Read Surprises According to Humphrey Online
Authors: Betty G. Birney
She listened for a while and then said, “Oh my gosh, I’d better get back to work! I’m only halfway done.”
Still talking, she strolled over to my cage, reached in her pocket and pulled out something. I gasped, but then I saw it wasn’t a ray gun. It was just a piece of broccoli. “I’m supposed to give the classroom hamster a treat from Uncle Aldo. There’s a frog here, too. Uncle Aldo told me to talk to them, but I feel kind of silly doing that. I wish we’d had pets when I was in Mrs. Brisbane’s class. Anyway, I’ve got to run. Talk to you later. Bye!” She tapped her ear and stopped talking.
Just when I was beginning to think Aldo’s niece was smart, she said she’d feel silly talking to us!
But other than that, I kind of liked her. I wished I knew her name.
Og splashed away. After a while, I decided to eat the broccoli, because Aldo’s niece wasn’t from outer space after all. Spurling was a place on Earth, not some other planet. And the only reason she was going to perform surgery on humans was because—thank goodness—she was going to become a doctor! Best of all, I knew why
Aldo hadn’t been coming to clean and I was pretty sure he’d be coming back soon.
NIECE:
The daughter of your sister or the daughter of your brother, but a niece is always a girl. If Aldo happens to be her uncle, she’s not just a niece, she’s also nice.
Humphrey’s Dictionary of Wonderful Words
H
eidi, do you know I really like you?” Mrs. Brisbane had kept Heidi in during recess. I was expecting another lecture about raising her hand, and I think Heidi was, too.
“Not really,” said Heidi.
“Well, I do,” the teacher told her. “You’re smart, you’re funny and you’re a very good student. I enjoy having you in my class.”
Heidi wrinkled her nose. “Really?”
“Really,” Mrs. Brisbane replied. “I realize that I haven’t ever told you that. I’ve been too busy trying to get you to raise your hand.”
“Og, are you listening?” I called to my neighbor.
He splashed in the water gently. He was listening, all right.
“That’s a shame,” the teacher continued. “I wish I didn’t have to spend so much time on that. But I worry that your teacher next year might not get to know what a wonderful student you are, the way I do. I’d like you to break that habit before you move on. Would you like that?”
Heidi nodded.
“I think I’ve made you very unhappy because you haven’t been able to bring Humphrey home with you. Is that correct?”
Heidi nodded again.
Mrs. Brisbane smiled her kindest smile. “I think this weekend you should take him home. As long as you promise to keep on trying to break that habit.”
Heidi’s smile was as wide as her face. “Oh, thank you!” she exclaimed. “And I will try! I promise.”
Mrs. Brisbane smiled, too. “Then it’s all settled. Would you like to give Humphrey some fresh water and tidy up his cage?”
Of course she did.
“Oh, Humphrey, I can’t wait till tomorrow so you can come home with me!” Heidi said.
I couldn’t wait, either. But in the meantime, I had a lot to think about. It was Thursday, Aldo’s big day, according to his niece.
Would he pass his Spanish exam? Would he come back to clean Room 26 again? There’d been so many surprises in recent days, I was looking forward to things getting back to normal.
It turned out I’d have to wait a lot longer for that to happen.
I was spinning on my wheel after school when Mr. Morales stopped by the classroom again.
“Just checking on that contract, Sue,” he told Mrs. Brisbane.
Contract? Was
that
what he wanted from her? I stopped spinning and started listening.
Mrs. Brisbane sighed and shook her head. “I haven’t been honest with you. I haven’t forgotten the contract. But I haven’t signed it yet, either.”
Mr. Morales looked worried. “You
are
coming back next year, aren’t you?”
Eek! The thought of Mrs. Brisbane not coming back to Room 26 was unsqueakable!
“I can’t imagine not teaching next year. But this is my thirtieth year of teaching, and I qualify for full retirement.”
Retirement? I panicked. When you retire, you don’t go to work anymore.
“But you don’t have to retire,” the principal said.
“No. It’s just, well, Bert.”
Bert was Mrs. Brisbane’s husband and a thoroughly nice human.
“He’s had a rough year now that he’s not working. I want to be there for him,” she continued.
I guess he had a bad year, all right. He’d been in an accident and was in a wheelchair, but he could go FAST-FAST-FAST in it and he seemed pretty happy. He spent most of his time in his garage, making things out of wood.
Mr. Morales stood up and started pacing. In fact, he paced right up to the shelf where Og and I live. “I understand,” he said softly. “I just can’t imagine Longfellow School without you.”
“Neither can I,” Mrs. Brisbane agreed.
They were VERY-VERY-VERY quiet, and it was time for me to squeak my mind. “Neither can I!” I said. “And Bert Brisbane is doing just fine! Better than your students would do without you.”
“BOING!” Og unexpectedly chimed in.
“Thanks for your support, Og,” I told him.
Mr. Morales chuckled. “I think your friends Humphrey and Og want you to stay.”
Even Mrs. Brisbane had to smile.
“Take your time, Sue,” the principal said. “Just know what side I’m on.”
I knew he was on the same side I was on. But would our side win?
Mr. Morales left, then Mrs. Brisbane left. Og and I had plenty of time to think over what we’d heard.
I looked out at Room 26, at the chalkboard full of math problems and the Spring into Numbers bulletin board, and tried to imagine Room 26 without Mrs. Brisbane. It was pretty hard to do. Of course, Principal Morales wouldn’t let us students stay alone in the classroom. He’d have to bring in another teacher.
Suddenly, I
could
imagine Room 26 with another teacher, and it wasn’t a pretty picture because the teacher I imagined was Mrs. Wright. It wilted my whiskers to think of her blowing her whistle at shy Sayeh to get her to speak up. Pay-Attention-Art would be scared silly if he happened to be daydreaming and Mrs. Wright blasted her whistle at him.
And my small, sensitive ears would be aching by the end of a whole day with Mrs. Wright in charge. Mrs. Brisbane knew how to handle my friends’ problems without whistles or shouting or being mean. I started to imagine going home with Mrs. Wright on a weekend, but it was too terrible to consider.
Then I thought of another possibility. What if Mrs. Brisbane took me to her house forever? As much as I enjoy going to the Brisbanes’ house, I couldn’t stand the thought of not being a classroom hamster anymore. I wouldn’t get to visit different homes or meet new families on the weekends. And who would help the students of Room 26 with their problems?
I poked my head out of the sleeping hut and loudly squeaked, “Og, you and I will have to stop her!”
Og took a long, loud, splashy dive into the water of his tank.
He had a lot of wonderful ways to agree with me.
I was still trying not to think about Mrs. Brisbane when I heard some wheels squeaking down the hall, toward Room 26.
By now, I was pretty sure that no spaceships were landing on the parking lot. But I wasn’t at all sure just who would be pushing that cleaning cart.
The door swung open and the lights came on. Naturally, I couldn’t see anything for a few seconds.
I held my breath and waited. I didn’t have to wait long.
“Buenas noches, señores,”
a voice boomed out. “You are looking at one very happy
amigo
. An
amigo
who has a bee-plus!”
The voice was definitely Aldo’s. But I still couldn’t understand everything he said. I knew he was happy. I knew
amigo
meant “friend.” But why did he have a bee with him? Bees are annoying, noisy insects. And a huge bee-plus would be even more annoying.
My eyes got used to the light and oh—it was wonderful to see Aldo in his usual work clothes, his lovely mustache bobbing up and down above his smiling lips. He waved a paper in the air.
I got a B-plus on my Spanish exam!” He walked right up to my cage and waved the paper at me. “Okay, okay, I usually get A’s on most of my tests. But this B-plus makes me very happy because I thought I might fail.”
I couldn’t imagine Aldo failing at anything. And now I understood that he was talking about a grade, not a buzzy insect.
“Congratulations, Aldo!” I shouted with unsqueakable happiness.
Og bounced up and down like the goofy frog he is. “BOING-BOING-BOING-BOING!” he twanged.
“Gracias, amigos,”
Aldo answered. Then he looked around Room 26. “Say, the place looks pretty good. My niece, Amy, did a fine job.
¡Muy bueno!
”
“She did,” I answered. “But I thought she was a space alien and I thought she captured you and I was SO-SO-SO worried!” I exclaimed.
Aldo laughed heartily, which made his mustache bounce. “I think you missed me, Humphrey. And you know what? I missed you, too.”
Then Aldo, who has done some very funny things, such as balancing a broom on one finger, did something even funnier. He began to snap his fingers. Humming a peppy tune, he lifted his arms above his head and began dancing between the desks, tapping his feet wildly.