Tainted (14 page)

I was ready and heading out early to the campfire the next morning.   Ian would have met me at my door, but I wanted to be seated and waiting when he arrived and ready to fire up my girly charms!

When he walked up, I had my back to the entrance leading out of the garden.  Altheon wasn’t there yet either.

“You’re bright and shiny this morning.” 

“Just anxious,” I twirled the charm from my bracelet hidden in my palm.  I wanted to try it on someone.  Someone in particular! Ian sat next to me. 

“How did you sleep?  Any new dreams?” He used his mega sweet voice to charm reminding me of our old daily routine.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“I could ask Danella?” he threatened with a devious smile and raised his eyebrows up and down.

“NO!  Please don’t.  Some privacy please?”  I put my hand on his forgetting, so easily, the plan.  He looked at my bracelet under his fingers.

“Of course.  I was just teasing.  What is that?” He pointed to my bracelet.

“You don’t know?”  I wielded my emotions to a standstill.  My senses took over and caught his strong mint and earth scent.  I set my mind to concentrate harder than ever mad at being distracted so easily.  Eyes open, I began anyway. 
Squeeze my knee.

He smiled deviously like he knew of my intentions.  Just when I’d given up, he squeezed my knee.

“You do!”  I hit his arm playfully.  Experiment successful! Fact is fact!  “Thank you.” The tables are turned.
It was the amulet every time even during childhood and later years.  He had the same persuasion over me when Kin was near back then but to shield my thoughts.  He was always looking out for me.  Kin!  He would never do anything like that for me. Pike maybe!  And that must have been persuasion when Kin touched me since he always grabbed his head which also met he was willing him to let go of me.  But Kin could fight it, he could break through somewhat even when I was weaker then. I stored that little tidbit for later.

And I did it on the guards on the range unknowingly.

Ian pulled me from my thoughts by smiling and looked sideways as if someone was coming towards us, but no one was there except the guards.  His thumb finger crossed onto the green gem clad ring around his ring finger on his right hand.  I’d seen it for years, but I’d never noticed him thumbing it like he was now.  Knowing to look was helpful.   Before I could ask about it, Altheon slinked in behind us. 

Ian stiffened and moved his hand away from my leg. My head tingled or buzzed like a bell ringing in my ear
as if Ian was blocking or something else. Maybe he didn’t want Altheon to know what he was thinking while we talked.

Altheon sat across from us grinning like a stew pot lid and a little too widely for comfort.  I wiggled in my seat to avoid his light-hearted gaze turning frenzied.  “Let’s review from yesterday,” he said by pointing to my wrist.  “I see my request was fulfilled.” 

My hand didn’t move from the charm.  All I kept thinking was to tell Ian to let go of that
dang
ring.

“Impressive,” he raised his large eyebrow at me and looked at Ian a second later.  Ian didn’t question Altheon’s comment, but I looked at his uncrossed fingers.  The ring was free from bondage.

“Very impressive work, my queen.” 

I snapped back to Altheon’s second comment still rubbing my charm and felt the need to prove myself again! 
Ian, squeeze my knee.
I looked at Altheon as Ian’s hand went to my knee. It all works together somehow, no sequence, just think it.  Does he know I know about Ian and his past diversion tactics against Kin?

“You’ve either practiced all night, or you’re a natural,” Altheon offered.

I knitted my eyebrows shifting and grabbing the rock I was uncomfortably positioned on thinking maybe keeping this secret from Ian wasn’t a good idea.

“Ah, I see!” Altheon said pointing to the sky and resembling a teacher with a valid point made from nothing at all.

Altheon invariably heard what I was just thinking since my easily distracted self forgot to hold the charm to balance my butt on a less than cozy seat.  Secure in knowing that my intentional lack of emotions hopefully blocked Ian from my thoughts completely, was wrong to do.

“Well, it seems I’m not really needed today.  Why don’t the two of you talk and we’ll meet again tomorrow.”

And that mean man left me there, alone.
 
Autophobia.  Fear of being alone.
 
Ian turned his body to where our thighs were parallel and effectively, pinned in.

“I’m guessing the appropriate thing to ask here is, ‘What were you thinking?’”

“I’m not sure you want to know?”  He didn’t know. The emotional block worked.  I couldn't even get excited.

“Try me.”  His face was darkening. 

Thinking maybe he would go easier on his reaction if I just showed him I pulled my lip in and told him,  “Don’t be mad.” I tried not to breathe loud or swallow to sound nervous, but he wasn’t fooled.  Realization was dawning on him as I stared at his crossed hands over each of my knees.  There was no guy in the world who didn’t know what those words meant.  I was about to give him a good reason to be mad, or hopefully, at least humored by my total “girlness”.

I picked up my heavier than a bag of bricks hand and slid it over to his in the most flirtatious action I’d ever attempted.   He reacted only with his eyes.  No, his body was petrify-ably still. I touched his hand and slid my finger to point at his ring.

“Is that all?  I’m not partial to amulets.  The stone in my ring serves the same purpose as your charm.”  He visibly relaxed.  A man pride not hurt kind of relaxed.  Well.  Alrighty then.

My stomach was a ball of knots because my silence told him he could tell I held another secret.  “I realize I should have asked you, but I was just…afraid.”  There were so many wrongs about that statement too.  Every girl knew that line only meant walking into a minefield would have better outcomes.

“It’s just I wanted to know how or why I wore an amulet since junior high so I asked Danella.  And she told me that you made my mind think to hold the amulet when Kin or some other baddie was listening in.”  I tapped my head and imagined the scene as I said feeling off about thinking of Kin at the moment or forcing the image to Ian. He paled when it hit him probably because of what it was, but also for the ability to show him.  There was no doubt the strength of my magic is growing.

“And you are upset that I didn’t tell you this or about my ring?”  He sounded neither upset nor angry.

“Not upset.  Just didn’t like not knowing something about you that you were doing to me.”

“You could’ve asked.”

I felt my shoulders stiffen much like his already were.  This was the in charge, always in control Ian I knew.  “Sometimes it feels like I still don’t know you yet I’ve known you almost all my life.  I keep finding things out.  Shockers! You knew everything about me and even my thoughts.  It’s a little disturbing and frustrating and upsetting to say the least.  Sorry, I sound so psycho.   I’m just, I’m sorry.”  I hid my hands in my face. 

“You are right.  I never meant for it to be hidden.  I should have told you.  I was protecting you for so long, it became instinct but I won’t have to ever protect
that way
again it seems.  And the ring, well, you would have found out most likely today anyway.”  He tossed his head back and forth a bit when he talked making that little piece of hair fall in his eyes.  “I’m not trying to not tell you things.  Grace, please don’t think that.  Some pieces of information come with the right moments of need and only affect the day at hand.”

“I don’t.  I just don’t know things.”

“Then ask me.  Is there anything else you wanted to ask?  Don’t be alarmed.”

Knowing I had a number of them, I felt the fountain itching to burst.  But it never came.  I’d never really understood boys really, since I hadn’t a brother or any previous boyfriends.  Only Ian.  And I always thought I understood him until he threw a fairy tale wrench into my life.   I’d been around Ian enough that I knew right now, I shouldn’t be “alarmed” as he phrased it, but I was.

I burrowed into his chest and stayed there a while.  “I’m sorry,” I said up against him.  His arms wrapped around and my senses took over giving me the strong belief that he is mine and I am his despite the craziness.  Breathing in deeply I caught his strong scent that was like being wrapped in a warm blanket and dreaming of the perfect place to be.  That is, in his arms. 
I love you, Ian.

He stilled.  “I heard you.”

Whoa!  Analyzing that it was his scent that offered the link, I tried it again. It worked perfectly making the ever, tense man beside me breathe a little soft sound like I hadn’t heard before.  Perhaps it even comforted him the way his touch did the same for me. Our hugs had evolved.  His body surrounded me with the ability to hide me from the world it seemed.  Our bodies were touching all over.  For me, it was like hugging warmth and electricity all in one.

“Don’t apologize for anything, ever.  When you want to ask me something, just ask.”

“As I recall, I embarrassed myself royally at breakfast doing just that,” I reminded him.  And I ask all the time and get ignored.  Is he finally relenting?  I concentrated on his scent again trying to breathe in inconspicuously with one more idea in mind.

“That was different.  The entire table was very attentive to hear how I was planning to spend my nights with my future wife.”

Naturally, I gasped. “That’s not what I meant though.”

“I figured that out, and after a quick second I realized they were rather focused on the more controversial of the two.”

“I meant what would you do while I was sleeping?  Not, are we doing the deed or where would you go after our deeds or…how do I do this to myself,” I squeezed my hands into two fists and shoved them together in front of my face.

“It is not a deed.  And please, don’t say you’re embarrassed by it or about me.  Having you, holding you, it’s what I’ve wanted to do for a very long time,” his voice was not wavering unlike mine.  

“I’m not.  That’s not what I mean either.”  Nothing was coming out right.   And oh my, his thigh was so close and his eyes glittered from a deep, down feeling that I was still examining the causes of. 
Desire! 

“Stop.  You’re upset.  I know exactly what
you
mean as I did this morning.    Please don’t think anything about us is embarrassing.  I want to hear it every day.  It is never embarrassing or demeaning in any way.”

I stayed put no matter how uncomfortable in my skin I was right now, but it will pass, right?  

“And I’ll have to say, I don’t consider the two of us “doing the deed” in any way.  I am anxious in more ways than one to make you mine.”  He pulled me back up and gave me an appreciative roam over from head to toe with a familiar smile flickering across his lips. 

What should I say here?  He was so perfect and I’m not.  I’m a braver, stronger me, but my defenses seem to vanish when it is just the two us.  In a group, I was Grace, queen.  In his presence only, melting, mushy Grace. Around him, my emotions needed controlling more than anything else to perform the magic to block, but I didn't want them stamped out.   Yet they
have
to be controlled.  And at the moment, they are not. 

He held me a while.  No talking.  Just holding.

He was at my door the next morning earlier than usual, no doubt, gaining an upper edge by not letting me slip by him.  I shied away at the beckoning way he touched my wrist and twisted the chain.

“No hiding from me.  I’ve waited eleven hours for you to come out of there.  Let’s get to class.”

I took a deep breath only because I knew I would not survive the seducing sound of his voice much longer without taking action. I wanted to kiss that smirk off his face.  It was a time stopping effect for each single syllable and curve of his lips he aimed.  He was so everything I want him to be right now but I vowed to think first before I spoke in front of others, and definitely guard my thoughts, actions, etcetera.

Altheon was already there.

“Are we all worked out?  Caught up and ready to resume?”

The fire was missing today. Ian pointed while I scooted my foot to push the lose ashes away. It was getting warmer everyday as the season shifted towards summer.  Now in the beginning of spring, the flowers were growing on the outside of the court and not just on the inside.  With the sight of them, I wanted to go hiking, but was reluctant to ask.  He said to ask anything of him so I would...later.

“We all know about necklaces and rings and bracelets.  Let’s try something stronger today.”  Five more Fey council members walked up to the campfire who didn’t sit.  “They will all talk to you at once.  You will block what you are thinking and return their answers.  Don’t be disappointed if it fails at first.  And please, pick something safe to think about.”

I gave a sulking face to Ian and rubbed the charm between my fingers.  I saw that Ian focused on his ring too wondering how did I not see it before. Vowing to be more direct and only my brace face on for others to see, I sat straighter. 
Reminding myself that I was the bold girl who attacked Pike on several occasions with my abilities but now with an audience.

“Okay!  Let’s go!” I clapped my hands together.  They want bold, I’ll give them bold.  I rubbed the charm and stared at Ian willing his hand to squeeze my knee again. 
Score!

Then one of the older men from the records room who was standing asked me if the lessons were going well.  I didn’t answer him but instead latched my eyes onto Altheon to see if he was mojoing me finding only that he’d followed my thoughts.  Odder still was that I could tell he knew what I’d just done.

“Once again, impressed my queen but leave your flirtations out of today’s lesson.”

Ian didn’t glare, but he willed me to tell what I didn’t intend to share in front of the crowd.  I guessed then I should’ve told him earlier, but he was busy distracting me at the time.  So, it’s his fault.  Yeah!

“Please, my queen.  Can we continue?”

I thought about what my wedding dress would look like and had just pictured the train portion of it when one of the men said to me, “You have two new books to log in the library section.”

“What do you want me to do with the red lined book in the records room?  It’s not finished?” another asked.

My dress will have see-thru tulle on the top of the neckline and across my shoulders and down my back to my waistline. 
“Yes!  I finished it two days ago.  It’s ready to go.”  I said while thinking something entirely different than what was coming out of my mouth.  I took a breath. 
Sheer, but still revealing.  The veil will match.

“Thank you, Miss Grace.”

“No problem.” 
It will have little diamonds and pearls covering the bodice and descending into a V at the waist in the front with a long trail on the back.

“Miss Grace.  I need your decision on the added book list.  When will you have it ready?” the records keeper secretary asked me with a slightly demanding voice.  She was a sweet girl, woman.  Not sure which.

“Soon Lanie.”

“Can I help with the list?”

“Yes, of course.” 
I want the veil over my head.

“I’ve made you a new charm.  Ian asked me to design it,” another man’s voice popped in banishing my veil into a smoky haze.

I popped my head to Ian feeling my fingers come to a twisting halt, but staying on the charm.  Something was afire when I turned back to the young Fey guy in front of me who looked to be about twelve.  He was holding out a small box in my direction.  I’d already been told what was in it so I took it. 

“Thank you ladies and gentlemen.   You may return to your own agenda.”  Altheon waited for them to leave before adding, “Very nicely done and almost perfect,” he told me.

“Almost?”

“I’ll not share, not give Ian any visual representation of the wonderful dress or veil you’ve decided on.  I’ve only seen the what if, not the real thing. Taking a breath of air is your loophole as you seem to hold it.  The other...your unpracticed emotional pull. You were a constant until the young man presented you something in relation to my young master Ian here.”

I thought for a long three Mississippi’s to ponder the whys of being set up.  “The dress is still directly related, but strong emotional ties to Ian make me stronger, but also make me weaker?”

“Yes, though not that simple.  His closeness makes you stronger, but if, how do I say this, new information related to the two of you is being
placed
in your brain, it backfires.  So you’ll need Ian to guard you, so to speak, from sudden impulses of information.”

More guarding?

“Yes!  Miss Grace, my queen.  You need him.  He needs you.  You have to understand how the two of you can work together.  The gift you two have between you, many would die for.”  His face said there was more.

I sat up again after slouching and rubbed the charm significantly wanting privacy. No slouching.  Bad queen posture!
 
“I can tell there is more.”

“Yes!  If you will allow Ian to aid you with your shielding, he can be most helpful.”

I raised an eyebrow.  “How?”

“He can better, once you are connected in every way…” he coughed, “to make you more powerful.”

I caught his drift but I wanted to hear it, “How?”  I did the only logical thing right then that Ian needed most.  I closed my mouth shut and tightened my lips.
 
I promised no embarrassment.

“You are the Seelie Court Queen whom is apart of a prophecy predicted before your birth and selected by some divine….”  His arms flapped like bird wings.

“Yes, yes.  Get on with it.”  I said impatiently.

“Once the two of you have “connected” as man and wife and consummate your union, you will be magically connected also.”

“Magically?”

“The king and queen of the Seelie, or Unseelie, are bound by magic after the night of their first union.” 

I stopped rubbing my charm and started twisting the fabric of my dress to keep from rolling my eyes.  What about the binding?  It was foolish to start predicting my correlations to Kin now, but I did.  I looked at my wrist where the scar edged letting it shine out from under the charm bracelet.  It was then that I realized it wasn’t just the bracelet Ian was fingering before.  Truly magical Fey are master multitaskers.

“Equally impressive.  You’ve gained the art of releasing your thoughts and persuading ALL others I see.  You are truly dynamic.”

Ian rubbed my upper arm letting me lean into him, calming me.  I needed that so I let it be knowing he was waiting for an explanation.

Altheon let our private moment pass.  “The binding is part of being a queen to show her worth.  It is completely different, if not for the show of power that comes from it.  The joint union between a king and queen of a Fey court give twice the strength which is why Ian, and Kinsler, are both being pressured to unite.”

I was showing my true level-headed self again by the time I faced this senior advisor of secrets. Pressured to unite yet he’d not forced anything…weird Fey magic, but
it is what is.
    “So you’re saying that when the two of us are married, we will be the most powerful of them all and Ian here has been told by mummy to hurry it up?”  I exaggerated my words at the last three words because of the simple irony of all this really happening.

“You are one at the moment, singled out and without a king.  The Unseelie king is one right now, singled out and without a queen who has an exiled prince who is also at the moment without a mate.  So yes, a union to a court court prince, you will be, at that moment, the most powerful in the realm.”

I wouldn’t think about what he was just suggesting because that meant every single creature in this world would know what I was doing on that night.  “And Ian can help me block others although he can’t read my thoughts unless I concentrate excruciatingly hard.”  I made sure my thought waves were open.    Will he be able to read my thoughts after we marry or “union” ourselves?

“Yes and yes.”

Ian huffed.  He didn’t like not being able to hear and Altheon was silent. It was wrong of me.

“I asked if you’d be able to read my thoughts after marriage or union?”  I swallowed the goldfish lodged in my throat. 

“You are so maddening,” he sneered at me.  “Just ask aloud already.”

This comes from mystery man himself.  I looked up at him, “Assiduously mad about you and you love it!”  My boldness found its way back from the momentary darkness.

The one eyebrow rose spinning his hold on me.. Above all else, I could see just how tangled in my web he really was.  He changed his anger into something else so easily around me and I loved it.

Altheon cleared his throat. Reluctance turned our attention back to him slowly enough for him to make an unwanted noise.

“You will need practice with releasing and blocking, my queen.  Some things are better left private to the Fey people and their gossip.  And the mojo as you’re call it, needs to be revealed to him.”

I looked at the seer aghast at him revealing something before me. 

Altheon, that is not fair.
I thought before I realized what I was doing.

Love and war my queen.  And the war will be defeated by you alone but not if you run from your king.  What you choose in the end is the only relevancy.  It has nothing to do with diplomacy.

No pressure.

Ian was prodding me with his fingers.  “You forget that I can feel Altheon.  I know when he is communicating even when it is blocked.”

Fine!  “I can’t talk to you in your thoughts so well, but I can make you do things.”

He lifted his eyes.

“Watch.”  I looked down at my legs and concentrated. 
Squeeze my knee.

When Ian blinked his eyes and looked at his own hand and back to me, he jerked the hand back so fast I fell backward.  He caught me with both arms midair and set me right. Rescued again!

“
You and Pike call it persuasion, I call it my mojo.  For some reason, I’m getting stronger and I can do this to you now.”

“How many times?”

I peeked at Altheon.  He stinking didn’t look away.
  Peeping Tom!

I whispered, “Three or four counting today.  Just squeezes on the knee to see if I could.”

Ian visibly let out a breath.  I’d frightened Ian.  Who’d have known!  I ignored Althoen and hugged him to me.  “I’m sorry.  I should have told you, but some of this is happening so fast.”  I drew back to see his face.  “Please forgive me.”

His face softened.  He kissed my lips.  “We’ll talk later.”

A gorgeous smile only meant for me emerged.  My over-imaginative smile widened he whispered into my ear, “What are you thinking?”

“Again, wouldn’t you like to know?” I whispered back.

Altheon cleared his throat again.

I returned my thoughts, reluctantly, back to his subject matter.  “So, how will he help me block?”

“That is a matter for another day.  And we can only discuss the matter in limited detail, however, until your union is completed.”

I squirmed a bit in my seat losing my bravado.

“Let’s call it a day and meet back closer to summer’s edge.  In the meantime, please practice with Ian near and without.  With one and with a group.  Use blocking and releasing in all council meetings.  And find a “guinea pig” you trust with your personal thoughts.”  Altheon left.

We were right where we were the morning before and still a severe nervous energy surged through my body every time the thought of getting closer to Ian came into a conversation
.  
It’s like I wanted bold me to stand up and saunter over to her man and make a daring move on him.  But I was shy, unknowing, and very apprehensive about being turned away.   I moved my foot in circles in the dirt waiting to see which part of me would step up.  Like before, I chose not to hoping he would go first.

“I knew my parents were equally as strong before my father died.  I was young, but as I grew older, I heard rumors.  Of course, the seer never shared anything with me until now.”

Wowed by the fact that he didn’t know either I told him a deepest, “Thank you.” He took a turn so I did too.  “So our union will make us stronger?  What do you think it will be like?”