Surviving Love (14 page)

The director escorts us back to Mia’s room and opens the door with a key. The children are sitting around a very small table with tiny chairs eating breakfast. I set Mia down and let her get acclimated to her new surroundings. The teachers introduce themselves to me again and reassure me everything will be fine. I can’t help the aching feeling I have in my gut about leaving her behind, however it’s what needs to be done.
 

I bend down and Mia comes running into my arms, showing me a toy she’s holding. “Dada, look.”
 

“That’s nice, sweet girl, but Daddy’s got to go to work now. Be a good girl and I will be back soon.” Mia looks over at me with a confused expression on her face.
 

“Nanny? Go to Nanny’s house, Dada.” She’s so smart and very observant—it’s definitely a quality she will need in the future, I just wish it wouldn’t pop up now.
 

I stand with her in my arms and kiss the top of her head. “Remember, Nanny’s sick. You can’t see her today.” Mia looks like she’s about to cry, and if she does, I’m sure that I will quit my job here and now just so she doesn’t feel alone again.
 

The teacher recognizes what’s going on with Mia and intercedes. “Mia, would you like to have breakfast with your friends?” She points to the table with the kids sitting around munching
on cereal. The teacher then holds out her hands. Mia looks to me and I nod, letting her know it’s okay. She bends down and allows the teacher to hold her. “Say bye to Daddy.”
 

Mia squirms from the teacher’s arms and runs to me. I squat down and give her a swift hug. She rests her head on my shoulder then stands up. “Bye Dada!” She runs back to the table and joins her friends. Yeah, she’s going to be fine here. My baby girl will be just fine.
 

Chapter 13
 

Zoe ~ One Month Later
 

Life in Sulfur Heights is not what I’ve expected when I moved here over a month ago. I never would have predicted that I would see my aunt, let alone take care of her now that she’s dying. I never would’ve thought I’d find a job I enjoy going to every weekend, and Lord knows I’ve never expected to make friends, yet I’ve done exactly that.
 

After my first weekend working at
The Slab
, Darcie, Gavin and I have a blast. We work really well together and they both know how to make me laugh. We don’t have too much time to joke around when we’re working, but as soon as the bar closes, we blast the music, take some shots and clean up. There have been a couple of nights I’ve had to sleep in my car because I had a little too much fun after work.
 

Reggie is really cool as well, but he tends to be a little uptight. Actually, he’s the complete opposite of Darcie. He’s always worried about things and rarely does he let loose. However, I will catch him staring at his wife, and in those moments, he has peace and contentment written all over his face.
 

Since my aunt has told me she is dying of lung cancer, I’ve made it a point to take care of her by checking in every day. The day after she broke the news to me, she told me that her own daughter doesn’t even care what’s wrong with her. Aunt Connie called her daughter, Rebecca, when she found out she was sick and that woman has yet to visit or even check up on her condition. The thought disgusts me and makes me wonder what happened to turn her against her own mother.
 

Then there’s Sophia, Aunt Connie’s granddaughter; my cousin and former best friend. She’s just graduated from college with a degree in teaching, is dating someone special and she too has yet to check up on her grandmother.
 

And my own mother… well, her absence doesn’t even surprise me. She’s never been one to care for someone who isn’t going to do something for her in return. She’s selfish and greedy and nothing has proved this more than the night she kicked me out of her life. She chose her asshole boyfriend over her own child. My mother chose to believe the lie he fed her, and when I refused to back down this time, she figured I was eighteen and it was time for me to leave the house permanently.
 

I think about that day all the time. It was the day my life changed forever, and part of me thanks my mother for being so selfish because I wouldn’t be where I am now if she had believed me. Nevertheless, it always hurts reflecting on the choice she made.
 

Fred had been her live-in boyfriend for my entire senior year of high school. He was creepy, to say the least, but he was good to my mother—and by good I mean rich. She was happy. I mostly ignored him until there was one day where I couldn’t avoid him. It’s hard to ignore someone who’s trying to force his dick into your body after he’s tied you to the bed.
 

Luckily for me, I wasn’t a virgin and hadn’t been for three years. Yes, I was a little loose in high school. I loved and still love sex. I love the attention I get from men, but it always has to be
a mutual exchange. I said no. I bucked, thrashed and kicked as I was telling him no. He tried to rape me and didn’t give it a second thought. He did it knowing my mother wouldn’t believe me. No one believed me because I was a whore. And when I told my mother, Rebecca and Sophia what happened, they were appalled at
my
behavior. My mother took Fred’s side, and that very night, two days after graduation, she threw me out.
 

I spent the remainder of the night crying and confused when reality of what she’d just done sunk in. She chose herself over her daughter. My mind started to recall all the times she’d done that in the past. I had known right then and there that she would always choose herself. I would be second to her continuously and that wasn’t the life I was willing to live. The next morning, I walked to the bank, withdrew all the cash I had received from graduation as well as saved, then headed to the bus station with the Rocky Mountains in sight.
 

So when I think about my family, excluding my Aunt Connie, only one word comes into mind, selfish. They will only do something if it benefits them and them only. At first, I was exactly like them, however over the course of time, since I’ve been on my own, I know now how to survive this life and it’s by avoiding relationships. That way, no one is disappointed. I fell off the wagon with Terrance and learned my lesson when he called me a cunt and slammed his fist into my head. Yet, since coming here, I’m forming relationships left and right—it’s impossible to avoid. First with my Aunt Connie the day I ran into her at the store and she invited me to her apartment. Then with the people I work with. I can truly say I will be sad to leave them when I’m ready to move on.
 

The one relationship I have yet to form but can’t stop thinking about is Drake. I am fascinated by him. I haven’t seen him since that day at the apartment because he hasn’t been back to the bar or Connie’s place, but I want to see him.
 

At night, I lie awake and imagine what it would be like to feel him on top of me. My mind drives me crazy with erotic thoughts. I often find my hands in the waistband of my panties, pleasuring myself with images of Drake. I chalk this up to being starved for sex, considering it’s been at least three months—the longest I’ve gone in ages.
 

I love sex. I find it a perfect way to express myself, live through fantasies in my head, and completely lose myself in another world. It took me a couple of years to perfect my style, yet by the time I was seventeen, I had my first orgasm. It was amazing, and I’ve been hooked since.
 

I’m not a dominatrix type of woman. Yes, I do like to have control in my life, but the one place I want to be completely controlled is in the bedroom. I want the man to push my inhibitions and I want to be completely his. Terrance was amazing at this, and to date, he is the only man who’s ever pushed me to feel the intensity sex possesses. There’s something about Drake, though. I can feel the vibe radiating off him. He has this pent up energy and it’s dying to get out.
 

Drake
 

It’s been a long time since I’ve gone to the bar, and I’m ready for a night away from my reality. Delilah and Jake have volunteered to watch Mia tonight so I can go have a drink. There’s a part of me debating if I should go to
The Slab
or not. I really don’t want to sit in a different bar,
filled with different people because there will be no Reggie if I snap again, but I know Zoe will be there.
 

That girl bothers me. She’s been in my mind more than I care to admit and it angers me because I feel like I’m pushing Presley out. I know I need to move on eventually, but if I do, does that mean I can’t have Presley in my life? Will I replace her with someone else? If that’s the case, then I don’t want to move on because I refuse to replace her or forget about her. I love her and I always will, but my body is aching to touch a woman. Ever since Zoe came to Sulfur Heights, my dick has awoken from its long slumber and it’s coming back with a vengeance.
 

I pull in the parking lot of
The Slab
and turn off the engine. I can do this. I will do what I always do and keep my head down. I will have a few drinks then I will go home and pass out. I step from the car and walk through the back entrance. The bar is slower than normal, although it’s still keeping the bartenders busy.
 

When I step to the bar, Reggie comes to my side. He puts his hand on my shoulder and gives me his classic look. “You okay to be here?”
 

Inwardly, I roll my eyes, but I think better of actually doing it. “Yeah, I’m not planning on being here long.” My attention then goes to the long legged vixen behind the bar. Zoe looks incredibly sexy tonight. She’s wearing tight black jeans and her designated
Slab
t-shirt. However, she’s tied a knot in the back, making the fabric ride high and baring her midriff. Zoe’s long, brown hair has been tied on top of her head, giving me another view of her long, sexy neck.
 

I haven’t even realized Darcie has poured me a beer until she clears her throat, smiling a wicked smile. “You okay, Drake?”
 

I look to Darcie and begin to chug down my beer before nodding my head.“Yep, I’m okay.”
 

“All right, just checking.” Darcie snickers then goes back to helping the customers.
 

I keep my head down, refusing to look up at her or anyone else. This has been my life for the last year and a half, and it has to continue. I have got to fight the desires I have to feel Zoe underneath my body. Everything she represents in my life is nothing I need at this point. I still have a lot to work out.
 

Since the incident of choking Jake, I’ve been doing a better job managing my anger. I can recognize it coming on, and instead of holding it in, I will seek out Reggie’s advice. I will talk to him, just as I’ve always done. I look up to my brother even though I know he really has no idea what to tell me to make me feel better, but I think just talking to someone is all that I’ve needed. Yet, I only talk to him when I feel the need to explode. So basically, I’m still harboring my anger. I just defuse it before I unleash it on someone else.
 

Mia and I still visit Mrs. Fields once a week. I will call her throughout the week to check on her, but Thursday nights are our nights. We will go over for supper, cooked or bought by me, and then we will hang out like we used to.
 

Why Thursdays? Because I know Zoe won’t be there—she works at the bar on Thursdays—and I won’t have to contend with my unwanted feelings toward her.
 

Each week, I think Mrs. Fields gets a little thinner and seems to be a little sicker. I’m not sure if this is because I know what’s going on with her or if she’s just finally unable to fight her disease, but I notice it nonetheless. She doesn’t talk much about her family and it makes me
wonder what kind of relationship she has with them. I finish chugging down the last of my beer, refusing the whiskey Darcie offers. I’m not looking to get wasted, just enough to take the edge off and relax a bit. I start my second beer when a phone rings from behind the bar. I look up at the sound, and see Zoe pulling her phone from her pocket. She’s pressing her phone to her right ear while her other hand is covering her open ear. I can’t help but stare at her and study her reaction. She looks scared, terrified even, and I’m mesmerized. Then she looks up and connects her eyes with mine. My heart accelerates in my chest, causing it to beat wildly into my ribs. I can feel the adrenaline building through my veins. When she’s done with her phone call, Zoe is instantly by my side.
 

“That was the hospital calling. Aunt Connie is in ICU.”
 

Without a word, I stand to my feet and follow Zoe out the back door. When the early autumn wind collides against my body, I’d normally be chilled, however now I’m anything but. We make it to our cars and I now solve the mystery of who drives the red Chevelle like mine. Fucking hell. This woman is going to be the death of me, I swear. Because, as she climbs in the driver’s seat, I can feel my reaction to her as her sexy body sits behind the wheel of a car with so much power.
 

She looks over to me and sees me getting into my Chevelle and smiles slightly. “I’ll follow you,” she says then she fires the car to life and I do as well.
 

Five minutes later, we pull into the parking lot at the hospital and I’m immediately brought back to the night Presley overdosed. It was the last time I had been here and what I thought was the worse night of my life. I’m feeling nauseous, but I push it down because I need to see what’s going on with Mrs. Fields.
 

Zoe runs to the reception desk and we get ushered to the ICU section of the hospital. When we arrive, the area is deafly quiet with only the faint sound of the waiting room television audible in the background. Zoe and I request to see Mrs. Fields, and as soon as we tell them we’re her family, we’re ushered into a small room by the nurse and doctor.