Sweet Evil (11 page)

I laughed out loud as he butchered the man’s beautiful drawl.

“He did not say ‘over yonder’!”

“I’ve always wanted to say that. I love Americans. You’ve got a nice little accent, though not nearly as wicked as his.”

“I
do
?”

He nodded.

Aside from the occasional
y’all
, I didn’t think I sounded Southern, but I guess it’s hard to say about your own self.

“Tell me about the places you’ve lived.” I angled in my seat toward him and unwrapped the first of his two sandwiches, winding a napkin around the bottom half and handing it to him.

“Thanks.” He took a huge bite and began talking after he swallowed. “I was born in London. My mother also died in childbirth, like all mothers of Nephilim.” He took another bite as I pondered this.

“I grew up back and forth between the British Isles: England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales. I spent short periods of time in France, Italy, and South Africa. This is my first time in the States. I was disappointed by Atlanta at first—I’d wanted to live in New York—but it’s grown on me.”

Everything about Kaidan was exciting and exotic. This was my first time traveling away from home, and he’d already seen so much. I ate my apple, glad it was crisp and not soft.

“Which was your favorite place?” I asked.

“I’ve never been terribly attached to any place. I guess it would have to be... here.”

I stopped midchew and examined his face. He wouldn’t look at me. He was clenching his jaw, tense. Was he serious or was he teasing me? I swallowed my bite.

“The Texas panhandle?” I asked.

“No.” He seemed to choose each word with deliberate care. “I mean here in this car. With you.”

Covered in goose bumps, I looked away from him and stared straight ahead at the road, letting my hand with the apple fall to my lap.

He cleared his throat and tried to explain. “I’ve not talked like this with anyone, not since I started working, not even to the only four people in the world who I call friends. You have Patti, and even that boyfriend of yours. So this has been a relief of sorts. Kind of... nice.” He cleared his throat again.

Oh, my gosh. Did we just have a moment? I proceeded with caution, hoping not to ruin it.

“It’s been nice for me, too,” I said. “I’ve never told Jay anything. He has no idea. You’re the only one I’ve talked to about it all, except Patti, but it’s not the same. She learned the basics from the nun at the convent where I was born.”

“You were born in a convent,” he stated.

“Yes.”

“Naturally.”

“Anyway,” I continued, “I didn’t talk to Patti about any of the changes in me or the things I could do when I was growing up. So I do understand the loneliness.”

“Even so,” he said. “Her love for you...”

And there it was.

I had grown up with love, and nothing else. Kaidan had grown up with all of the knowledge of who he is, and all the material things in the world, but no love.

“What about all of the girls you’ve dated?” I knew I was reaching. “I’m sure there’ve been some who loved you, and maybe some who you could have loved, too?”

“No girl has ever loved me. You have to know someone to love them. They’ve all been infatuations. They wanted to own me. That’s the nature of lust.”

My gut wrenched with guilt as I recognized the feeling he described. And just when I was afraid he would notice, Jamie Moore’s face flashed into my mind. She would have been capable of loving him, given the chance. As much as I did not want to think about her, I felt a pull in that direction.

“There’s a girl at my school who you were with last year. I guess it was when you first moved here. She was really nice. Jamie Moore?”

He nodded in acknowledgment, but kept his eyes on the road. I didn’t continue. I was afraid I’d pushed my luck too far, and the topic made me nervous anyway.

“Look, here’s the deal,” Kaidan said. “They all know up front I’m not interested in a relationship. I never lie to any of them. I don’t need to. The truth hurts worse than a lie. Jamie thought she could change me. It was a foolish notion.”

It seemed that he wanted me to believe he was hardened, but I didn’t. I had seen cracks, glimpses of something softer hiding under it all. So I went for it.

“Do you ever feel sorry for them, or sad to see them hurting?” I rushed on before he could answer. “Please, I don’t mean that as a judgment. I’m just trying to figure you out.”

His grip tightened on the steering wheel, turning his knuckles white.

“What if I say no, hmm? What if I have no compassion for the ones I’ve hurt—no, better yet, the ones who have allowed themselves to be hurt, even sought out the pain?”

I held my hands in my lap and stared down at the half-eaten apple turning brown at the edges.

“Then I would feel bad for you,” I said.

“Why?”

“Because that’s a sad way to live, and... I care about you.”

“Don’t say that.” His tone was edgy, almost angry. “You shouldn’t say that, about
caring
. You hardly know me.”

“And you hardly know me, but here we are. You offered to take me on this trip. You’ve answered my gazillion questions. You haven’t forced me to do anything, and you haven’t exposed me to your father. I’m glad to be here with you.”

There. I’d said it. We searched each other’s eyes for a moment before he turned back to the road and his grip on the steering wheel loosened. My pulse slowed to normal.

“Once I get a girl to be with me, it’s a onetime thing,” he began. “Now and then we’ll hook up twice, three times max. But I try not to think of them as individuals. It’s purely physical. I make no promises to call. I don’t even give out my number; they get it from other people. They’ll come see the band or show up at a party where I am and give me gifts—I’m sure you can imagine.”

I wished I couldn’t.

“But on my third time seeing Jamie, she gave me something different than anyone ever had. She made me a CD. I could see she’d put thought into it. She said each song had a killer drum solo or unique drum riff. It was an excellent collection. We saw each other for three weeks, quite often. But when she told me she loved me, I had to break it off. In the end I needed her to hate me. So I left my phone out at band practice one day with a picture she’d sent me of herself.”

He gave me a quick look of defiance, and then his eyes were on the road again. I guess I had needed to hear all of that. I was knotted up inside.

“Were you falling in love with her?” I asked.

He groaned and shook his head.

“Christ, Anna.” I flinched. “Right. Forgot I was riding with a saint.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before going on. “No. I was not in love with her. I’ve never been
in love
with anyone. I was merely answering your question about whether or not I ever feel bad about hurting someone. The answer is yes. I felt bad about her.
God
, I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you.”

I leaned back into my seat and stared out my window at the last stretch of Texas as the sun sank lower, hoping Kaidan wouldn’t notice me wiping away the lone tear that slid down my face for him.

“Don’t pity me, Anna, and don’t think well of me for that small revelation. Don’t fool yourself into believing I haven’t enjoyed the work I’ve done, because I have. You should know who you’re dealing with.”

It was time to find out more about this person I was dealing with.

“Have you ever drugged a girl or spiked her drink?” I asked, still staring out at Texas.

“No. That’s for those who lack confidence.”

“Have you taken advantage of a girl who was wasted or passed out?”

“No. What’s the use if she can’t remember?”

“Forced a girl to do something she didn’t want to?”

“No. Are you training to be a psychologist?”

“I don’t doubt that you’ve physically enjoyed yourself, Kaidan. If you want me to know who I’m dealing with, then answer me this: Do you take pleasure in hurting people?”

I watched his chest rise and sink with a silent sigh. He spoke devoid of feeling, bordering on impatience.

“I feel nothing for them. I ignore their pain. I don’t let it into my thoughts. It brings me no pleasure or pain to see them hurting, with the one exception that we already spoke of. Is that touchy-feely enough for you?”

I would have to read between the lines when it came to Kaidan. To know him, I would need to know why he ignored their pain, and what would happen if he did let their suffering into his thoughts. If he took pleasure in hurting others, he would bask in their pain, not deflect it.

“Why are you trying so hard to make me think you’re a bad person?” I asked.

“Because it would be best for you to have a healthy fear of me so you can’t say you weren’t warned. I’m not like boys at your school. Think of the pull you feel toward drugs. That is how I feel about sex.”

Oh.

“Starting to get it now? Let me be even clearer.” His voice lowered as he walked me through his work. “I can feel out someone within five minutes of conversation to know what I would have to say and do to lure her into bed. That includes you, though I admit I was off my game last night. With some people it’s a matter of simple flattery and attention. With others it takes more time and energy. I do whatever it takes to get their clothes off, and then I attempt to make it so they’ll never be with another person and not think of me. I know secrets of the human body most people don’t even know about themselves. And when I leave, I know they’re ruined when they’re begging me to stay.”

My heart pounded. I was afraid now. He flicked his eyes around my aura.

“It’s about time,” he said.

CHAPTER TWELVE

K
AIDAN’S
C
OLOGNE

W
e kept our thoughts to ourselves as we entered New Mexico. The abrupt change in landscape filled my mind with relief. Flat Texas plains had morphed into expanses of gently rolling hills and small mountains, patchy with shrubs. The Southwest was wide open. I was amazed how far I could see.

Kaidan slowed to exit as the sun drooped low in the sky. We parked at a fast-food place and got out to stretch our legs. The absence of moisture made the air feel thin in my lungs. I was accustomed to choking on humidity.

We ordered meals and ate them in silence, sitting in front of the glass wall that looked out at the parking lot. The setting sun caused a robe of deep pink and orange to spread itself over the landscape.

“Nice country you’ve got. Very diverse.”

“It’s gorgeous,” I agreed, pushing the other half of my chicken sandwich toward him. He finished it while I nibbled the last of the fries.

“We’ll go a few more hours and then stop for the night,” he said. “I’ll wait to fill the tank until morning.”

I nodded and cleared away all of the trash to get ready to go. The thought of another night together made me nervous.

As we climbed back into the car and continued down I-40, the beauty of the Old West emboldened me. Kaidan’s gaze brushed over me as I turned toward him, pulling my bare feet underneath me.

“There’s someone else I need to see in L.A., besides my dad.”

He nodded for me to continue. I told him the story about the angel visiting Patti, and how she came to be my foster mother. Then I told him that the nun, Sister Ruth, had requested that I come and speak to her in person.

“I just can’t imagine what she needs to tell me that she couldn’t tell Patti.”

“Huh. I haven’t heard anything about angels coming down and speaking directly to humans in recent history either.”

“I’m worried she won’t live much longer,” I told him. “I think that’s the only reason Patti let me come on this trip with you.”

“We’ll get there in time.”

I hoped so.

“I want to know everything you know about the demons,” I said.

He cleared his throat and began, matter-of-factly.

“I’m sure you’ve heard of the seven deadly sins: wrath, sloth, gluttony, envy, greed, lust, and pride. Pride is said to be the sin from which all others arise. So here’s how their rankings work on earth: there’s one demon in human form assigned to each of the seven deadly sins, except sloth and gluttony; those have been combined under one demon, since they often go hand in hand. There are six additional sins as well: lying, murder, hatred, theft, adultery, and substance abuse. That makes twelve dark angels in human bodies. They’re called the Dukes, and they’re the bosses of evil on earth.”

“Our dads are two of the twelve Dukes?”

“That’s right.”

It was strange listening to Kaidan talk. His accent took on a roguish edge when he was excited or angry, but then there were times, like now, when he sounded like a refined schoolboy giving an oral report. I realized he could transform himself to suit his audience. Kaidan could play the part of a gritty bad boy or an educated gentleman as needed. But who was he really? I reached back to rub my neck, which had begun to prickle.

“So what’s the difference between a Duke and the other demons, like the one in the restaurant today?”

“In spirit form they’re the same, but Dukes are the only demons allowed to possess human bodies. Each Duke commands a legion of demon whisperers who haunt the earth. The whisperers are called the Legionnaires. We sometimes just refer to them as spirits. Between the Dukes and the Legionnaires, there are six hundred and sixty-six demons on earth.”

A prickly chill of disbelief coursed through me.

I did the math. “So, twelve Dukes, six hundred fifty-four whisperers, or Legionnaires... where do the Nephilim figure in?”

“We’re just a by-product. We don’t count as human, but also don’t qualify as being part of the demon Legionnaires. We work for our fathers and keep our mouths shut. That’s it.”

All I could do was nod, feeling sick as he continued.

“There used to be more Dukes. At one time there was one for each of the Ten Commandments, in addition to those that cover the seven deadly sins, but many of them became obsolete. They change as necessary. Lies and adultery are the only two of the Ten Commandments still represented. The Dukes specialize during each lifetime based on the state of society they’re in at that time. My father specializes currently in pornography.”

I held a bottle of water in my lap, forcing back the nausea that crept up as he spoke.

“I hear your father had a good run with alcohol last century,” he continued. “But in this lifetime it’s drugs. Demons feel a pull in the direction of their specialty, and their offspring get a taste of it as well. Being female, you probably have additional senses, like being able to tell when others have addictive natures, am I right?”

I nodded, thinking of how I saw it in Jay. “But what does being female have to do with it?”

“I’m not certain, but female Neph always seem to be more sensitive to things. Female intuition or whatever. My father’s past daughters were able to sense virgins and fertility, as my father does, but I can’t.”

“That’s interesting. Okay, what else?”

“Yep. Let’s see. I suppose you should know that positions of Dukes are highly sought after among the demons. They all want a chance in human form. There’s even been warring among the dark spirits. Lucifer himself would prefer to be on earth, but he’s bound to hell, along with his right- and left-hand warriors, Beelzebub and Ammadeus.”

“They can’t leave?” I asked, allowing a surge of relief to surface.

“No, they can’t. Lucifer lives vicariously through the Dukes and Legionnaires.”

“Why are there so few demons on earth? He could send up all of them if he wanted to, right?”

“I suppose he could, but it’s all run as a sort of clandestine operation, which is ironic, since everyone in heaven must know what the dark ones are up to. But Lucifer seems to want to stay under the radar, so to speak.”

“He’s scared,” I thought out loud.

“The thing is,” Kaidan said, ignoring my comment, “the Legionnaires can’t
make
humans do anything. They can’t take away a person’s free will. They place ideas into their heads. Period. But humans are self-centered by nature. Half the time the demons are only telling them what they want to hear—encouraging their selfish instincts.”

These were unpleasant things to hear. Kaidan breezed through it, giving me the straight facts as though quoting from a demon textbook.

“Do the Dukes whisper to people? I mean, what do they actually do?”

“No, they can’t whisper in human form, but they have certain verbal abilities of persuasion. The Dukes weave themselves into society, landing in positions of influence over leaders and societal powerhouses.”

“They don’t try to become the leaders?” I asked.

“Never. Remember, the point of their jobs is to get humans to claw their way to the top and rip their own souls to shreds in the meantime.”

The way he talked about humans made me sad. It was impossible not to think about the people who were being manipulated. The heartache. The fact that my own father played a heavy hand in this evil game.

Kaidan wrinkled his brow at me and said, “You’ve sprung a leak.”

I swiped my hands across my wet cheeks. Ugh! I gave an annoyed wave of my hand. “I always cry when I’m emotional, which is pretty much all the time. Just ignore me and keep going, please.”

He sighed and passed a tractor trailer, then took a swig of water before continuing.

“Okay, so the Dukes are placed strategically around the earth and they move as needed. They meet once a year to see where each demon will do the most damage, except the ones who are confined, like your father. There are three Dukes here in the United States right now: my father, your father, and Melchom, the Duke of Envy. Each Duke gets a quarterly visit from Lucifer’s personal demon messenger, Azael. They give him a report of their work and the state of humanity, which is passed along to Lucifer. I hear he’s satisfied with how things are going these days.”

“But humans are good, too,” I argued. “I’m sure plenty of people are resilient.”

“I suppose, but even the devout have weaknesses. The demons have to take different measures with different cultures, because some are more accepting of sin, while others are stricter. It’s all a matter of semantics and presentation. They come up with ingenious ways to promote pain and apathy, kind of like marketing schemes. Seek pleasure. Eat, drink, and be merry.
Carpe diem
.”

“Seize the day,” I whispered.

The hotel outside of Albuquerque was an improvement over the first night’s. Kaidan turned on his music player, placing it on the nightstand between our beds. I was starting to think of his playlist as the sound track for our trip.

I flopped down on a bed and decided to call Patti. I was surprised when I had to turn Kaidan’s phone on. He must have switched it off at some point during the drive. Now that I thought about it, today had been more peaceful without the constant beeping.

Patti sounded relieved to hear my voice. I wondered what terrible things she’d imagined all day. Kaidan turned down the music and slipped out on the balcony while we talked.

“I’ll be at the jubilee all day tomorrow and Saturday,” she said. “How about I call you as soon as I get home these next two nights, probably around eleven o’clock—I guess that would be eight o’clock West Coast time?”

“Okay, I’ll make sure to have the phone by me then.”

“Anna?”

“Yes?”

“How is Kaidan? Is he still behaving himself?”

I curled up on my bed and got a tickly feeling in my belly when I thought of him.

“Yes,” I answered. “Please don’t worry about us. We’re getting to know each other. He’s teaching me a lot.”

“Good,” she said. “I’m glad, but still. Just be careful not to let your guard down.”

Patti gave me the phone number to the convent, and we agreed I’d call when we got to California to see whether Sister Ruth was stable enough for a visitor.

We hung up after exchanging funny kissy sounds and laughing. I went to a vending machine down the hall and bought two bottles of water. Back in the room I turned the music up. I walked to the open doorway of the balcony and watched Kaidan from behind, while the waters chilled my hands.

I imagined myself putting my arms around him and leaning my cheek against the middle of his back, but he wasn’t mine to touch like that. Last night’s kiss had been a fluke. It already seemed like a long time ago. I couldn’t afford to lose myself like that again, especially now that I’d been officially “warned.”

I stepped out next to him and pressed a bottle of water against his forearm.

“Thanks,” he said, taking it. We leaned against the rail, looking out at the sleepy buildings and breathing in the warm, dry air. Our arms brushed against each other and I got a light whiff of his sweet, woodsy cologne. I took a heady breath and decided to retreat back indoors. I needed to clear my head, maybe take a jog.

I went back in and grabbed my running clothes, then changed in the bathroom. I opened the door to the bathroom, stopping when I saw Kaidan’s toiletry bag on the sink. I was overcome with curiosity about his cologne or aftershave, because I’d never smelled it on anyone else before. Feeling sneaky, I prodded one finger into the bag and peeked. No cologne bottle. Only a razor, shaving cream, toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant. I picked up the deodorant, pulled off the lid, and smelled it. Nope, that wasn’t it.

The sound of Kaidan’s deep chuckle close to the doorway made me scream and drop the deodorant into the sink with a clatter. I smacked one hand to my chest and grabbed the edge of the sink with the other. He laughed out loud now.

“Okay, that must have looked really bad.” I spoke to his reflection in the mirror, then fumbled to pick up the deodorant. I put the lid on and dropped it in his bag. “But I was just trying to figure out what cologne you wear.”

My face was on fire as Kaidan stepped into the small bathroom and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. I stepped away. He seemed entertained by my predicament.

“I haven’t been wearing any cologne.”

“Oh.” I cleared my throat. “Well, I didn’t see any, so I thought it might be your deodorant, but that’s not it either. Maybe it’s your laundry detergent or something. Let’s just forget about it.”

“What is it you smell, exactly?” His voice took on a husky quality, and it felt like he was taking up a lot of room. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Something strange was going on here. I stepped back, hitting the tub with my heel as I tried to put the scent into words.

“I don’t know. It’s like citrus and the forest or something... leaves and tree sap. I can’t explain it.”

His eyes bored into mine while he wore that trademark sexy smirk, arms still crossed.

“Citrus?” he asked. “Like lemons?”

“Oranges mostly. And a little lime, too.”

He nodded and flicked his head to the side to get hair out of his eyes. Then his smile disappeared and his badge throbbed.

“What you smell are my pheromones, Anna.”

A small, nervous laugh burst from my throat.

“Oh, okay, then. Well...” I eyed the small space that was available to pass through the door. I made an awkward move toward it, but he shifted his body and I stepped back again.

“People can’t usually smell pheromones,” he told me. “You must be using your extra senses without realizing it. I’ve heard of Neph losing control of their senses with certain emotions. Fear, surprise... lust.”

I rubbed my hands up and down my upper arms, wanting nothing more than to veer this conversation out of the danger zone.

“Yeah, I do have a hard time reining in the scent sometimes,” I babbled. “It even gets away from me while I sleep now and then. I wake up thinking Patti’s making cinnamon rolls and it ends up being from someone else’s apartment. Then I’m just stuck with cereal. Anyway...”