Something Borrowed (25 page)

‘You have to believe me, Chloe.’

‘I do believe you. I do. I know you wouldn’t have wanted to hurt me.’ She smiled a little, wishing she could feel it in her heart. Unlike Jason, Vaughn was good man. That was the problem.

‘But if it wasn’t for him, we could have got married.’

She looked up to see Jason watching from the doorway. ‘Geez, are you still here? Get over yourself, Jason. You were the bloody groom; you did have a choice who you slept with, actually, and how you ended it with me. You could have been kinder; you could have looked after my feelings better. You could have been bloody faithful. But you know what? I’m so tired. So tired of everything. Of fighting and trying to win, trying to get one step ahead. Trying to grasp just a little bit of happiness. Trying to work out what the hell’s going on, because my life is like quicksand at the moment. I think I get a foothold and then the next thing I know, I’m drowning. I can’t live like this. I just can’t.’

She’d just got over Jason and had started to piece her life back together. She’d devoted herself to her family and was letting them all down every single day by pretending things were okay when they really weren’t. Her mother was barely speaking to her.

But she was going to keep on working and keep on fighting because family meant everything to her. She had to keep on believing things would get better, because Evie needed to see that life was what you grabbed and held on to and fought for, and that along the way, there was such a lot of fun to be had.

And that made Chloe’s heart ache even more.

Because now it was Vaughn who was causing her heart so much trouble. So much deliciously nice trouble. He made her happy. He made her body tremble. He made everything seem just that little bit better when he was around. He made life exciting and comfortable and… yes, happy.

But.

But she couldn’t keep hoping he’d fall for her because he wouldn’t; he’d made a pact. A loyal and good, well-meaning pact with a woman he’d loved with every ounce of his being. And Chloe wanted that, wanted him to feel the same way about her.

So there it was. She couldn’t keep hanging on and eventually making another gargantuan fool of herself. She couldn’t pretend this was all just for fun when really, she was utterly and seriously affected by him. She needed to walk away intact, or as intact as she could possibly be with a shattered heart.

She knew what she had to do. And that she had to do it because she had to take some control and not be like the men who had let her down in the past. She had to face him with the truth.

She walked towards her ex, feeling much calmer with clearer vision.

‘Jason, my answer is absolutely, categorically no. I will not ever love you. Wild horses couldn’t drag me up an altar to marry you. Go back to Amy and be good to her, or I’ll tell her about the dating profile. I mean it. I’ve already written two texts and an email and then deleted them, promising myself not to get involved. But one of these days, I might just press send. She’s got my dream, yes, and she was instrumental in breaking my heart, but she deserves you to be good to her. I’ll be watching. I mean it. One hint that you’re straying and you’ll be facing the biggest alimony fight you’ve ever heard of. Oh, and maybe you could try loving just one person at a time? If you’re even capable of loving anyone at all.’

Jason stared at his feet and huffed out a long breath. When he eventually lifted his head and looked at her, he seemed calmer, diminished a little. Resigned. ‘I fucked up, Chlo. I’m sorry. I get the message. I won’t be back.’

‘Okay. Good.’ That was one thing dealt with, a life-door closed and feelings compartmentalised.

Vaughn stepped towards the door. ‘I’ll give you that space, Chloe.’

Jason nodded. ‘Lots of space.’

She almost laughed; got to admit the man was a trier.

Vaughn didn’t even look at his cousin or acknowledge he was in the room.

Chloe looked at Vaughn, and her heart broke because there was no compartmentalising her feelings for him. He was kind, generous, and forgiving. He’d danced with her exactly when she’d needed him to. He’d given her a job because she needed the cash. He fed her at every available opportunity—and who wouldn’t love a man like that? He gave her more pleasure than anything. She could fall deeply in love him very easily. Too easily.

A little more time with that smile and that deep laugh, a little more lovemaking, and she was at serious of risk of breaking their rules. Had already, really. Because he made her feel confident about what she could do. He helped formulate her dreams. He encouraged her. He accepted her. There were no complaints, no whining, no insistence that she give him all her attention.

And then there was the dream fulfilment… food-porn dreams, kitchen-counter sex.

Tender kisses.

Everything,
everything
he did made her happy.

Her heart started to beat too fast as reality bit hard; she did love him.

She loved Vaughn Bloody Brooks.

Loved him with every piece of herself. She’d known it could happen and hadn’t been able to stop. And that was the problem.

Swallowing hard, she centred herself to say possibly the most important, most ridiculous, and possibly most stupid thing ever. Because when he heard this, he’d be gone. If she kept quiet and kidded herself and lied to him, he might stay, but it would be under false pretences, and she wasn’t going to be someone she wasn’t; he’d taught her that much.

Be true to yourself.
‘Okay, before you go, hear me out. I like you, Vaughn, probably a lot more than I should. More than you want me to, and I don’t know what to do about that.’

There was a deep furrow on his forehead. ‘But you said—’

‘I know what I said. I know I was all bravado and just up for the fun of it. But I think I’m dangerously falling for you. I think… I
know
that you’re the kindest, most beautiful, sincere, funniest, sexiest man I’ve ever met. I think I might already be a bit in love with you, and I’m certainly at risk of that just getting deeper and deeper. I mean a real love. The once-in-a-lifetime thing. The thing that everyone wants and few find.’ She hauled in air. ‘And it surprisingly hurts more than I ever thought it would. I didn’t plan it. It just sort of crept up on me. You just sort of grew on me. And I don’t think I should go on pretending it’s all fun when my heart is exploding every time I see you; it’s not fair on either of us. And I know you can’t love me back. I know you can’t ever love anyone like Bella—’

He blinked at the Lost Love’s name.

Chloe couldn’t stop now, though. ‘And you know, the worse thing about that? That’s why I like you. You’re good on your word. You’re capable of falling so deeply in love that you’d do anything to preserve it and to honour it. You had a beautiful, amazing woman and you lost her, but she was so lucky because she had you. I can’t ever be Bella. I don’t want to be. I want you to love me for being Chloe, and I understand you can’t do that. I don’t like it. I don’t want it. But I do understand. I’m sorry.’

He was so pale she thought he was going to be sick. His eyes had hollowed; dark shadows gave way to sunken cheeks. Her proclaiming everlasting love was clearly the worse thing that could ever happen to him.

And her.

She waited for a reaction. For him to say or do something. Anything. But he didn’t. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. He looked terrified. He didn’t walk to her and clutch her to his chest and profess undying love for her. He didn’t kneel at her feet and ask for her heart. He just kept standing there. And the longer he stood and did nothing, the more it was like a hammer into her heart, each second bringing home the message that he did not want her the way she wanted him.

The weight in her chest intensified, forcing her to fight for air. She breathed in stuttered breaths that sounded like sobs.

It wasn’t until she felt the tears on her cheeks that she realised they
were
sobs, that her chest was heaving. That she was losing him. That complicated didn’t come close to how things were in her head, and in her heart. That by being honest about her feelings, she was pushing him away.

‘I’m so sorry, Vaughn.’

He nodded, staring at her, still mute. Still pale. Then he turned around and closed the door as he left. Taking all hope, and much of her heart, with him.

‘
B
loody
, stupid cow. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.’ She’d watched him walk away and done nothing. Said nothing. But what could she have done to make it better?

Since he’d left, she’d been staring at the walls for hours, trying to make sense of the very bizarre scenario that had just played out. She’d lost the two men she’d ever loved. Three if she counted her dad.

Was it her? Was it something in her that made men not want to love her?

Of course it wasn’t. And it wasn’t the curse, either. It was just a stupid coincidence that none of the women in her family had been successful in their love lives. But that didn’t mean they wouldn’t be, that they couldn’t be happy on their own.

Yes. That’s what she was going to be—on her own. And try to be happy, if and when her heart healed. That much she was determined to believe. Chloe hauled herself from the sofa, threw the damp cushion to the floor and decided it was time for bed. She had a busy day tomorrow, although how the hell she’d face Vaughn at work she didn’t know.

Maybe she’d phone in sick. Or suggest a different working day. Whatever. She’d deal with that in the morning. Her feet felt like lead as she shuffled towards her bedroom, turning back once to switch the lounge light out.

On the table, under the window, her laptop light blinked, the lid still open.

What had she been doing before Vaughn appeared?

The quote.

Damn and blast.

Damn and bloody blast. She ran her fingers over the keypad, bringing the computer back to life. She found her document, and through the blur of her tears, she pressed Send.

Life would go on. Less vivid as it had been. Just less.

But at least she had her business. And she’d sent the quote before the hurried deadline. At least that was one good thing she achieved today.

Now she was going to climb into bed and hibernate. Possibly forever.

S
ender
:
[email protected]

H
i Chloe
,

Thanks for the estimate for your services. We were so excited having spoken to you, that we’ve already told our parents about our plans and want to press on and get married as soon as possible.

We’ve heard such great things from Nate and Taylor, and we were so excited when your email came. Obviously, however, we’ve had to be sensible and have reached out for three quotes. We were really hoping yours would come in at a reasonable cost, and would have stretched ourselves just to have you organise our wedding. But unfortunately, your prices were so much more than the others. We’ve accepted a quote from
Say I Do.

We’re really sorry, but we needed something within our price range.

Best wishes,

Sam and Greer

‘
W
hat
? No. What the hell?’ Something inside her shook loose as Chloe opened her documents and checked. Double checked. ‘Damn and bollocks and blast. Just effing brilliant.’

She’d sent them a quote with an added zero.

She never messed up. Ever. The only thing she had control over was her business, and now… another chance ruined. It was the icing on the cake to a perfect twenty-four hours of hell.

No wonder they’d thought she was too expensive. She should have checked instead of blindly sending, but there had been too much running through her head. Blinking back tears, she rewrote the proposal, sent it with a huge apology for her oversight and asked—
begged
—them to reconsider.

Of course, they wouldn’t. By sending the wrong estimate in the first place, she gave them the impression of unprofessionalism. If she couldn’t do basic maths, how could they rely on her to get other things right?

Bloody men.

Vaughn Bloody Brooks. At the thought of him, her heart felt as if a red-hot poker was piercing it.

How was she going to tell Jenna about this? And how could she confess to her about the date she’d set up for her with Nick?

Would things ever be right between her and her mum?

How was she going to face Vaughn this morning?

What about her heart?

Climbing back into bed with a mug of tea and a slice of hot buttered toast, she contemplated pulling the duvet over her head and hiding from the world. Suddenly her life had got too complicated even for her.

* * *

‘
Y
ou lost
us a contract because you were HAVING SEX WITH THAT MAN?’ The bar was unusually crowded, so Jenna was shouting rather more loudly than Chloe felt comfortable. Especially as her private life was in the frame.

She cringed. ‘The man, who is now out of my life. It wasn’t because I was having sex; it was because I’d decided
not
to have sex with him again. And do you think you could keep your voice down?’ Having told her sister all the details from last night, Chloe did feel a little better; a problem shared and all that. But the rawness of her heart was still there, and she felt on the edge of tears.

Jenna put her hand over Chloe’s and squeezed. ‘You did the right thing by telling him, honey. I just wish you could have told me too.’

‘You had other things to think about.’

‘You’re my sister. I want to help you. How was he this morning at work?’

Chloe was just about to answer, but the drinks arrived, complete with umbrellas and olives. They’d gone all out on the cheesy vibes of nineteen-seventies cliché. Cocktails, at happy hour, in a seedy bar just off Portobello Road. It was all they could afford; the music was too loud, and the people were less than desirable; therefore, it was a perfect place to get drunk and forget. Or get drunk, at least.

And set up a date for a sister who didn’t want to date.

Where were they? Oh, yes. Chloe’s broken heart. ‘Vaughn’s in Paris. He flew out early this morning. Apparently, he has urgent work there, so Jacques, his sous chef, tells me. Although, seeing as I do a lot of the admin and take most of the calls, the problem wasn’t something I was aware of. Very convenient, don’t you think, just to up and leave? He’s probably just running away from crazy Chloe, the woman who had successfully managed to do what she’d vowed not to do and then told him all about it.’ But she was glad she had. Living a lie wasn’t working for her.

‘He’s probably doing you both a favour by letting the dust settle a little. Maybe you should email him?’

‘He texted me, actually, this afternoon. Said we needed to talk. I told him I didn’t think he had anything more to add, and that I needed time to rethink.’

‘Finally, you do the right thing.’ Jenna sipped her drink and gave her a soft smile. ‘Yummy cocktails, eh?’

‘I guess.’ A little sour, some salt and enough alcohol to chase the tears away. For now. ‘I am so embarrassed. I’d hand my notice in, but I can’t afford to give up working for him; that money comes in very handy. We’ll just have to hope that next weekend’s wedding fayre brings in some decent clients. And, trust me on this, no man is going to distract me from my business. Ever again. I phoned Sam and Greer and explained about the added zero, and they said they’d rethink about working with me. They’ve signed a contract, though, so chances are they’ll stick with
Say I Do
.’

‘Well, it’s their loss. We’ll work it out. I’ll help.’ Stirring her drink with a bright pink glass stirrer, Jenna looked pensive. ‘You know, I’ve been thinking a lot recently. I need to start to build my life again. I can’t go on just existing like this.’

‘Oh? You’re doing fine.’

Jenna shook her head, determinedly. ‘No, I’m not. I get that. I’ve been hiding, and I feel…
less
than I was. I had my confidence knocked, and I just couldn’t shake the grief for so long. I’d think I was doing okay, and then it would hit me out of the blue, in waves, knocking the breath out of me, hollowing me out. But those waves are less intense, and I’m not scared of them any more. I know they’ll always come, and I’ll never forget Ollie, ever, but I think I’m ready. You know, to start living again. My brain’s finally started to listen to all those affirmations I’ve been learning at counselling.’ She inhaled deeply and slowly let the breath out. ‘I’m ready to move on.’

This was a huge deal for her sister. ‘Oh, Jenna, that’s amazing. I’ll help, anything.’

‘I know you will.’

‘So, what do you have in mind?’ Chloe breathed out heavily. This was what she’d been hoping for, for so long, but she knew there was no deadline for grief.

Jenna’s eyes brightened, and she became animated, her hands moving as she spoke. ‘I’m going to open a florist’s shop. You know I told you about the empty place next to the pub? Well, when I was talking to Nick, he encouraged me to think about what I wanted to do with my life going forward.
You need to keep taking steps
, he said. And he’s so right. I need to do something for me and Evie. I need to show her what we can achieve. I don’t want her growing up with a mum who’s always on the verge of taking to her bed, like we had. We don’t need to perpetuate that, do we?’

‘A shop is a brave move, Jenna. It’s a lot to take on.’

‘I know. But it’s the right thing to do. I can do the wedding flowers and so much more, but this will be my business. Something for me to focus on. And it’s my turn to give something back to the family, Chloe. You’ve put your own life on hold for me. Now I need to stand on my own two feet and help you too.’

‘You are allowed to grieve, you know.’

‘And I still will, but not so much anymore. It’s time, I think. And thank you for everything. I couldn’t have got through it without you. You’ve been a rock. My rock.’

Chloe gave her sister a hug. ‘We’ll get there, you’ll see. We’ll be unstoppable.
Something Borrowed
will rise from the ashes.’ There was a solid lump in Chloe’s chest. For so long she’d felt the pressure to fix everything, to make sure everyone was safe and cared for and not worried. Some of that pressure was being taken from her, and it was such a release. Jenna seemed to have it all worked out. She looked hopeful for the first time in years.

‘In the meantime, you can work for Vaughn, and I can rent out that shop space, see how things go, but I might even try to find a place just for me and Evie to live in, too. Give mum some room.’

There were baby steps and then there was a giant leap into financial problems. ‘One thing at a time, honey. Apartments are expensive, you know.’

‘I know, but we could stretch a bit, don’t you think?’

Eurgh, tough love was hard. ‘No. We couldn’t, not right now. Things aren’t going well financially enough to support three homes. It’ll pick up, but we need to be stringent for a while.’

‘That bad?’

‘That bad.

‘Another thing you didn’t tell me.’

‘Because I didn’t want to worry you. I thought I had a handle on it, but… sometimes I feel like I’m sinking.’ At the very dulled shine of her sister’s face Chloe tried to make things better. ‘Hey, it won’t be forever, we’ll fix the finances somehow and then you can find a place, I promise. Besides, mum does love having you there.’

‘I used to think that, but I’m not so sure now. It’s not great for any of us. Evie and I share a room, and you know how tiny that is. We’re all cramped. I get the message, though. I’ll talk to her and see if she can pick up some more work from the dress shop, too. It’s not fair to you being the one with all the money worries.’

‘No. Don’t. I can sort it.’ Although the relief at just having said those words was palpable. Chloe felt as if she could breathe properly for the first time in ages.

‘
We
can sort it. We’re a team, right?’ Now there was a glint in Jenna’s eyes. ‘She needs to move on now that we’ve got this Dad thing out in the open. She has to let it all go. If she was ever thinking of dating someone, she can hardly do it with me and a three-year-old under her feet.’

Chloe almost choked on her margarita. ‘What? Mum? Dating?’

‘It’s not beyond the realms of possibility. She’s still in her fifties. She still has a pulse and, I imagine, a libido, so why shouldn’t she?’

‘Urgh. I do not want to think about my mother’s libido, thank you.’ There was another round of drinks ordered and delivered in record time, which made Chloe feel an awful lot better. ‘You know, Mum actually needs some more friends. Those people she sees at the ghost hunting conventions are all well and good, but none of them live nearby. Maybe a man friend would be nice company.’

Jenna smiled. ‘She admitted the other day that she got into the ghost hunting because she wanted to connect with Dad. It started as Ouija boards and developed from there. Now it’s more about scaring herself stupid and some strange fascination with haunted houses. But it all goes back to Dad in the end.’

There were still so many questions Chloe had for her mum, but they needed to heal a little first. ‘After everything he did, why did she want to contact him?’

‘Closure, apparently. To tell him how we were doing, to talk to him about his two little girls.’ There was a look in Jenna’s eyes that made Chloe think that she sometimes spoke to Ollie, too. ‘She loves him even now, I reckon. Even after everything. But she really believes the Cassidy Curse means she’ll never find another husband.’

Irritation rattled through Chloe. ‘What a load of bollocks. There is no such thing as the Cassidy Curse. Look at Ollie, he was a wonderful man. And Vaughn is too. We’ve both loved good men; that’s not a curse, it’s a blessing. We’ll do okay even if we never find a husband. It is the twenty-first century—women can do anything. Although sex is a bit difficult on our own, I admit, but not impossible. Just not as much fun…’ She raised her glass, her mind racing once again to those strawberries. ‘But we have so got to shake off our past. And I for one want to say goodbye to the stupid idea of the Cassidy Curse.’

‘Good-bye and good riddance.’ Jenna raised her glass, and they chinked. Then they sat in sisterly silence for a little while. Time was ticking along. Nearly seven thirty, which meant—‘You look deep in thought, Chlo. Penny for them?’

Chloe shrugged and swirled the liquid around in her glass, playing for time. Because she had another secret that she wasn’t about to share with Jenna anytime soon but was about to appear through the pub door any minute now. ‘I was just thinking I wish we had a crystal ball to see how our lives are going to be in five years’ time.’

There was a horrified look on Jenna’s face. ‘God, no. I’ll probably be ten stone heavier.’

‘And so what? There’ll just be more of you to love.’

‘There’s enough of me already. But that’s okay; I’m just a work in progress.’

The same words Chloe had used with Vaughn. Once again, there was that familiar surge of pain. She missed him. Missed his kisses. Missed the way he made her laugh. Missed the sex, even though it had only happened a few times. Even though she hadn’t really known him for long, it had felt so right, as if he were her once in a lifetime. Obviously not.

‘Everything will be okay, sis. I promise.’ Chloe noticed the shadow at the door. Tall, broad. ‘Er… talking of which.’