Spirit's Princess (7 page)

“Where do you go?” Yukari chimed in. “It had better not be the carp pond. You’ll lean over too far and fall in, and
then
what will you have to say for yourself?”

“Blub-blub-blub,”
Masa whispered, and for the first time in far too many days, Father and my brothers laughed.

“It’s not funny.” Emi slapped her thighs. “We do everything for this child. She doesn’t have to lift a finger. She’s a pampered little princess, but does she appreciate it?
No!
” She slapped her thighs again.

“I know where she goes,” Mama said, lifting her chin and giving me a withering look. “She scurries off to play with the other little girls.”

Is
that
what you think, Mama?
I forced myself not to laugh. Hadn’t she been right there on the one day those girls came to visit me? Didn’t she see how little we had to say to one another, or how relieved all of us were when I pretended to be tired and gave them an excuse to go?
Grown-ups never notice anything important
, I thought.

“And what’s wrong with that?” Father finally intervened. “She’s a child; she should play with other children.”

“But
how
do those children play?” Mama countered. “How do we know those girls aren’t throwing rocks, or stealing sharp things from the blacksmith’s forge, or sneaking out of the village gates to hunt mushrooms in the woods, without knowing the good ones from the bad?”

Father raised one eyebrow. “Is that how
you
used to
play? All I remember is seeing you and the other girls arranging each other’s hair or pretending to cook stew for your dolls. Did you wait until no one was watching before you started throwing rocks?”

His words made the boys snicker, which made Mama even angrier. “Oh, it’s easy for
you
to make light of all this. You’re not the one who spends half your days wondering where your daughter’s gone.”

Father leaned toward me and patted my shoulder. “I trust my daughter to take care of herself.”

“She took
fine
care of herself when she climbed the sacred pine tree.”

He ignored her sarcastic tone. “Himiko is no fool. She
learned
from her accident. Am I right, little one?” I nodded vigorously.

Mama wasn’t convinced. “
What
did she learn? Not to climb trees! But that won’t stop her from trying all the other ways to gamble with her life.”

Father’s good-natured smile vanished. He glowered at Mama so fiercely that she drew back as if he’d made a fist, even though he had never so much as raised a hand against any of us. “Woman,
listen
when I speak. You see dangers under every leaf. If Himiko listens to you, soon she’ll be too terrified to leave the house! My daughter isn’t a mouse that trembles in the corners; she’s a princess of the Matsu, nobly born, the child of warriors! You,
all
of you”—he glared at his three wives—“will let her come and go the way she did before her fall. I trust her good sense, and I want her to be
strong
, is that understood?”

“Whatever you want, Husband.” Mama’s lips curled
into the strangest smile. When she replied to Father, her words were humble, but that mocking expression turned them into blades. “We all know how much you value strong women—women like Lady Tsuki.”

Yukari gasped. Emi covered her mouth with her hands. Aki, Masa, Shoichi, and I exchanged puzzled looks. Why had Mama’s words affected our stepmothers so? The two younger women seemed ready to run and hide.

Then I looked at Father. His face was dark with fury, his eyes slits. I could feel anger pouring off him in waves. For my brothers and me, this was a thousand times worse than any of Father’s past rages because he said nothing, only let us feel the intensity of his wrath grow hotter and hotter, like a sword glowing red, then yellow, then blinding white in the blacksmith’s forge. The longer he remained silent, the faster Mama’s taunting smile dwindled until she looked as fearful as our stepmothers. When he stood up, she drew back swiftly, as if she believed he was about to lunge at her and strike her for the first time.

Then Father spoke, and it had the impact of a storm’s first lightning strike: “Speak about her again, and you can find another house.” He walked out the door, his food untouched, leaving Yukari and Emi to rush to Mama’s side and hold her while she wept.

That was a dismal meal. My brothers and I were the only ones with the appetite for it. Every bite I took was tasteless until Mama wiped her eyes, sat up straight, and put on a calm expression.

“Himiko, is your food good?” she asked as if nothing
had happened. I nodded hesitantly. “Then I want to see you
enjoying
it. Don’t fret about me or your father. It doesn’t concern you.”

“But I—If I hadn’t run off so much, and made you worry—”

She waved my words away. “That’s over.”

“You heard your father,” Emi said in her soft voice. “You are to come and go as you like. Play with the other children.”

“The other girls,” Yukari corrected her. “All we ask is that you don’t take reckless chances. Please.”

I promised them all that I’d be careful, and that I’d always come home before sunset. It was a very solemn moment until Masa ruined it by creeping up to me and whispering, “But don’t forget to feed the carp.
Blub-blub-blub!
” and I pushed him over backward onto the dishes.

Father didn’t come home that night, or at least not until after I’d gone to sleep. He was there the next morning when I woke up. He spoke courteously to Mama and his other wives, and they answered with respect, but without fear. The family uproar I’d caused the night before had worked a crude magic, destroying the cold, wordless days since my baby brothers’ deaths and restoring the old ways. Our home was no longer silent, but it was at peace.

I got dressed as quickly as I could and ate breakfast with the rest of the family. At the end of our meal, Father told my brothers where they’d be working that day. “Masa, you like to joke about the carp pool. Let’s see if you can help us tend to the fish and keep it clean for them.”

“Can we catch some?” Masa asked, eyes shining.

“Soon. We’ll be harvesting some for drying before long.”

Shoichi made a face. “I like fresh carp better than dried.”

“You’ll like dried well enough, once winter comes,” Father said gruffly, and herded my brothers away.

I started to help Mama, Yukari, and Emi clean up after breakfast. Before that was done, Yukari touched my sleeve, said “Run along now, Himiko,” and sent me on my way with an encouraging smile.

What a sweet sensation, to be free! Free of the long silence, free of the shadows, free of the need to dodge Mama and my stepmothers just so I could have time to myself! I wanted that time very badly. Every one of my stolen moments had gone to exercising my legs, teaching them to answer my demands obediently. It hadn’t been enough: I could walk more steadily, and I could climb up and down the house ladder without a misstep, but running was still beyond me.

And as for dancing—! I hadn’t forgotten that dream. It would be mine, someday, but … when?

I’d have to work harder. Maybe it
would
help if I joined the other little girls. Before my accident, I’d enjoyed their company most when we ran races or played catch-me-if-you-can games. I was one of the fastest in our small group, winning so many of our contests that being first lost its thrill. Now just being able to run again was a challenge. If competing against the other girls could help me achieve it, I’d spend every day with them.

They had other ideas.

I found them in front of Suzu’s house. Suzu was the oldest of our small group, almost nine, and was usually the one who chose the games. The others never objected, because she had a nasty talent for using words as weapons. If a girl didn’t feel like following her lead, she could make the rest of them turn their backs on her until she gave in and begged to rejoin the group. Suzu always made her wait many days for that. Until then, the unhappy little girl was treated as if she’d turned into air.

I was the sole exception to Suzu’s absolute rule. The few times I wanted to play a different game than the one she’d chosen, she rushed to say that my idea was
much
better, or that the game I’d just mentioned was exactly the one she’d meant to choose in the first place. Though I didn’t know why I got such special treatment, I was satisfied to accept it without question. As I approached the group, I saw no reason to suspect that anything had changed.

Suzu’s parents weren’t nobles. Their family home wasn’t built on tall pillars, like ours, but was a deep, square pit with an artfully thatched roof over it. She was seated with her back to the low doorway, holding her baby sister on her lap. When she saw me, she smiled and said, “Look who it is, everyone. You’re back, Himiko.”

What was it about her greeting that made me stop short and feel a splinter of uneasiness slip under my skin? Why was her smile so tight and cold, a grimace that lifted only one side of her mouth and never touched her eyes?

“Hello, Suzu,” I said slowly. “What are we doing today?”

“
I’m
taking care of Tami,” Suzu said, hugging her sister so tightly to her chest that the baby squirmed and whimpered. “My friends are helping me.”

“I’ll help too.” I was hoping the girls would be playing something a bit more active, but maybe that would happen later, when the baby napped. “Do you want me to hold her for you?”

“No.” Suzu’s unnerving smile twisted tighter. No one else said a word.

“Oh. All right.” I wondered what kind of strange new game Suzu was forcing everyone to play that day. I decided to take a place with the other girls until I could find out. As soon as I sat down, they all sidled away, their eyes darting back and forth between Suzu and me.

“You can’t sit
there
,” Suzu declared gleefully.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s too close to
my
house.”

“But why can’t I—?”

She pointed one grubby finger at me. “Because you’re bad luck, and we don’t want bad luck to come near Tami,
that’s
why! Go away, Himiko!”

Her reply left me too shocked to do more than gape at her, watching in stunned silence as her smirk widened into a full, gloating grin. She enjoyed every cruel word she poured over me: “What’s the matter, Himiko? Did you break your head too? I told you, go
away
. I don’t want you near Tami. I love my baby sister
so
much.” To prove it, she gave the baby such a tight squeeze that the little one shrieked. Suzu glared at Tami, then at me. “Now see what
you did? She was fine until you got here. You’re worse than bad luck: you’re
cursed
.”

“I am
not
.” Her bizarre claims let me find my voice. “You’re crazy.”

She laughed, and the other four girls echoed her, weakly but dutifully. “You’re
stupid
,” she countered. “Too stupid to know you’re cursed, but everyone else does! Demons follow you—big, ugly demons with tusks and warts and horns and smashed-in faces. That’s why you climbed up the sacred tree—to hurt our clan guardian and make your demons laugh—but it didn’t work! The pine tree spirit was stronger, and he threw you down. You should have died, except
they
caught you and saved you. Stupid demons. I wish you
had
died! My mama says you should’ve been punished the way you deserved, but you got away with it because you’re the chieftain’s daughter, and now the pine tree spirit’s angry at all of us, and everything bad that happens from now on is
your
fault.”

“Oh, shut up, Suzu!” I shouted. “
You’re
the stupid one. I didn’t make anyone mad. All I did was climb a tree.”

“The clan
guardian’s
tree!” Suzu shouted back, startling her baby sister into earsplitting yowls. “You put your dirty hands and feet all over him and his home, and—”

“It’s only a tree!”
I yelled louder, to make myself heard over the baby’s shrieks and sobs. “A tree like all the others! A
tree!”

Suzu’s mouth hung open. The other girls looked equally horrified. What had I said to get such a reaction?

I soon found out: “I’m
telling
,” Suzu said. “You don’t
believe our guardian exists! You just wait, Himiko. As soon as everyone knows what you said, it’s not going to matter that you’re the chieftain’s daughter, you’re going to be
punished
.” She relished that word.

I leaned back on my heels and began to stand up. My heart was beating bird-wing fast. “I didn’t say that,” I replied, trying to keep my voice from letting Suzu know how deeply her threat had scared me.

“Oh yes you
did
.” She wasn’t going to let go. “We all heard it. Right?” She looked at the other girls, who nodded their heads obediently. “And we’re
all
going to tell.” They nodded again.

“But it’s not true!”

Suzu laughed. “Go away, Himiko,” she commanded. “We don’t want you! No one wants you.” She turned to her followers and barked, “Don’t just sit there;
make
her go before it’s too late! If anything happens to my baby sister on account of her, it’ll be your fault too, and I’ll get Tami to haunt you until you
die!
”

Dumbstruck, I watched my former playmates stumble hastily to their feet and come at me, their hands outstretched as if they intended to shove me all the way back to my house. I stood my ground. I didn’t want to stay where I was, but I refused to let Suzu drive me away. I’d go when
I
said it was time to go. When the first pair of hands touched me, I made a fist and swung.

As Suzu looked on, bouncing her sobbing baby sister on her knees, I was surrounded by a cloud of flailing arms as my former playmates lashed out in a storm of slaps that wound up hitting one of them more often than me. I had
better luck, jabbing my fists into the crowd, driving my attackers back a few steps, and actually managing to knock one of them down. The unlucky girl’s name was Ume, and she was such a skinny, fragile thing that I felt a pang of regret the instant after I hit her. The sight of her, holding her bleeding nose and blubbering, made the other girls drop their hands to their sides and skitter away from me. Suzu was
not
pleased.