Sweet Beginning (2 page)

A couple of days of thinking and going through life on
auto-pilot, have helped me come to a decision. Kyle and I have to sit down and
talk. I arranged for Jaylah to pick up the girls from school and keep them for
the night. I never thought I would be so nervous to have this talk.

I start making dinner for us, hoping that will help make the
talk easier. I'm busy in my own thoughts when I realize my phone is buzzing. I
see it's a text from Kyle. 

Kyle 5:46pm

Running late see u soon

Anne 5:47

k

It's like he knows what's coming. Well, so much for the
dinner idea. I text Jaylah.

Anne 5:48pm

So he is running late....so much for dinner

JayJay 5:52pm

Why is asshat late?

Anne 5:53pm

who knows!!!!   ttyl

JayJay 5:54pm

kk

I sit in front of the TV, eating my dinner and waiting for
Kyle. I'm not even sure what I'm watching. I just keep replaying what I want to
say through my head. 

I hear the door open. "Hello!" Kyle yells out. 

"In here." Kyle walks in with a confused look on
his face.

"Where are the girls?" he asks. 

"Jaylah picked them up from school and is keeping them
overnight. I wanted us to talk."

I'm afraid of what he is thinking. He stands there for a
while looking at me. After what feels like a lifetime, he finally responds.

"Let me shower first, Anne. Then we will have your
talk
."
He walks upstairs to our room and I hear the door shut.

My talk! Really? What is that supposed to mean? Sometimes I
really don't understand him at all. Almost ten years of marriage plus the six
years we dated before that, and I don't recognize the man in the shower. I know
we were kids when we first started dating. He was my first love and only love
up to this point in my life. We aren't the same people we were at sixteen. I'm
not naive, I know people grow up  and kids always change everything.

Throw in Jaylah and I starting our own business, then Kyle
having to switch careers. He worked in the car industry since he was eighteen
years old. In Michigan,that was not a good thing four years ago. He lost his
job and had to figure out what to do. It was hard on him when I was supporting
the family and he was starting all over again in his new job. Now he works for
Delta Airlines at Detroit Metro Airport. My cousin helped him get his job, it
was a pay cut and he had to start at the bottom. Plus, he has an hour commute
each way.

We always wanted to live in the country, it's beautiful out
here. We found this house and I couldn't believe it was ours. It's a yellow
farm house, with a white porch that wraps around the front. I love to sit out
there in the summer, in our rocking chairs. It has beautiful intricate wood
pieces in all the peaks of the house. It has lots of windows and I have always
loved all the light that comes into the house. Along the front of the house is
an old wood fence painted white, with wire fencing tacked between the posts. I
spent a few summers cleaning in front of it, planting flowers all along it and
the front of the house.

Then when you walk up to the front door with it's old screen
door, and into a wide hallway. To the right is the family room, it has a large
opening from the hall into it. It has a wood burning stove in the corner, wood
floors and trim. We put large overstuffed, comfy furniture in there. To the
left is a small bedroom, which we always use as a den and computer room. If you
take a few steps into the hallway, you walk into the staircase to the upstairs.
Once past the staircase, there is a small half bath to the left, across from
that is the dining room.

Then you walk into a large kitchen decorated with all my
chickens. In the middle is a large wood butcher block table, that is the
island. There are shelves underneath, with wicker baskets for potato's and
onions. With smaller shelves that hold all of my cookbooks, and knick knaks.
There is an old farmers sink and the original wood cabinets. In the corner to
the left is a door that leads to the wrap around porch, as well as a little
breakfast nook. On the right of the kitchen, there is a large pantry and the
laundry room. In between the breakfast nook and the main kitchen, we put in
french doors to the backyard.

The upstairs has three bedrooms, with a bathroom in the
hallway for the girls. The master bedroom has a small bathroom attached to it.
I always wished the bathroom was a little bigger, but I loved the house and
dealt with it.

Kyle built a small pole barn in the back of the property,
and there is a couple of old out buildings still there. We added a patio in the
back, after we moved in. We always loved having people over for BBQ's in the
summers.

Kyle's parents still live in the same house, just down the
road from us. My mom and stepdad live only ten minutes away, and my dad only
fifteen minutes. We thought it would be great for our kids to be so close to
their grandparents. And of course we wanted our kids to go to the same high
school that we went to. "GO Richmond Blue Devils!"  How young and
silly we were, and the things which meant so much to us back then. 

I hear Kyle moving around upstairs, done with his shower.
"Moves like Jagger" erupts from my cell letting me know I have an
incoming text, good ol'e JayJay.

JayJay 7:06pm

breathe, I love u. text me if u need me xoxo

I swipe a tear away and shoot back our usual kk. I can do
this, I HAVE to do this. My emotions are running, making me nervous and mad. I
need to calm down so I can say what I need to say. Kyle comes into the living
room and takes a seat in the chair across from me. He puts his head in his
hands, sighs and runs his hands through his hair. We look at each other and
neither of us talks.

I decide it's now or never. "Kyle, I want a
divorce." 

You could have heard a pin drop. My heart was racing so
fast, I thought it would come right out of my chest. Kyle sat there and looked
at me for a long time. I had a whole speech to go along with that statement.
But I couldn't get anymore words out. That wasn't how I was going to say it. I
wanted to see what his thoughts were first, to see if there was any hope for us
in the end.

"I knew this was coming. We haven't been happy for
along time, have we? You were strong enough to say it first," Kyle
whispers.

He sounds hurt and defeated. I wipe at the tears coming down
my face. "We deserve to be happy.  But we aren't happy, we haven't been
for a long time."

He looks up at me and nods his head.  "I know you are
right, but I didn't want to admit it," he whispers. 

We sit there for a long time, not saying anything. I don't
understand why he isn't talking more. Why isn't he trying to fix our marriage?
Why am I not trying to fix our marriage? Are we taking the easy way out? I
swipe at more tears, then look up to see Kyle looking at me.

"I'm going to leave. I can't be here right now,"
he says as he gets up.

"Wait, don't you want to talk about this?"

He turns around, looks at me and shakes his head.
"About what?  It's over, you asked for a divorce. I am going to my
parents' house for the night."

I look after him in disbelief. That's it, really? I know I
asked for the divorce, but I thought we would talk more about it. This isn't
how I thought it would turn out. I follow him upstairs to our bedroom to see
him packing a bag. He looks over at me, yet doesn't say anything more. After a
few moments he takes a deep breath, then turns to me.

"Look, I need to wrap my head around this. I need to be
alone. We can talk about all the details later," he says.

I don't know what else to say, so I nod my head. He grabs his
bag, he looks over to me and walks away. So that's it. I don't know what I was
expecting, but it wasn't that.

The next couple of weeks went by like a blur. Kyle and I sat
the girls down to explain what was happening. That was one of the worst moments
in my life. They handled it better than I thought. I guess they adjust better
than we give them credit for. They have friends with divorced parents, so I'm
sure they realize it will be okay.  I'm not saying they like the idea, but they
are dealing with it. There were tears and alot of questions, I was shocked by
how well Kyle handled the answers.

Kyle was offered a promotion at work, which he took. It made
it alot easier to get through these few weeks, I didn't have to see him. He had
to attend a six week training course out of state for his new job. He was
allowed to come on the weekends and he spent all his time with Katie and
Shannon while he was home. I used that time to pack my belongings.

We decided he would keep the house. I can't keep up with the
property on my own, plus it's close to his parents. He loves to hunt and can do
that from his backyard. So, I am moving into the two bedroom apartment above
our shop. Jaylah wanted me to come live with her, until I saved the money for a
down payment on a house. I couldn't do that to her, she is dating and I didn't
want to cramp her style.

 Maybe there was a reason we never rented the apartment
above our shop to anyone. Instead we use it for storage. It's close to the
girls' school, so they can walk the two blocks to get home. Jaylah helped me
clean it up, paint and decorate it.  Kyle and I divided up all our belongings
and most of the furniture.

It's a cute apartment, with two bedrooms and a large
bathroom. You walk up the stairs into the kitchen, which wraps around two
walls. It has a window looking out the back of the shop, which is the parking
lot. There are houses beyond the parking lot, with Mrs. Smith's house right
behind us, and her beautiful gardens to look at. The kitchen has enough room
for me to put a decent size table for us to eat at.

You walk through the kitchen into the living room, which is
a large room. I can fit our comfy couch, with a coffee table. A couple of cute
stuffed chairs that Jaylah and I found cheap when we were out shopping. I have
a TV stand to put against the wall with a book shelf. The living room has large
windows overlooking Main Street, with flower boxes hanging in front of them.
Then to the right of the living room are the two bedrooms, they are good size.
With the bathroom in between the rooms.

To the left of the living room is a dining room, which I
plan to use for a computer room and storage. The apartment and shop were built
in the early 1900's, when families lived above with their children. They are
large and beautiful, people stayed until they closed their shops.

I decided to let the girls pick out all new stuff for their
bedroom. We had so much fun on that shopping trip. They got the bunk beds they
always wanted. Good ol' Aunt Jaylah bought the girls a toy organizer, full of
all new toys,
of course
. I think they are feeling better about splitting
up their time between Kyle and me.

This weekend I officially move out of "our" house.
Kyle had the girls fly down to Memphis where he is doing his training. It's his
last week there and he wants to take the girls around Memphis. 

We thought it might be easier for me to do the first weekend
getting settled into my new place, without them. Waking up knowing this is my
last day in the home I shared with Kyle and our daughters is strange.

When we moved in ten years ago, I was so happy. I figured we
would grow old here, play with our grandchildren here. We had closed on the
house a month before our wedding and moved in two weeks later. We were so happy
to start our lives, we thought nothing could touch us.

I decide to stop dwelling on all of the memories, the
reminders make me want to sit and cry all day. I text Jaylah instead.

Anne 7:23am

what time r u getting here, darlin'?

JayJay 7:24am

just getting out of the shower, toots

Anne 7:24am

kk ..... I am hopping in the shower now

JayJay 7:25am

breathe, its going to be ok.  love u  xoxo

I swipe at the tears I didn't even realize were falling.
Jaylah knows me too well, she is my rock. I don't know what I would do if she
wasn't here with me.

Anne 7:28am

tanks, darlin'!  <3  love u 2  xoxo   see u in a bit

I figure I better call my dad quick before I get in the
shower. He is coming over to help me and Jaylah get all the heavy stuff over to
the apartment. Plus, he has a pick-up truck. As I make a pot of coffee, I dial
my dad's cell phone.

"Hi baby, how are you?" my dad answers.

"I'm ok, Dad." I smile. 

I have always been a daddy's girl. When my parents got
divorced it was a hard time. I lived with my mom for a little while. But we
always butted heads, and I blamed their divorce on her. She was remarried to
Stan, only a year after the divorce. He was my dad's best friend. I couldn't
handle it, so I moved in with my dad shortly after their marriage. It was just
me and my dad since I was ten years old. My baby brother, Jack stayed with my
mom. Jack was only four years old when our parents divorced. He doesn't
remember much from when they were together. He moved to Montana for college and
stayed. My mom and Stan had two kids together Emma and Mia. Emma is twenty and
Mia is eighteen years old. My mom's whole world is those girls, which hasn't
helped our relationship at all. 

"What time do you want me there?" he asks, waking
me from my thoughts.

"I'm going to take a quick shower, so how about
forty-five minutes."

"Sounds good baby. See you in a little bit.  Keep your
chin up.  I love you."

"I love you too, Dad." I hang up. With tears
falling down my cheeks, I hop in the shower.

As I wash my hair, I think about where my life has gone. I
still can't believe this is actually happening. My thoughts wander to the night
with Kyle; I can't believe he left. No fighting, no talking, no trying to fix
us. I shake myself, then hurry to finish up.

When I walk out of the bedroom Jaylah is making us a cup of
coffee. She hands me a cup and smiles.

"Hey. How are you doing?"

"I've been better." I smile weakly at her.

 We hear a knock on the door and my dad walks in. He takes
one look at me, walks over and envelopes me in a hug.

 "It's going to be okay, honey. I know it doesn't seem
like it right now, but it will."

 I nod my head into his shoulder. My dad always makes me
feel safe, like nothing can hurt me. My two rocks are here helping me, how can
anything hurt me? I step back and give my dad a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks, Dad."

 He gives me a smile, he is such a handsome man especially
when he smiles. My dad has always been a working man, a mechanic. He owns his
own shop just outside of town, and has always done really well for himself. He
has sandy blonde hair, which has never gone gray. He always reminded me a little
of Robert Redford, but with working man hands, which never really get clean. I
remember holding his hand as a little girl, I would giggle and tell him his
hands were itchy. Lost in my thoughts again, I look up to see my dad look over
at Jaylah.  He smiles at her with a knowing look.

"Come here, JayJay, and give me a hug,"  he says.

Jaylah sighs like she is being put out, drags her feet and
then gives my dad a hug. I see her smiling at me and I chuckle. My dad is her
other dad, just like her parents are my other set of parents. In high school we
were always at my house or hers; we are more like sisters than friends.

"We better get started if we are going to get done
today!" Jaylah says. She is not big on emotional stuff, she is not a big
touchy-feely person. I smile, I know she wants to move on.

"Okay. Let's get started," my dad says.

"Okay," I reply. I am not looking forward to
today. 

Moving went faster than I imagined it would. The last load
was on my dad's truck and Jaylah hopped in with my dad.

"We will see you at your apartment, toots," Jaylah
yells out the window as she waves.

I think they both know I need a moment alone. I wave back at
them, watching them drive away. Once they are out of sight, I go back into the
house.

I walk through each room one last time, saying good-bye. I
stand in the kitchen, take the house keys off my ring and set them on the
counter. This is it. I look around, not ready to leave, yet I know I have to. I
want to savor the feeling that this is my house, it's not my home anymore. I
feel my heart breaking while more tears stream down my cheeks. I take a deep
breath then lock and close the door behind me. It's time to start a new chapter
in my life, whether I'm ready or not.