”
Miss Sheila looked back and forth at me and the girl.
“Whatever, stupid,” I responded.
“Ya mothâ”
“Hold up, ladies. Not here, not now, not in my presence. Oh no.”
“I don't like being called stupid.”
“And I don't like being rudely interrupted. Furthermore, I don't care about what you don't like. You are in my house, and you will follow my rules. You got it?”
The girl stood there quiet, and Sheila walked over to her. “You got it?”
“Yeah, I got it.”
“Yes, I got it what?”
“Yes, ma'am.”
“Thank you, Miss Henderson.”
Sheila stepped away and went back to the center of the floor. She continued with the rules and regulations, and everyone cooperated so that we didn't miss lunch.
After lunch, we were allowed five minutes to arrange things at our beds. Each person had a cubby to put away the few hospital-looking clothes they gave us. We didn't have our own toiletries, we had to share. I definitely was not feeling that.
Once our five minutes was up, we were given a tour of the shower area. The bathroom only allowed six occupants at a time, and there was no privacy. The bathroom stalls had no doors, and the showers had no curtains.
Before bedtime, we were allowed ten minutes to do whatever at our area before lights went out at nine. I lay there missing home, where there were no rules and less stress. My aunt really hit a hate button this time. She had this up her sleeve all along. She knew I was going to slip up. This was really some extreme bullshit. She was cutting into my “free pussy” giveaway. How the hell was I going to pass this virus around, locked up with some bitches?
I can't sex no chick. Damn, I need to get up out of here.
I looked at the clock. I had seven minutes left before lights went out. I grabbed a notebook and pen and began writing. I started jotting down everything that crossed my mind, from the guys I slept with to my first day here.
Forget this.
I needed to strategize on how I could get the hell out of this joint to finish my mission. I closed my notebook and slid it under my mattress.
This girl Torrey came over to me. “Yo, ya first name Desi or something like that?”
“Why?”
“'Cause my homegirl Tameka wanna know.”