Still Water (20 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY

Todd

T
HE SOUND OF
L
IZ BREAKING IN
two wasn't something I was prepared for. I almost had to carry her into the hospital. By the time we got there, Sawyer had already been brought upstairs to the intensive care unit. According to Colby, Sawyer fell about twenty-five feet off of the scaffolding he and Colby were working on. They were finishing up a custom staircase banister. Colby couldn't tell us exactly what happened; he was too damn upset to get any real answers to Liz. She lost it when the doctor came out to bring her to the consultation room. At least they let her take Cam.

I was pacing the waiting room as I waited for Elizabeth or Cam to come out of the ICU doors. Every time the doors opened, my stomach churned. The wait was killing me.

The doors opened again, and two nurses who were joking amongst themselves walked out. I growled. "For hell's sake, what the fuck is taking so long?"

"I told you, he's in a bad way, man." Colby sat with his elbows on his knees, his head hung low. "I couldn't help him. I feel like I should have done more."

"What the hell happened?" I asked without blame.

"We were cleaning up… gathering shit. I turned around for just a second, and he fell. He may have caught his foot on one of the cords, who knows. All I know is one second he's fine, and the next I hear him holler, and then, nothing… nothing at all." Colby's eyes glazed over, and he rubbed his temples.

The electric doors swung open again. Cameron's soft cries didn't bode well for the good news I wished for. She walked quickly to where Colby and I were waiting.

"Only two visitors at a time, so one of you can go next." She plopped down into the seat next to my brother. Colby grabbed her hand in his.

"Well? What did the doctor say, Cammie?" He asked with the sound of terror in his voice. I was worried for Colby. This wasn't his fault, but my kid brother always tried to take on more than he should.

"He has a traumatic brain injury…" Cam's voice choked off, and she started to cry again. She swiped the tears from her eyes and took a deep breath. I didn't think I could take this anymore, but then I remembered Liz, and how this was her husband, the love of her life. I needed to be strong for her. "The swelling in his brain is causing pressure, I guess. They rattled off big words, Colby. I have no clue. All I know is that the doctor said he didn't need surgery yet, and the scan showed a small fracture on his skull. They purposely sedated him, and they've got this machine breathing for him. They said the first twenty-four hours are the most important. The doc said they'd be doing more tests tomorrow. They said the way he fell, he didn't hit head first, or the damage could have…" Cam's voice trailed off. We didn't need to hear those words.

"How's Lizzie?" It was a dumb question, but I didn't know what else to ask.

"She's freaking out. You should go back, see her… see Sawyer. She'd like that." Cam laid her head on Colby's shoulder.

"You okay if I go back first, bro?" I asked.

"Please, I need to be with Cammie anyway. Shit man, I can't see him like that. I just can't." My little brother looked as if he was about to fall apart.

"Maybe we should head back. Todd, tell Liz we'll head back and stay with Sailor, okay? Your lady is probably freaking out." Cam had a small watery smile.

"Yeah, thanks, tell her I'll be there soon to come get her?"

"Sure thing."

Cam and Colby said their goodbyes to me. We hugged longer than normal, but hell, I guess you never can take shit for granted. Small pieces of Lily started to flash across my brain — her face and the little freckles that made that constellation on her nose. How was it possible that I was missing her already? How could this girl be so far under my skin after knowing her for less than a month? After a day like today, I didn't care. I didn't need a rational answer. Life hands you fucking shit most of the time. So now, when I finally got something worth keeping, I sure as hell wasn't going to let time dictate a damn thing. Hell, we had no idea how much time we had left.

I pulled out my phone.

Me:
Just going in to see him and Liz. Cam and Colby are on their way back. See you soon, baby.

She responded quickly.

Lily:
Is he going to be ok? You holding up?

She was worried about me. It was wrong for me to feel happy about that right now, but I did.

Me:
We don't know specifics yet. I'm fine…

I hesitated before I tapped out the next text.

Me:
Just missing you. Leaving in like thirty minutes.

I needed to be honest with her and myself if this was going to work.

Lily:
Missing you, too. Be safe.

Me:
I will.

S
AWYER'S ROOM WAS FILLED
with the low hum of the ventilator, the quiet beeping of the vitals machine, and the dripping of the medicine in the IV's. Liz sat next to the bed in a stiff looking chair with her head rested on Sawyer's chest. She was sleeping now — she looked so tired, and her tear-stained cheeks were pale as the sound of sleep exhaled from her lips. I'd been back here for a while. At first, all she did was cry. I soothed her the best I could, but seeing such a strong man like Sawyer reduced to this — it was gut wrenching. The tubes were everywhere. I never thought it was possible for him to ever be in this state, but I told Liz he was a fighter, that I was sure he'd been injured worse than this before, that he was a fucking Navy SEAL. The words I spewed seemed to help, I just hoped what I said was true. She had calmed down enough to tell me she'd spoken to his friends in California, and that they were sending him prayers.

It was not until she had finally fallen asleep that I finally broke down. Elizabeth looked lost. It was like we were ten all over again, and she was crying in my basement about how she'd never see her parents again, how she'd always have the horrible images of their death in her head. I hated that my best friend had to see her husband laid out in front of her, unable to breathe on his own. I was fucking pissed at the universe for hurting Sawyer. Hadn't these people been through enough? What if Sailor never got to know her father? All these questions caused my throat to painfully constrict as I tried to swallow. I hated that these damn tears were building in my eyes. I needed to get the hell out of here.

I swallowed down the emotion and kissed Liz on the cheek. I was grateful I didn't wake her. I leaned down and whispered into Sawyer's ear.

"Don't fucking quit, brother."

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Lily

S
AILOR WAS SLEEPING SOUNDLY IN HER
crib by the time Colby and Cam got back from the hospital. I'd only met Sawyer the one time, but I was devastated for Elizabeth, for Todd, for everyone. Losing someone you loved was something I wasn't a stranger to; it was like having your sternum slowly cracked open, one small break, day by day — it was agonizing. Colby told me Todd would be back soon. He looked so much like his older brother, but there was enough difference to make them each unique. Colby's eyes were so much lighter than Todd's; you could tell he hadn't ever suffered real heartbreak, but tonight his light eyes were rimmed in red as he mourned for his friends. I was grateful he and Cam let me be alone. They sat quietly in the kitchen. The murmur of their voices, the heat from the fireplace, the sound of the rain against the roof, and the exhaustion of the day had my head pounding. I rested my body on the couch and closed my eyes, hoping Todd would get here safe and soon.

"Hey, honey bell, you're looking so beautiful today." My father's calloused fingertips traced the slope of my nose. "Time to wake up." He quietly chuckled. The smell of Old Spice sifted through my nose, and a small sleepy smile spread across my cheeks.

"Hey." My voice was still thick with sleep.

"Hey, you don't want to be late for your audition, honey."

A small, irritated noise pinched through my pursed lips. Why did my dad always make me feel like a child? It was time to get my own place, and soon. I needed to do well today — to prove to him I could do this. Arcadia College of Music only let in ten graduate students a year. I would be one of them if it killed me.

"Dad, I'm not five anymore. You can't just walk in my room… it's weird. What if I wasn't decent… what if —?"

"Just get up, and quit your bitching…" My father's smile widened. "I just want to see my daughter succeed. I'm excited, so deal with it, honey bell." My dad's smirk was pronounced; the deep laugh lines creased, making me unable to be angry about his invasion of privacy. He just wanted the best for me. I should be grateful he still lets me live at home. Yes, it was my dream, but he was always there to help me flourish.

I felt guilty but laughed at the proud goofy grin my father had splayed across his face.

"All right, all right. Out! I need to get dressed." I laughed; it was crazy how excited my dad got when I actually took his advice.

"You want me to drive you?" He looked so hopeful, how could I say no.

"That would be nice, Dad. Thanks." He leaned over and hugged me.

He cleared his throat, and I noticed his eyes were bleary as he pulled away.

"Shit hon, I'm so proud of you."

My breathing became shallow as I tried to hold in my own feelings. "Love you, too, old man. "

T
HE SOUND OF
T
ODD'S
deep voice seeped through my dreams. The heat of his hand on my face and the soapy scent I'd grown accustomed to surrounded me. "Why are you crying?"

My lids fluttered open, and dark chocolate eyes searched my face with worry. The tears poured freely down my face. The dream, the memory of my father, was still so hard to endure. This night was forcing it all to the surface. Todd feathered a kiss to my forehead as he pulled his thumbs across my cheekbones, wiping away the evidence of my dream. I couldn't find words; the fear of breaking down clogged my throat.

"Bad dream?" He asked, as his fingertips pushed the stray hairs from my face. I nodded.

"Yes… no. It was a memory… I just miss my dad so much sometimes. Tonight, it's screwing with me." I was surprised that I let the tears fall now, that I hadn't tried to get a hold of myself.

"I know what you mean. This night… I just need a minute to fucking breath, to escape this shit." He gently kissed my mouth; the feeling of his lips pulled me further away from the past. "I'm sorry about your dad." The sentiment brushed against my waiting lips.

"I'm sorry about your friend. Will he be okay?"

"I hope so." Todd lingered for a second, his breathing picked up and his nose grazed mine. When our lips met this time, it felt desperate, endless. We needed to lose ourselves.

I wrapped my fingers in his dark blond hair and pulled him in, eager for more. Our lips melded together like they were meant for each other — the soft pull of his mouth against my bottom lip, the sting of his beard against my chin, his tongue tasting mine. My body responded to him like an instrument responds to the skilled musician. Todd played my strings just right, and I thrived under his touch, I shone brighter than I ever had before. This was heartache; this night was full of destruction, but this one moment between us, this kiss, played out in harmonious notes. This was music at its finest, even if the room was silent. The sound of his love resonated through my bones as his body pressed against mine. The weight of him was a heady thing.