Authors: M Andrews
I’ve been sitting on my couch in my pajamas, flipping through the channels on my television since about three this morning. After I left Grayson’s I came straight home, needing to get my head right before I go to see Jax. As hard as I try to get him out of my head, he manages to creep back in. Every time I close my eyes I see his smile and his dimples. Those dimples are my kryptonite, one flash of those dimples and my body goes weak. I barely know this man, hell, I don't even know his last name, but I just turned my back on my family for him. What the fuck was I thinking? What I was thinking was that I’m falling for this man, and I want a chance to see where it goes. But after my actions last night, I might have just lost my brother and the man that I love.
I switch off the TV and toss the remote on the coffee table, then lay back against the cushions, wrapping up in my blanket, hoping sleep will finally find me. The moment I close my eyes I hear a soft knock on my door. I pull back the blanket and pad over to the door, slightly hoping it’s Jax. Looking out the peep hole I see my neighbor, Jen, looking back at me. I remove the chain and unbolt the lock then slowly open the door.
“What are you doing here Jen?” I ask in a groggy tone.
“What am I doing here, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at the restaurant?” she asks, with a concerned look in her eye.
“I’m taking the morning off,” I reply.
“What’s really going on? In the three years we have been friends, you have never once taken a day off.” She pushes past me and heads straight for the living room.
“Please come in Jen,” I huff, closing the door.
Jen and I have been neighbors and friends for over three years now. Jen is a feisty, ballsy brunette, who will tell you her opinion, whether you ask for it or not. She doesn’t give a shit what people think about her, that’s what I love most. When I need a swift kick of reality, she’s always there to give it to me.
I follow Jen over to the couch, resigned to the fact that she won’t leave until I give her the whole scoop of what’s going on. Slumping down on the couch next to her, I wrap myself back up in my blanket.
“I got into a huge fight with Grayson last night over Jax,” I finally admit.
“The lead singer from Waking the Fallen?” she asks.
“The very one. I ran into him again at Grayson’s house on Saturday, apparently he has been doing all the work on my brother’s house. He’s been under my nose this entire time and I didn’t even know it. Well, we ended up spending the night together again. Before I left for dinner, we agreed to start dating. But Pippa let it slip that Jax and I are a thing, and Grayson freaked out and basically gave me an ultimatum, him or Jax, and, well I chose Jax. It’s just a huge mess.”
“So where is Jax. Why isn’t he here with you?”
“I was supposed to go over to his place after dinner but then the fight happened, and I needed to get some space to think about what I'm going to do.” I lay my head back against the cushion, covering my face with my hand. “I’m just so confused right now. I don’t want to disappoint my brother, but I just can’t let go of Jax. I know I barely know him but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s my end game.” I let out a deep sigh.
“I know how important Grayson’s opinion is to you, but I think in this case you just have to tell him to shove it up his ass. Only you know what’s best for you and if Jax is that, then go fucking get him.”
“But what if I messed things up by not showing up last night?”
“If he cares about you at all, he’ll forgive you.” She gives me a warm reassuring smile.
“I hope you are right.”
“I know I’m right, and when he takes you back you can pay me back by giving his lead guitarist, Brian, my number.” She cockily smiles.
“Oh for Christ sakes.” I roll my eyes at her.
“What? He’s fucking hot as hell.” She laughs, ducking as I throw one of the pillows at her.
“Now will you please leave so I can get some sleep?”
“You’re grumpy even when you’re getting some,” she teases.
“Get out!”
The kitchen is quiet for the first time all night. The last of my line cooks and wait staff have all gone home, and I’m sitting in the kitchen alone going through the final numbers for the night. We were surprisingly busy for a Monday night. It helped take my mind off Jax.
I couldn’t get Jen to leave after she basically barged into my apartment, but having her there did help me to finally sleep. Her boring stories of the ER night shift always put me right to sleep. I got about five hours of sleep, which helped to clear the fog out of my head and gave me a little clarity about my decision to keep seeing Jax.
After a long hot shower and a gallon of coffee, I drove over to Jax’s loft before I headed to the restaurant to apologize for not showing up, but he was already gone. I just hope it’s not too late to fix this.
I finish adding up the last of the receipts and start packing up for the night. It’s after midnight and I don’t care if Jax is asleep when I get to his place, he’s going to hear what I have to say. I’ll even sit outside his front door all night if that’s what it takes. As I reach for my phone, it starts to ring, it’s Pippa. I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to her, because I know she will want to talk about what happened last night. I let out a heavy sigh and answer the call anyway.
“Hi Pip.”
“Hi Lex, I just wanted to call and see how you are doing?”
“I’ve been better,” I reply.
“Are you with Jax?”
“Are you asking because you really want to know or did my brother ask you to call me to find out?” I snarl.
“Hey, don’t throw attitude at me, I’m on your side in this. I genuinely called to see how you are doing,” she bites back. Now I feel like a giant asshole.
“I’m sorry Pip, I wouldn’t put it past Grayson to use you to get details on Jax and me."
“I’m not telling him a goddamn thing. I’m barely even speaking to him after his childish display last night.”
“Now I feel bad for putting you in the middle of all of this, especially if I just fucked everything up with Jax. I was supposed to go over to his place after dinner, but after everything that happened, I just couldn’t face him yet until I was sure what I wanted,” I confess.
“Did you decide?”
“Yes. I want to be with Jax. I want to see where it goes.”
“Then that is what you’re going to do. Don’t worry about what Grayson thinks. If it feels right to you then you have to go for it.”
“It does feel right. I feel so damn good when I’m with him. He feels like home. And you won’t believe this, his apartment is down the street from the factory we want to buy for the restaurant. If that isn’t fate telling me something, I don’t know what is.”
When I met Pippa five years ago in Paris, we used to sit at a little cafe sipping espresso and talk about our dream of opening a restaurant together. We wanted it to have a cafe where people could grab their morning coffee and pastries, a main restaurant for lunch and dinner, and we even wanted to teach cooking classes. At the time, it was just a far off dream, but now we actually have interest from a few investors. We’ve spent the last eight months searching for the right location, and we found it in this old phone book factory near Fenway Park.
It’s the perfect location, we would get the tourist traffic touring the field and, on game days, we would serve Red Sox themed food options to get the fans to come in before the game. And now that I know it’s close to Jax’s place, I love the location even more.
“That is too perfect and maybe it’s a sign we can actually get the investors to go for our ideas.” I can almost hear the smile on Pippa’s face through the phone.
“I guess we will find out in a week. I better get going, I want to go over and talk with Jax about what happened last night.”
“Go get your man, girl. I love you and don’t worry about Grayson, he will come around.”
We say our goodbyes, I hang up the call, and stuff my phone back in my bag. Just as I start to take off my chef’s coat I feel his presence enter the room. Slowly I turn around to see Jax standing in the doorway of my kitchen with a slight grin on his face. He's here, I can't believe he's here. I don’t say a word instead I just run over to him, leaping into his open arms.
“I’m sorry...I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I say, holding Lexi in my arms as she continues to chant sorry softly against my neck.
“What are you doing here?” she finally asks.
“I came here to get my girl back. I was prepared to drag you out of here like a caveman, but it doesn’t look like I'll need to do that.” I softly chuckle.
She lets out a tiny giggle. “Just like the night we first met.” Her giggles turn to a sad sigh. “I’m sorry for not showing up last night. I got into a huge fight with Grayson and...”
Before she can finish I cut her off, “I know I ran into Grayson at his house.”
Lexi pulls away from me; a distressed look washes over her face. “What did he say?”
“At first he was pissed, but after I explained how much I care about you, and that I want to take care of you, it seemed to calm him down a bit. He just needs time to let it sink in that we are dating.”
She narrows her eyes. “Dating? We haven’t been on a single date.” She’s not wrong, all we’ve managed to do is fuck. We couldn’t even get through breakfast without it turning into a fuck fest.
“Okay, you want to go on a date to make this thing official? Let me take you out to dinner,” I suggest.
“Jax, it’s after midnight, nothing's open.”
“This is a restaurant isn’t it, there's food here right. So I propose we have our first date here. I’ll cook you dinner, and you can ask me all the awkward first date questions that you want,” I say flashing her a cocky grin. I will always give her what she wants and if this is what it’s going to take to get her to come around about us, I will happily cook her a meal and answer all her questions.
“You know how to cook?” she asks, giving a skeptical glare.
“Yes, my mom taught me everything I know. Now why don’t you go grab yourself a bottle wine, and I’ll whip us up something to eat.”
She turns on her heels and starts walking toward the door that leads out to the dining room. My eyes watch her hips sway with every step she takes, and the slight bounce to her ass that is absolutely hypnotic.
Once she disappears out the door I shake myself back to reality and set to work. I find a of couple strip steaks, some red potatoes, and fresh rosemary. I’m cutting up the potatoes when Lexi returns with her wine and a beer for me. She sits on the stool and watches in wonder as I sprinkle the fresh rosemary and olive oil over the freshly cut potatoes. That’s right Kitten, you’re not the only one that knows how to cook.
“I guess my first question should be what is your last name?” She finally breaks the silence then takes a sip of her wine.
“It’s Sanders and here are the answers to the next few questions I know are rattling in that head of yours. I grew up in Dorchester Mass, with two loving parents and a younger brother, who passed away three years ago.”
“I’m so sorry. How did he die? If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to.”
“No, it’s fine. He died of a drug overdose. We were on tour in Amsterdam, we were getting ready to leave for the show when I found him on the floor of his hotel room.”
“I’m so sorry you had to find him like that,” she says with sadness in her voice.
“It was eye opening for me. I was headed down the same path he was. There wasn’t a night during those days where I wasn’t drunk or high on whatever drug I could get my hands on. In the music business it’s easy to get your hands on your drug of choice, and there are plenty of people around to get you what you want and keep your secrets as long as you keep making them money.”
“Is that why you left the band?” she asks curiously.
“Yes, I needed to get out of that world if I had any hopes of staying clean. I was headed down a very dangerous path that I needed to get off before I ended up like Gavin. Thanks to my family, I was able to get sober and have stayed that way for the past three years. I think it’s because of my past that made your brother act out so harshly against me being with you. I want you to know I will never go down that road again.”
“I believe you, Jax. You've worked too hard to overcome your demons to throw it all away again. Thank you for sharing that with me.” She warmly smiles.
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It feels good to tell her about my past. I want her to know everything about me, including the ugly side. I want her to see that I will never keep anything from her.
“So I think it’s my turn to ask you a few questions,” I say returning her smile. I slide the pan of potatoes into the oven then start preparing the steaks.
“Ask away,” she says confidently.
“What made you want to be a chef?”
“Well at first I learned to cook out of necessity. My mother was a dreadful cook. She could burn water. When I was twelve, and after eating my last meal of bad take-out barbecue, I took it upon myself to learn how to cook. My mom had all of these cookbooks, thinking that one day she would actually learn how, but that never happened. I studied each one and taught myself how to cook. I had a few disasters, but after a few tries, I mastered each recipe. I found that I loved it, and that I loved seeing my family enjoy the creations I made. So, after high school, I went to Paris to study at the Le Cordon Bleu."
“What did your family think about that?”
“My mother hated the idea. She’s old school and thought I should go to college to meet my future husband then stay barefoot and pregnant.”
“I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation.” I chuckle.
Lexi is definitely not the type of girl that would greet her husband at the door with a martini in one hand and dinner in the other. She would beat a guy’s ass if he ever treated her like that.
“My dad always raised me to be independent. He wanted his little girl to be able to take care of herself. He taught me how to fix leaky pipes, change a flat tire and shoot a gun.”
“I might have to take you shooting some time, and you can show me what you are made of.”
Lexi went on about her family and her time in Paris, and I filled her in on the details of my life, taking over my dad’s construction company and growing up in Boston. This is the first date I’ve been on in a really long time, and it's the most fun I’ve ever had on a date.
I plate up our food and slide one in front of Lexi. She picks it up and examines my work. Bringing it close to her nose, she sniffs the potatoes. I watch as she places the plate back down on the counter and cuts into her steak. “Nice color, the perfect medium rare,” she says then parts her lips placing the meat in her mouth. The soft moan she lets out lets me know she’s enjoying her steak.
“Jax, this is absolutely delicious. I trust your talents in the kitchen.” She smiles taking another bite. “It’s kind of nice having someone cook for me for a change.”
“It was my pleasure and I will cook for you anytime.”
We spend the rest of our meal talking and laughing. Listening to Lexi's stories about growing up in Texas on a cattle ranch, and hearing about her goals about her next restaurant and seeing how determined she is to make it happen is only making me fall for her even harder.