Still Water (36 page)

Hearing Lily's voice live stripped me down to ashes. The lyrics seared through me, and the pain that inundated the sound was enough proof she was just as lost as I had been. The flame of her hair was incandescent as the spotlight shone down onto the stage. The lowly lit bar added to the effect, and it felt as if it was just her and me — everyone else in the room were phantoms. Lily singing was something I'd never forget; it was a permanent part of who I was now. For just a moment I was brought back to the first time I'd heard her sing, that first week at Blue Bar. It felt so long ago, but in reality it was less than six months. She was who I wanted then, and she was who I wanted now. Nothing was going to ever change that… not time… not distance. She was who I wanted in my life… forever. Call me crazy, but that's how I was, who I am. I loved hard and fast, and I wasn't going to apologize for it.

My steps gradually brought me closer to the stage. My movements were paced so that I wouldn't spook her as I watched her pack up her guitar. Lily lifted her gaze, and her otherworldly eyes pinned me down. The tears almost immediately started to fall, and the yellow-green hue of her irises sparkled. She never looked more beautiful than she did in this very moment. I struggled to catch my breath as my feet brought me to where my heart belonged.

"Don't cry, baby." The touch of her skin against my palm sent a current up my arm as the wet tears pooled against my thumb.

"Todd?" She searched my features as if I was a figment of her imagination. "W-what are you doing here." Her upper lip quivered, and I wanted to kiss away the fear I could see surfacing in her eyes.

"I couldn't do it—"

"You couldn't do what?" She dropped my stare.

I brought my other hand to her face and placed two fingers under her chin urging her eyes to stay with mine. She inhaled a jagged breath. "I couldn't live the lie, Lil. I couldn't let one more day go by without you in it." I took her face between my hands and brought my mouth to hers. Lily's lips parted, and the sweet taste of berries and everything that I remembered about her reunited with my senses. I was home again. She was eye-level with me as she kneeled on the stage, her arms wound around my neck, and my hands skated down her back pulling our bodies together. My tongue traced the curve of her bottom lip, and she sighed into my mouth.

We were each other's half, we were meant to be like this. The love that ran through my veins, the love she poured into me with this kiss, started to heal all my cuts, all my bruises. I could have kissed her like this all night, but the loud catcall reminded me we were in a bar. Lily gasped and pulled away from my embrace.

"Oh my God." She jumped to her feet, grabbed her guitar, and scrambled for the back door of the bar.

What the hell? "Lily
wait
." I followed behind her, the heavy metal door almost hitting me in the face. The wet air made each breath a chore; my pulse sped as I called her name again. "Lily. Please."

She stopped — her back toward me, and her head hanging in defeat. "You shouldn't have come here," she said almost inaudibly.

Her words threatened to cut me open again, but that kiss told me everything I needed to know. "You don't get to tell me what to do."

The edge in my voice broke through her barrier, and she spun around and glared at me. "What?" She dropped her guitar case, and her fingers rolled up into tiny fists. "You have a family! Todd, you have to go home, you shouldn't be here." She shoved me furiously in the chest; her cheeks were red and damp from her tears.

My hands clutched around her upper arms, and I drew her in close to my body. She tried to fight my grip, and, as much as I didn't want to hurt her, she needed to listen. I shook her gently. "Damn it, Lily, just fucking stop. Stop, baby." Lily's eyes were glassy. She exhaled harshly, and her defiant stance slackened under my fingertips. "You can't make my choices for me. I'm my own, goddamn man and I want to be with you."

"What about Emma and Molly? They're your family, Todd. You need—"

"You're my family, too." Dropping my hold on her, my fingers trailed up her arms and curled around the back of her head. My thumbs rested lightly against her jaw as she regarded me with trepidation. "Lily, I don't want Emma like that. Can't you see that?"

"And Molly?" She started to cry harder, her voice wavered.

"I don't need to be with Emma to be a good father. We can all be there for her." I smiled at the thought of us — Lily, Molly, and me — together.

"What if I screw up?" The vulnerability in her voice shook me to the core.

"You will, and so will I. It's a part of life. You're not your mother, Lily. You're not Pam."

She allowed a sob to shake through her body, and her forehead fell against my chest. "Todd, let's be real. We've just barely started really getting to know each other. What if—"

"I know I fucking love you, and that's all that matters." I was tired of skirting around the issue, and I was taking what was mine. Lily's head shot up, her eyes wide as she took in my stare. "Lily, in the end, none of that shit means anything. How long am I supposed to wait to tell you that I am in love with you? What's a socially acceptable amount of time for you? Because from where I'm standing, I couldn't give a shit what the world thinks. Lily, you're exactly what I've always wanted. Nothing… nobody… is going to change that." Our mouths came together with a violent need. Her breath, her skin, her taste, and her heart were linked to mine in that moment. Our lips moved in perfect rhythm, and her nails pulled across my back as she tried to pull me closer to her.

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

Lily

"
I
MISSED YOU SO MUCH, BABY,
" his words whispered against my lips.

He leaned his forehead against mine; his eyes were filled with love. All the lies, the insecurities, the walls I created to stop myself from loving him came tumbling down. I should have never left. I should have never parted from this man. My soul felt whole when he was in my life, so much so, my heart could burst, and I didn't want him to ever doubt himself again.

"I love you so much." I tilted my chin up so he could see into my eyes clearly as I let everything I wanted to say, everything I should have said ages ago, escape the small box I had kept the words hidden in to protect myself, to keep myself from shattering. "I ran. I was scared. I couldn't let your daughter grow up in a one-parent household, and I thought I was a distraction from you getting to be with Molly… and with Emma."

"A distraction?" Todd frowned.

"I saw you with Emma and Molly, and you looked so right together. Then Colby confirmed my fears when he told me to step back and let you make your choice. So I ran. I ran to give you your life. I ran from my feelings, and every day I was gone, a part of me died. So, I made myself feel nothing. But the love… the love I have for you never left. It gutted its way through my heart, and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to survive it much longer."

Todd brought his lips to my cheek and kissed away the salty liquid. "You're so fucking stubborn." He gave me a boyish grin. "Lily, you can't make my choices for me. Being without you these past three months was… it was a living hell. All I ever wanted was to be someone's somebody, and when you left, I thought it was happening again. I thought I was being discarded. But then I realized I let you go, I didn't fight to show you that you were wrong, and I'm so fucking sorry. But—"

"Don't, this isn't—"

"Let me finish?" I bit my lip and let him continue. "But I don't want to be with just anyone. I tried to feel for Emma — she told me she cared about me, but she wasn't you. I love you, Lily. You are where I begin and end."

His words encompassed me in a slow embrace. I let my mouth connect with his again, his lips demanding that I let him in, and I complied. The peppermint flavor of his tongue mixed with his familiar scent brought me where I'd longed to be. The kiss became intense; his hands grasped at my backside lifting me up slightly. He broke from my mouth and took a deep breath. "Come home with me, Lily." The brown of his eyes darkened with desire. "You belong with me… you belong on a stage, not in a classroom. Come home with me, baby."

Everything about what he said was true. Music was my life, and Todd was my heart.

My lips brushed along the spot just below his ear as I whispered, "Yes."

"Yeah?" he pulled away just enough to search my face. His face split into a brilliant smile, his dimple showed proudly as he soaked in the word.

I nodded and said it again. "Yes."

"Hell yeah." He smacked me on the butt, and I jumped.

"You're ridiculous." My grin was wide as I bit my lip in order not to laugh.

"Yeah, but you fucking love it." He took my hand in his our fingers laced together.

I did. There were so many things in my life that had gone wrong, so many obstacles I had to face, but loving him was never one of them. The love I had for him tried so many times to break through to me, but I had shoved it down and attempted to hide from it. Not anymore, I wasn't going to deny myself the look Todd was giving me right now. I was no longer going to deny his touch and how it brought me home, the chance to watch him be a father, or the love we both shared for each other. This man had taken root, and I couldn't wait to be overtaken by everything that we could be… together.

"Stay with me tonight? We can figure out everything else tomorrow. I don't want to be without you tonight." The cocky grin Todd wore had fallen — the mask gone — leaving him exposed.

"I don't want to be without you again, either." I squeezed his hand in mine.

"Let's get out of here then."

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

Todd

L
ILY MOANED AS MY LIPS PULLED
at the sensitive flesh, her hips bucked and I grasped them to keep her still. She swore and gripped my hair in her hands. "Please, Todd…" I increased the pressure, and her entire body started to quake. I smiled against her as she came intensely. I let her breathing slow and watched as she licked her lips, her cheeks were pink, and her skin glistened. She looked at me with hooded eyes, the blue flecks burst with need.

We had been lost inside each other for the past twelve hours. It was our way, and I didn't hesitate to take her again, to fill her with all I had. I let myself slide gradually into her again, taking pleasure in each inch of her body. She pulled me deeper still — every movement, every second, every fucking breath this woman gave me, she let me possess her, love her, take every little bit, and mark it as mine. Lily arched her back allowing my hands to guide her body, letting me work myself into her. My hips rocked faster as I climbed higher to the edge. Lily began to constrict around me, and my muscles strained as I released, my control gone. My body collapsed, and I fell to her side, my head rested on her breast, her tropical smell that I missed so much was stronger from the heat that our bodies had created.

"I love you so much." I could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke; her fingers ran through my hair causing me to shudder.

I pulled up onto my forearm so I could see Lily's face. My index finger trailed down the slope of her nose, down her chin, and between her breasts. I watched in awe as her flesh puckered in goose bumps behind the finger. My hand stopped at her belly and rested against the soft skin. "You were made for me. Nobody, baby, nobody owns me like you do. You've given me everything tonight. You let me take back what I'd lost. In you, Lily… inside you is where I reside, don't ever forget that."

A tear trickled down her cheek. She bit her plump bottom lip before she blew out a breath. "You're my king, Todd. You rule this heart more than you'll ever know." Her bright eyes locked with mine as I brought my mouth to hers. Lily had given me her loyalty and her love. The two things I thought I would never have. I wasn't sure where we went from here, but I knew in each other we could find the way. Our love could heal us slowly and make us feel valuable again. We belonged to each other — Lily was my one true thing, and I was hers.

EPILOGUE

Todd

Two months later

S
AILOR AND
M
OLLY WIGGLED THEIR TINY
bodies to the music. Lily's laughter interrupted her singing as she brought her hand up to her mouth to hide her smile.

"Keep going. This is so cute," Cam called out to me as I strummed the chords to "
If You're Happy And You Know It".

Lily continued to sing through her giggles. Her laughter was like a damn lightning bolt to my chest. She made me so happy. We were down in Elizabeth and Sawyer's basement playing with the kids until dinner was ready. Today was going to be special — to everyone else this was just another Sunday dinner at the Bryant's, but I knew what was coming.

Molly clapped her hands as the song finished. Just as I put the guitar down, she ran over to me and jumped into my arms. "Hey, baby girl, was that fun?" She was out of breath, and her cheeks were flushed. I gave her a quick peck on the nose.

"Dat was, Daddy." She rubbed her palms across my beard like she always did; her nose crinkled, and she giggled.

"I think it's growing on her, baby." Lily lifted up on her toes and kissed me on the lips lingering long enough to get my heart racing.

Molly put her arms out for Lily just as Elizabeth called downstairs for dinner. "Here, honey, let me take her." Molly easily slid into Lily's arms. Cam grabbed Sailor, and we all headed upstairs.

Cam handed Sailor to Lizzie, and the girls moved in front of me toward the kitchen. My anxiety rose as my brother fell behind with a questioning look.

"You ready?" Colby asked, his brow dipped as he looked at me with uneasy eyes.

"No, but this is how we planned it, right." I stared at him warily.

"You boys coming to dinner, or are you having girl talk." Seth's snarky laugh was irritating.