Soul Dreams (3 page)

As people cheered and whistled, he pulled the blonde into his arms for a scorching kiss.

Alexis
?
Together a long time
? This was the engagement he and Nate had talked about? Not to her but to this
blonde woman
? While Nina had planned a future with him, he’d been playing a game with her, filling his time while
Alexis
was out of the country.

Nina had an overwhelming desire to either throw up or scream. She wished with all her heart the floor would open up and swallow her, or maybe she could somehow vaporize.

Not again. Oh, please, not again. Scotty, beam me up
.

Only years of practice kept her features schooled so nothing of what she felt showed. She forced herself to circulate, making sure everyone got his or her five minutes with the happy couple, taking notes on her tablet as to who wanted what for their review. The entire time she’d worked the room, she kept telling herself to keep her smile in place, maintain her composure. Tom was basking in the limelight, reveling in it, his arm firmly wrapped around a smiling Alexis. A woman Nina now hated with a passion.

She managed to avoid any contact with her ex-lover, leaving Nate to handle things with him. She talked to columnists and reviewers she knew, congratulating herself on being able to carry on a conversation when she was dying inside. Finally, people began to leave, and she could get out of there. She packed up the leftover supplies, slipped her purse strap over her shoulder, and headed for the door. She had almost made it out when a hand closed around her arm.

“Nina.”

Oh, God. His voice still made her shiver.
Don’t stop. Don’t look at him
. She jerked her arm away, refusing to turn around. “Get away from me.”

He stepped in front of her. “Please. I want to talk to you. Later. I have so much to say.”

I’ll bet
. She spotted Alexis in a group with Nate and three other people. Ah-ha! So it was safe to talk to her. “I have all the explanation I need.”

She pushed her way into the hallway.

Tom followed her, boxing her in against the wall. “Nina, you have to listen to me. Let me explain.”

“Explain?” She was proud of how calm she sounded. “I can’t imagine what there is to explain.” She gritted her teeth, hanging onto her self-control. She would not break down in front of him. “You played me for a fool, and I let you. What an egotistical bastard you are. Did it stroke your ego to seduce the little publicity agent?”

She tried to push past him again, but he was standing too close.

“No, listen.” He raked his fingers though his hair. “You’ve got it all wrong. This is Nate’s idea.”

She stared at him. “Nate’s idea is your excuse? What does that mean, anyway?”

“Alexis is one of his clients, too. Brand new. She’s writing a book about her year in Italy.”

“How convenient.” God, if she didn’t get out of here soon, she’d really disgrace herself.

“Right. Convenient. Glad you understand.” Did he think she was being reasonable about it? “He figured the publicity would give her a good push with the media. This whole engagement thing is nothing more than a publicity stunt. But you and I? We’ll work it out. I swear it.”

“Work what out? Do you mean you’ll decide which one of us you’ll sleep with on any given night?” She studied his face, suddenly realizing what she’d thought was poetic and romantic had been nothing more than the appearance of self-indulgent weakness. She needed to get out of there before she was well and truly sick from the shame and humiliation of it all.

“Nina, please.”

“I think you’d better get back to your
fiancée
.” She pushed away from him. “And do us both a favor. Lose my phone number.”

She made it home before her control snapped. Slamming and locking her front door, she collapsed on the floor and let the tears come. Great shuddering sobs wracked her body. She sat there until night fell and the house was dark. Like a robot, she stripped off her clothes and stood under a hot streaming shower, wishing it would wash away the last weeks of her life. She was sick to her soul, and her heart hurt with real pain. What was wrong with her? Why did men keep dumping her this way? Maybe her problem was picking the wrong ones, which might mean she should stop picking them at all.

When she opened a drawer in the dresser to take out a long T-shirt, she found the funny little toy turkey Tom had given her staring at her from it’s place on top. Anguish pierced her, and she collapsed in a spate of fresh tears. Then she found a hammer and smashed the thing to pieces. Thanksgiving. What bullshit.

Exhausted, she wrapped herself in a robe and fell into bed.

In the morning, she could barely pull herself from the covers. She called the office and told them she was sick, which wasn’t a complete lie.

“Nate really wants you in here to work with Tom and Alexis,” Diane said. “He’s been asking for you since he got in. He’s invited some people to lunch with them today, and he specifically requested you handle it.”

“I can’t,” she croaked, in a good imitation of someone with the flu. “I can barely even move.”

“It must have come on suddenly.” There was no denying the skepticism in Diane’s voice. “Are you sure it isn’t something else?”

“I think I know when I have the flu,” she snapped. Then sniffled. “Please explain for me. I’m going back to bed.”

Maybe if she hadn’t been so fresh from another disaster, she wouldn’t have been so vulnerable. Would have seen how shallow Tom really was. But her confidence had needed boosting so badly, and he’d known exactly the right buttons to push. His betrayal had completely shredded both her heart and soul. What a stupid ninny she’d been for swallowing his line. Although she’d secretly resented the secrecy she was thankful for it in the circumstances. At least the whole world hadn’t been an audience to her humiliation. She was thankful for that one small favor.

The phone rang several times during the day. Caller ID told her it was either Nate or Diane. Then Tom’s cell number popped up, so she finally unplugged the landline and turned off her cell. Pulling a pillow over her head, she wished herself somewhere off the planet. Could she have been any more a fool? How pathetic that she’d believed every thing he’d said.

The weekend gave her some respite from the office, at least. She huddled in bed with her quilt and endless cups of tea, crying until her eyes were so dry she thought they’d fall out of their sockets. She cursed her naïve stupidity—something she would expect from one of the starry-eyed interns who worked for the agency. Well, Tom Ridgeway was the last man she would ever allow to take advantage of her again, ever get under her defenses. She was done. Finished. She would guard the remnants of her heart and never give a piece of it away again.

By Monday morning, the initial shock had dulled, and she reached a decision. There was no way she could stay at Forrester’s and see Tom and work with him constantly. If she asked to be removed as his contact, Nate would want an explanation, and she had none she wanted to give him.

She wasn’t sure she’d ever get past either the unbearable emotional pain or the abject humiliation of the whole situation. She also wasn’t sure what she was going to do exactly, but beyond a doubt, she wanted out of her job, her house, and the city. Even the state. She needed someplace where her mortification and heartache wouldn’t be in her face every time she turned around. Staying here, especially in the same business, would put her in contact with Tom too often for her comfort zone. Besides, at that moment she was sick of everything in her life. The agency. The so-called glamour and glitz. Everything. All of it. What had she ever gotten from it except a permanently damaged heart?

She needed something brand new in her life.

Her first order of business was making the break with Forrester. Taking the coward’s way out with Nate, she faxed her resignation to Diane. Making up a story about a family emergency, she apologized for leaving him in the lurch, blah, blah, blah. She asked them to deposit her final check in her account as usual.

The house she lived in was a rental, and the real estate agent handling it was very understanding. The woman had been happy to give her an out on the lease as she had someone already lined up who wanted to rent it. Arranging for her things to be packed up and put in storage helped keep her from sinking into depression again.

Her parents begged her to spend Christmas with them, and while the day had lost its luster for her, she could use the comfort of home and their love. They’d always supported her no matter what. Thursday night she loaded her car with whatever clothes and personal items she figured would hold her for a while. Since she had no idea where she would end up, she tried to pack as lightly as possible. When she settled down someplace, she could send for everything else.

Friday morning she did a final check through the house, stepped out onto the porch, and locked the door. She lifted the lid on the mailbox to leave the keys for the rental agent. The clunk of metal hitting metal sounded like the death knell of the life she’d had such hopes for. And in a way, it was. She turned, every muscle in her body tightening when she spotted Tom standing at the end of her driveway.

“Get out of here.” She walked around to the driver’s side of her car. “Get away from me before I have you arrested for trespassing.”

When she tried to open the car door, he shut it and leaned on it.

“I’m going to make you listen to me,” he insisted. “We can’t lose what we have.”

She stared at him. “What we have? We have nothing. So, get the hell off my driveway.”

“Nina, I don’t want to lose you. This is nothing more than a hoop I have to jump through for the time being.”

“Yeah?” She cocked her head. “So I’ll be…what, your secret whore? Because that’s what you made me feel like.”

“No, sweetheart, listen to me.”

“I’m through listening. Get out of my way.”

When he still hesitated, she brought her knee up and shoved it into his crotch.

“Jesus!” Tom bent double, his face white.

“Serves you right,” she spat, got in her car, and drove away.

For the first time in her life, Nina had no plan, no schedule, nothing to do. She managed five days at her parents’ home, doing her best to ignore the cheerful decorations and the constant Christmas carols. But then she absolutely had to get away. From everything. It was all more than she could handle. They tried to talk her into staying, but she felt suddenly as if she were suffocating.

“I’ll write, I’ll email, I’ll text,” she promised them. “But I have to make a new life for myself somewhere.”

Reluctantly, they let her go, waving to her as she pulled out of their driveway. For the first week she drove aimlessly, no particular destination in mind. Scenery rushed past her in a blur. The only people she called were her parents, to assure them she was all right and hadn’t lost her mind. She did promise to spend at least a week with them as soon as she got where she was going—wherever that happened to be.

She’d been driving for two weeks, doing her best to bury the pain and pondering what she’d do with the rest of her life, when she pulled into Freewill, Wyoming. It was noon, and the sun bathed the quaint town with a warm golden glow.

Wyoming Eats seemed the place to find lunch, if the overflowing parking lot was any indication. Despite the crowd, she was able to find a table squeezed in near the window. Munching on her chicken salad sandwich and trying to figure out if she would ever decide where to put down roots again, she stared through the window beside her booth. Her gaze landed on a bookstore across the street. Since she never knew half the time if she’d have Wi-Fi at any of the places she stayed, and she needed a new supply of titles for her e-reader, she saw this as a good opportunity to add to her electronic library. Books had become her comfort and companion. Like many independent bookstores, Books and More might not be tied into e-book networks, but she could make do with print books. Anything in which she could lose herself.

After paying her bill, she made her way across the street. When she opened the door to the shop, a bell jangled. The woman behind the counter looked up, a smile on her face.

“Hi! I thought I knew everyone here. You must be new in town.” She came out from behind the counter. “Chessie Martin.”

Nina couldn’t help but give an answering smile. The woman was so warm and friendly. As was the store, with its colorful displays, children’s reading nook, and conversation area with comfortable chairs and…wait! Did she actually see a plate of cookies?

“In a small town, people drop in frequently to browse. Or sometimes all they want is to chat. My conversation area’s sold a lot of books for me.”

“I’ll bet it has.” She shook the woman’s hand. “Nina Foster. And no, I’m not from here. At the moment, I’m not from anywhere. I guess I need a new place to put down new roots. Figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.”

Chessie cocked her head and studied Nina’s face. “You wouldn’t be interested in buying a bookstore, would you?”

***

Present Day

The late afternoon had already darkened, and snowflakes drifted down from a dull gray sky. Setting the car heater to full blast, Nina pulled out of the small parking lot behind the store. Even after five years, she hadn’t quite acclimated to the bitter cold of Wyoming winters. She wanted nothing more than to get home and sit in front of her fireplace with a glass of wine and a good book.

She thought about Hawk’s words to her. Something as simple as why she’d chosen the house she had brought pain whooshing up like a tornado. Driving through the cold, crisp Wyoming twilight, the long ago pain emerged again. Not nearly as sharp as it had been five years ago, but the residual agony always simmered beneath the surface, ready to pounce at any time. She still recalled how shocked people had been when she’d up and left town without advance notice to anyone. Nate Forrester had called her cell so many times—not to mention the pond scum himself, Tom Ridgeway—she’d finally had to change her number. She’d even cut ties with her few close friends. Explaining to them would have been too awful.