Sweet Beginning (3 page)

This weekend is going by so fast. It's been hard for me to
catch my breath or think about what's happening. I've been working each
morning, helping Jaylah bake the goods for the day. Then I have been working on
unpacking in the apartment upstairs.I'm thankful we have some great girls
working for us. They have been working extra hours to help us out so I can get
myself situated.

The apartment is smaller than the house and I wanted to get
everything done before the girls see it. It hasn't been hard, considering I
didn't take too much stuff from the house. I bought new things and let Kyle
keep most of what we had. Shopping has been the only fun thing I've done these
past few weeks. I always thought people were crazy when they said shopping is
therapeutic, I believe it now.

I wasn't going to see my girls until after school on Monday,
Kyle was keeping them tonight. I was working frantically to have everything in
its place. Being a small apartment, I didn't want boxes all over the place. I
finish unpacking the last box, then take it down to the dumpster behind the
shop. I inhale a deep breath of the night air. Now what? I haven't been alone
in a very long time. I'm not sure what to do with myself so I walk back up to
my "new" home.

I stop in the doorway and look around. It turned out really
cute, this will be a great place for a single person. It doesn't feel like home
to me, I hope that changes. I plop down on my couch and take a few deep
breaths. I'm trying to calm my nerves; I feel like I am going to have a panic
attack. As I put my head in my hands I feel tears hit my hands. Is this really
happening? I'm startled when I hear "Moves like Jagger," a sign of an
incoming text from Jaylah.

JayJay 6:47pm

Get ready. we r going out to dinner....no arguement either toots

I smile, again she knows I need her. I'm always amazed that
we both have these feelings when we need each other.

Anne   6:48pm

kk

There is no point in arguing with her when she has her mind
set. Not that I was going to argue, I need this. I go into the bathroom to wash
my face and collect myself. I quickly change my clothes, when I hear my phone
going off.

JayJay 7:02pm

Get ur ass down here

Anne 7:02pm

:)

I hop into Jaylah's car and smile at her. "Thanks for
this," I say.

"Of course, darlin'. How are you?" she asks.

"I'm fine," I reply.

Jaylah shakes her head at me. I know she isn't buying what I
am trying to sell her. She drops it, for now. I know this isn't going to be the
end of the conversation. We don't talk the rest of the drive, both lost in our
own thoughts. I smile as we pull into our favorite restaurant, Applebee's.

We sit down and look over the menu. We always order the same
thing, our favorite pretzel sticks and wonton taco's. Once the waitress leaves
to put our order in Jaylah asks, "SO, how are you really doing? And none
of this I'm fine bullshit."

I laugh, really laugh for the first time in what seems like
forever. "Like shit, better?" I say and throw up my arms in defeat.

Jaylah smiles, "You are such a smart ass, but it sounds
good to here you laugh. You know you don't have to lie to me, I know this is
hard on you," she says.

I nod my head. I figure it's time to change the subject, I
don't want to think or talk about me. "So tell me about this new guy you
are dating." She makes a face and is about to yell at me.  The waitress
conveniently brings our food at that moment. Once she's gone I look over at
Jaylah smiling and raise my eyebrow. 

She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. I know she is
trying to control her temper.

"We are NOT dating, Anne!" she says through
clenched teeth. 

"Well, tell me about him and what "IT" is. I
know I've been all about me lately." Jaylah rolls her eyes.  "No, I
want to know, JayJay," I say.  

"It's not a relationship, we're just fuck buddies! I
don't do relationships anymore and you know it!" she replies. 

 I can't believe how bad Ben messed her up. It was such a
crazy time, he seemed normal and great. I guess you never truly know a person.
I hope one day she finds someone who will make her want to move on.  I worry about
her.

"I know, JayJay.  I know."

"Please don't give me that look.  I'm fine with how my
life is, it's safe." she says.

"Its okay to let someone in," I reply.

"If I let someone in, that's when I get hurt. Let's
drop it, okay?" she waves me off.

We eat in silence for a few minutes. "Well tell me
about him then, okay?" I say to break the silence. I think she realizes I
need to hear about her, I need some normalcy. On a night that is so far from
normal for me right now. She is shaking her head at me.

"Come on. Spill it, Jay!" I smile back at her.

She rolls her eyes, "If you must know. He is a whiny,
pussy boy. He always wants to talk about his 'feelings,' she says the word
feelings sarcastically, doing air quotes as she says it. She makes a face
before she keeps talking, as if it's left a bad taste in her mouth.

"Really good in the sack though," she smiles wide
and wiggles her eyebrows at me.

I start laughing, "You are crazy! Where do you meet
these asshole's?" I ask.

 "Oh you know, here and there!" she says with a
smile. 

We both laugh so hard that people around us give us weird
looks. I love moments like now, it feels great to laugh. We continue talking
about work, Jaylah's parents and the girls, through dinner. I almost feel like
my old self, as I'm able to forget about things for a bit.

We finish our meal, both of us feeling better. It's the
small things in life which help us deal with the rest. As we walk to the car, I
look up to the night sky. I've always loved looking at the stars. I'm
disappointed that I can't see many tonight. I get into the car, dreading going
home to an empty apartment.

"Thanks again, I really needed this," I say.

"Anytime, you know that," she smiles back at me.

The ride home was a quiet one. Jaylah pulls into the parking
lot, parks the car and turns to me.

"Things will get better. If you need anything,
ask," she says.

"Thanks," I whisper. I look up to my apartment and
feel a surge of regret come over me. What have I done to my life? I look out
the window, not wanting Jaylah to see my face and read what I'm thinking.

"Hey, I know it's hard. With time it will be better.
Believe me, I know," she says. She reaches out and rubs my arm. I start to
cry again. I don't want her to see and feel sorry for me. I grab the handle to
get out of the car.

"I know, thanks. See you in the morning," I say.

"Good night," she yells from the car.

I turn slightly, "Good night," I yell and wave.

Once I'm in my apartment, I close and lock the door. I lean
my back against it and take a deep breath to calm my nerves. I walk into my
bedroom, put my pajamas on and crawl into bed. I lay there staring at the
ceiling. I have to get some sleep, my alarm will go off in a couple of hours. I
can't seem to turn my mind off. Between missing Katie and Shannon, thinking
about my life and worrying about Jaylah, I can't sleep. I decide to leave my
bedroom to go watch some TV. I don't remember what I was watching, when my
alarm wakes me. I'm thankful for the few of hours of sleep I managed to get.

I get into the shower, hoping it will wake me enough to work
this morning. The hot water helps loosen my muscles and gives me some relief
from my emotions. I quickly ready myself for the day ahead.

As I walk downstairs to the shop to start making donuts,
muffins and other assorted baked goods. I hear Jaylah unlock the front door and
yell out, "Good morning, sunshine!"

I smile and yell, "Back here!" Jaylah puts all her
belongings in the office, before she comes in the back to help me get started
on the donuts. "Mornin' JayJay," I say.

"Good morning," she smiles at me. 

We get into our routine for the morning.

I look around the shop and fall in love with it all over
again. I never get tired on how we decorated it. It has large windows along the
whole front of the shop with the door in the middle with the bell above it. We
have a table with two comfy chairs on the right. To the left of the door we
have a couch against the wall, with a coffee table and comfy chairs. Along the
sill of the window, are books for the customers to enjoy. There are table and
chairs scattered around the rest of the shop. There is an L shaped counter with
a bakery case, our cappuccino machines and coffee pots, in the middle against
the left wall. There are windows on both sides that let in so much light, it's
so inviting. Our kitchen is in the back and the smells are always amazing. The
walls are painted a pale pink with brown accents on the couch and chairs.

I shake myself and get back to work. Once we have our sweets
baked, we start on the front of the shop, making coffee and filling the bakery
case. When I hear the bell above the door chime, I turn to see my dad walk
through the door.

"Good morning, how are my two favorite girls?" he
asks with a smile.

"Good, dad. How are you?" I smile back at him.
Jaylah smiles at my dad and goes off to finish filling inventory.

"I can't complain, baby," he says.

"Do you want the usual?" I ask.

My dad buys donuts for all his employee's every Monday
morning. He feels it's better to start the week with a smile, instead of
treating at the end of the week. I couldn't agree more.

"Yeah and my coffee please," he replies.

"So anything new going on?" I ask, as I fill his
order.

"Not really, I do have a new guy starting today, his
name is Wyatt. He moved down here from up north. So I better not be late."

I bag up his order and make his coffee. I ring him up and he
hands me his money. "Well good luck, I love you."

"Thanks, love you too," he says.  Jaylah walks out
from the back and waves.

As I watch my dad leave, I wonder why he didn't mention
before that he hired someone. Before I can ponder more on that, another
customer walks in.

The rest of the morning went quickly, with a steady stream of customers.
We finally had a lull so I was able to make fresh pots of coffee. I heard the
bell over the door ring. I turned to see Kyle, waving as he walks up to the
counter.

"Hi, Anne, how are you?" he says softly, I almost
couldn't hear him.

I stand there for a moment, frozen. He looks tired; maybe
it's the new job. We haven't seen much of each other. He is a handsome man,
always was. He is tall with black hair, always cut short, with brown eyes. His
dimples use to make me melt. Oh how things have changed. Before I could even
say anything, I hear from behind me...

"Well hello, asshat!" Jaylah says, as she crosses
her arms across her chest.

He sighs and shakes his head. They have been more like siblings
than friends. She hasn't liked how things have been between us, and girls have
to stick together.

"Hey Jay, do you mind if I steal Anne for a few
minutes?" he asks.

She looks over at me than back to him, "As long as Anne
is okay with it," she replies. She glances back to me, to see if I want
her to save me from whatever this might be. 

I touch her arm and smile, "That's fine, I'll grab us a
couple cups of coffee and some muffins,"  I reply. I look back at Kyle and
he nods.

As I get a tray ready for us, I steal a look at Kyle. He
grabbed the table by the window and is fidgety. I wonder what he wants to talk
about.

Jaylah looks at me, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I thinks so. I wonder what he wants," I
reply.

She shrugs her shoulders, "I'll be right here. Yell if
you need me."

I nod, wipe my hands on my pink flowered apron and take a
deep breath. I carry the tray to the table and sit across from him.

"Thanks," he mumbles, as he continues to looks
outside onto Main Street. 

We sit in silence for a while. Kyle staring out the window,
obviously collecting his thoughts. I fidget with my coffee cup and pick at my
muffin. I glance over at Jaylah and see her confused look and shrug my
shoulders. I can't take the silence anymore.

"SO, what did you want to talk about?"

He looks over at me, I can see the sadness in his eyes.

"I miss you," he whispers.

I stare at him not sure how to respond.  We haven't seen
each other in a couple of weeks.  And when he was home, we hadn't talked much.
I tried talking to him a few of times, he brushed me off. I figured he was mad
at me, or trying to cope with our situation.

"Sorry, I know we really haven't talked lately. I
thought a lot about us, being with the girls all weekend. We always did
vacations together, it was weird without you there. It made me miss how things
used to be," he says.

I look at him confused, "What are you saying?"

"I know we're over. I wish things could be
different," he says.

I look him in the eyes and see something else there. Not
sadness, but guilt.  What would he be feeling guilty about? I shake myself from
thinking too much. Instead, I decide to share how I felt over the weekend.

"I know, it was a hard weekend for me too. I always
want us to be friends. We were always so close, talked about everything. We grew
up and I think grew apart. It's neither of our faults, it happens," I say.

I search his eyes in hope of finding a better understanding
of what he's thinking. His eyes drift outside again. I definitely saw guilt in
his eyes. Why is he feeling guilty? Before I have a chance to ask, he looks at
me. He pulls an envelope out of his inside coat pocket and hands it to me.