Succumbing To His Fear (3 page)

Alfie

My heart was beating out of my chest as I raised my hand to knock.

“Come in.” I heard before pushing through the door.

“Alfie!” Lily screeched. I looked down and smiled at the flying three-year-old who was about to attack me.

“We get to come with you today!” Lily, my little Nugget, screamed. I crouched down to get myself a better hug because, truthfully, I was just as excited as she was. My anticipation had a ton of nerves in the mix as well, though.  

“Well, hello little Nugget. Yes, you do get to come home with me today. Where’s Griffin?” I asked, looking around the room when I didn’t see him. Turning to the woman, who was smiling and silently watching my interaction with Lily, I asked, “Where is he?”

Still smiling, she said, “He’ll be right back, I think all the excitement got the better of him and he had to make a potty stop.” Chuckling, I nodded and bent down to pick up Lily and placed her on my hip. “Are you excited about coming home and seeing your new room, Nugget?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

Lily screamed, and Susan the social worker and I jumped at the big crash which sounded when the door smashed open with more force than a seven-year-old should be able to conjure.

“Hey there, li’l man. What’s the rush?” I asked. Griffin stood there, shocked at his own strength and the noise he created.

“Sorry,” he said, breathing hard. “I didn’t want you to go without me,” he whispered shyly. Fuck. This kid was going to rip my heart out. Kneeling down while still holding onto Lily, I met his eyes.

“Griffin, come here.” Staring at his feet, he made his way further into the room to stand directly in front of me. “Hey, look at me. I’m not going anywhere without the best little brother in the world, am I? You, Lily, and me; we’re a team. Where one goes, we all go, okay?” That got me a smile and a very enthusiastic nod.

After a brief conversation with Susan, the three of us were on our way.
Please don’t let me screw this up.

“Okay, guys, seeing as today is a special day, how about we go and get ourselves a great big yummy dinner at that diner that you both like? The one near our new house? Then we can go home and you can both check out your new rooms. Sound good?” A loud chorus of cheers was my answer, so I figured that was a big thumbs up to my plan. I could do this. I was doing this.

Pulling into the diner’s parking lot and trying to get the three of us into the restaurant and seated at a table was no easy task. I was exhausted already. I needed eyes in the back of my head. The kids were so excited they were bouncing off the walls, and by the time the waitress came to take our order I was seriously second guessing the genius of the “Let’s celebrate at the diner” plan.

“Alfie can I play the big game?” Griffin asked. I knew it was coming. I got the same question every time we went to the diner; admittedly, it had only been a few times. Looking at his eager little face, I couldn’t say no, which I realized did not bode well for me, but we were celebrating, after all. I gave him a few quarters and made him promise to come straight back when the food arrived, he readily agreed and sprinted off. That left Lily and me to color on our placemats. She took great pleasure in bossing me around and telling me that I had to try really hard to color inside the lines.

I was just getting her praise for my superb coloring skills when a loud scream, followed by smashing dishes, could be heard throughout the diner. I knew even without looking that Griffin was involved. I was the one who suggested this excursion wasn’t I? I stood up to see the damage and swore under my breath at the disastrous sight in front of me. I asked Lily to stay put while I went to rescue my clumsy little brother. 

“Fucking perfect,” I muttered. Four of the biggest men that I’d ever seen in my life stood above Griffin. One in particular was a giant; he must’ve been six-foot-eight. “Fuck. I am a dead man.” The giant and his three friends were all looking down at my little brother. There I was, promising him that I would never leave, and in our first hour on our own,
he
was the one who was going to get
me
killed. Figuring that I may as well meet my demise head on, I rushed over to Griffin and crouched down to where he was huddled on the floor, clutching his knee.

“Hey, are you okay?” Griffin looked up at me, and I could see that he wanted to cry but was holding it in.

“My knee hurts,” he said. I nodded and tried to pry his hands off his knee to take a look.

“Finny got a boo boo.” I heard Lily say from beside me. I had no idea when she’d come over, but at least she wasn’t crying. “Does it hurt, Finny? You need me to kiss it better for you?” she asked in her sweet voice, trying to be helpful. Unfortunately, that helpfulness didn’t last long. Like her brother, she was easily distracted.

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me when I heard her say, “Wow you’re big. Are you a cuddle monster? Like Sully?” This could not get any worse.

I turned around to the monster in question, hoping that I could somehow talk myself out of being pummeled in front of the kids. I opened my mouth to explain but stopped when I saw him looking down at Lily with what I thought was an attempt at a smile. It was kind of hard to tell, and the only clue I had was the three men who were with him grinning from ear to ear.

“I have no idea who Sully is, Angel, but I do love to cuddle.” Wow, he had the deepest voice I’d ever heard.

“I’m really sorry,” I finally got out. Looking down at little Miss Loose Lips. “Lily, you know better than to talk to strangers, and please don’t call them names. Apologize to Mr.… er?” I looked at the man hoping he would fill in his name.

“It’s okay. I’m Fear.”
Jesus did he just say Fear? This just keeps getting better and better.

“Apologize to Mr. Fear.” 

“Not Mr., just Fear,” Just Fear stated while looking at me like I was an escaped patient from the asylum. The panic was obviously clear on my face.

“Sawry, Fear,” Lily’s suddenly shy voice spoke up.

“Good job, Lily. How about we get Griffin back to our table so these men can go back to their meal,” I suggested. Griffin, who had been silently watching the whole exchange, realized that it was time to go and struggled to stand up. Helping him, I saw that his knee would probably have a wicked-looking bruise, but he could move it around without any pain.
Thank you for small favors.
We’d almost made our escape when the blond guy blocked our exit.

“Hey man, I’m sorry. It was my fault. I left my bag sticking out from under the table. I’m Tate, by the way,” Tate said, holding out his hand for me to shake.

“No worries, accidents happen. Sorry for the interruption,” I said, shaking his hand. Hoping we’d get away with no major problems and silently congratulating myself on a job well done because there were no fatalities. I should’ve known things were not going to be that easy.

“No need to rush off. Why don’t you join us?” That voice. The low rumble hit something in me. Like hearing your favorite singer on the radio. Before I could fall too far down that rabbit hole, I gave myself an internal shake. My brain started to scramble for a way to decline the offer without offending the men.

I had no idea why I so adamantly wanted to get away. The feelings that the men, well Fear in particular, were invoking in me were freaking me out. They didn’t seem like bad people, and apart from their size, they all looked friendly enough. But there was something, something that I couldn’t put my finger on. Whatever it was, it was making me nervous.

While I was trying to come up with an excuse, the waitress came out with our food and Tate intercepted her, telling her that we were moving tables. Okay, so no escape for me, then.

Griffin moved straight away, making himself comfortable at the new table, all pain from his fall forgotten. Lily was quiet, but didn’t seem to mind the change in seating either, so I sat down next to Griffin and placed Lily on my other side, keeping any further protests to myself. Across from me sat Tate and the two men I hadn’t been introduced to yet. At the head of the table, next to Griffin, sat Fear.

Okay, pull yourself together, man. Grow some balls. You’re just sharing a meal. Talk to them, you numpty. You’re looking like a fool.
“Thanks for the invite. I’m Alfie and this here is Griffin and Lily,” I said, pointing to each of them in turn.

“Hey guys. This is James and Carter.” Tate pointed to the men on each side of him. I smiled and looked down to see that Lily was waving at both smiling men. She’s so cute and it was clear that I wasn’t the only one who thought so. I loved those kids so much already.

I was so lost in the cuteness that is Lily that I wasn’t paying attention to anyone else at the table. But when I started to feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, I became very much aware of the fact that Fear was staring at me. I didn’t need to look at him for confirmation, I just knew. He’d caused a reaction in me from the second I’d laid eyes on him. A reaction I was not at all comfortable with. Not because I couldn’t understand it, but because it was so foreign to me. It was a feeling unlike anything I’d felt before. Being the humongous coward I was; I did everything I could not to look his way.

“Alfie, what brings you here? You don’t sound local.” Oh, boy was that ever a question with a long-winded answer. 

“I came to look after these two.” Knowing that my answer would only lead to more questions, I continued, “My father and his wife died in a car accident a few months ago.” Both of the kids nodded, but I’m not sure how much they were following the conversation. They were pretty engrossed in the games on their place mats.

I went on to explain how I came to be there and how I ended up with custody of Griffin and Lily. By the time I finished, the table was all stunned to silence.

“Wow, that’s a lot to take on,” James said, looking at me with respect or questioning if I was completely off my rocker.

“I wouldn’t change my mind for the world. They’re great kids. It’s just a lot to get used to when I’m already getting used to how things work in a different country, not to mention trying to be someone who they can look up to.” Wow the conversation was a little bit of an overshare when talking to strangers, but I had to admit it felt good to be with people around my own age. Being in an unknown place and feeling alone was obviously affecting me more than I thought. Not wanting to dwell on that thought too much, I tried to change the direction of the conversation.

“It’s going to be good. Once everything settles down, all the pieces will fall into place. So what brought you lot out today?” I wasn’t sure if they could sense my discomfort or if they didn’t want to talk about my crazy life anymore either, but they allowed the subject change.

The lunch chat soon turned to lighter topics and I found out that they all work together at a tattoo shop, which Fear owned, called Living Art. When Griffin asked what happened in a tattoo shop, Tate and James spent a few minutes explaining it to him. Neither seemed to mind my Nuggets interrupting them. Griffin knew what tattoos are because I’m covered in them. He and Lily liked to call them skin paintings. From the look of wonder on his face, he was fascinated to hear how they’re applied and all about the special ink and needles.

“My Alfie can draw. He makes me paintings all the time. Don’t you Alfie? He says that when I grow big, I will be good like him. We practice coloring in the middle of the wines,” Lily said, and looked at me with a big smile on her face.

“Lines, little Nugget,” I told her. “You have to color in between lines.” She nodded at my correction.

“Alfie has lots.” I heard the end of Griffin’s conversation.

“Oh, yeah? Where does he have them?” Fear’s deep, raspy timbre asked.

“All over. He said that I can get some too. I just have to get big first,” Griffin stated with clear excitement in his voice. Not wanting to diminish his excitement, I kept my thoughts to myself. I had no idea how I was going to stop him from getting a tattoo before he turned eighteen, but I’d deal with that when it came up.

“You have some artwork man?” Carter inquired.

Nodding, I said, “Yeah, started as soon as I could and just kept going.”

“What you got done?”

“Two full sleeves, my left side and right thigh, a few others dotted around,” I said, pushing the arm of my hoodie up to show them my right arm.