Song for Silas, A (15 page)

The hour was late. Darkness had long since descended over the house. In the master bedroom Luke listened to Christine rustle and thrash about. She usually fell asleep instantly, and he wondered at her restlessness.

“Christine, what are you doing over there?” Luke asked when she shifted again and accidentally brought an elbow into his ribs.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

“No,” he answered truthfully. “I haven’t been to sleep yet. Why aren’t you asleep?”

Silence greeted his question.

“Christine?”

“I’m worried about Si.” She rolled over then and leaned over her husband. She could just make out his tanned face and dark hair against the whiteness of the pillow slip.

“Did you see the look on his face when Mac and Julia stopped to tell us about the baby? I know he’s happy for them, but Luke, he wants a family of his own. I can tell. Something happened in Neillsville. I don’t know what, but he’s miserable and trying to hide it. We’re not enough for him, nor should we be. He needs a wife and children of his own.”

Luke reached up in the darkness and pulled Christine into his arms. He had noticed the changes in his brother. He could hardly miss them when they worked so closely. But Silas was
a private person and Luke did not feel it was his place to question him.

With Silas, Luke, and Christine living in the same house, they had become very close. But some people did not express their feelings openly, and Silas was one of them. Especially if he was upset, he kept very much to himself. Luke could not step in unless he sensed an invitation from Silas.

Christine spoke again. “With Paul not living here, it’s like he’s the only one without a family of his own. Not only is everyone married, but everyone has children. And Luke,” Christine paused, “I think I’m pregnant, too.”

Luke’s arms tightened around his wife’s frame. “You think?”

“No, actually I’m sure.” She didn’t sound at all happy about it. Luke knew if Silas realized this, he would be angry.

They didn’t talk anymore that night. Neither one had answers, and each tried to give their questions over to the One who did.

It was Saturday morning and the men had just come in for breakfast. Josh was clinging to Christine’s skirt, and Luke rescued him so his mother could work.

When the four of them were seated, Silas gave thanks for the food. He ended his prayer by thanking God for never hiding His will and for His ever-abiding faithfulness.

Both Luke and Christine stared at him on the Amen and Silas announced, “I’m going to build a house.”

“For whom?” Christine wanted to know.

“For me.”

Christine looked at Luke and knew instantly this was no surprise to him. Silas could see a storm brewing and spoke up quickly. “I’ve been praying about it for some time. I really enjoyed the little bit of work we did at Mac and Julia’s, and the cost and availability of building materials is very good right now. But most importantly, I feel God is telling me to build.”

“Where will you build?” Christine’s voice was small.

“On the far side of the big oaks.”

“It’s a pretty spot,” Christine had to admit.

“Christine, don’t look so sad. It’s what I really want and besides, you’ll need my room eventually when you give Josh brothers and sisters.”

Christine blushed and looked down at her place. Silas’ eyes flew to his brother’s and Luke smiled a warm, “yes” kind of smile. Silas stared at Christine in shock.

“Silas, don’t look so worried, I’m fine.”

“Silas, don’t look so worried, I’m fine.” He imitated her voice in as high an octave as he could reach. He looked at her incredulously and spoke in his own voice.

“I can’t believe you said that to me. First, Sue is sick to her stomach most of the day and losing weight, and then Julia decides to faint dead away on the kitchen floor, and now you ask me not to worry. Honestly, Christine, pregnant women scare me to death.”

Luke and Christine could not hold their laughter at his chagrined tone, and he was not through.

“Sue I can handle because she’s married to her doctor, but I’m still recovering from Julia. Now you go and spring this on me. I may not live through it.” Silas’ speech seemed to exhaust him for he slumped back in his seat and shook his head in despair. Luke and Christine only laughed all the harder.

Later that day Christine stood on the porch and watched her husband approach. He was moving entirely too slowly for her and she nearly shouted at him as she met him at the foot of the steps.

“Did you talk to him? Is he upset about something? If we’ve done something to make him feel unwanted, I’ll never forgive myself. Why didn’t he come to us and why didn’t you tell me?”

“Christine, he only talked to me two days ago, and he still was not sure and didn’t know when he would be. He’s rather surprised to feel such a peace so quickly.”

“But why didn’t you tell me he was at least thinking of it?”

“Because there was nothing definite.”

“Well, I don’t know how that matters,” Christine said and Luke only stared at her. “I am not overreacting.” Luke continued to stare. “Well, I’m not.” But her voice was losing its forcefulness. “I just worry about him and want him to be happy. I can’t imagine him not living here.”

“I know you care, but Christine I’ve never seen him so excited. He’s like a kid with a new toy. And you know Silas would never do this on his own. If he said he prayed, he prayed.”

Christine nodded and Luke hugged her. “God is taking care of Silas, Christine. Leave it in His hands.”

God was indeed taking care of Silas. Although he could not yet think of Amy without feeling pain, he felt especially close to God at this time—as though his heavenly Father was giving him special comfort.

In no way did building a house take away the yearning for a wife, but it did serve to keep Silas’ mind so occupied that the summer was slipping by and he was hardly aware of the passing of time.

The house materials had arrived and you would have thought it was Christmas as Luke and Silas inspected the goods.

Silas had fallen under the spell of a house he’d spotted in a mail-order catalog. The advertisement had described the house of his dreams with two stories and a total of four bedrooms. One of the bedrooms was on the first floor along with a front parlor, sitting room, dining room and a kitchen with a large pantry.

The dining room even had a built-in china cabinet. Silas had always admired the one built into the dining room of his grandparents’ home—the house now owned by Mark and Susanne.

The second story sported three large bedrooms, all with spacious built-in closets. And at the top of the stairs was a huge linen closet.

There were special touches throughout the house, such as interior doors of soft pine in five-panel styling.

Silas’ grin nearly split his face as he stood in the spot where he would build. Christine and Josh had joined him and Luke out beneath the oaks. Silas held his nephew in his arms and spoke.

“Right here, Josh. This is where I’ll build my home—in the lee of these oaks.” Christine felt tears sting her eyes upon hearing the hopeful excitement in his voice. “Please, God,” she prayed, “make it special for Silas.”

The summer of 1889 was wonderful for crops, with just the right amount of rain and plenty of sunshine. The sunshine brought long hours of backbreaking work to someone building a house. On the other hand, the rain taught patience the hard way.

Silas paced on the front porch one rainy afternoon and stared out at the downpour. He knew it would not last long, but he felt a restlessness to be busy. Oh, there were things to be done in the barn—raising horses was a full-time job, but Silas wanted to build. It occurred to him, as he paced, that God had sent the rain and it was wrong of him to bemoan the fact.

Pausing from his restless walking, he wondered whether Grant’s crops were getting plenty of rain and sunshine. Silas had found himself riding toward Mac’s fields nearly every week, as if he could gauge Grant’s progress by keeping tabs on his brother-in-law’s crops.

It didn’t rain all the time, and Silas worked hard in hopes of having the house complete by harvest time. It felt good to
walk through the house—even unfinished—and to imagine seeing it with furniture and homey touches.

Silas stood in the upstairs one day and looked at the three sizable rooms. “This is a lot of space for one man. What if I never have a wife, let alone kids?” Silas’ mind could not stay the question. Just yesterday Christine, Julia, and Sue were talking about their pregnancies. He wondered if he’d ever see his wife grow with his child.

“God led you to build this house,” Silas told himself. “And you’re standing here wallowing in your own pity. Maybe you won’t have a wife and kids, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be used of God. Maybe He will ask you to fill these rooms with orphans.” Silas smiled at the thought and went back to work.

As it was, the house was not done when Mac started to bring in his crops. Luke had known all along what Silas’ plans were for the fall, and so it came as no surprise to Luke when Silas told him he’d be writing a letter and leaving for Neillsville in a week.

Neillsville, Wisconsin

“I am not in love with Silas Cameron.” Amy said the words to herself, but they didn’t stop the furious pounding that started in her heart the moment she spotted him. Amy stood quietly and watched as he disembarked and crossed the platform toward her. He was so handsome. And then he was standing before her, smiling down in his sweet, gentle way, his height and the width of his shoulders blocking the sun.

“Hi.” Suddenly shy, Amy’s voice was hesitant.

“Hi yourself.” Silas’ eyes twinkled, and Amy knew that everything would be fine. She was the first one to reach and they hugged. It seemed to set the mood for the relationship they had both hoped to resume.

The ride out to the farm was filled with warm laughter and friendship. Silas was thrilled to be told that Grant was on his feet and strong but also looking forward to Silas’ arrival. Amy said he was not a moment too soon; Grant had been in the fields for over a week.

Amy listened in quiet surprise to Silas’ enthusiastic description of his new house. It sounded wonderful. She caught herself just before asking him if he was building a house because he’d found a girl this summer.

In fact, the summer for Amy had not been an easy one. Silas had not been far from her thoughts throughout his absence,
and Amy honestly didn’t understand why. For days she had thought about the way he had kissed her good-bye, and how she had allowed him to. Most of the time she had told herself it was because she felt guilt over not returning his love, and then pushed the thought aside.

But for Amy something was missing. She had never known discontentment before, never longed for things she did not have. But something was definitely missing. As the summer aged, her frustration grew and she didn’t understand why. She prayed long and hard over it, but specific answers eluded her.

Amy still believed her father needed her on the farm, and that he just didn’t realize it. He had admitted how selfish it would be if he expected her to give up her own life to take care of him, but Amy didn’t look at it that way.

She was positive that she was not building her life around her father. The fact was he
did
need her. Amy found herself thinking this so often that she wondered just who she was trying to convince, herself or God.

“Your Aunt April and Uncle Chad send their love,” Silas’ voice broke into her thoughts. “I talked with them soon after I got home and told them how you were doing. And then right before I left they had me to dinner on Sunday. Your aunt sent you a present. It’s in my bag.”

“She wrote and said she had an early birthday present for me.”

“If I recall, your birthday is in November, same day as my brother Paul’s.”

“Yes it is. Aunt April wrote about the gift. She said it was fragile and hoped to send it with you. Intending it as a wedding gift for me, she explained it had been in the family for years. She also said she believes I will be married someday and still wants me to have it.” Amy’s voice trailed off at the end, unable
to believe she had actually admitted this, especially to Silas. She looked over to see Silas watching her, his expression unreadable.

Suddenly Amy felt indignant. “I don’t know why everyone thinks I have to be married. Many people live long, fulfilled lives and never take a spouse.”

Surprised at her outburst, Silas was speechless. Amy remained angry, and the rest of the ride home was made in silence.

Silas stopped the wagon in front of the porch and jumped down to assist Amy, but she sat quietly on the seat. He stood looking up at her. Finally, without turning to him, her voice now subdued, she spoke.

“Silas, don’t you ever sin?”

“Of course I sin.” But Amy only turned and looked at him, clearly not believing his simple words.

“Just because I don’t often lose my temper doesn’t mean I never sin. Sins of the heart, Amy—the ones no one sees—can be the most serious of all. The sin of pride has brought me to my knees more times than I care to admit.

“I’m not perfect, Amy. Don’t for a second think I am. I have my weaknesses.” Something in Silas’ voice on this last statement caused Amy to look at him in confusion, and Silas went on almost reluctantly. “Take Thomas Blane, for instance. I’m not sure what I would do if I ever met the man: shake his hand and thank him for stepping out of your life, or knock him to the ground for hurting you.”

Amy’s eyes widened in surprise at this violent talk coming from her Silas.
Her
Silas? What was she thinking?

“Silas!” The shout came from Grant who was moving toward them as fast as his still-healing leg would carry him. It effectively put an end to the conversation between the two young people.

Whatever was about to be said would have to wait. Silas reached quickly and lifted Amy to the ground before moving forward to meet Grant.

Amy breathed an unconscious sigh of relief. Once again she was spared the ordeal of dealing with her true feelings.