Still Water (37 page)

"Don't be a dick. You know today is the big day." Colby shoved Seth in the shoulder.

Seth just laughed again and headed into the kitchen. I took a deep breath. "Go ahead. I'll be in in a second." I gave my brother a tight smile.

"Don't be freaked, this is a good thing." He patted me on the shoulder and left me alone to gather my thoughts.

I heard the laughter spill from the kitchen. My friends, my family, the girl I loved, my Molly, we were all about to see another change, another move forward, and I was so overwhelmed with expectation for all that could be. I inhaled deeply and shook my head warding off the last bit of worry. Strong hands clasped my shoulders from behind.

"You headed in, brother?" Sawyer's low voice startled me.

"Yeah, let's eat, man."

We were halfway finished with dinner when Colby gave me a pointed look. I gave him a small nod, letting him know I was ready. Colby stood and cleared his throat nervously while everyone in the room fell silent.

"I'd like to say something if that's okay?" Colby looked over at Sawyer, who nodded for him to continue. Sawyer's lips twitched, suppressing a smile. He was too perceptive. "Cammie, we've been through so much together these past few years. We fight with passion, but we love with just as much fire." Cam's eyes started to shine with unshed tears. Lily reached over and squeezed my hand as she bounced Molly on her knee. "After watching Todd go after what he wanted, watching him and Lily take back what was theirs, it got me thinking. Babe, I don't ever want to fight with another person." The room erupted in soft laughter. Cam bit her cheek, and my smile grew. My baby brother deserved so much, and Cam was like a sister to me, only now it would finally be official. Colby looked at me giving me my cue. "Cammie, will you do me the honor of becoming my sister… finally." She laughed, but her laughter was cut short when Colby kneeled down on both knees. He whispered in her ear, and she blushed.

"Marry me, baby? Make an honest man out of me. Be mine for all time?" He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring I'd helped him purchase last week. It was a modest ring, but Cam would love it. She wasn't flashy, and, by how her eyes widened, I think we did well.

"Of course, I will." Colby stood and scooped his fiancée into his arms, and I couldn't be prouder of my little brother than I was now. He was taking what was his and deserved nothing less.

Everyone took their turn congratulating the happy couple before they left. Colby and Cam ducked out early to celebrate their engagement. I was cleaning up the last of the dinner dishes when Seth came into the kitchen. "I'm going head, man. See you and Lily later?"

"We've gotta drop Molly off, then we'll be heading home. You going to your dad's?"

He let his gaze fall to his feet. "No, he's gone on business. I'm going over to see Tiff. I told her I'd maybe let her give me some new ink. Let her practice. She was offered a job at that new tattoo shop,
Magnolia's.
"

"Tiff?" Seth didn't have friends that were women. Lily and Liz were as close as it came, and they were off limits sexually speaking. But Tiffany, she was single, and, as far as Seth was concerned, probably fresh meat. "No way, don't shit where I eat, man."

Seth raised his chin and locked his steel blue eyes on mine. His posture tensed. "Go to hell. I'd never fuck, Tiffany."

I gave him a disbelieving look. "No?"

He gave me a sideways smirk. "She's not my type." Anything with tits and two legs was Seth's type. "Just helping out a friend, Todd, remember… I'm very helpful." He smacked my shoulder and smiled widely.

"Yeah, yeah, just don't—"

"Trust me, I won't… see ya later." He turned to leave and almost ran into Lily. "Hey, Hellcat, keep an eye on that one. He's a nosey bastard."

"Um, okay." She giggled and gave me a questioning look. I shrugged my shoulders. "He's so weird, but I kind of love him."

I wiped my hands on the dishtowel as Lily snaked her arms around my waist. "Oh yeah, why's that? Should I be jealous?" My lips gently kissed the top of her head.

"He snapped you out of it and gave you that final shove out the door. Without him, we might not have ever had our chance." She looked up at me with sentiment. She was partially right.

"Seth did give me a swift kick in the ass, but I would have eventually done what was right. I'm telling you, Lily, I was dying a slow, cold death without you." I gave her a self-assured grin.

She swatted at my chest. "I'm serious."

"So am I." I let my hands fall to her ass, and I pulled her firmly against me. "You and I apart, it doesn't make any sense. We would've found each other again, because this…" I placed my lips to hers. "…and this…" I moved my hand to her face. "…This is all I ever wanted, and it was only a matter of time before I figured that out on my own." She lifted up on her toes and kissed me with sincere lips.

There wasn't a doubt in my mind that she would one day be my wife, that we would one day make a child of our own, give Molly a little brother or sister. I could see our path lined out before us, and I was ready… ready for her… ready for us.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

T
HANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING
this little story. Todd and Lily are so close to my heart. I wanted this story to feel real, and, like Still Life, I infused a large portion of who I am within these characters. I hope as you read you find a little piece of you as well.

I'd like to thank my miraculous husband. Evan,
you're my king and you rule this heart more than you'll ever know.
Thank you for the late nights, the sleep-ins, and keeping our children fed and mostly clean. I'm nothing without you.

To my munchkins. Griffin, Meghan, and Kellen, you guys are my light and love. Thank you for being just down right awesome.

To my Instagram AJ's Crew… I can't even find words to explain how blessed I am to have you in my life. Thank you for constantly talking me down off that ledge, for your immense support, for loving these men like they were your own. For making edits like crazy and overall just being rock star females in general. #cyclesisters4Life @bookobsessedgirl (Anna) @book_ish_life(Lisa) @sucker_for_books (Jellie) @mg_herrera (Maria) @midnightowl80 (Narine) @btus_biggest_fann (Lacey) @73jem (Jo) and @mt.reads (Michelle). Only ever you gals… only ever you.

To my beta team…You ladies are more than just readers… you're my life line! Cynthia A. Rodriguez, Beth LeMilliere, Maria Macdonald, Anna Alonso, KE Osborn, Giovanna Cruz, Sarah Symonds, Lisa Wilson, Michelle Trzecinski, Heather Bennett and Sasha Safdiah you ladies are my world. You make and break me each day. Your support and pure love for reading make you the best beta team a girl can have. You guys are my friends, but aren't afraid to tell me "Hey, this is shit." Yes… you have made me cry… but that's your job, keeping it real, and I love every one of you for it.

Maria and Beth, you guys are my British soul sisters. Cynthia, I am so damn lucky you gave me that review, and we became friends. I aspire to be a writer as glorious as you. Anna, I love that you and I are basically the same person; you get me. You are such a good friend, and I am honored to know you. Michelle, thanks for always being there for me. It means the world. Your loyalty and love are felt deeply! Sasha, you know all my dirty secrets… and I love it! I can't imagine not knowing you; my life would be lacking color that's for sure. Lisa, you are such a good friend and such a blessing, and I'm never going to be able to not use emoji's from this point forward because of you. May Gandy be with you. Kim, thank you for keeping me on point, and I can only hope to accomplish as much as you have. You're a rock star, never forget that. Sarah, get in the damn cave. I'm grateful every day that you took a chance on me. Giovanna… thank you for passionately loving my guys. You are the female version of Todd, and one day I will big squish hug you. Heather, I know betas are supposed to be readers and not cheerleaders, but who cares, you are the captain girl!

Tiffany Ly, my first love. Thank you for giving me the world.

To all my Instagram family, I wish I could name you all. Thank you for your endless support; reposts, edits videos — just loving my stories and giving me a chance. I will always try to personally thank you for all you do for me. You guys are the best!

Thank you to all of family and friends for putting up with my incessant phone use, my lack of real world dialogue in general, and for supporting me no matter what. Morgan Karpus, you especially had my back during Still Water. Thank you for your feedback and weekly dates.

Kathleen Payne… You seriously have made me a better author, and I can't find enough words to express how truly thankful I am for you, for our friendship. Besides… I'd use too many commas, and you told me to keep this shit short.

Amy Senethavilay, thank you for keeping my characters true and genuine, for seeing my vision so clearly, and for making my story better. Thank you so much for your gentle hand and "red ink." I'm better for it…

Kaylene Osborn, thank you for being a real friend and keeping me sane. You are like a second mother to me, and I love ya chick.

Emma Mack, you are my glitter goddess. I can't wait for you to be on American soil.

Martha Cothron aka Diva Does 4 Good you are my life coach.

HUGE thank you to Nathan Van Dyken and everyone at Blue Tulip.

Last but not least… Tracey-Lee, this book is dedicated to you. You're my shining light, girl. You're with me every night in the cave; you feel these characters like I do, and I'm a better writer for it. Oz better be prepared for the tears I will shed when I see your lovely face for reals. You're beyond incredible.

Okay, I was told to keep this short….

THANK YOU

You know if you're in my life that I am grateful for you.

Still Surviving

PROLOGUE

Seth

T
HE COLD SEEPED THROUGH MY BONES
; the streetlight was brightly shining through the sheets of rain. The tears, I couldn't handle them anymore. This life was full of shit, full of disgusting promises — promises I couldn't keep. She looked up at me with bright, hazel, doe eyes; her shiny black hair, now soaked, lay limp against her cheeks and shoulders; her dark green shirt clung to her breasts. Fuck she was beautiful. She was everything, and I was… nothing. I was darkness… sickness… I couldn't corrupt her like the others. She was too good for my brand of love, my black heart. I watched the chill creep into her flesh, the goose bumps splayed across her arm as the heat left her body. We were so close. I should reach out and warm her, comfort her, tell her what she wants to hear, but I'm her shadow and this can never be.

The deep pink of her lips paled as they trembled; I couldn't watch her suffer much longer. The slight green tint of her hazel eyes blurred as they filled with more tears. "Why?" she asked, the voice so familiar to me — the voice of fear, of rejection, of the never-ending inevitability of failure.

She shivered, and I couldn't let her dangle on that ledge any longer. The rain beat against my back as I rested my forehead against hers, my hands grasped at the back of her head cradling her even closer. My heart was heavily beating inside my ribcage, my veins full of the poison of love; this fucking girl had infected me, and I had to let her go. I was her shadow, meant to follow, always stalking behind, never truly there in the present, always a half a step behind — it was safe to admire from afar.

"I'm not who you think I am." My whisper sounded false to me. She knew me, better than anyone would ever know me, but this had to stop here. She'd never understand who I was deep down, my flame… my light blew out a long time ago.

"What the hell are you talking about?" She pulled away from me, forcing my hands to frame her face. The look she gave said it all, said I was crazy for ending this, for not letting it even start, for not letting her in. She didn't have the faintest idea of what I could do to her. My faith was broken.

I let my eyes meet hers, letting the inevitable connection happen. I owed her that much.

The rain started to fall harder, but I didn't care; I was caught up in all that was her, and for once I wanted something, I wanted this, and I wanted her. My eyes were drawn to her mouth; those wicked fucking lips were surely made to torture. I was ready for her punishment. I brought my lips slowly to hers, a small faint breath exhaled from her parted lips, the cool air keeping her sweet breath suspended. Just before our lips met, she sighed. I could almost taste her, but that small sound brought me to my senses. I pulled away, denying myself that connection, and she started to cry harder.

"You fucking break me, and I can't… I can't do this with you… I need to go." My voice sounded foreign like I wasn't really controlling it — robotic, cold. This was who I was, and this was all I knew.

PLAYLIST

"Habits" Tove Lo

"Say Something" A Great Big World

"Waiting Room" Fugazi

"Losing Skin" Seaweed

"Rivers and Roads" The Head and the Heart

"Stolen" Dashboard Confessional

"Stay" Thirty Seconds to Mars

"All I Do Is Win" DJ Khaled

"King and Lionheart" Of Monsters and Men

"Mother and Father" Broods

"Believe" The Bravery

"Waiting Game" Banks

"Already Gone" Kelly Clarkson

"Wrecking Ball" Boyce Ave

"Medicine" Broods

"Nothing left to Lose" Kari Kimmel

"Battlefield" Lea Michele

"Unkiss Me" Maroon Five

"The Scientist" Tyler Ward

"Fix You" Boyce Ave

"Breakeven" The Script

"Pardon Me" Incubus

"With Me" Sum 41

"Fall at Your Feet" Saint Raymond

"Here Comes Your Man" Pixies

"Hypnotic" Zella Day

"Better Than Love" Griffin House

"Heartbeats" Jose Gonzales

"No One's Gonna Love You" Band of Horses