Still Water (23 page)

"I loved you, Todd, and I wanted to have a real relationship with you, but I couldn't live like you did. I have my faith, yes. I shouldn't have to change who I am for anyone, and neither should you. So I made the choice, yes, the choice to give you your freedom, to not be tied to me, to a commitment you couldn't keep. I loved you so much I let you… I let you go." Her tears came harder.

I stood from the bench and kneeled in front her, my hands embraced her face. "You let me miss everything. You made a choice for me, and you chose wrong," I spoke softly. "You should've let me be there, let me hold her little body the day she was born. I could've watched her walk her first steps, heard her first words, but you took that from me. Fuck Em, I could've loved you so much." I placed my forehead against hers, my tears pooled and spilled as my fury turned to regret. I saw the life missed, and it was my fault. Back then, my life was so screwed up, and Emma was only trying to make the choice she thought was best for her and her daughter. Seth was right. It wasn't about me anymore.

"Todd… our daughter, the older she gets, the more I wished I had chosen differently. Doing this alone and still… still loving you… it's the hardest thing I've ever done." Emma broke down, and her shoulders shook with sobs.
She still loved me?
The words were drumming in my ears as I pulled her body against mine, while her tears soaked the collar of my shirt. I smoothed my hand down the back of her head; her familiar hay colored hair was just as soft as I remembered.

"Shh, listen… listen to me. We can make this work, Em, we can." Emma felt comfortable in my arms. She was the mother of my daughter. She was the one who picked me up every time I got my heart broken by Liz. She was there the night I thought my life was over. The debt owed to her on my part was greater than any wrong choice she could have made.

"We can?" Emma pulled away from me just enough to let our brown eyes meet.

"Yeah, we can." The pad of my right thumb wiped away the salty water from her cheek as my left hand settled at the nape of her neck. This moment felt too intimate, it felt wrong. In that moment, Lily's smile, her laugh, that one little freckle that sat above her upper lip, her crème skin running under my fingertips, my mouth tasting hers, and that sweet smell of coconut ran through my mind.

Emma's lips parted, the small separation between us was all that kept me from my future. But which future would be mine? I couldn't make that decision right now. Emma Dawson loved me. My heart pounded hard within its confines, but I was falling in love with Lily. I leaned in and placed my lips to Emma's cheek. The salty water brushed across my mouth. Emma exhaled a small breath. Standing, I took her hand in mine. The look of disappointment flashed across her features.

"Can I see her?" All that mattered right now was Molly — the rest of it could wait. My priorities had now been changed.

"Sure, I have some pictures on my phone." Emma stood and took her phone out of her front pocket.

I wasn't prepared for the heartache I was about to sustain. This little girl was everything; I didn't know I could love someone so unconditionally with just one look, but it took my breath away as I looked into the biggest brown eyes I'd ever seen. There was no denying those were my eyes — the light amber flecks around the irises shone. Molly's thick dark blonde hair fell down in soft curls, and her cheeks were so full. The brick in my throat started to hurt when I noticed the dimples. Molly was my daughter. I had the most beautiful baby girl in the world, and I'd missed every minute of her life. Every. Precious. Fucking. Second. A promise was made to myself in that instant — not one more moment would be missed. Not. One.

CHAPTER THIRTY- THREE

Lily

"
H
EY
L
ILY, CAN YOU SING THAT
last part again?" Seth asked as he fiddled with the soundboard.

"Let's break for a bit. I sort of want to wait for Todd anyway." It was an hour past the time Seth had said Todd would be here, and I was starting to worry. The ever-familiar anxiety I felt when people were running late was starting to rear its ugly head. "Maybe I should text him?"

Seth mumbled, and for a minute I thought he'd said something about needy chicks. What?

"Um, did you just call me needy?" I was not amused.

Seth chuckled. "Yeah, sorry. You weren't supposed to hear that."

"I am not needy. He's an hour late, Seth. What if something is wrong? What if—"

"He's dead in a ditch? Highly unlikely, Hellcat."

The breath I was holding blew out in a huff. Seth wasn't aware of how his words were like a knife to the heart. "Shit, what did I say?" He watched me with guilty eyes.

"Don't worry about it." My father's ring twirled between my fingertips, and Seth's eyes slid down to the motion of my hand.

"What's with that ring, anyway?" Seth pulled a stool over to where I was and sat down. "Well? You married?"

I laughed without humor. I wouldn't be with Todd if I was married. "No, it was my father's."

"Was?"

My attention was drawn to him, to the tone of his voice. He sounded so sad. "Was… he got drunk one night. The man that never drank got drunk and drove off a bridge into the Gulf of Mexico. So yeah, I'm indeed needy when it comes to my loved ones running late."

Seth's crystal clear eyes cast down. "Shit." His hand rubbed at the back of his neck. He cleared his throat. "You're
loved ones
?" His tone was skeptical as he looked up. "Todd? He's in that category now, is he?"

"Absolutely." Our eyes locked as he finally met my stare.

He nodded. "I'm sorry about your dad. You and your mom—"

"Thanks. My mom… haven't seen her since I was three, but you don't need to know all this, sorry. I just… get anxious. I care about Todd, and I can't help that–"

"No, I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have said that." Seth placed his hand on my knee in a friendly gesture; his thumb rubbed small circles trying to ease my worry. "Look, I'm really sorry. Can you pretend like I am not a giant, insensitive dick? Please?" His lips tipped up at the corners.

"Sure thing, just don't tell Todd I called him a
'loved one.'
I have a feeling he'd run to the hills."

Seth smacked my knee with a smirk. "Nah, that kid loves to be loved. He's a fucking sicko."

My laugh sounded muted in the sound proof room. "I think I'm going to text him."

"No need, I'm right here." Todd's deep timbre filled my chest, and I could finally breathe, he was infiltrating every part of my heart.

"Hey you." I greeted him as he gave me a small peck on the cheek. The gesture felt off, cold. You pecked your friend or your mom on the cheek, not your girlfriend.

"Hey." He handed me the bag he was carrying, and I placed it on the table next to me. "I grabbed some takeout, hope that's okay? I'm not really hungry, so I just grabbed you a sandwich." The smile on his face didn't reach his eyes, and the alarm bells in my brain started to go off.
Something was up.

"Did you grab me anything?" Seth asked.

"Shit, I forgot you were even going to be here. Honestly, I'm not feeling it right now." Todd wouldn't look at me, the panic started to shape in my chest.

"It's okay, we got some of Lily's voice work done. Tomorrow's another day. I should head. I'm meeting up with some people anyway. Good job today, chick. Remember what I said, this shithead right here… total sicko." Seth grinned at me, and it made me smile through my panic. Maybe seeing Sawyer today had put Todd in a funk, and maybe Seth was right… maybe I should tell him how I feel.

"Nice. Get the hell out of here, dude." Todd threw a drumstick at Seth.

"See you guys later. Oh, and keep it down. Hearing you guys bump uglies, as much as it turns me on, it's weird the next day." Seth's low laughter lingered as the studio door shut behind him.

"Oh my God, he can hear us?" I was mortified.

"He's just messing with you — and me." Todd's smile was now genuine as he searched my face with eager eyes.

"You swear?" My embarrassment subsided.

"I swear." He placed his hand against my cheek, and I leaned into the touch. "Hey you." The palm of his other hand rested against the back of my neck as his mouth claimed mine. The kiss was soft and took away any bit of insecurity I had. The tip of his tongue licked at the seam of my lips, seeking entrance, and he tasted me with such adoration; I felt revered.

"Mmm, I needed this." He hummed against my lips.

"Me too. You okay? Sawyer? Is that why you were so late? He's still doing okay, right?" The glimmer in Todd's eyes from our kiss faded. He exhaled nosily.

"No, he's fine. I just had some stuff to work out. Long ass day, baby, don't worry. I promise we'll talk about it later. I just want to be with you right now."

"Anything I can help with?" My lips met his; I was bound and determined to get that spark back in his eyes.

"This is helping," he said between kisses.

"Good." My arms linked around his neck, as he pulled me up from the stool. Todd's able hands ran down my back. He grasped at the backs of my thighs and lifted me suddenly. I squealed and laughed, my legs enclosed around his waist and he carried me as if I weighed nothing. The hard surface of the wall met my back as Todd kissed me forcefully, pinning me in place. My nails pulled down his back, and he shuddered.

Our breathing was heavy. This was how I showed him that I cared about him, how I showed him every piece of me was his.

"You make me feel out of control," Todd's full lips whispered against the skin of my neck, and a shiver ran down my spine making me grin.

"I'm glad." I bit my lip in an attempt to hide my smirk.

He chuckled. "You're glad you make me crazy, that you've basically stolen my heart?"

Todd didn't miss my intake of breath. "I have?"

He nodded, his lips curled into a small sideways smile before he took my mouth with an easy precision. With smooth strokes our tongues met, our lips paced, and his teeth grazed my upper lip. "I love this fucking freckle." He smiled.

"I love
you
." The words slipped out, and Todd became still. I was horrified that I'd let those words fall out of my stupid mouth.

"Lily… I—"

"I didn't mean to say that." I shook my head.

Todd's brow furrowed. "Then why did you say it?" He spoke as if he was wounded. He started to ease me to the ground.

"Wait. I mean… I mean I do, I care about you. Shit… or maybe I'm falling in love, I don't know. This is so new for me." Todd's strong arms pulled me back up into my previous position. "All I know is that when I'm with you, and even when I'm not, your there. I feel it in everything that is whole inside of me. You own every second… every breath."

Todd pressed me against the wall; his eyes never left mine as he kissed me. He worked my skirt further up my thighs and my panties down, as the heat between my legs grew with his intense stare. My hands eagerly loosened his belt, just barely pushing his pants down before he rocked his hips and thrust himself inside of me. A twinge of pain pulsed through me until I was able to adjust to the connection. He waited, letting his thumbs trace my jaw, before he started to move gradually. I felt the cool wall against my back, the fullness between my legs, and I watched the passion in his eyes flare with each stroke of his body within mine. I wanted to hear him say the words — Todd was showing me he cared about me, but I needed to hear it.

"Say it," I spoke, but the sound was just a breath. He rolled into me with a delicious force. "I need to hear you say it." His fingers fisted in my hair as he clasped the back of my head. With my arms around his neck and his eyes fixed on mine, Todd pulsed against me, and I cried out, the low rumble in his throat resonated through my body. The surface of my skin felt electric, my climax still making me sensitive.

"You need to hear it?" Todd's tone was seductive, as he plunged into me again, causing me to moan and my body to tense. "I'm falling for you, Lily. Every time you leave, the minute you walk away, I want you back. When you said I owned every second, every breath, I wanted more… more of you, every inch." Todd held me against him, taking another sweet kiss. The way he brought me in drew us together again, causing a small needy sound to fall from my lips; I pulled away from his kiss to catch my breath.

"You've got me so fucking far gone, I can't tell where I begin anymore. And I don't care. Being with you like this, getting lost inside you, feeling you fall apart…" I raked my bottom lip through my teeth. I was surrounded by Todd as he punished me with a flawlessly slow rhythm. "…it's all I need."

He growled against my lips, and his fingers dug into the flesh of my backside as his release poured through his body. He held me firmly against him for a moment more before he eased me down to the floor. My skirt billowed down, the hem just scarcely missing the floor.

My legs felt like Jell-O, but Todd's hands gripped my arms as I wobbled. "Whoa." I giggled at the proud smirk that spread across Todd's face. "Don't look so pleased with yourself." His carefree laugh caused butterflies to go wild in my stomach. I shook my head and grinned. "Have I told you how much I love your laugh?" My arms draped around Todd's waist, my cheek rested in the center of his chest.

The tip of Todd's nose ghosted across the top of my head. He inhaled, breathing me in. "This right here… you and me together… I love it. I love everything about you."

I felt him smile against my hair and heard his heartbeat quicken with his words. I smiled brightly as I spoke, "Every inch, baby. Every. Inch."

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Todd

S
TANDING HERE WATCHING
L
ILY WORK BEHIND
the bar, my guilt started to build like a brick wall. The past few days weighed heavy on my shoulders. My feelings for Lily were so fucking real. All I wanted was to be with her, but what I wanted didn't really matter anymore. I wasn't lying when I told her I cared about her, I did. She's the first girl to actually want me for just me. Lily caught my gaze, her brow creased and I smiled, trying to make my face look less terrified. She tilted her head to the right with a small unsure smile on her face. I nodded my chin in her direction as I pushed off the wall I was leaning against.