Spitfire (Puffin Cove) (30 page)

Laura
had been going through the motions for days. She ate. She slept. She saw her boys back to school. But she didn't talk. Not about Kane.

"
Come on in, Mom," she called.

***

"Get here now!" Jill called through the phone.

Kane slammed the barn door and shoved his body into the truck
.
Shite.
He backed it up, spun it around and pushed it to its limits down the laneway.
Fuck me
. She had been gone three days. And two nights. He was feral. She had left a goddam
note
, addressed to
Jill
, to look after her goddam
cat
. That's it, that's
all
.

And
Jill's call just now...she sounded panicked. He didn't ask, just made it to her place in three minutes flat. If it was Shannon, he would help. If it was Jill, he would help. If it was Laura, he would…God
dammit!
He just didn't know.

He pulled up to the cottage
in a cloud of dust and strode through the kitchen door. Jill was standing in the living room, the computer screen glowing.

"
What is it?" he barked. God, he didn't
want
to know.

"
Read," she said.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned down to read the email.

To:
Jillian Bainbridge

From:
Laura Spencer

Subject:

Jill
, I'm so sorry. I know you'll hate me. And God, I'm just so sorry. I went to St. John's to surprise Kane, and saw him there with all those kids. And I just knew that I couldn't keep him from having children in his life. If I stayed in Puffin Cove, he'd never move on. I know he loves me. But I love him more.

Please forgive me.

I love you.

Laura
 

He sank down into a chair and dragged his hand through his dishevelled hair. Jill stood by his side, arms hanging limply, helplessly. He knew he looked like death warmed over. He hadn't shaved, nor showered. Hadn't slept either, nor eaten. Jill looked like she was going to burst into tears. But he hoped that she wouldn't. He needed her strength, now more than ever before. He gave her his eyes, and left them naked, knowing that she would see his bleak, haunted pain. She sank to her knees beside him.

"
Why?" he croaked. "I thought she left t' go back to her sons. But…why wouldn't she talk t' me about this? I told her I don't need kids. Why'd she leave me? I just don't understand her."

He didn't notice the single tear that leaked from the corner of his eye until
Jill choked back a sob, and wiped at it with the pad of her thumb.

"
I don't know, dear heart. She's so tender and giving. And so damned hard headed." He leaned his head to touch it to hers, and they sat, hurting, for a long time. Shannon came bounding in through the front door, Tess bounding in right beside her.

"
Momma, I gots a gold star cuz I spelt my name right! Momma!" Shannon ran through the kitchen and stopped just short of careening into them. "Hi, Momma! Hi, Uncle Kane! You look yucky, Uncle Kane. An' you smell. Pheeyew!" She grinned cheekily at them, then her expression faltered.

"
Shh, darlin'. Not now. Let me see that gold star." Jill rose and gathered her daughter close.

"
But, Momma, what's the matter with Uncle Kane? Is he sick?"

If it was possible, Kane felt even worse, seeing the bright light of happiness in
Shannon's eyes fizzle out.

"
He's just sad, sweetie."

"
But why?"

Kane lifted his eyes to
Shannon. "I'm just m-," he cleared his raw throat, "missin' Auntie Laura's all, poppet."

"
Me, too. When's she comin' back?" Shannon stuck out her bottom lip, and it trembled.

"
I don't know, sweet pea," he said hoarsely.

"
Well, why don't you just go get her? I want her back." She pulled her lip back in and stamped her little foot.

Oh, God
. So do I.

"
Me, too, Shannon. Me, too."

Jill forced Kane to stay for supper, and under the watchful eye of Shannon, he ate. He stuffed the food into his mouth, chewed, swallowed. Jill's delicious cooking tasted like so much sawdust to him. But Shannon's constant chatter helped to distract him, and Jill's constant gaze helped to bolster him.

His blistering anger and bleak despair were waning
. In its place resignation tried to form. But he just couldn't let it take root. There was no way that what they had shared, what they had built in so short a time into such a strong, sweet love, could be left to die. Just because she had some stupid
feeling
in her head. How could he make her see that she was all he needed in his life, for the rest of his life? He plodded out to his truck and drove slowly, desolately back to his empty house. Stanley greeted him with one thump of his tail, his soft brown eyes seeming to share the grief of their loss. He finished the chores he had neglected, showered the filth from his body, and sank into his lonely bed.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Her mother
sat beside her on the edge of the bed and rubbed her leg through the covers. It was kind of neat to be home again, back in her childhood bed, even if the reason was heartbreaking.

"
Are you feeling a little better this morning, honey?"

Laura
's lips tipped up in a poor imitation of a smile. She was pretty sure she would never feel better again, but she didn't want her mother to worry over it. She had caused enough uproar.

"
Much. It's so good to be here with you." She squeezed her mom's hand and moved the laptop to the other side of the bed. Lola wiggled over to push her nose under Iris's hand. She stroked the dog's silky fur absently, worrying her lip.

"
I'm not going to ask what your plans are. You can stay here as long as you need to. But, honey. You must deal with Kane. It's not fair to leave him hanging like that. He's a good man, right?"

"
Oh, Mom. He's the best man I've ever known, besides Dad."

"
And you love him."

"
Yes, I love him. But I -"

"
Laura, when was your last period?"

"
What?"
What a bizarre question.

"
You heard me. When was your last period?"

Uh oh
. Mother had a wild hare. She laughed at the ridiculousness. "Oh, for God's sake, Mom. I didn't leave Kane because I have PMS."

"
That's not what I mean, Laura. When?" Her mother stuck her chin out, and her eyes blazed with a queer knowledge.

Geez
. What did the crazy woman have stuck in her head? "I don't know. They've always been erratic. I haven't kept track for years. There's been no need. I haven't had any trouble with them."

"
Laura. You're pregnant," she said with certainty.

Oh, for the love of God
.
"Mom! Jesus! Don't be ridiculous." Time to get the heck out of here before her mother said something equally ludicrous, like they were buying a llama, or she had enrolled her in a convent. Or the French Foreign Legion. Laura swept the covers off. She swung her legs out of bed and stood, and the room reeled around her. She plopped her butt back down and looked at her mother's pinched and smirking
See?
face, and a wave of nausea and shock rolled through her.

The weepiness, the dizziness, the mo
od swings. She thought that her fuller breasts and slightly thickened waistline were just a result of all that good east coast food.

"
No," she whispered, horrified. "I can't be. I'm almost menopausal. And my tubes are tied. I can't be."

"
I'd say you can. Unless you and Kane haven't…"

"
But…but…my tubes are tied." She felt her eyes stretched to their bugged-out limits.
No. God. Oh, God.

"
It's been known to happen, honey," her mother said more softly now.

Laura
couldn't possibly comprehend that this was happening again. Over twenty years ago, in this same bed, her mother had confronted her with this very same situation. And now, all these years later…how could a grown woman, an educated nurse, not see in herself the signs?

"
Mom. I'm not pregnant. It's probably just hormones. Or a brain tumour."

"
Oh, I don't think so, honey," Iris chuckled weakly. "I think maybe you should just let me take you to see Dr. Shilling at the women's health clinic. She'll tell you. She can check you out, and make sure you're okay. It's a good idea anyway. You probably haven't had a check-up in awhile, right?"

"
No, but…I can't be."

***

"See here?" Dr. Shilling showed her the ultrasound picture on the computer screen. "This white line here on the left is a Hulka clip. That's what we used to use to clamp the tubes and prevent the eggs from making it to the uterus. But the other clip..." she pointed up much higher on the image, "...appears to have come away from the tube. Hence, your pregnancy."

Laura
sat in the chair across from the doctor, her face white, a sheen of perspiration dotting her upper lip and forehead.

"
But how…when…?"

"
Pretty rare, but there have been cases of the clips coming loose. It could have happened right away, after your tubal, but it could have happened years later, too. The patency of the tube should have been long occluded, but it seems in your case, it wasn't."

"
Oh, my God," Laura breathed. She was almost thirty-nine years old, and she was going to have a baby.

Kane
's baby.

She was going to have Kane
's baby.

The gynaecologist
looked at her ashen face, then her eyes slid to her bare left hand. "You have options, Laura. I can spell them out for you. But time is of the utmost essence. Do you have someone you can talk things over with?"

Shock, and fear, and
shock
rolled through her. And kept a smothering cover over the joy. "Hmm? What? Oh, uh. Yes. I…"

She felt a
beatific smile spread across her face, then a moment later, it dimmed. "Dr. Shilling, what are the chances that a baby at my age could be…?" Deep down, she knew. She had the experienced and well educated knowledge of a paediatric nurse in her brain. Somewhere. It just wasn't floating to the surface. At the moment, neither was her own name.

"
There is an increased risk of congenital anomalies, syndromes. We can run tests, but again, you have very little time to make decisions."

"
I...ah...I'll let you know."

Laura
walked woodenly through door, and down the hall to the waiting room. Her mother stood up from her chair, registered the knowledge that Laura realized had been there since this morning, and led her by the arm to the parking lot of the medical arts building. Laura looked at her mother over the roof of the car.

"
Mom," she breathed. "I'm going to have a baby."

The blank shock on her face trembled into a smile, then bloomed, its radiance fit to outshine the sun
as her husky laughter rose to the heavens, and the tears streamed down like cleansing rain. Her mom took a deep breath, let it out, smiled, and rolled her eyes.

***

"Dad, I can't go back to him now. Like this. What if he thinks it's just because of the baby? Besides, he's probably so furious with me, so hurt." They sat in the living room of her childhood home, and the uncertainty of her future swirled around and around in her head, the only surety the new life growing inside her.

"
Can you blame him?" her dad said, not unkindly.

"
Of course I don't blame him. I'm furious with myself. I just don't know how I can fix this." Her stomach was quaking, her hands pressed painfully between her knees, and Lola sat at her feet, wiggling her happy ass.

"
Laura, would you go back to him, just because of the baby?" her mom asked. "I don't want you to go into another relationship because you're trapped by circumstances."

Oh, shit
. It's happened again. My poor parents. Bloody hell!

"
Oh, Mom. How did this get so convoluted? If I had stayed, then found out I was pregnant, it would have been so much different. But I left him. High and dry. And now that I know I'm having his baby…oh, dear Lord. I'm having Kane's baby!" She placed her hands tenderly over her still mostly flat belly, and the smile that spread across her face was so full of joy, she was sure she glowed.

Her mother and father looked at her, then ea
ch other. Then her dad said softly, "Sweetheart, if this man loves you half as much as you love him, you'll smooth it out. But daughter, you have some damage to repair."

***

To: Laura Spencer

From:
Jillian Bainbridge

Subject:
Re: no subject

Oh, honey
. I don't hate you. But why can't you see? Kane loves you more than anything. Don't do this to him. Or to yourself. Please think about this. Ha! Who am I kidding? If I know you, it's probably all you're doing. But think about it from his perspective, if you can. He's really hurting, honey. He needs you, not babies.

Please take care
. I love you. And you'll always have your family here on the Rock.

Love,

Jill 

Laura read the email with bittersweet tears clogging her throat. Oh, how had she done this thing? Hurt the man she loved more than life itself. And how could she apologize?

She went to bed that night, and did something she hadn
't done in years. She knelt beside her turned down quilt, steepled her hands, and bowed her head. She prayed to God to guard her unborn baby, to keep Kane safe, and to guide her. She thanked Him for all of the many blessings in her life, for her loving, supportive parents, for her wonderful sons, for guiding her to the man she loved, and for the most blessed of all gifts, another child to love.

In the morning, she knew what she had to do.

Dan
, Iris, Kyle and Kevin all took her to the airport. Sitting in the back seat of her father's car between them, she wondered briefly what kind of sick, jittery horrors were running through her sons' heads, knowing that their ancient mother was knocked up. Oh, the poor boys. A nervous giggle burst from her lips, and four pairs of eyes snaked to her with gazes that clearly questioned her sanity.

They argued
with her all the way to the airport. They wanted to fly to Newfoundland with her. To protect her. She flatly refused. If Kane rejected her, she would deal with it. She knew that it would tear her apart, but she had to do this on her own.

They saw her off at departures
. Laura had agreed to let her mother keep Lola for the time being, until things settled one way or the other. It wouldn't be fair to put the little dog through one flight, then another if she ended up turning around to come home again. She hugged them all fiercely, and almost asked them in the end to come with her after all. But she drew courage from their love and support, and the new life nestling in her womb. She was going back, to the land she loved, to reclaim the life she loved, to grovel at the feet of the man she loved.

Kyle chewed it around for awhile, then thought
screw it
. He couldn't let his mom go back to that airport in St. John's and have no-one there for her. He shot off a brief text to Jill.

***

Kane awoke half-way through the next day, groggy, cold and alone. His first waking thought, the only thing that kept going through his mind, was Shannon's little voice, over and over. "Well, why don't you just go get her?"

Why don
't you just go get her?

Just go get her.

Go get her.

Go.

He set his teeth, clenched his fists and was galvanized into action.

He was going to get her, by God
!

He showered and shaved like a madman
, barely managing to not slice his own throat. He had no idea what clothes he threw on. He just grabbed what didn't smell like manure. He choked down a cup of day old coffee and some pastry or other that Jill had sent over. He called Art and heard a phone ringing through his window. Looking out, he saw Arthur in the paddock, doing his chores. God bless Jill. She must have called Arthur to help. He winged up a hasty prayer of thanks for the love of friends and the kindness of neighbours, then tacked on an addendum.

Please, Lord
. Please let me have my Laura back.

He fired up the little black sports car, waved his thanks to
Art, and careened down the laneway, jaw clenching and pulsing as he had to slow to safety through town. He had to restrain himself from opening up the throttle all the way to St. John's.

He parked his car in the long term lot, three spaces down from the
now dusty cream Touareg, and raced through the doors to the ticket counter. His cell went off, and he dug it out of his pocket, irritated at the minor detour from his goal.

He stood, slack-jawed, reading and re-reading the text from
Jill.

***

"Miss Spencer. Miss Laura Spencer. Please pick up a white phone."

Oh, no
. What's wrong?
She had never been paged in an airport before. It could only be bad news. She glanced around, locating a post with a large, old fashioned looking white telephone hooked to it. She reached a trembling hand out and picked up the handset.

"
This is Laura Spencer," she croaked.

"
Turn around," Kane's voice rumbled in her ear.

She closed her eyes, bit her lips, willed herself not to cry
.