Something Like Summer (23 page)

Tim shifted under Ben’s
gaze, and for a moment it looked as though he was going to turn
away, but he couldn’t. Maybe he didn’t want to appear obvious or
maybe he simply had to hear what Ben had to say. Either way, he
couldn’t leave.

“
The wave I once knew has
crashed, wet thunder come undone,

The hollow light of your
moon, glitter stolen from the sun.”

Ben felt Allison’s hand on
his shoulder, and he understood. The last verse was his. She was
letting him sing it alone. In that moment, Ben was convinced that
he and Tim were alone, that they were the last two souls in the
world. And Ben still loved him, but more than that, he was hurt and
angry.

“
There’s a coward and a
fool, and both of them are you,

My heart is cracked and
broken, but yours is frozen through.”

As the song ended, judgment
was cast simultaneously in thousands of minds. Some applauded while
others were just glad to be able to socialize again, but there was
enough clapping that Allison rushed back to Ben’s side, took his
hand and raised it. Tim was momentarily forgotten as they bowed
together and made their exit.

Ben didn’t look back. He
was through chasing someone who lived a lie. Off to the side of the
stage, a group of teachers took notes, acting as judges. Ms. Hughes
was one of them, and when her eyes met Ben’s, there was
understanding there. Love isn’t meant to be hidden away. Life is
too short for shame.

* * * * *

They took second place in
the talent show. First place was stolen away by the cheerleaders.
The male students made sure they got the audience vote, and most of
the teachers bought into the school spirit. Both Ben and Allison
were happy they had at least beaten the Super Fartio Brothers. They
graciously accepted their $50 gift certificates to a local mall and
used them that weekend to buy summer clothes.

Prom followed a week later.
Allison went with Ronnie, and Ben wasn’t the least surprised when
she told him that Tim was there with Krista Norman. He tried not to
let it get to him. After all, he’d had his own date that night.
While he didn’t go to the actual prom, he and Evan from work had
gone out to dinner. It wasn’t until Evan dropped him off at home
and clumsily kissed Ben that it officially became a
date.

Ben had mixed feelings
about this. Evan was attractive and fun to be around, even though
he was a little on the feminine side. Had Ben met him a year ago,
he probably would have pursued him with enthusiasm. Now he found
his thoughts kept turning to Tim every time he and Evan were
together. When they held hands at the movies on their second date,
Ben couldn’t help but compare the feeling of Evan’s hand to
Tim’s.

He questioned too the
wisdom of his choice. Evan was still in the closet, at school and
to his parents at least. The only difference was that he accepted
who he was. This still wasn’t enough for Ben, but as the school
year ended, the summer days seemed twice as empty without Tim and
Ben found himself seeing Evan outside of work more
often.

In the middle of June, they
slept together for the first time, a stark contrast to what Ben had
known with Tim. Evan was passive and inexperienced. This wasn’t too
much of a problem, but the absence of emotion left Ben feeling he
was only going through the motions. Sex still felt good, but
without love it was little more than assisted masturbation. He
broke up with Evan the next day. Evan took it well, saying that he
knew he was just a rebound. Ben couldn’t have disagreed more. He
hadn’t rebounded from anything. In fact, he now felt he would never
get over Tim.

Ben quit his job at
Zounders the next week and left without saying goodbye to Evan. A
few weeks later he found a new job at a little frozen yogurt store
in the same strip mall. The tediously simple work left him free to
think, for better or worse. On the good days Allison came to keep
him company. The worst days were when it rained and demand for a
cool treat was minimal. On these days Ben would often leave work,
closing up the shop hours earlier than he was supposed
to.

On one such day the rain
ceased just as he was locking the door. He decided to leave anyway
and to walk home along the winding bike paths. He enjoyed catching
glimpses into various backyards, imagining the lives that ran their
courses inside the homes and creating different family histories in
his mind. He was in the midst of one such daydream when he was
rudely awakened by a familiar voice.

“
Well, well. If it isn’t
the village faggot!”

Ben looked up at the
approaching figure of Bryce Hunter. He was flanked by two others.
One was a spiky-haired guy Ben had never seen before. His heart
sank when he saw the other was Tim.

“
What are you doing out
here?” Bryce taunted, blocking his way as Ben tried to pass.
“Looking for some cock to suck?”

“
You’ll have to pull your
skanky girlfriend off of the football team if you want that,” Ben
retorted. “I’m definitely not interested.”

Bryce grabbed Ben by the
embarrassing green polo shirt that he was required to wear to work.
“What did you say?” He yanked Ben closer with an audible tearing
noise.

“
Leave him alone,” Tim
said, pushing past the other guy.

“
He called my girlfriend a
slut!” Bryce said, not taking his attention off his
victim.

“
Technically I said she
was skanky,” Ben corrected, angry at being exposed to such an
ignorant primate when he wasn’t in school. “She’s also a brain-dead
snob, but I guess that’s your common bond, isn’t it?”

Bryce released Ben and
cocked his arm back, the fat slab of his fist ready to make contact
with Ben’s face. Before it could, Tim was between them, pushing
Bryce away and restraining him.

“
What the fuck?” Bryce
demanded.

“
Forget him,” Tim said.
“Let’s just go.”

Tim was strong, but Bryce
was built like an ox. He had no trouble in pushing Tim away, his
fury at being denied making him twice as dangerous. His fist
cracked across Ben’s face, sending him tumbling to the ground like
a rag doll.

Lights flashed before Ben’s
eyes as he reeled from the blow and tried to escape any that
followed. He managed to prop himself up on his elbows before
dizziness caused him to slump back down. He took a couple of deep
breaths, surprised that he wasn’t being kicked while he was down,
and managed to roll over and push up onto his knees.

The sound of a struggle
erupted behind him. He glanced backward, and saw Tim and Bryce
punching each other. Tim’s nose was dripping blood, but he was
holding up well against the mammoth he was facing. He took a couple
of punches to his right eye before felling Bryce with a swinging
blow to the temple. As the giant groaned and hit the ground, Tim
pounced on him like a tiger.

“
Get off my cousin!”
yelled the spiky-haired guy as he headed meaningfully for Tim. Tim
wouldn’t see it coming though, not with his back to the oncoming
aggressor.

Ben’s mind focused. He was
on his feet within seconds and running toward Bryce’s cousin. Ben
ploughed into his side, making the cousin trip, but he recovered
and with surprising speed turned to elbow Ben in the face, knocking
him down again.

Ben wasn’t as dazed this
time. He looked up to find a crotch directly in front of him and
punched it with his fist, managing to land two hits before the
other guy stumbled backwards. Ben capitalized on his temporary
advantage, punching, kicking, screaming, all in a wild violent blur
until his adrenaline receded like the tide, and he found himself
and Tim standing over two groaning, balled-up forms.

“
Run,” Tim said when it
became clear that Bryce intended to get up again.

They took off down the
path, heading instinctively toward their homes. As they neared, Ben
was surprised that Tim led them not to his own house, but to the
Bentley’s. They stood in the driveway, panting to catch their
breath between bursts of laughter. Both of them looked terrible,
faces covered in blood with swollen red blotches that promised of
bruises to come.

“
Thanks,” Ben gasped when
he could talk again.

“
You and your big mouth,”
Tim said with a grin, shaking his head.

For the briefest moment,
everything was good again, as if nothing had ever gone wrong
between them. “Do you want to come inside?” Ben asked.

Tim started to nod, his
eyes smiling in acquiesce before something clicked. His face became
somber, eyes distant. “Goodbye, Benjamin.”

As Ben watched him leave,
he knew there was no longer any point in trying to stop
him.

* * * * *

There remained one
possibility, one iota of hope in the form of a key. The idea kept
Ben awake at night, tormenting him with promises he knew were
impossible, but still it whispered to him, urging him to try. Where
words fail, only action can succeed.

One humid July night, Ben
decided that he’d had enough. He had been staring at the red led
light of the clock, unable to sleep. Tired of temptation, he threw
off the sheets, grabbing the key after he had dressed. Once
outside, he walked the familiar path he had followed so many nights
before. He could have walked it with his eyes closed.

He tried to brush aside the
fear welling up inside him as he used the key. Two months had
passed. Would it still work? Was there an alarm system now? The
small click only worsened his feelings of anxiety. It might have
been better if the key hadn’t worked. Now there was so much more to
face.

Moonlight poured through
the window in Tim’s room, allowing him to see that little had
changed. He ignored the shape in bed and walked instead to the
window. Ben looked up at the moon and said a silent prayer to it
that he might be strong enough, before staring down at the empty
backyard where everything had fallen apart. Ben listened to the
sound of Tim’s breathing until he could resist no longer and went
to him, sitting on the corner of his bed.

He studied the curve of
Tim’s shoulder, following the line down to a tan arm pressed tight
against the white sheet. Ben’s heart ached. He wanted nothing more
than to reach out and touch his skin, to slip underneath the sheets
and wrap his arms around him. Together they would lay for all
eternity, the world crumbling to dust around them, so that nothing
could ever stand in their way again.

Ben stood and Tim stirred
in his sleep, rolling over onto his back. His face was hidden in
shadow, but Ben could see enough to make him want to weep. He was
so handsome, so beautiful. Inside and out. Ben leaned forward,
bringing his lips as close to Tim’s as possible without actually
kissing him.

Then Ben pulled away. As he
left he hung the key that Tim had given him on the doorknob. He
glanced one final time at the bed as he closed the door, and saw
light reflecting off Tim’s open eyes. Ben didn’t hesitate or stall.
The moon had granted his request. He was strong as he shut the door
and walked out into the dark, lonely night.

__________

Part Two:

Chicago, 1999

__________

Chapter 16

Snow. Freezing,
eye-stinging, finger-numbing snow. Had he ever really wished for
such weather in Texas? The bottom five inches of Ben’s jeans were
soaking wet as he tromped through the damnable substance. TV had
given him a false impression of snow. Sure, it was beautiful when
it first started falling, the blanketed mounds inspiring warm
Christmassy thoughts, but that was just the beginning. The
honeymoon stage. It didn’t take long for Chicago’s infamous traffic
to turn it all into ugly gray slush.

A warm glow from a coffee
shop window beckoned, promising warmth and dryness. Ben had never
developed a taste for coffee, but surely there would be something
else in there he could drink. One of those weird Italian sodas
where you could choose the flavor, or maybe a hot cocoa. He paused
on the sidewalk a moment before forcing himself onward to his
apartment. He had a date with Mason.

Of course it was Mason’s
fault that he was running late. Last-minute Christmas shopping on a
shoestring budget had taken most of the day. To even worry about
being tardy was silly. Mason suffered from chronically late
syndrome, always an hour late if not more. That was the inspiration
for buying the pocket watch. This scheme had failed Ben’s mother
three years ago, but he had found the idea charming. The watch was
sterling silver, suited his own tastes, and hadn’t been engraved.
Even with Christmas just around the corner, Ben knew there was a
fair chance that he and Mason would no longer be an
item.

In the twenty days they had
been together, Mason had burned through three different jobs. When
Ben had first met him, Mason had been the punky bartender at
Mertyl’s, an out-of-the-way lesbian bar. Ben had instantly fallen
for his bad boy appeal. The colored hair, piercings, and poorly
realized tattoos were in complete contrast to the preppy pretty
boys or delicate artistic types on campus. Most students had at
least one of these rebellious elements, but there was something
genuinely trashy about Mason.