Still Falling (19 page)

“What do you mean?”

“Take your child for example.
 
Why are you having that child that grows in
your womb?”

Serena considered for a second and replied in
measured tones.

“Because there is no other
choice?
 
Because God forbids
abortion and I could never murder a child?
 
Because it’s the right thing to do?
 
Because the child deserves
a mother?
 
Because the child
should not suffer because of mistakes I’ve made?”

“Serena now you disappoint me.”

They sat down on a small bench beside a bus
stop.

“Do you honestly in your heart believe that
those are the right reasons to have this child?”

Serena nodded slowly, not sure there were any
others.

“When you look at Micky, what do you see?”

“I see a gorgeous little boy, full of life and
unconditional love.
 
I see a little
person who has brought so much happiness to his family despite losing his
mother.”

“That alone would be reason enough for me to
have a child!” Her mother pointed out gently.
 
“Your others are noble and acceptable.
 
But in your heart......love is the right reason.”

Serena looked down at her hands.
 
She was starting to understand what her
mother was trying to say.
 
She moved her
hands over her belly and wondered what kind of child she would have.
 
With or without Marco, it would be a wondrous
new life.
 
A little person she could
teach, learn from and grow with.
 
Who she
could love unquestionably and who would love her unconditionally.
 
For the first time she stopped thinking of it
as a pregnancy.
 
A pregnancy defined as a
parasite that would inconvenience her life in the same way the cancer had.
 
This was a child.
A little
person.
And she could feel the love growing inside her already.

“Mama.
 
I’m going to have a baby!” she laughed and
hugged her mother excitedly.

“I am happy for you Serena.
And
happy for my grandchild.
 
But you
still have a lot of things in your life to reassess and decide if you are doing
them for the right reasons.
 
Only then
can you be happy and only then with the pain of love be easier to bear.”

Hand in hand they made their way back to the
Bistro for another dose of Micky, Nico and Tony.
 
Her three favourite boys.

An hour later Jo clanged her
teaspoon against her coffee cup.
 
“I have an announcement to make.”

Everyone at the table went silent and looked
expectantly at her.

“I have been in negotiations with my bank and my
ex husband and I am going to open a studio here in Napoli.”

Serena looked at her friend in genuine
surprise.
 
She had no idea.

“I would like to formally offer Serena, the job
of running the Napoli office, provided of course she flies to Milan to see me at least once a fortnight.”

Everyone looked expectantly at Serena.
 

She was speechless.

“Ummm yes.
 
Yes of course that would be fantastic!”

The boys cheered and Jo hugged her excitedly
across the table.
 

“Why didn’t you mention this before?”

“Because I wanted to make sure you would say
yes!”

Her mother patted her cheek.
 
“Make sure it’s for the right reasons.”

“And.....”
Interrupted Jo.
 
“And, my beautiful ex husband, who gives me
more
now than he ever did when we were married, has offered
me his chalet in Bormio for Christmas.
 
I
would love it if all of you would join me.”

Sounds
like heaven.

Tony piped up first.
 
“Only if I can bring a
date!”

“But Tony, how would you decide which of your
many girl friends to bring?” Jo asked with theatrical candour.

“Very good question.
Yes
that would be difficult.”
 
Tony replied
forlornly.

Everyone laughed.
 
Nico the loudest, which set
little Micky off on a torrent of giggles.

Serena flew into her work with renewed
enthusiasm.
 
Everyone at Revel had
settled back into their normal routine.
 
Several trips had been made with Jo to look
for a
suitable premises
for the new studios.
 
The Autumn/Winter collections were coming along nicely and looked set to
be ready for February fashion week.
 
Frankly, time had sped by.
 

Serena climbed off her stool and switched the
spot light off which highlighted her drawing board, where she did most of her
sketches.
 
She looked around her large
studio office, wondering if she would miss it when she moved back to Napoli in the New Year.
 
Idly she put her hand on the very small bump that had filled the hollow
between her navel and her hips.
 

At least the
nausea had stopped and she wasn’t even taking the medication the doctor had
prescribed.
 
In fact she felt
wonderful.
 
Her appetite was back and she
was full of energy.

“Well little person, I guess it’s time we went home to pack and get ready
for your first ski trip tomorrow.
 
Besides your grandmother is at home and will probably cook up enough to
feed the whole street if we don’t stop her.”
 
She picked up her bag and went in search of Marie as they had agreed to
go home together.

Marie talked non-stop all the way home.
 
Apparently Green Eyes had asked her to move to London.
 
They were very much in love.
 
Marie just wasn’t sure how to tell Jo.

Serena felt her mood slip at the mention of Green Eyes.
 
She remembered the night she had met the man
like it was only few hours ago.
 
It
hurt.
 
Thankfully they were home and
Serena could excuse herself and focus her attentions on her mother and packing
for a much needed trip.
 
Only when the
lights went out and silence cloaked the flat did Serena cry herself to sleep,
dreaming about Mr. Chest and his soft, white denim clad thighs.

He stood at the end of the bed looking down at her with disdain clearly
written on his face.
 
He seemed so far
away, unreachable.
 
She felt so small,
exposed and discarded as she lay there curled up in a ball.
 
Finally he turned his back on her.
 
He opened his arms and two beautiful, naked
women appeared on either side of him.
 
One of the women was holding a baby in her arms.
 
Her baby.
  
He took the baby in his arms, holding it to
his bare chest.

Then together
Marco, her baby and the two women, strolled off, forgetting her.

Serena tried to uncurl herself.
 
To climb off the bed.
 
To run after him.
 
To call out to him.
 
To beg him to stay.
 
She was frozen in place.
 
Mute
..Only able to watch as
he disappeared with her child.
 
Her heart broke again and again, dying inside her.

Serena woke from the familiar dream feeling empty and lost.
 
She looked at the glowing dial of the alarm
clock next her bed.
 
It was nearly time
to rise.
 
Rolling onto her back she
cradled her little person in one hand.
 

“He can’t take you if he doesn’t know who you are little one.
 
I won’t let that happen.”
 
She wondered how long it would be before she
would feel her little parasite move for the first time.
 
When she heard her mother stirring in the in
the guest room, Serena rose and dressed.

She dressed in Jeans over thermals and pulled a thick knitted turquoise
V-neck over a dark blue fitted body suit.
 
She would skip make up today.
 
She
brushed her hair vigorously and left it loose to tumble down her back.
 

Wow it’s grown so long.
 
I like it.

After a quick breakfast, Serena and her mother climbed into a hired Land
Rover, their bags piled in the back of the enormous space behind the back seats
and set off through the city and then north.
 
Leaving the sprawling city they drove past Lake
Como, reputed to be one of the best
lakes in Italy.
 

Sadly much of the lake was hidden in mist and fog as they skirted the
long shoreline but as they left the lake and entered the long valley that would
take them to their destination, sun burned through,
showing
dazzling blue skies above stark white peaks that rose sharply out of the ground
on either side of them.

Serena’s mother had never been this far north and was fascinated by the
sheer number of tunnels that bored through the steep topography.
 
Serena herself had only made this trip once
before and was still awed by the scenery and the engineering.
 
One of the tunnels stretched through for
fifteen minutes allowing at least four songs to play on the cars sound
system.
 

Nestled in the valley, on either side of the road,
quaint little Italian villages with magnificent, ancient stone chapels and bell
towers distracted from the towering ragged peaks, blanketed in glistening white
snow.
 

Three hours later they pulled into the resort town of Bormio.
 
It was stunning.

They negotiated the maze of narrow one way streets.
 
Three story buildings leaning over the tight
cobbled roads imposingly.
 
Reaching the
opposite edge of town, Serena slowed, looking for the narrow lane that was
apparently hidden between two stone, double storey houses.

The whole town is full of stone,
double storey houses.
 
Jo needs to give
better directions.

Finally her mother spotted it and they turned in.
 
The drive had been cleared of snow and wound
up through a forest of snow clad trees, their branches drooping from the
weight.
 

For a while the mountains were hidden from view.
 
Even the sky disappeared from time to time as
the tops of the trees formed a canopy above the road.
 
After fifteen minutes they pulled into a
level clearing.
 
Pulling up next to two
other cars on the edge of the clearing, Serena and her mother climbed out of
the Land Rover, both eager to stretch their legs.

The clearing had been cut into the forest on a ledge, about a quarter of
the way up a mountainside.
 
Down in the
valley below, huddled Bormio, looking small and deserted.
 
Stretched out around them the mountains
spread in every direction, offering staggering views.
 
The air was crisp and cold and their breath
condensed in small clouds in the still air.
 

Serena was the first to turn away from the view to study the layout of
buildings.
 
The ever familiar urge to pee
caused by the weight of the little person lying on her bladder, was
distracting.
 
Three large double story
bungalows were laid out around a large central courtyard, the steep forested
side of the mountain closing off the fourth side.
 
The bungalows faced outward from the
courtyard, each maximising a different view of the grand display nature
offered.
 
She imagined the view to be
spectacular no matter what the season, especially from the upstairs balconies.
 

The bungalows had been constructed with local stone and timber and had
been topped off with a steep tiled roof allowing the snow to slide off easily
when it got too thick and heavy.
 
The
bulk of the sloping roof had been angled away from doorways, so when the snow
piled up on the ground it wouldn’t block the entrances.

The familiar squeals of a young child from the nearest chalet, told
Serena they were in the right place.
   
The other chalets looked empty.

“Come on Mama, let’s go in.
 
I’m
frozen!”

Between them they grabbed all their bags, locked up the Land Rover and
stomped up the stairs of the chalet to clear their boots of snow.
 
Tony was the first to the door to welcome
them in.
 
Jo and Nico were knotted up and
stretched out in seemingly impossible postures on a Twister mat in front of a
roaring log fire.
 
Little Micky was standing
on the side of the mat looking at them through his legs as if this was the only
way the game made any sense to him.
 

“Hey! Just in time!
 
Guess what
you’re next on the mat!”
 
Tony grinned
with glee.