Authors: Chandra Sparks Taylor
“Jas baby, you can't let anybody disrespect you, okay?”
“Okay, Ma,” I said before focusing on my cereal.
She cupped my chin, forcing me to gaze into her eyes. I don't know what she saw in mine, but she led me to a chair at the kitchen table.
“You okay?” she asked softly.
My tears betrayed me as I nodded.
Mama grabbed me and hugged me, running her hand up and down my back like she did when I was a little girl. “Oh, sweetie. It's okay. That guy won't hurt you. I promise you that.”
I pulled back and looked at her, wondering how she knew about what had happened with DC, but then I realized she was talking about the guy who was supposed to have hit on me.
I wiped my tears with my hands and nodded.
“So, what do you have planned today?” I asked to change the subject.
“I'm going to get my hair and nails done, but after that I'm free. Maybe we can hang out this afternoonâhave a girls-only day,” she suggested.
“You mean night,” I joked. Going to get her hair and nails done on a Saturday could take all day.
She laughed before she got up and grabbed my bowl and finished pouring my cereal for me. “You can reach me on the cell if you need me,” she said. “Daddy and Derrick went to get some part for Derrick's car, and I think they had a few more errands to run, so they might not be back until later. Looks like you have the house to yourself.”
“I think I'll call Loretta,” I said. “Maybe we can hang out until you get back.”
“That sounds like fun,” Mama said. She kissed me on the forehead and then she was gone.
After I finished eating, I got dressed; then I called Loretta. Normally I liked having the house to myselfâit gave me a chance to play my music loud as I worked on beats and songs without anyone complainingâbut the thought of being alone after what I'd seen on the news frightened me.
Loretta answered on the first ring. “Hey, girl,” she said.
“Hey,” I responded. “What are you getting into today?”
“I'm trying to decide what to wear to this job interview I have later today.”
“Can I come over?”
“Sure,” she said. “You can give me your opinion.”
Later that day, I still couldn't shake Lenny's image out of my mind, although hanging out with Loretta was a welcome distraction.
I was lying across her bed in her tiny bedroom, trying to relax as she stood in the mirror flipping through a magazine, trying to copy the models' poses.
“Did you hear about that guy from the club?” she asked suddenly.
I thought I would pass out from shock, but I managed to play it off.
“Yeah,” I said as casually as I could, although my voice cracked. “Isn't that crazy? I mean, we just saw him last night.” I took a peek at her to see if she noticed anything, but she was still focusing on her poses. “Do you think DC had anything to do with it?” I asked. The question had been running through my mind all day, and I was relieved to finally be able to talk about it with someone.
Loretta smoothed her purple satin minidress before she turned and looked at me. “Of course not,” she said. “Why would he have that man killed?”
“I don't know⦔ I said, wondering if my imagination was just working overtime.
Loretta turned back to the mirror. “What do you think I should wear to my interview?”
“Is it for another gig?” I asked, glad she had changed the subject. I got up off the bed and walked over to her closet. Although it was small, clothes were spilling out of it, and out of her drawers, as well.
It took us about an hour to come up with what Loretta decided was the perfect outfit: black pants, a white blouse and a printed scarf, which she decided to wear as a belt.
We headed out to Popeye's for lunch, and on the drive it occurred to me that Loretta was interviewing for an actual job rather than a modeling gig.
“What's up with the job?” I asked during a break in music.
“I need to get some new pictures taken for my book,” she said, referring to her modeling portfolio.
“But didn't you do that a couple of months ago?” I asked.
She grabbed a piece of gum out of her purse before offering me one, which I took. “Yeah, but I haven't been getting good feedback on them, so I decided I need to take some more. Word is one of DC Records' artists is going to be casting for his video soon, and I want to get the job.”
I nodded thoughtfully. “Most of those guys have women on their covers with their butts hanging all out.”
Loretta shrugged. “It's not a big deal. You do what you have to do for what you're passionate about, right? Besides, why waste this incredible body I have?”
I took my eyes off the road to look at her in amazement. “You would actually be willing to take off your clothes to land a job?” I asked incredulously.
“Yeah. What's the big deal?” she asked. “I think posing for
Playboy
would be kind of cool.”
“Girl, you're only sixteen. Your mom would kill you for posing half-naked.”
Loretta shook her head. “So? This is my life, and I'm going to live it. Before I leave this earth, people will know my name.”
When I made it home from hanging with Loretta, Mama still wasn't back, which didn't really surprise me.
I didn't see Daddy's car in the driveway, either, so I figured he and Derrick were still out. I decided I would practice for All-City since I still had the place to myself.
I stuck my key in the door, already focusing on my music. When the door was opened from the inside, it scared me so bad I lost my breath.
“Scared ya, huh?” Derrick asked.
I popped him on the arm as I walked past. “Boy, you are so silly. You scared the fool out of me.” He followed me into the kitchen, where I grabbed a soda from the fridge. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Daddy decided to surprise Mama with a night out, so the minute she walked in the door he made her turn around so they could leave. Good thing she had on a nice outfit, 'cause Daddy wasn't trying to hear letting her go change.”
He laughed and shook his head.
“We were supposed to hang out tonight,” I said, disappointed. Although Mama and I had our share of problems, I really did enjoy spending time with her.
“You want to hang out with me instead?” Derrick asked. “We can go to the movies.”
“That's okay,” I said. “There's nothing I wanna see. Why don't we get something to eat, then practice for All-City? We can be as loud as we want since Mama and Daddy aren't here.”
“Okay,” Derrick agreed.
We decided to order pizza, and by the time it arrived we had already been working for almost an hour. I peeled a hundred off the wad DC had given me the night before and waited while the delivery guy gave me change.
Derrick and I settled down to eat. As he chewed thoughtfully on his third slice of ham and pineapple pizza, he looked at me.
“What?” I said, reaching for a napkin to wipe the cheesy goo off my face.
“You really gon' go back and work for DC?”
I frowned at him. “Yeah,” I said. “What part of âfifteen hundred dollars' didn't you understand?”
Derrick just shook his head.
“What?” I asked, really getting annoyed.
“I can't believe you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Like you wouldn't take the money if it was offered to you. You're just jealous that you weren't given the chance to make it.”
As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I regretted saying them. “I'm sorry,” I said quickly.
Derrick just looked at me and gave this dry laugh. “You really think I'm jealous of you?” he asked.
I didn't respond, although I was thinking,
Who wouldn't be jealous?
“Girl, you're going to learn that money isn't everything. You've heard the horror stories about DC just like I have. Don't sell your soul just to make a quick dollar,” he said, sounding like Daddy.
“Whatever,” I said. I headed to my room and decided to call Loretta.
“How was your job interview?” I asked.
“I got it!” she said, and I hadn't heard her sound so excited in a long time.
“Congratulations,” I said. “You never did tell me what the position is for.”
“Oh, that's the great part,” she said. “I'm going to be working for
Hot
.”
“You mean that magazine with the half-naked women on the cover?”
“Yeah,” she said excitedly. “I'm going to be a photo assistant, so I'll get to go to the shoots and everything. This should be great for my modeling career.”
I wondered about Loretta's sudden fascination with being half-naked, but before I could say anything else, she started talking again.
“I found out Madd Dogg is casting for his video next week. Do you think you could loan me five hundred dollars so that I can get my new pictures done? I promise I'll pay you back.”
“Sure,” I said without hesitation. What good was earning extra money if I couldn't help my friends?
“Cool. I'll come get it tomorrow.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “Well, I guess I'll chill for a little while before bed. See you tomorrow.”
“Bye,” she said, and we hung up.
DC's assistant, Jessica, called me first thing Monday morning. I didn't even hear the phone ring. It wasn't until Derrick came and tossed the cordless onto my chest that I jumped up, trying to figure out what was going on.
“Jasmine, I just wanted to give you the information for the new venue,” Jessica said.
“Okay,” I said, knowing I sounded like I was still asleep. I cleared my throat as I grabbed my notebook and a pen from my nightstand. “I'm ready.”
“It's Club Horizon on Merrick Boulevard in Laurelton.”
“Oh, yeah, I know where that is. It's not too far from my mom's job. It just opened, right?”
“Yes,” Jessica said. “I think you're really going to like the place.”
“I hope so,” I said.
By the time Thursday rolled around, Derrick was speaking to me again, and I was glad. I hated when we argued.
“You're still coming tonight, right?” I asked.
“I can't,” he said.
I waited for him to elaborate, but he didn't. “Why not?” I finally asked. “You're not still mad, are you?”
He shook his head. “No, I'm not mad at you, but I don't agree with what you're doing. Ask Kyle to go with you.”
“Derrick,” I whined, “you always go. Please come.”
He shook his head, and there was something in his eyes that let me know that he wasn't going to change his mind.
“Fine,” I said. I turned around to storm out of the den.
Just as I reached the threshold, he called out to me. “Jas.”
I tried to hide my smile, figuring he had changed his mind. “Yes?” I said.
“I'm also thinking about not performing in All-City.”
“What?” I screamed. I ran back over to him. “Derrick, quit tripping. What do you mean you're thinking about not performing? We're about to land a record deal. Our dream is about to come true.”
“No, your dream is about to come true,” he said. “You know performing isn't what I want to do. We're starting college in a couple of months. I don't want to record an album.”
I looked at him in amazement. What he was saying really wasn't a surprise. “Are you doing this because you're still mad at me about the other night? I apologize. I know you're not jealous of me,” I said.
He laughed. “You know, everything doesn't revolve around you, Jasmine,” he said.
I looked at him. “What's this really about?” I asked.
He just shook his head. “I told you,” he said. “I've been busy living your dreams. I'm not going to do that anymore. It's time I live my own life.”
I made it to the club, but I was still angry at my brother, and it showed in my performance. I pretty much just let the records play without putting the spin on the songs for which I was becoming known. Everyone seemed to be having a good time, but I knew I wasn't on point.
Kyle was on the dance floor with some girl I'd never seen before, but every now and then I would catch him looking at me. I tried to smile to reassure him that I was okay, but I knew the smile never reached my eyes. On the drive over I had briefly told him about what had happened with Derrick, and he hadn't seemed surprised.
Loretta had come along, too. She had a long ponytail weave and she was backing that thang up so hard on the dance floor that she kept slapping her partner in the face with it. If I hadn't been in such a foul mood, it would have been funny.