Staying on Course (8 page)

“Tell me about him.” Her question takes me off guard.

“Who?”

“The boy… the guy… the man in your life. The person who you’ve been texting for six weeks. I’m perceptive, Devon, and good at my job. You’re easy to read, too. For weeks, you’ve been surrounded by some good-looking men, both athletes and peers. Not one has even turned your head. But the second that phone in your pocket dings, your face lights up in anticipation. I know a woman in love. So tell me, who is he?”

“He’s my fiancé. His name is Bryce Randolph. He’s in the Navy and the most thoughtful, wonder—” I stop my gushing and inwardly curse myself.

“It’s true. You do have it bad. From what I heard, he’s got it bad, too.”

“Wait? What?”

“I knew who he was but had to hear it from your mouth.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I like you, Devon. Not until I joined the network was I ever challenged with peers. No one had the ambition I do. That may sound cocky and arrogant, but it’s true. When my mind is set on something, nothing stops me. Like you mentioned in the locker room that day, I was twenty-one when I led my first rally. We were young and misled, but the feeling of making a difference set my course for life. Nothing and no one would get in my way.”

“That’s what makes you one of the most respected women in journalism. People aspire to walk in your shoes and carry the influence and responsibility.”

“Maybe, but that’s not why we’re here. This is completely overstepping my bounds, but, Devon, I see so much of myself in you.”

The words sink in slowly. Did I hear her correctly? “You do?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Wow, I don’t know what to say. That could be the best compliment I’ve ever received in my life.”

She tilts her head and looks deep into my eyes before speaking again. “I’ve given up a lot to be here. Not here in a hotel in Rio De Jeneiro, but here at the top of my profession. There are always going to be those more professional than me, more edgy, more intelligent, more risky. But I’ve done okay.

“Shit. This is harder than I thought.” She rubs her hands down her face.

“I’m lost.”

“This is my feeble and screwed up attempt to give you career advice.”

“What kind of advice?”

“You’re humble, and I like that. But you’re also passionate, and that’s what’s going to lead you in this industry. Let’s be honest. Your resume and accomplishments alone are going to boost you into the MFA program. If you can keep up the grades and continue to stay out of trouble, this is a given.”

“Aren’t these good things?”

“Yes, but they aren’t going to sleep beside you at night. They aren’t going to warm your heart with love and passion. The travel, the stories, the people and progress… they’ll scratch an itch, but it won’t be enough.”

Her words swirl around my mind, and I’m still confused. The last thing I want to look is totally incompetent, so instead, I stare, waiting for her to continue.

“Fuck!” She lowers her head and wrings her hands, refusing to return my stare.

“I’m trusting you here, Devon. Please don’t make me regret it.”

I swallow down the lump forming in my throat.

“Henry— I mean Professor Grant, called me when your fiancé called him. We all agreed from the beginning that Israel wasn’t right for this summer. But none of us shied away. When the parents started calling in, the ‘powers that be’ got busy. But it was Bryce Randolph’s call that stayed with Henry. Did you know that your fiancé had his commanding officer, or soon to be CO, call too?”

I drop my head, trying to hide the flush creeping up my cheeks.

“Don’t get embarrassed. That is true love.” She pauses.

“After the chips fell, so to speak, Henry called me again. I lied to you earlier. I didn’t agree to this if I could hand-pick my team. I begged for you.”

I inhale deeply, unbelieving.

“Yeah, I’d seen your stuff. Henry sends portfolios to all of his contacts. But he knew you’d catch my eye. You’re talented… very young… but still talented. He knows what he’s talking about.”

“Shana,” I say shakily. “I’m not sure where you’re going with this.”

She slides a folder to the end of the bed. When I open it, I gasp loudly. “Holy Shit! Is that? It can’t be…”

“That’s Henry and me. That particular picture was our first day in the Master’s Program at William & Mary.”

“He’s totally HOT!” I say before I can stop myself then slam my hand over my mouth.

She grins and nods in agreement. “Totally.”

“Y’all were a ‘thing’?” I air quote.

“Oh, so much more. We were ‘The Thing’,” she air quotes back.

“Wow! This completely raises his coolness factor. You guys look amazing together. What happened?”

Her face falls immediately, and I know…. know in my heart what happened.

“You chose the career?” I ask tenderly.

“Yes, and we were young and stupid. He was supportive, but I was stubborn. I eventually broke it off after a job offer took me to Oregon. He was always there for me, but I broke his heart. Then he moved on. I never did. It fucking killed me when he married and had a child.

“We were at a convention about two years ago. He was so proud of me, praised my success repeatedly. He harbored no hard feelings, but I was livid. I missed him so much.” Her eyes fill with big, bold tears, and I reach for her hand.

“I told him I was mad. MAD! The careers we both wanted broke us a part. He looked at me with sympathy when I told him I’d give it up to have him back.”

“Holy shit.”

She nods and goes on. “Well, he was stunned and also hurt. I’d left him, ventured into the world to make a new start. Then his wife walked up. She took one look at me and said, ‘He never let you go, either’. I was mortified and left the reception, never looking back. How could I be so selfish? He’s married!”

“Oh my God,” I whisper.

“Yeah, I’ve replayed that moment a thousand times in my mind. The way his eyes widened, looking over my shoulder. His back went straight, his shoulders squared, and he opened his mouth to interrupt. But there she was, hearing that his college lover basically wanted him back.”

“What happened next?”

“Henry called me six months later. He asked me to participate in ‘think tanks’ with other professionals in the industry. He never mentioned that night again. Our relationship is professional now. For the last year and half, I’ve consulted on a few things, but mostly dedicated my time to these summer programs.”

“You never talked about what happened?”

“Not really. Well, not really, until he called me about you.”

“He wanted you to talk to me about your failed relationship?”

“No, he wanted me to talk to you about being in love and having it all. Nowadays, you don’t have to choose. No matter what others may say, you’re in control of your future.”

“I know that.”

Her head shakes slowly. “No, Devon, you don’t understand. People are going to make you feel that certain choices are your only options if you want to succeed. That’s not true. Your love and loyalty are going be tested strongly. YOU make the decisions to guide your future.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, if I could go back and retrace my steps, I’d have Henry along with me the whole way. He was and still is my other half. But I lost him. And I regret that loss every second of every day. Don’t let that happen to you. If Bryce truly is your equivalent to Henry, don’t ever lose him.”

“My heart hurts thinking of a life without Bryce. It sounds silly since we’re so young, but it’s true. My family hasn’t questioned it once because our bond is so strong. You mentioned all the good-looking men around us. I noticed, but they’re nothing compared to Bryce in my eyes.”

“Young love at its strongest,” she says softly. “The best kind”

“So, Professor Grant’s a closet romantic? Who would have thought?” I say after a few quiet seconds.

“Hell no! He has no idea I’m talking to you about us. He only wanted me to give you advice on what may lie ahead for you. It was me who decided to tell you about us.”

“I’ve always admired you, but my respect is bursting at the seams.”

“I’m going to give you my private number. You call me anytime.”

I nod.

“For the record, I asked for you and Quinn, but I was told no. None of my usual methods of persuasion worked. Henry insisted you be on separate teams.”

“Well, she’ll be thrilled to know that, but I think Bill Tames has been a great mentor.”

“He should be. He’s one of the best.”

I smile widely and reach across the small space, grabbing her hand again. “Thank you, Shana, for everything.”

“You’re welcome.”

I get up to leave and stop, remembering something from last semester. “Shana, did you know Professor Grant got a divorce last year?”

Her eyes glimmer as a sly smile crosses her face. “I may have heard something about that.”

“So nothing’s standing in your way of going after what you want now.”

“I will not confirm nor deny that I have business in Virginia for an indefinite amount of time. That business may or may not be focused around the University of Virginia.” She winks coyly.

“You really are my idol.”

“Remember that boss I told you about? She sat me down and had this similar conversation two months ago. As far as the network goes, my assignment is labeled ‘Classified’.”

We both burst into laughter together. I’m really going to miss her.

“Devon!” my mom screams, waving wildly at me through the crowd. Michelle stands next to her, bouncing around. Quinn and I both pick up speed and run to them.

The instant Mom’s arms wrap around me, I sink into her. It’s been an emotional two days, and the overwhelming urge to cry creeps up on me. Leaving Brazil was much harder than I imagined. My team bonded during the past six weeks. Even though we would share classes in the fall, it would be different. We agreed to keep in touch, especially as we prepared our final projects. Being around them twelve hours a day formed a closeness that can’t be replicated with a few hours in class.

The hardest part was saying goodbye to Shana. She’s staying for a few more days to cover a network-specific story before going to Virginia. I watched her closely when she said goodbye to everyone, including Professor Grant, as we piled onto the bus. To anyone else, it looked like a normal hug, but I saw the sadness in both their faces. Her glassy eyes caught mine, and I gave her a smile of encouragement. Quinn and I already decided that Shana has the five weeks until school starts before we play matchmaker.

I’m brought back to reality by my mom’s voice. “You okay, honey?”

“Yes, glad to be home.”

She nods and links her arm through mine. As we make our way to the baggage-claim area, she and Michelle fire questions at Quinn and me. Finally, we hand our phones to them to scroll through pictures as we watch for our bags.

We eventually get to the car, where our dads are waiting curbside. My earlier emotions fade away at the excitement of being home. In my attempt to dodge Bryce and his family for that year and a half, I avoided coming home for extended periods of time. Now, I have two whole weeks before going back to Charlottesville.

Once we get to the house, the Jacksons leave, and Mom helps me lug all my stuff upstairs. As I unpack, I tell her about my conversation with Shana. She’s unusually quiet when I finish, staring at me blankly.

“What’s your take on it?” I ask.

“There’s a lot to think about. Sounds to me like she speaks from experience and saw a chance to share that with you.”

“I’ve dissected it to death. To be honest, it scares me. I never thought I’d be asked to choose between Bryce and my career.”

Her face floods with concern. “Baby, if you marry Bryce, there is no choice. He’s it. Have you two really talked about the future?”

I nod and tell her about the conversation we had the night in my apartment, leaving out the sex.

“Well, it sounds like you think you know what you’re getting into, but he softened the blow. I’m going to tell you the truth. You may think you researched being a Navy wife, but the cold hard facts are the Navy is going to dictate a lot of your life. Decisions will be made. That boy will turn himself in knots to make you happy, but some things can’t be controlled. Your career will not be considered when the Navy makes their assignments.”

“I’ll have him, though.”

“Yes, you will. And I think that may be what Shana was saying. True love will win out over everything. She regrets losing it, even with all she’s accomplished.”

“Do you think I’m being naïve?”

“No, but I do think you’ve overlooked some very important issues. I knew in Aspen he was going to win you over. It was obvious to me that his future would include you. He broke your heart, but he also put it back together.

“Nate may say I see rainbows and unicorns, and he’s right. When it comes to my children, I want you to be happy. Did I know you would be engaged in less than six months of dating, no, but it’s not a surprise. Maybe it sets me apart from other moms, but being a young bride does not worry me. What does worry me is that you haven’t thought about the impact it will take on your life.”

“Mom, you’re kind of freaking me out.”

“Let me lay it out for you. Two years ago, I sat in this very position, talking to you about changing the course of your life because of a broken heart. I told you then, and I’ll repeat it now—my job is to make sure you’re okay. You went to UVA with your sights set on your professional future. He was out of the picture completely. Now, he’s not, so you need to adjust your future.”

“Do you think going to MFA School is a waste? That I’ll never be able to completely pursue a career in photojournalism?”

“Not at all. I think Shana was telling you that you can have both—love and a career, and to not get lost in the hype of the industry.”

I lie down next to her, curling around her hip like a child. “You’re truly the best mom ever.”

“And you are the best daughter. I have one more piece of advice. I’d advise against telling Bryce most of your conversation. That boy’s already a bit high strung when it comes to you. He wants to hand you the world, and he’s questioning his own choices. It’s your job to be strong and encouraging. When he was trying to get assigned to the base on Norfolk, Nate said he was freaked out. Sheila says she was scared for his sanity.”