Surprises According to Humphrey (13 page)

A
ny hopes I had that Heidi was cured of her problem vanished quickly once we returned to school on Monday morning. As soon as class started, she blurted out something about how great it was to have me at her house. Okay, she raised her hand in the middle of her sentence, but it was a little too late.

I had helped solve Heidi’s problem with Gail, but that was only Step One.

Step Two would be to get Heidi to remember to raise her hand in class. And just like Garth, A.J. and me, she needed practice.

But I couldn’t do anything to help Heidi for a while because Monday and Tuesday were testing days! For months, my classmates and I had been preparing for these big tests, and now, it was time. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I finally found out: these tests were very long, quiet periods where no one was supposed to squeak up at all.

No one did, except Heidi, who managed to say, “Mrs. Brisbane?” without raising her hand at least twice a day.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t given a copy of the test, so I
spent those days catching up on my sleep. Or
trying
to catch up. Just as I would begin to doze off, troubling thoughts would creep into my mind and wake me up. Thoughts about how I missed Ms. Mac. I could still see her huge dark eyes, her bouncy curls and her great big smile. But over time, the picture of her was getting a little fuzzy, which was kind of sad. She was the first teacher who surprised me by going away, and I wasn’t ready for that to happen again with Mrs. Brisbane.

I guess the contract was just a piece of paper, but I saw it as a SCARY-SCARY-SCARY thing. If Mrs. Brisbane didn’t sign it, what would happen to me?

Then I thought about Mrs. Wright and her whistle. Whenever I pictured her, I would shudder and concentrate on coming up with a Plan to make Mrs. Brisbane stay.

The only good news during those days was when recess came and Garth and A.J. happily raced outside to play together. Garth didn’t think A.J. was a dirty rat anymore and neither did I. Another thing that made me HAPPY-HAPPY-HAPPY was that Aldo was back to his old self: happy, laughing and full of life. I wished I could say
“gracias”
to the person who helped him study for that test! And I also wished I could ask him more about Amy. I tried, but even Aldo couldn’t make out my squeaks.

I felt for my friends who worked so hard at their tests. It wasn’t easy for Sit-Still-Seth to keep from wiggling or for Pay-Attention-Art to keep his eyes on the paper and not stare out the window. It wasn’t easy for
Gail not to giggle, Kirk not to joke or Garth not to watch the clock.

Even super-students like Golden-Miranda and Speak-Up-Sayeh chewed on their pencils and sighed a lot while they stared at their papers.

“Why do we have to take these tests, anyway?” Don’t-Complain-Mandy Payne grumbled during a break between tests.

“So you can prove what fabulous students you are,” Mrs. Brisbane explained. “I know you’ll make this school proud.”

I knew it, too, but it was still hard to figure out how somebody could be graded on filling in little bubbles on paper.

Mrs. Brisbane, being a good teacher, made sure my friends took time to stand and stretch and relax between tests. Those moments made me feel good, until I remembered that she hadn’t signed that contract yet and there was a very good chance she’d never teach again.

On Tuesday afternoon, just before the bell rang, Mrs. Brisbane made an announcement.

“The tests are all over, and tomorrow I have a big surprise for you!”

My friends cheered. So did I.

After class, Mrs. Brisbane gathered up her purse and her lunch bag. Before she left, she came over to check on Og and me.

“You know, Humphrey, I was hoping maybe you could cure Heidi of not raising her hand,” she said. “But if I haven’t been able to make a difference all year, how can I expect a little hamster to change her in one weekend?”

I had to squeak up. “I made a lot of progress,” I told her. “We just have to get her to practice.”

Mrs. Brisbane grinned mischievously. “Sounds like you have an idea! Well, so do I, and you can help! See you tomorrow.”

She left quickly and I hopped on my wheel and spun with delight. Wednesday couldn’t come fast enough for me!

My whiskers wiggled with excitement when the morning bell rang and Mrs. Brisbane began class.

“You all worked so hard on your tests, I’m very proud of you,” she announced after the bell rang. “So today, we’re going to have some fun!”

My friends cheered and I let out an extra-loud squeak. Even Og let out a joyous “BOING!”

“Let’s just call this Wacky Day. Or how about Wacky Wednesday?”

Stop-Giggling-Gail led a chorus of laughter, and Mrs. Brisbane explained the rules for the day. First, she gave her desk to Og and me. That’s right—she asked Richie and Seth to move Og and me from our spots by the window to the top of her desk. “I’ll let them be in charge today.”

I LIKED-LIKED-LIKED that idea.

Then she asked all the students to change seats. “Get as far away from your regular seat as possible,” she said.

There was quite a commotion as my friends all raced around to switch seats.

Once they were settled, Mrs. Brisbane explained the rest of the rules:

My fellow classmates loved that idea, especially when Mrs. Brisbane let them practice their monkey motions. I joined in.

“Look at Humphrey. He’s a monkey, too!” Art shouted. (For once, he was paying attention.) My friends loved it, even Mrs. Brisbane.

So far, Wacky Wednesday was great, and it got wackier as the day wore on.

First, we had the Wrong-Hand Art Contest. Everybody had to use the hand they didn’t usually draw with. I tried it and it was HARD-HARD-HARD.

“My baseball player looks like he’s from outer space.” Kirk chuckled.

He was joking, but I still didn’t like to think about aliens.

To squeak the truth, the drawings all looked pretty strange. Tabitha won the contest because it turns out she can use both paws—I mean hands—equally well!

Then there was the trivia game. The class had to be divided into two teams. Guess who Mrs. Brisbane asked to be a captain? Garth Tugwell, the boy who hated getting picked last. The other team captain was Miranda Golden.

“You go first, Garth,” Mrs. Brisbane told him.

Garth looked out at his fellow classmates. His eyes rested on A.J., and I was sure he was going to pick him first. Instead, he turned to Mrs. Brisbane and asked, “Wouldn’t it be more fair just to count off?”

Mrs. Brisbane had a funny smile on her face as she nodded. “I think that would be very fair, Garth.”

So the rest of the students called out alternating numbers one, two, one, two, one, two. All the ones lined up next to Garth. All the twos lined up next to Miranda. The funny thing was that A.J. ended up on Garth’s team after all.

Next, Mrs. Brisbane asked funny questions, like, “Where did Dracula live?”

Garth had no trouble answering that one. “Transylvania.”

As I recall, Dracula is a vampire with sharp teeth, so I hope I never have to go to Transylvania.

Mrs. Brisbane turned to Miranda and asked, “What does the legend say you’ll find at the end of a rainbow?”

Miranda correctly answered, “A pot of gold.”

And so the trivia game continued. A person who missed the answer had to sit down. The first one was Pay-Attention-Art. I guess he stopped paying attention again.

The next to miss was Mandy. “Can’t I try again?” she begged.

Mrs. Brisbane told her to take her seat, but she said it kindly.

On the second round, Mrs. Brisbane asked A.J., “What weighs more: a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?”

A.J. quickly answered, “Bricks.” I think he knew it was wrong as soon as he said it, but it was too late. He had to take his seat while the teacher explained that a ton of feathers and a ton of bricks weigh exactly the same: they both weigh a ton, which is two thousand pounds. She is a very tricky questioner!

“Did you get that one, Og?” I squeaked.

The loud splash I heard made me think that perhaps he’d guessed the same thing A.J. did.

“Sorry,” I heard A.J. tell Garth as he passed by him.

“No problem,” Garth replied.

My friends in Room 26 are pretty smart, and it took
a long time before Sayeh and Garth were the only ones left standing.

Mrs. Brisbane asked Sayeh how many cookies are in a “baker’s dozen.”

Sayeh, who is hardly ever wrong, answered, “Twelve.”

“Sorry, that’s wrong,” said Mrs. Brisbane. “Garth, do you know the answer?”

Garth took off his glasses and cleaned them with his shirt. Then he put his glasses back on and said, “Thirteen.”

“That is correct,” Mrs. Brisbane said. “If you answer the next question correctly, you win. What did Prince Charming have to do to wake up Sleeping Beauty?”

Garth grinned. “Kiss her!” he answered. Then, making a face, he added, “Yuck!”

So Garth and his team were the winners of the trivia game. As much as I love Miranda, this time I was happy Garth won. When Miranda high-fived him with a big smile on her face, I knew she was GLAD-GLAD-GLAD, too.

Late in the afternoon, Mrs. Brisbane played a brain teaser game with our class. She would ask a trick question. The first person to answer correctly received a cool sticker with a riddle on it.

The first question was: “Why can’t a man living in the United States be buried in Canada?”

Sayeh raised her hand first. This was a good thing, because Sayeh is quiet and sometimes doesn’t answer at all. But it was a bad thing, because according to the rules of the day, we weren’t supposed to raise our hands.

“Class? Sayeh raised her hand,” Mrs. Brisbane said. “What do we do?”

Kirk was the first one to jump up and my other friends followed. I joined in, too, as we made funny monkey sounds and jumped around. Even Mrs. Brisbane tried it. Nobody laughed harder than Sayeh.

Once everyone was seated again, Mrs. Brisbane repeated the question. Tabitha, Art, Kirk, Heidi and Sayeh all shouted out, but since A.J. has the loudest voice, he was the one I heard. “Because he’s still alive!” his voice boomed out.

“That’s correct,” Mrs. Brisbane replied. “You can’t bury a person who’s still living.”

The next question was just as tricky. “If you only had one match and you walked into a room where there was a candle, an oil lamp and a wood-burning stove, which one would you light first?”

Voices shouted out and I couldn’t understand one of them. Heidi looked very frustrated as she waved her hand in the air. When they saw her, the other students leaped up and did the monkey imitation. Heidi seemed annoyed. “I
know
the answer, but no one can hear me.”

“The candle!” shouted Mandy.

“No, the match,” said Art.